Having the support of a parent is a privilege, but never a guarantee.

Traditionally, most parents support their children financially until they grow up, at which point it becomes their responsibility to find a source of income.

Some parents, however, make their children work for everything from a very young age.

While other parents might continue to financially support their children well into adulthood.

Redditor Standard_Kick_9789 worked very hard to support their children until they graduated from university.

With both of their children now adults, the original poster (OP) decided to ease up on his work schedule a bit, taking a financial blow for a far more manageable schedule.

Unfortunately, this decision did not sit well with the OP's wife or children, the latter both finding themselves struggling financially.

The OP felt there was an easy solution to this problem, a solution that infuriated his family.

After being called "lazy" for this solution, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).

Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AIATH for telling my wife to get a job if she wants to subsidize the kids."

The OP explained why he told his wife to consider getting a job:

"Up until our youngest kid graduated from university, I worked crazy hours out of town to pay for everything."

"I worked six weeks of twelve-hour days."

"Then I would get three weeks off."

"That works out to 56 hours a week if you average it out."

"I've been doing that since I was thirty-five years old."

"It allowed my wife to stay at home and take care of the kids and the house."

"We also used it to pay off our mortgage as well as buy new cars for cash whenever we needed."

"I'll describe our budget so you guys can judge."

"After taxes, we used my take-home to pay the mortgage and bills."

"We then paid into the kids' college funds."

"Then into our retirement fund."

"Then we topped up our retirement account."

"We put money into our emergency fund."

"Then whatever was left we split 50/50."

"Our tax refund was our vacation fund."

"Now I'm fifty-five, and I'm tired."

"My body is beat, and I need to slow down."

"Our kids are both through university."

"Both got their degrees and have jobs."

"I did my part."

"The company I work for had a job open for an office job."

"I applied and got it."

"It is a 9-5 city job."

"Forty hours a week."

"Better hourly rate plus other compensation."

"However, it is a lot less money without the overtime."

"I was getting 44 hours a week of overtime."

"That's huge."

"But we have money in the bank, and I have an easy stretch until I retire."

"My wife, however, is upset."

"Both kids are 'struggling'."

"For the record, they live at home rent-free."

"But they want cars and apartments of their own."

"They can afford that."

"They just won't be getting luxury cars and huge apartments."

"We no longer have a mortgage, and my wife and I are both driving vehicles purchased in the last three years."

"Still under warranty."

"Our budget no longer has education funds either."

"We still have more than we need, and my wife and I each have $1,000 each month to spend however we want."

"I am saving up for a new garage/shop."

"My wife has been giving hers to the kids."

"She is hinting that I should also contribute."

"I think I have contributed enough."

"I told her to get a job."

"She is only forty-six."

"She can go to work and give them her salary."

"I still provide housing and food for all of them."

"So she won't starve or anything."

"She and the kids think that I'm being cruel, and one of the little sh*ts said I was being lazy by cutting my hours so much."

"This is my hill to die on."

"I've done the hard work long enough."

"I want to enjoy my life."

"Am I the a**hole for telling her to get a job and give them her money?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was past the point of needing to support their children.

Seeing as they were already allowing both their children to live in their home rent-free, everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to offer any other financial assistance, and if their wife disagreed, then she should get a job:

"NTA."

"Your children need to learn to stand on their own two feet. How incredibly entitled of them to expect that you continue to fund their lifestyle."

"What the hell are they using their degrees for?"

"Tell them to grow the hell up and sort their lives out."- Aromatic_Escape3706

"The second that kid called me lazy would be when their free rent ended."- Southernbeekeeper

"NTA."

"Stick to what you said."

"Enjoy the office job until you retire."

"I am blown away that your wife and children are acting so entitled and ungrateful."

"The nerve of a grown adult living in your house rent-free, calling you lazy!"

"That is unacceptable but it sounds like your wife is also ungrateful."

"I think her getting a job is the perfect solution."- Durchie87

"NTA."

"Let her read all of these comments and make sure you don't enable those freeloaders any more than she already have."

"They need a reality check."

"Enjoy your coast into retirement, you deserve it."- Ok_Day_8559

"NTA."

"It's her choice to give her part of the money to the kids instead of telling them to go get a job or to find a job herself."

"I understand that you guys had an agreement so she can stay at home and take care of the kids."

"They are grown-ups now, so it's time to be adults too."

"You have done enough."

"Let them face a bit of reality now."- lebleudesreves

"You aren't being cruel, honestly, it sounds like they are all being extremely entitled."

"Honestly, maybe you handed the kids TOO much growing up?"

"I'm not sure, but they are adults now, and they need to step the f*ck up."

"They should be paying bloody rent at the very least."

"I agree she can get a job if she's that bloody worried."

"A lot of people don't get 1k of fun money a month!"

"NTA, but you are to yourself if you don't start charging them rent and bills although I don't think your wife will support this."- Gullible_Answer_5878

"Papa bear, you have done enough."

"Tell your kids they have 6 months to figure out their life plan and move out."

"You have overworked yourself long enough and as a result have created entitled children."- Exotic-Rooster4427

"If my kids or wife called me lazy for 'only' working 40 hrs a week, I'd stop funding them."-NHRADeuce

"I'm f*cking offended reading this."

"You've done more than enough."

"Living rent-free as adults, and they are complaining?"

"Sir, you are 100% NTA."- chunkychapstick

"My Dad was a doctor and worked crazy hours."

"He provided a great life for our family."

"I thought money grew on trees and just wasn't prepared for what life would be like."

"Thankfully, I got a rude awakening due to starting a family in my early 20s and grinded away for a decade to make ends meet."

"60-90 hour weeks and one stretch of 5 years where I never slept more than 4 hours a night."

"We now do fairly well for ourselves."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that your kids will need to struggle and pay a price at some point."

"If it isn't now, it'll be later."

"It's much better to pay the price now, while they're young."

"Your wife, unfortunately, isn't helping them."

"She's hurting them."- Influence808

"You already accepted the job."

"Follow your plan."

"Kids and wife will have options of their own."

"I actually think it's not any of your kids' business what your income is, what job you take, or how you run your finances."

"Who included the kids in your financial planning?"- hopingtothrive

"Can't you politely say what you said here to your wife and kids."

"Now it's their turn to figure out life."- No_Recover_4603

"NTA."

"You have done more than enough."

"Enjoy your more relaxing job and keep your money for yourself for a change."- BallBagMcSack

It's one thing for adult children to ask their parents for help if they're caught in a temporary bind.

It's quite another for them to more or less expect their parents to continue supporting them, which is what the OP's children appear to be doing.

If the OP's wife wants to continue supporting their children, she has every right to.

She just shouldn't expect the OP to do it for her...

When it comes to pregnancy prevention, the responsibility is usually placed on the person who can get pregnant. There are a lot of options, however, for both parties.

But should one person coerce the other to get a surgical procedure because they dislike their own options?

A woman turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Famous_Situation3400 asked:

"AITAH for breaking off my engagement because my boyfriend would not get a vasectomy?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My boyfriend (now ex-fiance I guess) of less than a year and I have 8 kids between us (he has more than I do). There is also a significant age gap, and he is in his mid-50s."

"We are very intimately active. When I'm ovulating, we use a condom. But he hates condoms and always complains about it. But I'm still very fertile and I don't want to risk it."

"I don't like birth control because it makes me crazy. I've tried an IUD before, but I wasn't able to tolerate it, and that's why I'm not on birth control. Sometimes we try the gel or the female condom, but I don't fully trust those things."

"We had a very long conversation about it last weekend, and I told him that I want him to get a vasectomy because I don't want any accidents happening. He said he didn't want to do that, and that I should go on birth control."

"I explained to him for the hundredth time why I can't go on birth control and he told me I should have a hysterectomy or get my tubes tied if I didn't want any more kids. I think that's way worse than a vasectomy."

"I showed him the fact sheet of why a vasectomy is very safe, but he said he feels like it would prevent him from having more children if he wanted to in the future."

"I told him that if he was willing to put my hormones and my body through hell, that he really didn't care about me and that he was being selfish."

"Besides that, he still owes back child support in addition to his current child support and his wages are garnished every month. So because of that I'm bringing in more than he does."

"But on our combined salaries (after his child support is deducted), we could not afford an accident baby until his youngest turned 21, which is a few years away."

"I was so mad that I took the ring off and gave it back to him. That was a week ago. He hasn't tried to contact me at all for a week already, and we usually talk or text every single day."

"So AITAH for asking him to get a vasectomy because I don't want to go on birth control or get a hysterectomy?"

The OP later added:

"For those of you who are calling me TAH, and live in the USA, and pay taxes, with our current combined income, we make just above the income threshold for Medicaid and food stamps. If we had an oops baby, it would make us eligible for Medicaid and food stamps."

"If I took hormonal birth control and it made me go nuts (which is what happens when I took birth control in the past), I would lose my job, and then I would definitely qualify for Medicaid and food stamps."

"If I get a hysterectomy or a tubal ligation, which is a very high-risk surgery with complications, and I can't work, then I would definitely qualify for Medicaid and food stamps."

"How would you feel about your tax dollars being used to support my family because a man who has many children, and is in his mid-50s, doesn't like to use condoms, and doesn't want to get a simple safe procedure?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors' judgments were all over the place.

"So how long is he planning on staying with you if he's planning on having more kids one day and you're not?" ~ Top-Industry-7051

"He is behind on his child support, but he may want more children??? This guy is a walking red carpet—much bigger than a flag. Get as far from him as fast as you can."

"Please don't have sex with him. You don't want to let him give you another child he won't support." ~ Intelcourier

"Why would you want to marry anyone with that many children he clearly can't care for?" ~ Consistent_Ice7857

"Oh, come on. You guys have a significant age gap, you're almost wife #3, he's way behind on child support, and at his old age he thinks he wants more kids. You're marrying a huge loser, and I don't know how many red flags you need before you realize that." ~ Substantial_Rub_209

"He's an a**hole, and you're an idiot." ~ lawdot74

"I still don't understand why people have more than two kids. Five? What. There's EIGHT between them? Holy f*ck. Someone needs to stop having sex." ~ No-Communication9458

"Not even together a year, you don't want kids, and he may still want more. He has two ex-wives and is in arrears on child support."

"Why were you with him in the first place? Also, if you don't want kids, and don't want to take that into your own hands, use birth control every damn time." ~ AKlife420

"ESH. Mostly him."

"Why would you be with someone who doesn't pay child support? Dating a sh*tty parent makes you sh*tty too."

"His body is his choice. Pressuring someone to have a procedure is not okay."

"But he's an AH for complaining about condoms and pressing you to get on birth control."

"Just…ESH. Seriously." ~ Western-Breadfruit71

"YTA for staying with a man who owes back child support. You can't fix stupid. You really shouldn't get back together with this dude. In his 50s and acts like this? My God, some people never grow up." ~ bellasmomma04

"I mean, birth control options aside, this guy sounds like he's irresponsible and unwilling to compromise. I'm not sure why you'd want to marry him to begin with. He has a bunch of kids he doesn't pay for? Yikes." ~ Stellar_Jay8

"Your man is a complete loser. It's obvious."

"Why are you trying to keep him?" ~ magslou79

"ESH. If you don't want kids, and he wants more kids, you obviously shouldn't be attempting to drag yourselves and your eight children through an obviously doomed relationship. Even if he definitely should not have more kids."

"Next time you need to discuss your expectations from the jump so you're not trying to push someone into an unwanted medical procedure (at the very least). You're not compatible in this very serious aspect." ~ Severe-News-9375

"Sounds like y'all never discussed whether more children were desired by each of you. There's a big mismatch in what y'all both want, so I say let him go."

"The fact that he hasn't even tried to contact you in a week after you took the ring off shows how little respect he has for you and how little he cares. He clearly doesn't care about your body or health."

"He honestly sounds like a lowlife from this post. I say walk away." ~ Green-Magician-5414

"If he can't pay for the children he already has, he shouldn't be having any more. Is a 50-year-old who is behind in child support really the best you can do?" ~ TechDreamcoat

"Forgive me if I've read this wrong, but are you saying that you only use protection when you're ovulating? Because ANY unprotected sex at ANY time can get you pregnant."

"I know that reproductive education can be different in the US, but in the UK we get taught pre-puberty that there's always a chance you can get pregnant at any point in your cycle. It may be less likely at certain points, but it's not impossible."

"If you really feel that strongly about not having anymore kids, you really shouldn't be having unprotected sex." ~ Nellieanora

"ESH. You don't have the right to pressure someone else into a medical procedure anymore than he would have the right to pressure you."

"But. Why would you have sex unprotected with a man who already doesn't take care of the kids he's brought into this world?"

"Quit doing that, or you may have a kid that doesn't get child support. Consider a few forms of protection if you're not getting your tubes tied." ~ Reddit

"Dump him AND get your tubes tied, sheesh. YTA to yourself for putting up with BS and not taking care of your own business." ~ angelacandystore

"He's mid 50s. He doesn't need to be spitting out more kids."

"If he doesn't want to get a vasectomy, then yeah, don't risk yourself."

"ESH. Vasectomy is soooo much safer and easier than a hysterectomy. You suck because you're willingly dating someone who doesn't care about his kids."

"I saw the bit about him owing back child support. What the f*ck attracted you to someone who refuses to take responsibility for his kids, and then you sleep with him?" ~ Gildian

Being with someone whose future goals are incompatible with your own isn't a recipe for relationship success.

Neither is trying to force them to meet your needs when they don't want the same things.

Ideally, in a two-parent household, parents should be able to equally divide certain parenting responsibilities.

This might include dropping off and picking up their children from school, getting them washed and dressed, and preparing meals.

Of course, sometimes work schedules make an even distribution of these duties challenging.

Though even the tiniest bit of effort is appreciated.

The work schedules of Redditor alma_bonita and her husband made an equal distribution of parental duties very difficult.

Even so, the original poster (OP) felt that her husband wasn't pulling enough weight in this matter.

After confronting him following one specific instance, the OP found her marriage in fairly serious turmoil.

Worried she may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for being mad at my husband for not cooking?"

The OP explained how things took a dark turn on a night her husband was responsible for feeding their children:

"I (26 F[emale]) work the weekends, until 8PM."

"My husband (27 M[ale]) watches our kids (9 Y[ears old], 5 Y, 5 M[onths])."

"Anyway, I work Friday–Sunday, and he works every weekday."

"I make sure he and the kids have dinner, of course, but when I work on the weekends, I come home there's no food made/being made, and he just gives the kids nuggets or pizza rolls."

"I typically cook a wellbalanced meal every night, so it always irritates me that he gives the kids junk."

"This last Sunday, I pulled out chicken to defrost for the morning and told him to use it for dinner."

"When I came home at almost 9 p.m., my 9-year-old came up to me and said he was hungry."

"My daughter was on a tablet in her room and was also hungry, and my husband was asleep on the couch."

"The chicken I pulled out for dinner was still in the package."

"He got up and said he hadn't cooked dinner because he didn't know what to do with the chicken (we have so many things you can cook for a well-balanced meal)."

"I told him it was absolutely ridiculous that it was almost 9 p.m. and the kids still hadn't eaten, and now I had to cook dinner."

"They had school the next day, which meant a late bedtime because I had to cook since he didn't."

"I wasn't even done putting my stuff away after work when all that happened."

"By the time I finished, it was about 9:30ish p.m., and I started cooking dinner."

"He came into the kitchen and asked what I was doing."

"I was mad and replied, 'I'm cooking dinner since you didn't, kids need to eat'."

"He said sorry he just didn't know what to do with the chicken and had fallen asleep."

"I told him that was BS we have so many things you can make with chicken that he was just being lazy."

"I told him he has children in his care and needs to feed them that's part of being a parent."

"He looked at me like I was crazy and went to bed."

"Anyway, I got dinner cooked, fed the kids, and got them in bed, all while taking care of our five-month-old baby."

"I brought him a plate of food said he needed to eat, and he refused."

"I asked if he could at least take the baby so I could eat."

"I laid the baby next to him, but he stayed asleep and the baby was upset, so I took him while I was eating."

"Afterward, I got the baby to bed and then went to bed myself, except I couldn't sleep."

"The middle of the night, he got up and said he said he doesn't feel good in our relationship."

"I told him I was sorry for snapping earlier I was just irritated he hadn't made dinner for the kids."

"He replied that that's not why, it's that he just doesn't feel respected."

"I said I don't understand how you don't feel respected or how this is a respect thing at all and that, if anything, I don't feel respected because we both work."

"Yes, he works more than me since I only work weekends, but I also take care of the kids and cook all the meals, and he can't even cook dinner when I work."

"He got mad said I make everything about me I just said whatever and went to sleep."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was somewhat divided on whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for being mad at her husband.

The OP would later clarify some information in the replies, which had a significant impact on the Reddit community's judgmemt:

"The first two aren't his biologically, he's been around for quite a while, and my kids love him, they call him dad, and they have a blast with him, but I guess when it comes to cooking, he just can't."

"A little extra info for everyone: He smokes, yes, but he doesn't get so high to the point he can't be woken up."

"He takes like one hit, and that's it (not making excuses for him, and I have already talked with him about it)."

"My kids wake him up all the time, and he'll get up; he's just being lazy."

"He also is very great with taking care of the baby, it's just the other two kids he doesn't do great with other than being a playful, fun parent."

"Again, on the smoking, I had him quit for a while, and he was just the worst person, so mean, and I just couldn't deal with it, so I let him smoke again, and it's like the only thing that keeps his mood balanced (I know that's not okay)."

"My nine-year-old knows how to cook, and my five-year-old is very responsible for her age. I taught my nine-year-old how to cook when he was four; he has known how to cook responsibly (but he is just a child, and my husband still needs to be the responsible one, obviously)."

"I have him going to therapy to work on his emotions, but he doesn't seem to really care."

"We aren't legally married through the state, we are Christian and got married under god in our church, which to us is not valuable."

Some had trouble sympathizing with anyone in this situation, appalled by the behavior of the OP's husband, but having little sympathy for the OP, who they felt didn't do enough for the safety and well-being of her children:

"There is some really important information buried in the comments: OP's husband constantly uses weed and falls asleep, with the 5-month-old baby."

"ESH because this is an incredibly dangerous situation."

"OP, you cannot leave your children alone with him."

"Even if no one gets hurt, you're putting yourself at risk of losing custody."- lisa_lionheart84

"In case anyone's missed this, OP mentions in a follow-up comment that the first two kids are not biologically his, and in another comment says he's great with the baby but doesn't do well with the older two except for being 'fun'."

"He just doesn't engage with them at all."

"From the sounds of things, I doubt this guy would ever be in the running for Father of the Year even if all three kids were biologically his, but I'd bet actual money that there's a direct correlation between the first two kids not actually being his and how lazy he is with them."

"He does the bare minimum with them because they're not his kids, and this is only going to get worse as the kids all get older - especially if (god forbid) another kid comes along."

"ESH, OP - except for these poor kids."

"Your 'husband' (in quotes since the marriage isn't legal, thankfully) sucks way more than you do, but you're not blameless here either for not seeing this guy for who he really is and putting your older kids in a situation with a stepfather who doesn't seem to give a shit about them."

"For the sake of both you and your kids, I hope you see reality sooner rather than later."-helenaflowers

"It's too bad he doesn't care about his kids or you."

"He probably wasn't ready to start having kids at 18 or 17, and neither were you."

"He has obviously always been irresponsible, and will continue to be."

"The question is, do you want to be a single mother of 3, or a single mother of 4 like you currently are?"

"How much more labour does he cause you vs helping you?"

"And an addict spending his money on weed, too."

"I was able to make nuggets and junk food when I was your eldest child's age."

"YOU'RE leaving the baby with him when he's HIGH?"

"What if your baby chokes?"

"What if the young one gets into the cleaner and drinks it?"

"Your kids won't have someone who can help them, and they could DIE without a responsible adult around."

"Divorce and get a babysitter, so at least you will actually have someone looking after your kids."

"ESH."

While others took the OP's side, commending her for calling him out on his childish behavior, and pointing out that if he wants to feel respected, he should likewise show the OP some respect as well:

"NTA."

"He doesn't feel respected, huh?"

"Well, what's there to respect exactly?"- cherries2774

"NTA."

"But if he wants to have the attitude that it's fine for him to be lazy and irresponsible, and you're supposed to tell him how awesome he is for it, then you can't force him to change his attitude."

"You can only decide how you want to react to it."

"I hope your baby was at least safe while he was sleeping."- HatsAndTopcoats

The OP subsequently made it clear where things were heading between her and her husband:

"I am working on leaving."

"It's just hard to actually get out when I only work three days a week, can't afford a babysitter, or my own place without help from housing, so I am working on getting into a low-income apartment."

"It's just taking them forever."

"It's already in the process."

"His actions are not excusable, and I have been done with it for a while now, as I said, I'm just in the works of getting my own place."

If pizza rolls and nuggets weren't the healthiest options, at least the OP's children were getting food.

The fact that the OP's husband fell asleep, likely because he was high, didn't feed his children, and didn't see a problem, however, is behavior that nearly everyone would agree justifies ending a marriage.

Something, it sadly seems, the OP should have probably considered long ago.

What is and isn't forgivable varies from person to person and situation to situation.

Something a person might forgive a family member for might be unforgivable from a coworker. Some people might forgive a stranger for something, but not a friend.

A man having trouble forgiving his family for lying for most of his life turned to the "Am I Overreacting" (AIO) subReddit for feedback.

AIO is a "subReddit to help figure out if you overreacted to something, or if you were justified."

Argolfermd asked:

"AIO for basically going no contact with my whole family after learning about my paternity?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (43, male) have been married to my wife (43, female) since we were both 18. We live out of state from my family, close to hers."

"When I was in my early 20s, my mom told me that some of my cousins had some genetic heart issues and 'all of the cousins should get tested.' My results were normal, but on the edge of not normal."

"Fast forward 20 years, I now have two sons. My mom calls me to tell me my uncle by marriage, who died a few years ago, was actually my dad."

"He knew. He died 5 years ago from the heart condition I now know I have. I had met him a handful of times, but he wasn't around much at all. I guess I know one reason now..."

"Mom was unmarried at the time. He was her sister's husband, and it was before she met my stepdad. My mom and stepdad got married when I was like 2. I knew he wasn't my real dad, but was told I was the result of a fling."

"He died of a genetic heart issue; all of his children have it, and my boys and I need to be tested. Also, basically everyone (sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins) have known about my parentage for years/decades."

"I basically withdrew from all of them to figure out how to deal with my new reality. During this time, my wife handled any communication with my mom and sisters."

"My wife was angry with all of them and expressed a little of her anger towards my mom to my sister. My sister's response was that my mom 'has turned this over to God and anger comes from Satan'."

"I feel like they are using religion to avoid taking any responsibility."

"It's been almost 6 months since finding out, and I am cordial, but have basically gone fully no contact with all of them, and honestly don't care if I ever see or talk to any of them again."

"She was definitely a loving mother. I don't hold what she did against her. Everyone makes mistakes."

"I'm much more betrayed by the decades of not telling me. And then making up a lie of 'all the cousins need to get checked'."

"And robbing me of the truth until after he died. And not telling me which resulted in me passing the gene to one of my sons."

"I don't necessarily care about my conception. But the whole family knew about my lineage and the health implications, and decided keeping the secret and saving face was more important than my and my son's health."

"Am I overreacting?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AIO voting acronyms:

• NOR - Not OverReacting
• YOR - You OverReacted
• MOR - Maybe OverReacting
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not overreacting (NOR).

"NOR - Definitely not overreacting, this is a huge deal and has serious potential implications on your health and your sons' health. You had a right to know about this years ago and of course it will be painful, difficult, and angering to only find out now, especially when your mom is refusing to take responsibility." ~ Secret_Agency_

"OP NOR. They hid a life-changing truth for decades, put OP's health and his kids' health at risk, and then avoided responsibility." ~ po_dok

"I hate when sh*tty people that have done sh*tty things use the Lord as an excuse to have no accountability."

"Maybe remind your sister that wanton fornication comes from Satan and lying comes from satan as well."

"OP, I personally would keep my distance because how could I ever trust someone who lied to me my whole life and who has no accountability? I couldn't."

"But I do suggest some therapy to help you overcome all the emotions and trauma that comes with this new information. Not so that you could forgive her, but more for your well-being." ~ No-Statistician-4201

"Not to mention that the fornication was also in the form of adultery—which also comes from Satan. We haven't even mentioned lying and deceit. Using religion as a way to avoid taking any responsibility or accountability and as a way to gaslight a very valid and logical reaction on his part is truly evil." ~ NanaBanana2011

"NOR. Not only did your mom lie to you, but apparently so did everyone else by omission. How the hell does everyone else know? Did your mom go around telling everyone else, or did she just have a big party where she told everyone and didn't seem to think it was important for you to know?" ~ RoguesAngel

"Maybe remind your sister that their mom being an adulterer and sleeping with her sister's husband comes from Satan too." ~ Hawkman003

"NOR Using religion as a scapegoat is just low." ~ Sweet_Stratigraphy

"They lied about critical genetic health issues that could KILL him or his children, then used religion as a shield when confronted. 'Anger comes from Satan'?? No, anger comes from finding out your entire family conspired to hide your paternity AND put your kids' lives at risk. OP has every right to walk away, they've proven they can't be trusted with basic honesty, let alone health information. This is unforgivable." ~ IndividualRate2652

"Sorry, OP. Your mom needs to beg you for your forgiveness and recognize that she isn't owed it, even if you are kind enough to grant it to her." ~ 042614

"No, dude, no. No. No. NOR. You're not overreacting at all."

"As a Christian, THIS is why people hate Christians and call us all hypocrites and cowards." ~ tmd5909

"NOR, there was no need to hide that info from you your whole life. if you feel betrayed, you have every right to not want them in your life." ~ gaydartmonkey

"Remind them that righteous anger over actual injustice is a gift that comes straight from the Almighty and that Jesus literally flipped tables in rage. NOR." ~ BabserellaWT

"Hiding it from you was already bad, but AVOIDING ALL responsibility, not even attempting to apologize, and making you and your wife the bad guys for daring to be upset?... yeah, I'd cut them out too. NOR." ~ Individual_Plan_5593

"Tell her lying and adultery are of Satan, and God may forgive her, but you don't. NOR." ~ UhLeXSauce

"NOR about them not telling you before your real dad passed."

"NOR about them trying to diminish your feelings with 'anger comes from satan'.... You have a right to be angry."

"People will really say anything to make themselves feel better, all while lacking any accountability."

"So sorry, OP." ~ fadingsunsetglow

"OP, stay no contact with them. They all, especially your mom, betrayed you. They want to hide behind religion? Well, your mom would be stoned for her behavior in the Bible. Hold on to your wife, your real family now." ~ SensitiveFlow860

"Did they ever consider that had you been aware of this genetic condition, you may have NOT had children for fear of passing it along?"

"Of course, now that you have kids, it's very difficult to even consider NOT having them. But you had an opportunity when you were much younger to consider a life without or adoption or your options." ~ the_truth_is_tough

"NOR. It is probably the most major betrayal to find out like this. And one fell swoop: your dad is not your dad, and you got your heart condition from your uncle. And that she kept it from you for years. When everyone else knows."

"From reading your post, my guess is the genetic heart condition probably spurred your mom on to bring it out in the open. Perhaps a family member talked her into it."

"FYI, I passed down a genetic heart condition to my children. No issues with parentage, their dad is their dad. I had absolutely no idea I had this condition that I passed down until my children were in their late 20s. I didn't even know it ran in the family."

"I believe in retrospect my own mother knew and couldn't bring herself to tell me, and that she died keeping that secret. I don't think she knew until I was an adult, yet she could not bring herself to tell me because by that time I already had young children."

"I can't even begin to tell you the amount of therapy I've had to be able to live with my grief and angst for being a conduit for this gene to my precious children."

"I have apologized repeatedly to my children for passing this along. I don't know what else I can do." ~ AntiqueSeat7720

OP will probably find little solace in knowing he didn't know he was passing a serious health problem to his son.

Only he can decide if he'll forgive his family for enabling that to happen.

No two people share the same views on parenting.

Even married couples in a co-parenting situation might have completely opposite views of how to parent their children.

In these scenarios, each member of the couple usually does their best to find some common ground, where both their parenting styles come into play.

Which doesn't necessarily mean they will live in perfect harmony.

Redditor mayhavecrossedaline was going away for an extended period of time, leaving their husband in charge of their children.

During their absence, the original poster (OP) made one request of her husband, which he seemed to be willing to oblige.

When the OP returned, however, and discovered that her husband had not followed through on this request, they made their displeasure known.

Worried they may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my husband he's made me reconsider leaving him alone with the kids in the future?"

The OP explained why they felt compelled to share a few choice words with their husband:

"It was my niece's wedding this weekend."

"She's my oldest niece, the first amongst her cousins to get married, and I'm very close to her."

"There were also some events happening last weekend."

"So I had taken the last week off from work and flew to hers the weekend before."

"My husband and the kids (12 y/o daughter, 10 y/o son) were supposed to fly in at Friday for the main event."

"Before I left I had prepared enough food for them to last the while."

"The stuff they were planning on eating first, I had put in the fridge, and other dishes in the freezer."

"All they had to do was let it thaw, put it in the pan (or the pot), add some water and heat it."

"I had even marinated some chicken separately for them to cook in the oven."

"For their school lunch I had told my husband what had to be made for them, that it would take 20 minutes in the morning so to factor that in."

"He had said he understood."

"Now this is my fault too, but for the first 2 days I made sure to ask during my conversations with them if the food situation was fine, but hadn't brought it up later, plus all the events we were having distracted me too."

"When they flew in I asked if it had all gone well, if the food had run out, he said no there was more than enough, which made me feel better."

"But when we got home yesterday, there was way more food left than I thought."

"I brought it up, and found out that even thawig and heating the food was too much to do after the initial refrigerated dishes, and they'd defaulted to eating out."

"And he'd been giving them lunch money instead of a homemade lunch."

"I was so annoyed, I told him I was disappointed in him, that I'd have to now think twice before ever leaving him alone with the kids again."

"He got heated too, said I wasn't giving him his due credit for taking care of the kids, they were happy with what he was doing, and that should be it, that the kids were safe and sound and there had been no emergencies, and it was messed up for me to say I didn't trust him with the kids."

"We'd been curt with each other in the morning today."

"We had discussed what I should leave for them before I started cooking."

"I asked the kids what they wanted, and had discussed it with him, he'd asked me to make his favorite meal, which was the one they ate first."

"Also, yes, I do work."

"I'm a dentist and have my own practice."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their husband.

Most felt that the way the OP's husband breached their trust needed to be called out, even if some felt the OP could have done so a little more delicately:

"He got exactly what he wanted."

"He pretended he was too incompetent to even thaw and heat up food that was already prepared."

"His reward is now that you'll never ask him to TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN CHILDREN again."

"This can't possibly be the only time he's acted utterly helpless in order to get you to do anything and everything he doesn't want to do."

"You don't have a husband, you have a third child."

"NTA."- PittieLover1

"NTA."

"He needs to step up."

"'giving him his due credit for taking care of the kids'."

"They are his kids."

"He doesn't get a medal for looking after them."

"'That the kids were safe and sound, and there had been no emergencies."

"So he did the bare minimum of keeping them alive."

"You are the one who went above and beyond, planning and preparing meals for a week so that he wouldn't have to."

"That is mental labor and physical chores that you took off his plate, that he should have been able to do on his own because, again, they are his kids."

"But even that wasn't enough hand-holding for him."

"Keeping the kids alive for a week is the bare minimum."

"He also needs to account for their health and the family budget, both of which took a hit by repeated eating out and making the kids rely on school lunches."

"You prepped everything so he only had to put in the barest effort to be a parent while you were gone, and he couldn't even do that."

"He needs to reflect on that, instead of trying to make you feel like the bad guy for pointing it out."-Swirlyflurry

"NTA."

"BUT next time just leave him to sort it out."

"Do not go to all that trouble to prepare stuff that they don't want and don't appreciate."- Bridgybabe

Some, however, weren't as sure the OP's husband really did anything wrong, even if they understood where the OP was coming from:

"You're doing too much."

"Let your husband feed the kids."

"10 and 12 are plenty old enough to make their own lunches, and if it takes 20 minutes, they can do it the night before (although 20 minutes sounds like a long time to throw together a school lunch)."

"NAH but it doesn't require this much effort to leave pre-teen kids alone with the other parent for a few days."- MountainTomato9292

While others didn't think either the OP or their husband came off looking particularly good:

"Mom's gone = cafeteria food and cash from dad and eating out every day!"

"'The kids were fine with it."

"Yeah, no sh*t if I was 12 I'd also want to eat out instead of eating mom's same food every day."

"They're going to be begging you to leave if this keeps happening. And I don't think you're the AH for expecting routine to continue."

"Like this situation specifically may not be a big deal, but if this happens every single time, I don't think it's healthy."

"I don't think it's bad for dad to take them out to eat or give them lunch money for a couple of those days but every day is insane."

"And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't want or have kids."

"ESH. Dad, for all of the above, and not seeing the concern."

"Mom for a tiny bit overreacting in the response."- garlicshrimpscampi

The OP later returned with an update, clearing up some matters and sharing where things currently stood between their husband and them:

"A lot of people are saying there was no need for me to have done the prep."

"I hear that. I'm not saying it's the best way, it's just the structure we have."

"Its just what the kids are used to, so I didn't want that disrupted."

"Normally, I pick up the kids on my way back from the clinic and make them lunch."

"Thrice a week, I go to a dental center in the evenings too, so before I leave, I normally have dinner set up, and snacks made for them for the evening."

"So when I'm back, they're normally full, and so I can finish making dinner."

"So they're used to homemade food."

"And yes, I should started teaching the kids how to cook too."

"They're busy with studying and their extracurriculars and friends, so I just avoid pushing this onto them, but gradual responsibility is a good idea."

"And reading the comments, I recognize I probably did cross a line."

"I'll apologize to him."

Considering the OP went to considerable trouble to prepare those meals, one can understand why they would have been less than thrilled to hear from their husband that reheating them was more than he could handle.

Whether the OP's husband's parenting skills deserved to be put into question as a result is another matter.

It's nice that the OP took it upon herself to apologize.

But perhaps they were also worthy of an apology from their husband?

A lot of parents are asking whether their children's photos should be on social media.

Is it safe? Is it fair to their children who haven't consented to being displayed publicly? Who gets to decide?

A woman turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with their ex husband over their children's photos.

Its-brittany-betch asked:

"AITA for asking my ex husband's girlfriend to stop posting our kids on social media?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (33, female) have asked multiple times that my ex husband (32, male) ask his girlfriend to stop posting our kids on social media. Every ask has been met with lots of conflict and arguing."

"My favorite line is him claiming I'm being controlling."

"Here's some back story for y'all. We were together for 11 years, married for 6, we have two kids together and he helps raise my oldest."

"We've been separated since last Halloween and divorced fully since May. Ex husband and his girlfriend have been together since February, she met my kids about 10 days after she met him and has been in their lives ever since."

"He met her online January 30th, they went on their first date February 3 or 4, he moved out of my house February 7 or 8, and was introduced to her kids February 10 and my kids February 20."

"They then moved in together in May and the excuse they used to have the kids meet each other so soon was not being able to have the kids around was affecting them on having time get to know each other."

"They live together and she seems to really love my kids. I don't really have a problem with her, except she continues to post my kids on social media with captions that make me and my family members extremely uncomfortable."

"I don't post my kids on social media often, and when I do it's a couple pictures and it's private just fun updates for long distance family. She's posting 60-70 pictures at a time and frequently, with captions like 'our girls'."

"She also doesn't like that I post about the things my ex husband did to me through our relationship so she has my Facebook blocked so most of these posts are being shown to me by close family and friends who see it and are uncomfortable."

"I only post memes about cheaters and liars. He's mad cause the boot fits. I have him blocked now so he can't see it anymore."

"My ex husband thinks I'm just trying to be controlling and refuses to do anything about it."

"She's posting it publicly hence my family being able to see it and tell me about it. That's been the main issue, but also that she's known my kids for a handful of months and is trying to erase me…."

"And I feel bitter, but at the same time as their mother I have to protect them! It's super conflicting."

"I'd be OK with it if she wasn't just a girlfriend who's known them for a handful of months and she wasn't doing it every day and that many pictures."

"I've posted my children 6 times this year in private posts for friends and relatives. Their birthdays, Halloween, vacation, and Santa's village. She's posted them publicly 18 times this month."

"Am I the a**hole for asking for these posts to be removed and for her to stop posting them?"

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I've been called controlling and an a**hole because I've asked that posts about my children on my ex husband's girlfriend's social media be removed."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. Talk to a family lawyer. Ask if there's a possibility of adding a clause that his girlfriends may not post their children's faces to social media as it is a safety concern."

"That's where you should start." ~ WhatTheActualFck1

"NTA for your request, but I don't think even a judge would grant your request. You both will have to stop posting or you will just waste your time." ~ Distinct-Session-799

"There's a new ad on Irish TV about the dangers of posting your kids online that's getting traction abroad:"

"It's very powerful. You could show it to your ex as a reason why you don't want photos of them up on social media."

"Personally, I think kids are little individual humans that have a right to their own privacy." ~ Historical_Step_6080

"Most digital photos have exif data. Exif data can consist of the device used to take the photo, the time and date the photo was taken, and, most dangerously, the gps coordinates of the location where the photo was taken."

"Say that there's a guy named Mr. Creepy. Mr. Creepy is on Facebook- just scrolling through until he sees a Mom with a toddler that has a public profile with lots and lots of photos."

"If Mom has a lot of photos of home? The Exif data reveals where she lives."

"If Mom has a lot of photos of a park where she takes her toddler? Mr. Creepy can pull the exif data to find out the location of the park and, oh, the dates and times show that Mom goes to the park with her toddler every Saturday at 9am."

"Mr. Creepy can then go to park at 9am on a Saturday and snatch the toddler when Mom turns around for just a minute." ~ Emotional-Sign8136

"This is exactly why I don't post pictures of my kids, and no one else is permitted to do so either. I've also denied permission for the schools to share their names or images, both online and in marketing materials."

"OP, NTA for the request but seeking legal advice is your best option here. I'd expect to be advised to take stuff down yourself, before bringing social media into a formal/legal discussion."

"I'm truly sorry to hear you've had some tough times and have needed to share that story—but in this situation, they've got it as evidence that you've posted about him/them and could potentially use it against you." ~ SecretiveBerries

"It isn't appropriate for her to post pictures of your children. She isn't their mother. That their own father doesn't see the potential risks shows he is more concerned about keeping the new supply happier than protecting his children."

"But you already KNOW he has poor judgement. Anyone who introduces a new partner to their children after knowing that person less than two weeks has exceptionally poor parental judgement." ~ NooOfTheNah

"NTA, posting kids online in a public forum is a two yes decision (from parents, NOT step parents/partners). That's not negotiable. When the kids are older it very quickly becomes a three yes decision."

"Also, stop posting sh*t about your ex online. Really, stop now, delete stuff that you can find. Marks you out as an arsehole. But that's not the question you asked."

"My ex treated me like sh*t before she left. I haven't posted a single unpleasant thing about her in the 6 years since she did. I never will." ~ unwilling_viewer

"Honestly I would file an amendment in court that includes social media blackout for everyone. No one posts the children on social media, period."

"Get a family app where everyone can be part of the fun updates, but they are not on social media for the world to see. In this day and age it's a safety issue." ~ Ok-Slip-2856

"I don't even post pictures of my OWN kids without their permission, let alone someone else's. And calling a kid 'ours' when you've only been dating someone for a few months is crazy. NTA." ~ JurgusRudkus

"As someone without any social media (except Reddit), who works with children everyday, and would never even consider posting pictures of any children online anywhere… it is NOT about predators."

"It's about privacy, and the fact that children cannot reasonably consent to having their images shared online forever. Kids find that kind of thing extremely embarrassing by the time they're teenagers."

"Their autonomy and decisions matter too. I don't think anyone should be posting pictures of children, including their parents, but that's just me." ~ FigFiggy

"I feel like some of these comments don't understand how unsafe it is in this day and age to be posting THAT MANY photos of children that often. Pay attention to the save to like ratio of her posts. NTA." ~ mitsakesweremade

"NTA. Kids do not belong on social media. Full stop. Not your own, not your friends, and not your stepkids." ~ Schlumpfine25

"NTA. You have a right to protect your children's digital privacy and set boundaries regarding their public image, especially with a new partner."

"Posting 'our girls' and sharing dozens of photos after a few months is overstepping, and your concerns about safety and parental roles are valid, not 'controlling'." ~ eliteautosound-sales

Finally, a legel take was shared.

"OK, I feel like I have a different perspective. Everyone is getting caught up in the do kids belong on social media debate and I just don't think that's actually the issue here."

"I'm a family law attorney. The hardest part of coparenting is accepting that (barring some court order saying otherwise) the other parent gets to make parenting decisions during their parenting time."

"Your ex is their dad. He doesn't have to agree with you about social media. He is an equal parent (again, barring a court order that says otherwise). So if he, on his parenting time, says the girls can be in photos and the photos can be on social media, then you don't have a say over that."

"You can express your feelings to him. You can ask that he change his mind. But you cannot make him change his mind. YTA." ~ myshellly

The OP got conflicting advice. Which they'll take isn't clear, but weaponizing children or social media after a divorce is never a good idea.

Marriage isn't a necessity for more and more people in this progressive age.

Indeed, for many people, love and commitment are all that matter.

For others, however, the legal securities provided by a marriage are something of a necessity. So much so that if marriage is off the table, they may end their relationship, no matter how much they may love their partner.

Redditor Over-Supermarket4833 had been with their partner for over 20 years.

Even so, the couple still never made it to the altar.

Upon learning more about where he saw their relationship going, however, the original poster (OP) felt some drastic measures might be necessary.

Leading the OP to take to the subReddit "Am I THe A**hole Here (AITH).

While similar to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for thinking of leaving him after 20 years and 3 kids?"

The OP explained why she felt it might be necessary to pull the plug on her relationship:

"I '36 F[emale]' and my fiancé '41M[ale]' will make 20 years together this summer."

"We both began dating very young and had our first child in 2007."

"At this point in our lives, marriage was the last thing on our minds."

"We had enough struggling being parents and financially in a very bad position, even living in his mother's house."

"Once we finally got our own apartment, we later had our second child in 2011 and our last kid in 2016."

"I finally went to school and recently graduated as an RN."

"Now we are finally in a position where marriage makes sense since we are finally financially stable with both combined incomes."

'I feel like before we always were in 'hustle mentality-financially' I brought this up to him recently on finally getting married, and he said at this point in our lives if we get married it will only 'JINX' us, and regardless, it's just a piece of paper."

"I can't help but feel disappointed and also put the blame totally on me for allowing this in the first place."

"I should never have allowed myself to play married with a person without ever getting married."

"I don't want a big wedding, but I just would like to hold the same last name as the rest of the family I created and to feel that my husband wants to still be with me after all these years."

"He has no assets, and I'm the breadwinner in the relationship since graduating, so his thinking I'm going to stay with his things in case of a divorce is less beneficial for me and more beneficial for him if anything."

"I can't help but feel sometimes to move on while im still in my 30's with my life and one day be with someone that will give me my fairytale of one day finally getting married."

"Or shut up and deal with the bed I made for myself for not putting boundaries from the beginning !?"

"Please help Reddit."

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Just about everyone agreed that the OP would definitely be doing the right thing by leaving her partner, with many expressing that she probably should have done so long ago:

"OP, I think you and he have different reasons for not getting married in all these years."

"Your story that you've been telling yourself for 20 years is you were too young and poor and busy for marriage."

"Having a baby as a teenager, no money between you, living in his mother's home, then in an apartment."

"Having more babies."

"Life was too busy, and you had to go back to school to become a nurse."

"But his reasons for not getting married were not these reasons."

"He never intended to marry you."

"He took your youth and your work and your money, but never did you the courtesy of making you his bride."

"He never will."

"Not even now that he knows how much it means to you."

"Truth is, he always knew, and he never cared."

"You have to forgive yourself for being duped by him for so long."

"Yes, leave him, and go live on your own."

"Get to know yourself."

"Set up your own home on your own salary."

"You can do it better without him as a burden weighing you down."- LakeGlen4287

"'I '36F' and my fiancé '41M'will make 20 years together this summer'."

"Oh no."- aeroeagleAC

"16."

"I'd take my income and my sole breadwinner probably does most of the work and set myself and my kids up in our own place."

"If you want to share a name, just change it legally ¯_(ツ)_/¯ but really what does he bring to the table besides audacity, and an appetite for more?"

"Nta time to pack."- HuhWelliNever

"NTA."

"You just said it yourself, 'I can't help but feel disappointed and also put the blame totally on me for allowing this in the first place'."

"Stop allowing it, it will be tough, but 36!?"

"You have more than plenty of time, go find your husband!"- SilasSaun

"You've been together for half your life, he can't possibly think a ceremony and party is going to 'jinx' that."

"Besides everyone knows the marriage jinx is name tattoos and vow renewals."

"Is the issue perhaps you're both thinking maybe you settled down too early and wonder if you missed out on something better?"- LoveLolaHeart

"OP, what exactly does this man bring to the table?"

"Seriously?"

"We are all happy you pulled yourself up and achieved a meaningful career that allowed you to support you and your children."

"What has he done to deserve marrying you at this point?"- ThePythiaofApollo

"Don't marry him!"

"Take your income and go."- TarzanKitty

"As to the 'It's just a piece of paper', mentality: there is much to be said for being able to make important health care decisions for your partner."

"If something drastic happened to either one of you; would he be comfortable with either set of parents making life or death decisions?"-  robbiea1353

"NTA."

"I would not have given the kids his name and I would not be financially supporting him either."

"Unless he is pulling his weight by being a sahd who does all the childcare, cleaning and mental work for the family, but (and I could be wrong) something makes me think he is not contributing that much." - Both-Enthusiasm708

"I am 80."

"So my opinions are probably out of date."

"But first, I am so happy that you finished your education."

"Congratulations!"

"What an excellent example you are setting for your children."

"Next, I wonder if in your State or province, you are already technically considered to be a common law couple."

"You might look into your legal position."

"Also, try to dig down into why you want an official marriage."

"Is it for a beautiful celebration and formal exchange of vows, plus a great party?"

"Is it to feel more secure in your relationship?"

"Identify your motive."

"Finally, and forgive me if my question seems intrusive, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man?"

"Because, he is already showing his loyalty."

"It doesn't sound, to me, that you are in danger of being dumped or cheated on."

"I might suggest that you examine more deeply... what you want for the rest of your life."

"Might even get a couple of sessions with a therapist, on your own."

"For 20 years, you have been striving toward a goal of security."

"Now that you have completed that challenge, perhaps you are searching for something to replace it."

"You haven't enjoyed many years of security, especially financially."

"Your present frustration may simply be the resulting empty space in your life goals programme."- boomermonty

"NTA."

"He never intended to marry you."

"Cut your losses while you're still young."- Tessie1966

"OP, your oldest is about to turn 19."

"They were two years old when you were their age."

"Please, go live and achieve without this man in your life."

"NTA."- Vegetable_Stuff1850

"You have every right to finally want to live a real life after living life for this person and your kids for the first half of yours."- No-Examination-4850

"He's 41 and presumably has been working for twenty years or more."

"Why doesn't he have any assets?"

"Why are you the breadwinner?"

"What does he do?"

"What does he bring to the table?"

"Is he the main caretaker of the children then?"

"Somehow I doubt that, but then the question remains."

"Why do you want to marry him?"- One-Acanthisitta-210

It's not unusual for a couple to wait to get married, even after moving in together and having children.

However, it seems that marriage was never something the OP's partner was interested in, and the OP waited in vain.

If marriage is that important to her, it sadly seems she will need to find that with someone else.

Not everyone appreciates just what a luxury "alone time" is.

Indeed, the opportunity to have silence and solitude is highly coveted by many people.

Even so, having a chance to get it is not always a guarantee.

Hence why some people go to great lengths to ensure they have it, even if only for one day a week.

Redditor Throwra-House-5592 had an arrangement with their wife to give her "alone time" in their home.

However, the original poster (OP) was somewhat surprised when she demanded an increase to their arrangement.

An increase the OP was almost entirely unwilling to oblige.

Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my wife she should take the car if she wants alone time instead of asking me to leave the house with our kids?"

The OP explained why they were less than amenable to their wife's renegotiation of a pre-existing arrangement:

"My wife works from home part-time (2–3 days a week) and is the main at-home parent to our two kids."

"We live in a tiny apartment with very thin walls so I understand that it's overwhelming and she's always been a very introverted person who needs more alone time than most people."

"1-2 times a week I take the kids out for an hour or two so she can have the house to herself."

"She really appreciates it."

"The issue is that now she wants this every day, for longer and wants me to drop whatever I'm doing to take the kids out whenever she needs space."

"I've obliged several times when she's been explicitly asking for it even when it was inconvenient for me, but I've started feeling taken advantage of."

"I also work full-time outside the house Monday–Friday, so the home is my decompression space too."

"Sometimes I just want to relax and watch TV without being sent out of my own house."

"Recently, she asked me again to take the kids out so she could have the house to herself."

"I said no because I feel like this 'nice thing' I was doing has become an expectation."

"I told her she's welcome to take the car and have alone time somewhere else if she needs it."

"She said that's unfair because she wants to relax at home, not outside."

"I said it's also my home and if she needs the quiet time, she can relocate."

"I just don't want to be displaced anymore."

"I told her that I'll take the kids out when I genuinely want to do something nice for her but I don't want to be told to leave my house every time she wants quiet."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly took the OP's side, agreeing they were not the a**hole for telling their wife she can use the car if she wants "alone time".

Everyone agreed that it was very unreasonable for the OP's wife to force them out of the house, especially when they've been out at work all day, with many even wondering why their wife even wanted a family if she needed this much "alone time":

"NTA."

"The expectation she has set is unreasonable...not just for you but for your kids too."

"There is zero reason she can't go out herself."

"She's putting hardship on the entire family by making this demand when the easy answer is she can get away without disrupting everyone else's downtime/routines."

"It was fine when it was occasional but now it's daily?"

"Not okay."- IamIrene

"NTA."

"Being required to leave your house for 1-2 additional hours each day is too much, especially since you are happy to cover the kids, just not leave the house with them."

"That said, this is a very real problem that needs solving for her sake and the sake of your marriage."

"Have you considered any of all of the following?"

"Promise to take the kids out on weekend days, at a scheduled time, and maybe one weekday."

"Buy her noise-canceling headphones and let her lock herself in the bedroom as a retreat."

"Put the kids in daycare for a couple days a week, or even half days."

"Find a teenager to take the kids to the park several afternoons a week before you get home."

"Enrolling her in a yoga or meditation class."

"While this isn't alone time, there's very little interaction, and both are good at reducing stress."

"Checking to see if there's something else going on that is increasing her need for alone time, and addressing that."

"Remember, it's not her solution vs. your solution, it's both of you vs. the problem, so try to find something that genuinely works for both of you."

"Good luck!"- CarpenterMom

"NTA."

"I feel it's unreasonable for her to expect you to leave the house with the kids for hours every single day after you've been out of the house all day long."

"I understand that she may be introverted or something like that, however, that doesn't mean that she gets to push you out of the house every single day."

"And a certain point she may need to just put on noise canceling headphones and go hide in the bedroom or sit in the backyard."

"Go to a park."

"Something."

"The way it's currently being asked is not reasonable in my opinion."- MithosYggdrasill1992

"I was fully onboard here... she is overwhelmed, wants some time to herself, introvert... and you were stepping up, taking the kids out, giving her space...."

"...but you know what, she gets to say 'please take the kids for an hour and don't let anyone come into the bedroom as I am going to take some time to myself', but she doesn't get to throw you all out."

"I'm an introvert."

"I'm a parent."

"I set a specific time and say 'please leave me alone until X time. If you want to make a noise, please do it that side of the house, not this side' and then I take time to myself."

"It isn't completely silent, but you know what... headphones exist."

"She can have her own little island for a set amount of time, then you guys can switch out."

"NTA."

"She isn't being reasonable."

"Compromise means giving more than you wanted but getting less than you want, but finding a way to make it fair to both."- Jynx-Online

"NTA."

"I've been the SAHM and needed some time to chill."

"Even now (kids more grown) I sometimes sit in the car for an extra few minutes before going on the house."

"Husband used to work from home mostly ( till THIS year)."

"I completely understand the man sometimes needs to be able to enjoy being at home."

"I actively support and facilitate that."

"Your wife needs breaks."

"You support and facilitate that for her."

"You need breaks too."

"Where is her support and willingness to help you get that?"

"You give her time alone at home without the kids."

"You just don't want to do that Every. Day. (!)"

"You aren't even asking her to take the kids and give you time alone to relax in the house."

"You just want to be able to spend SOME time at home while you watch the kids."

"I doubt you are even looking for a 50/50 split."

"You could tell her that you would like an hour of solitude at home for every hour you give her that."

"But you are not asking her for that."

"Less."

"She is the one being unfair."- swillshop

"NTA."

"It doesn't make sense for 3 people to leave a house so one person can have comfort."

"Your solution for her to go out and have free time seems reasonable."

"Without any other context, this kind of seems like the line between introverted and reclusive."-aj_alva

"NTA."

"I get that she needs to decompress, but daily is wild."

"You need to decompress too."

"Maybe you do this twice a week, and she do it twice a week for you."

"She can't just kick you out of your own house the minute she feels it either."

"If she's going to be spontaneous, I agree she should be the one to leave."

"Sounds like you need childcare for the 4 year old though (assuming 6 goes to school all day) if she is overwhelmed with the kids."- a-ohhh

"NTA."

"I think your thinking on this is correct."

"If you don't nip this in the bud she will normalize booting you and the kids out of the house whenever she feels like it -- and once people get used to something they feel entitled to it and react badly when they are no longer given it."

"What she wants is unsustainable and would have to end sometime even if you enable it now."

"How will the kids react to this when they get older and know that mommy doesn't want them in the house?"

"The longer you do it for the more she'll kick and scream when you want to stop doing it."

"If I were you I would have a hard think about just how much free time alone in the house is reasonable considering that she chose to marry and have kids."

"She's not single anymore and she can't think like she can just drop all consideration for anyone else in the house and kick them out at the drop of a hat as if they were guests overstaying their welcome or something."

"They're not."

"They're family with a right to be there in their own home."

"You can be considerate, but she has to be too."

"What she wants now is setting up bad expectations for the future and wouldn't lead to anything good."

"The more she gets used to pressing a mental button and ejecting family from her life for a couple of hours a day the more she will get comfortable with pressing it."

"What she should be getting used to is a reasonable compromise."- kurokomainu

Everyone is entitled to some alone time.

However, if you make the decision to start a family, it shouldn't come as a surprise that alone time can be a very difficult thing to come by.

Something the OP's wife clearly didn't consider.

As she seems to prioritize her alone time rather than spending any time with her family.

"What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine."

The age-old cliché, but general understanding that whenever you enter a marriage, you tend to share most things with your spouse.

But not everything.

Indeed, many couples prefer to keep some things strictly for themselves, or in some cases push certain responsibilities solely to their spouse.

Including finances.

Redditor ClassicBlood2627 and their wife entered their marriage with an understanding that they would each contribute equally to their finances.

However, the original poster (OP)'s wife was frequently coming up short financially.

The OP saw an easy solution to this problem, which their wife was not at all interested in obliging.

Wondering if it would be wrong to force this solution on their wife the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA if I stop bailing her out and demand she financially steps up?"

The OP explained why they felt the need to lay down the law with their wife:

"I (28 M[ale]) am married to L (29 F[emale])."

"We have 3 kids in the home: my 3 & 1-year-olds and my 10-year-old stepdaughter."

"We got married after our first child."

"I love my stepdaughter and treat her as mine, but her bio dad does almost nothing."

"I've pushed my wife to file for child support; she refuses because she's afraid of 50/50 custody and doesn't want her daughter influenced by him."

"I think he should still be forced to contribute."

"From the start I was clear: I wanted a 50/50 partnership."

"Right now I'm basically carrying us."

"I take home about $2.8k/month after benefits/401k on a rotating shift schedule and work overtime/side jobs to keep up."

"My wife works 8–5 as a long-term sub, around $21/hr, and brings home roughly $1.8k."

"Her fixed bills are about $800."

"Our rent is $1,600."

"I warned her in mid-October that we needed to get ahead for November's rent."

"On Oct 30 she said she had $100 for rent and would have more later."

"Now, at the end of the month, she tells me she only got her normal check, had to pay her bills, and is short again."

"I smoke weed daily."

"Meanwhile, right before Thanksgiving, she threw a hotel birthday party for her daughter, paid for everything, and only afterward told me she couldn't cover her share of rent."

"It's only her share because she died on the hill about this apt."

"I doubt her whole thousand went to the party, but I'm sure her portion did."

"I'm getting her a cellphone. Mom does parties I get gifts."

"This isn't a one-off; for months I've been grinding extra hours and covering the gap while she avoids hard financial decisions (child support, finishing her degree to get a better-paying contract, sticking to a budget)."

"I'm at the point where I want to stop covering her shortfall on rent/bills and insist that she file for child support and make a serious plan to increase her income, instead of relying on me to plug every hole."

"My daughter's father is just a bum."

"Not dangerous."

"AITA for refusing to keep bailing out my wife and pushing her to file for child support?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for refusing to bail out their wife and demanding she sue for child support.

Some felt that the OP was right, and their wife needed to start facing the consequences for her poor decision-making, financial and otherwise.

"This isn't just about child support; this is your wife making poor financial decisions."

"She spent money on a 'hotel birthday party' for her child, and is only contributing $100 to the household expenses for the month?"

"WTF."

"This is a huge issue you need to discuss."

"Her child's dad paying child support isn't going to solve this if your wife keeps spending her mom on fun and relying on you to pay the household bills."

"NTA."- 7625607

"NTA, but what do you mean 'her bills'."

"You call her your wife, so I assume you are married."

"At that point, there are no 'her bills' and 'his bills', you've just got bills."

"And in turn, you jointly should be making financial decisions, like whether or not to have a hotel party."- RazzmatazzUnique6602

"NTA for wanting your wife to sue for child support."

"The outcome isn't guaranteed."

"It's not a magic wand to solve the money issues."

"I have a child support order, and he hasn't paid in almost a year."

"He went another time for nearly 5 years without paying."

"The child support is not your problem."

"Your wife sucks at handling money."

"She needs to stop pending frivolously."

"You guys need to have a conversation and create a plan."- zilch14

"NTA."

"This is one of the most common errors on the legal forums - child support is a LEGAL OBLIGATION owed to the CHILD."

"How the wife feels about it is irrelevant."

"The husband can file for joint custody, and unless he is a serial killer, he is entitled to that as well."

"But he HAS to pay child support and your wife is derelict in not demanding it."

"But realistically, it would not be a slam-dunk decision as so many years have gone by without him having custody."

"Does he even ask for visitation?"

"He may not be in a financial or relationship position to even accept joint custody."

"So tell the wife to sue for current and back child support and get his wages garnished if he refuses."- parodytx

"NTA."

"However, you have been enabling this behavior of her spending, then her expecting you to cover."-Financial_Room_8362

Others, however, felt that the OP was being unfair and too hard on their wife, particularly as they openly admitted to spending part of their income on marijuana, even if they still felt she needed to make smarter choices:

"I don't understand."

"Your income and hers should more than cover the bills you describe."

"Thinking of 'her bills' and 'your bills' is not particularly helpful or relevant in a marriage."

"You two are in this together, which you chose."

"You even added two more kids to the mix."

"Also, math-wise - if she is working full-time at that rate, her take-home pay is too low."

"All that being said, I doubt she has ever been any different."

"You chose your life, figure it out."

"ESH."- Glittering_Pick4537

"'I smoke weed every day but want my wife to do more'."

"So how much are you spending on weed in a month?"

"How does being high EVERY DAY affect your relationship with your children?"

"ESH."

"Your wife for not keeping up her end of the bargain and throwing a 'hotel party' instead of coming up with the rent."

"YOU for getting high every day instead of interacting with the two children YOU made."-celticmusebooks

"You married someone with a child who has a deadbeat dad."

"What did you expect?"

"You married someone making poverty wages."

"You make more but also don't make good money."

"What did you expect?"

"You had two kids knowing all of this."

"What did you expect?"

"I've been grinding extra hours and covering the gap."

"I feel like people don't understand what marriage is."

"This post makes it sound like you're roommates that have kids together."

"Doesn't seem like a partnership at all."

"'Her bills'. Her shortfall."

"Crazy."

"She makes less money, and you're married."

"You knew that going into this."

"Again, I'm not sure you get what marriage involves."

"Sounds like you should have stayed single and looked for a roommate since that seems to be the arrangement you want."

"If you treat the stepkid like yours, why did you not contribute to her birthday?"

"What money is your wife supposed to use to finish her degree?"

"There's a lot of conflicting nonsense in your post."

"I keep hearing that men want to be providers."

"Yet another data point (actually, two!) proving that isn't true."

"ESH."- Purple_Shallot3731

"ESH."

"You're married, there shouldn't be 'her share' of the rent."

"You as a family cover the rent with your family income."

"Your wife is not wrong about the possibility that the 10-year-old's bio dad might demand 50-50 custody if she enforces her rights to child support."

"If she demands her rights, he can demand his."

"You went into this relationship knowing about the child's existence, and then you went ahead and had two more kids with this woman."

"You need to take care of them."

"Your wife is also TA for having a hotel birthday party for the kid."

"Who TF does this?"

"When you, as a family, do not have enough money to pay the rent."

"She also needs to model financial responsibility to the children."

"You guys need to make a joint plan for family finances."- chicagoliz

It seems to be a fairly tense and problematic situation for both the OP and their wife.

It does seem that the OP's wife needs to start becoming a more responsible adult.

However, the same can arguably be said about the OP.

As one has to wonder why their proud declaration that they smoke weed every night is even relevant to this issue, though.

While some couples are able to move past infidelity, many do not. Sometimes the hurt and animosity never goes away, especially if the cheater never accepts accountability for their actions.

A mother dealing with demands from her cheating ex-husband turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

ThrowAITAHAra asked:

"AITAH for how I responded to my ex and his affair partner about her infertility?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My ex-husband (40, male) cheated on me (34, female) with a co-worker (36, female), otherwise known as affair partner (AP). I found out about the affair three years after it started."

"At the time my husband and I had three very young children together. I kicked him out and filed for divorce. He moved in with his affair partner."

"They fought for full/primary custody of the children in the divorce, using the two-parent household as an excuse. They lost. Custody is shared and parenting time is 50-50. He married her before the ink was dry on our divorce papers."

"I think my kids would be better off with me, but I'm realistic that he would need to majorly screw up for that to happen and I can't wish that for the kids' sakes. I just hope he does better by them."

"Things were, and on my end still are, very hostile. She didn't like that I wished for him to do the same to her. He didn't like that I told his family I tested for STD's after learning of his affair."

"The only reason I told his family is they wanted to know why I couldn't be friends for the kids' sake. I told them because before affair partner there was another co-worker I now suspect he also had sex with or wanted to at least and because of those two things I wanted to be sure he didn't give me anything."

"My ex told me it was petty and gross when he had one affair only and it was only with one woman for three years."

"My ex and I use a co-parenting app for communication and I ignore calls and texts. The times this gets tricky is face to face."

"I need to keep up some kind of civility if my kids might see us together, which is more difficult than some would believe. But I love my kids more than I hate him."

"Our kids are all school aged now and doing okay. They prefer my house and have a hard time being at their dad's house some weeks. I have them seeing a therapist to help them process, but I know none of this is ideal."

"My ex and his affair partner were warned about pressuring the kids to call her mom or mama something, which they were doing for a while, and this warning was backed up by the therapist. The kids don't like affair partner and I celebrate that in my head every single day."

"You will never hear me say I'm sad they don't feel like they have two mom's when she's supposed to be the second mom. I find her disgusting to think she can knowingly help destroy their parents' marriage and then try to make them hers."

"I do not share any of these feelings with my kids. But the kids know there are issues between mom and dad. They also have some understanding that their dad cheated."

"This was not something I told them, but how badly he tried to explain some things to them when they asked him questions. He doesn't believe in therapy, so there was no professional backup to help him."

"So anyway, around Halloween my ex and the affair partner approached me at the school's Halloween event. Ex told me we needed to speak and I told them unless it was about the kids we did not."

"In a quieter moment, they caught me alone and they told me that affair partner is infertile and cannot have biological children and they have been trying for around four years."

"They told me it would mean so much if I would let go of my hate for them and be more kind to her and encouraging to her and the kids bonding so that she doesn't feel like an outsider forever."

"He told me her infertility was painful and she loves our kids and I have successfully stopped them bonding with her. But as someone who always wanted to be a mom and got to be, I should be compassionate."

"I asked them why they were telling me their own personal, private business that was nothing to do with me."

"My ex went from calm and pleading to pissed in seconds. He told me that was a disgusting reaction and at the very least I could have offered her my sympathies as my fellow co-parent and our kids' third parent."

"I walked away because I did not want to discuss it or argue in case someone (especially our kids) heard. He then texted me several times that night asking where I get my disgusting insensitivity from."

"He also tried to bring it up at a meeting the two of us had with the school over one of our children (who was not present). I'm ignoring him, but he's enraged and I had to send the texts over to my attorney for documenting."

"I expected this to have blown over by now and clearly it hasn't. For that reason alone I wanted to check what other people thought of my response."

"AITAH?"

The OP later added:

"Not only has he never apologized for destroying our family, but he acted like I caused everything because I was pregnant when the affair originally started."

"The kids' experiences at dad's are negative because of the pressure they've had to call the affair partner some kind of mom name, the fact their dad basically admitted to cheating when he explained who she is which left them very confused but he refused to engage more, and other issues like that."

"I can promise I have never said a word in front of my kids and I have been a good actor in their presence. At no point have I wanted to hurt my kids more by letting them feel all the hate I have for those two."

"I have checked with their therapist to be sure, but it's their dad and his affair partner doing the harm to themselves through their behavior and things they've said."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole and owed her ex and his affair partner nothing (NTA).

"NTA. It's almost comical. He wants you to sympathize with his wants. I know you would prefer to have the kids 100% of the time and child support from him. He only cares about sympathy when it works in his favor."

"Just keep in mind that he is demanding 1 way sympathy after he cheated on you for 3 years. I think he lost any sympathy privileges from you."

"The only proper response is to take it up with the courts. He brought OP aside because he knew he was demanding a lot and was out of line for even asking it." ~ Puzzleheaded-Cup-854

"Where was the sympathy from either one of them while they were carrying on their affair? They have none and now expect it from you, well, that's just laughable." ~ Shadow4summer

"Yeah, cheating on your wife and mother of your young children for 3 years and then immediately marrying your affair partner is displaying 'disgusting insensitivity.' OP not caring about their private medical/fertility issues isn't insensitive."

"If they really wanted the kids to form a better relationship with their stepmom, they'd be going to family therapy, but they don't want to put in the effort. They just want a little perfect family dream to be handed to them by someone who isn't able to give them that in the first place." ~ AutisticTumourGirl

"The fact that he tried to get 100% custody so the affair partner could play house with her children is making me mad!" ~ schmyndles

"Where was this 'compassion' he talks about when he actively cheated on you for THREE years‽‽ Where was her 'compassion' when she continuously and knowingly slept with a married man for THREE years‽‽" ~ PurplePufferPea

"Sending you b*tchy texts is definitely the gateway to a major screwup. Keep checking on the kids to make sure they don't attempt any bullsh*t." ~ MediumAwkwardly

"Please continue to talk to your lawyer about these 'demands'." ~ No_Stage_6158

"Continue to not engage with them whatsoever about this. They start talking about it, you walk away or hang up. Make no comments or statements. This is no longer open for discussion. Not your responsibility." ~ mcmurrml

"The man cheated for THREE YEARS, tried to take the kids away full-time, and then got remarried straight after the divorce, but thinks OP is disgustingly insensitive? Good lord, someone buy the man a mirror because he needs some serious self-reflection." ~ Beth21286

"Narcissists are like vampires - they don't have reflections." ~ sphinxsley

"He is basically asking you to validate someone who actively helped destroy your family. That's not sympathy, that's Emotional Manipulation 101." ~ Silly-Deer-9935

"When she broke up your home and wrecked the life of those same children, was she remorseful or sympathetic? I would have told them, 'Children are a gift from God...' then stared really hard at her. NTA." ~ MeeksSoulHunter3

"I'd add, 'And you could offer your sympathies to my children and me for destroying our family, but you don't. I'll follow the example that you set'." ~ MattDaveys

"Of course, run this by your attorney first, but I'd send through the parenting app. 'The only communication I want to have with you is about our children through the parenting app. Do not talk to me about your personal life, or about AP. I do not want any communication with her at all. She is not a parent to our children, so there is no reason for her to communicate with me. If either of you ambushes me again at a school function to talk to me in person about your personal life, I will have my attorney seek an order from the court." ~ Garden_gnome1609

"There is no need for you to talk to them about ANYTHING other than the children, and it was harassment for them to corner you to do so." ~ christiebeth

Sympathy is a big ask after you blow up another person's life.

OP isn't wrong to refuse to give hers to her ex or his affair partner turned wife.

Having family you can trust is the ideal, but too many children find themselves in a situation where the adults in their life can't be trusted.

When those children grow up, how they handle their childhood experiences shapes their future.

A woman dealing with an untrustworthy mother turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

ShesLowKei asked:

"AITAH? My mum asked me to send a picture of my 16-year-old's birth certificate so she could open him a bank account, I said no."

The original poster (OP) explained:

"She can not be trusted. She said she wants to open him a bank account to put money in for him."

"He already has a savings account I opened for him when he was a baby that he can't touch until he's 18. What banks in England let you open an account with a picture of a birth certificate‽‽"

"I said no and to give me the cash so I can pay it into my account and transfer it to his account—has to be a papertrail and no cash can be paid in directly and I wouldn't want her having the account details anyway."

"Now my mother and siblings are bad mouthing me that I won't let them open a bank account for him to use."

"I'm pretty sure they only want his birth certificate for the registration number to try and commit fraud because why else would they want just a picture of it and not the actual thing?"

"My dad opened up bank accounts for us children when we were little and put a lot of money in them for us (my aunty confirmed and my older sibling recalls it)."

"When my mum left my dad and got a new man she used all our money to pay for parties and gifts for her new man. Whenever family would gift me money as a child she would take it and say she'd keep it safe (then spend it)."

"She asked to borrow £2k from me, then preceded to say I didn't deserve it back because I have a job. There's loads more examples, but that's the jist."

"I know she's got bank accounts open in my siblings' names that my siblings don't know about, because she hides money there. She's on benefits, but works for cash."

"I am a people pleaser, my mum is a narcissist, and my siblings her flying monkeys. They say they hate her, but then they'll do anything for her and let her control them."

"For example, my one sister is scared to speak to our biological dad in case our mum finds out. She's 37 years old and she has her own house! What are you scared of?"

"But she has no problem making false social services accusations or doing insurance fraud whem mum tells her to. Like, she's scared of the wrong things. It's so weird."

"I could hand them physical evidence and if my mum calls me a liar, they will say the evidence is fake or even 'I'm not gonna even look at that'."

"I have my own little family to look after now I can't be trying to convince grown adults what is right and wrong when they only support the wrong it's very draining."

"My siblings aren't my friends. It's sad to say they are more like frenemies. My mum has pitted us against each other since we were toddlers, but I was the scapegoat child and once she kicked me out at 17 that was it—everyone against me."

"I'm sorry, but I don't care what she does with their secret bank accounts because they actually don't deserve my help given they wouldn't listen to me anyway. We're all grown ups now. If my siblings can still put up with my mum's bad ways, I can't and don't want to help them. We're all of age now—I don't need to be in this battle for them."

"I could write a book on the bad things mum's done and it'd be a best seller I reckon. So I do have to second guess myself when I pull back from their demands."

"I thought I was strong enough to not let them bully me. I am trying to cut contact now and seeking therapy for the support to do it."

"My mum is notorious for taking money from all of us. I don't want her abusing my son's finances the way she has mine. I need to find out if she's done anything under his name, because my gut tells me she has."

"I am looking into therapy, it's part of my New Year goals. What I've realised when I self reflect is that I am the product of severe emotional abuse, so sadly the way I think isn't as normal as others who have had healthy emotional upbringing."

"I do realise this and I am working on it, but I do trip up. Like I spoke to my mum the other day and let it slip I'm going abroad and now she's fuming and wants to know why I'm going abroad and exactly who's going, etc...."

"I'm not even looking forward to going now because I fear she'll do something horrible like try and get me detained at border control. She just can't be happy for me and even though I know this, I still give her the benefit of the doubt and I hate that about myself."

"I really wish I knew what they were planning behind the scenes. They obviously don't really want to open a bank account, so my stomach is churning to think what's the real motive."

"I partly think she's going to try and do a benefit claim, because I don't receive any benefits and she does. My gut is telling me she's trying to add him to her benefits to get child related benefits for him. I know that seems crazy wild, but it's really what I'm half thinking."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I refused to let my mom open my son a bank account so she can put money into it. It may make me the a**hole because he hasn't got a current account to use, but he does have a savings account he can't touch."

"He shouldn't be with large amounts of money anyway."

"He's only a child and doesn't have a job yet, so he doesn't need a bank card when he also has my bank card on his Apple Pay if he runs out of physical cash."

"I understand at his age he should be learning the value of money, but opening a bank account is a parental responsibility and I don't feel my son is ready for that yet."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. She can save money in a random account of her own and give to your child later." ~ Disastrous-Nail-640

"Absolutely do not give his birth certificate to them. NTA." ~ angelicak92

"Make sure these documents aren't in a place where your mother can find them if she visits and tell your kid and his father about the attempt." ~ Ok_Homework_7621

"Your son is old enough to have a difficult conversation with him regarding your family."

"You need to tell your son your concerns and that you are afraid they might reach out to him. That under no circumstances should he comply and that when they do try, he should tell you even if they say he should keep it a secret." ~ -Avacyn

"Get a safe, lock the documents in there. Bolt it to the ground."

"Lock down his credit and report her for her fraudulent activities. Bad juju or not, she's trying to f around your sons financial security. Destroying his credit is unacceptable. Why do you keep these people in your life? Protect him at all costs. Go no contact."

"Not sure how it works where you're from, but in Canada you can't open a credit card before the age of 18. You can however open bank accounts and theoretically she could overdraft those."

"Whatever service is used to order another certificate, make sure you have two factor authentication set up on that too." ~ Consistent_Jello_318

"NTA. She can give him cash and he can decide to deposit it in savings or spend. This is a non-problem, made up as an excuse to get a minors birth certificate to open an account online that they can exploit themselves. I say them because any siblings taking her side are enablers/flying monkeys or in on it."

"You are not alone. Many people have families where the bond is not based in love and affection but usefulness and manipulation."

"And here's the truth, when people say you need family what they are thinking of is safe, trustworthy people who have your best interests at heart. When you don't have that from biology, you don't have to stick with horrible lying people you cannot trust."

"You can go low contact (remove all but one path of access to them, block on social media and telephone, don't answer the door if they come by, but leave 1 email they can use and you answer it if/when you want to) or you can go no contact (just cut them off entirely, burn the bridge)."

"To reconnect it will have to be rebuilt on your terms."

"I did both. My mother and sister did not have access to me or my children for 4 years. We now maintain low contact on much better terms."

"And then go find the good, solid, trustworthy and loving people who you choose as family. That will be who your child grows up knowing. Blood is not a dictate, just an option." ~ Viva_Veracity1906

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is say goodbye to toxic relatives.

Some people are innately generous and will offer help to strangers without a second thought.

Others, however, are a bit more hesitant, not out of malice or selfishness, necessarily, but more out of precaution.

It's safe to say, however, there are always lessons to be learned when dealing with strangers.

On a recent outing with her children and boyfriend, Redditor MurderSheReads noticed a child who wasn't her's was paying extra close attention to her family.

Seemingly eyeing something he hoped he could partake in.

While the original poster (OP)'s boyfriend didn't see a problem, the OP herself forbade sharing anything with this child.

After being called "selfish" by her boyfriend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not letting a kid eat my food?"

The OP explained why they refused to share with a child while on an outing:

"The other day I was at the mall with my boyfriend and our two kids (5 F[emale] and 6 M[ale]), we were sitting eating a bag of roasted chestnuts when this kid (around 10 yo) starts hovering around us."

"Now, I admit I'm not the biggest fan of any kid that doesn't belong to me, so this alone was already annoying me slightly but I still smilled to him."

"Then he calls my son over and whispers in his ear, and I knew it was about the chestnuts."

"My son nods yes and the boy comes up to me and reaches for a chestnut, I moved bag and said 'no, you have to go ask your parents'."

"My boyfriend got upset, called me rude and handed a chestnut to the boy."

"The boy leaves and I tell my boyfriend he shouldn't have done that, that you don't just give food to a strange kid."

"The boy then hovers back around us and without a word snatches two chestnuts from the bag that my boyfriend was now holding."

"I stand up and said very firmly 'sorry but you can't take our stuff like that, go to your parents'."

"He put them back and ran off."

"I think the kid had no manners and I wasn't gonna let my kids think it's okay to accept anything from strangers, or that it's okay to be pressured into sharing."

"My boyfriend doesn't agree and thinks the kid trusted us because we had kids ourselves."

"He thinks I was just selfish."

"So, AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share their chestnuts with a strange child.

Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in teaching her children that they should not take food, or anything, from people they don't know, with others pointing out that the child could have been allergic to nuts, so the OP's boyfriend could have put him in danger by letting him eat them:

"NTA - especially since it was nuts!"

"Reckless of your boyfriend."- forvirradsvensk

"NTA."

"Your boyfriend could have killed the kid."

"How does your boyfriend know the kid is not allergic to nuts?"

"Absolutely never give food to kids without talking to the parents first."- youknowimright25

"NTA."

"You have no idea if this kid might be allergic or if his parents want him to have this food."

"It is also dangerous that this boy thinks it is ok to take things from strangers."

"I would have handled it by asking him to take it to his parents and then maybe giving him one with their approval as a lesson to everyone, but you certainly were not in the wrong for simply saying no."- Fantastic-Dance-5250

"NTA."

"FFS, don't give food to some random kid, especially if there's a parent around."

"Especially things that can cause severe allergic reactions like nuts!"- Remarkable_Inchworm

"NTA."

"You have no idea what his allergies are, you have no idea if he is sick and just shoving his hand into your food."

"Likewise, the stranger child's parents put the kid at a ton of risk if they encourage that behavior for exactly the same reasons, what if he is allergic to the nuts or any seasonings in them, or your family is sick?"

"And that is skipping the potential 2nd hand chemicals that can get on stuff; anyone who even just handles cigarettes is passing on nicotine to those around them."

"Having kids does not prove you should have kids."

"The fact that this little boy is someone's child, is trying to beg/steal food off of you because they have parents who shouldn't be parenting, kinda proves the point."

"Please remind your bf of that."

"And 'never take food from strangers' is super important lesson for your kids."

"As they are older, they get the risk of tainted drinks (knew a teen who got tainted juice from 'a friend' to help them relax...) and older still at bars, always watch your drink. It is always good advice."

"Last thought, I would be worried about why the kid was hungry enough to want stranger food and taken him to security over it."

"Little kid alone in a mall begging for food from strangers sounds like a CPS report."- Sheanar

"My first thought echoes others- nut allergies are no joke and I would not want to be responsible for a kid having a reaction- especially when I don't know him."

"But honestly, whether it was chestnuts or French fries or candy- you are NTA for not wanting to share your food with a strange child."

"I would have politely declined and (when the stranger was out of earshot) used this as a teaching moment for my own children on strangers and manners."- Lazy-Suspect-2205

"Well, NTA."

"Has no one heard of nut allergies?"

"If you don't know the kid, that's a huge risk."

"Plus as you pointed out, he needs to learn to avoid strangers without his parents/ guardian nearby."- Rhudzen58

"I thought it said 'my kid' and my answer might have been different, but some random kid?"

"Absolutely NTA."- katiemorag90

"NTA."

"You have no idea what that child may be allergic to."

"So I wouldn't share with a strange child either."

"You have no idea if that child may be sick."

"So I wouldn't share with an unknown child either."

"Where were this child's parents?"

"Did your kid know this child?"

"Strange interaction to me as I was taught to never accept anything from strangers."- Cool-Departure4120

"NTA."

"What if it turned out the kid was allergic to chestnuts?"

"You'd be responsible."

"We had a similar situation (not food-related) when we were kayaking at our neighborhood pond."

"We came back to shore for lunch, and a local kid (about the same age, 10'ish) approached us asking if he could take one of our kayaks out."

"I said no, his parents weren't with him, and I would need their consent before I'd let him take one out by himself."

"There was no way I was going to take that risk."- Chloet5759

"NTA."

"Allergies aside, you don't know this kid."

"He could be sick and have just exposed your family by putting his hand in your bag of food."

"Your boyfriend took a huge risk giving one to the kid, which is probably why the kid stuck his hand in your food."

"I'd have held the bag close to me and tried to keep it shut."

"The kid's behavior suggests to me that he probably doesn't have a lot of rules at home or that he doesn't follow them if he does."

"Maybe I'm wrong, but, if he is hungry, it's not your job to feed him."- lgbtdancemom

"NTA."

"My first thought aligns with others regarding nut allergies."

"I don't know how common roasted chestnuts are as a snack where you are."

"But at least in the USA, I wouldn't give some random kid one."

"Ten is old enough to know what they're allergic to."

"But chestnuts aren't that common here."

"They could very well ask for one (roasted chestnuts smell crazy good) without even knowing they're allergic to it."

"I'm not risking it."

"Putting that aside, you're right in not wanting your kids to repeat this behavior."

"It's no good to take or ask for food from others without any parental supervision."

"Your son should also learn to consult with you before saying 'yes' to a kid asking for something of yours."- OrdinaryMajestic4686

"NTA."

"For one, you don't owe any kid your food, but it's also dangerous for the kid."

"You all have no idea if that kid has an allergy."

"I can't believe your boyfriend would have a problem if the roles were reversed and he found out that a stranger was giving your kid food."- keesouth

It is important to teach children the importance of generosity.

It's equally important, however, to teach children the importance of safety around strangers.

Something this unknown child, the OP's children, as well as her boyfriend, could all learn from this experience.

Grief comes in many forms and many stages.

Upon learning we've lost a loved one, not everyone instantly breaks down into tears, as is a common perception.

Some need to process the news they just heard, resulting in a wide range of emotions and reactions.

What often goes unsaid, but is universally true, is that grieving a loss is different depending on the person we lost.

Redditor LightFieldStudios was recently informed by his mother of a death.

The original poster (OP)'s reaction to this news was somewhat confusing to their mother.

When she confronted them about this, the OP gave an honest response, saying that they were more sad about a previous death than they were this one.

A remark that their mother didn't appreciate at all.

Concerned they may have been insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my mom I felt more when my goldfish died?"

The OP explained why their state of grief, or lack thereof, didn't sit well with their mother:

"Around a week ago, my sister and I were called upstairs and told that our uncle had died."

"I wasn't really surprised, so I went back to my room."

"My uncle had terminal cancer and had been expected to pass away for a while."

"I had already come to terms with the fact he was going to die."

"A few days ago, my mom and I were in the living room talking about the funeral plans, and my mom kept trying to get me to talk about how upset I was and my emotions regarding the whole thing."

"Truthfully, I don't have many feelings towards it."

"He had cancer and we knew he was going to die."

"I told my mom that I felt more upset when my childhood goldfish had died, which is the truth, but I might have been the a**hole for saying it out loud."

"My mom got mad at me and sent me to my room, and now she has been avoiding really talking to me at all."

"My uncle, who died, was my father's brother, not my mother's."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The OP found almost no sympathy from the Reddit community, who almost unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for telling their mother they were sadder when their goldfish died than they were their uncle.

Everyone agreed that even if that is the way the OP felt, it was simply unnecessary for them to make that remark.

"YTA, completely unnecessary to say."- Rackshaw_Bangem

"YTA."

"Diplomacy is not your strong suit."

"You may feel like this, but that doesn't mean you should say it." - Heavy-Equipment8389

"While the Truth, you could have been more constructive, like 'I've came to terms with his death a while ago Mom, I'll miss him but He is in a better place'."

"Sadly YTA for not thinking before speaking."-Lunar-Eclipse0204

"YTA."

"Not because of how you felt about the expected death of your uncle, but because of the insanely callous lack of empathy to your mother that making that comment to her demonstrates."

"She's grieving."

"And now she has to worry that her kid is a psychopath who can't feel empathy."

"Please apologize."

"She doesn't need this worry, too."- SlinkyMalinky20

"YTA."

"You could have said something like, 'I didn't really feel that close to him'."

"Remember, he was her BROTHER and she probably feels terrible right now, so tread carefully."

"You honestly sound kind of cold."- Ok_Material_5634

"YTA."

"You do not need to personally feel grief-stricken in life every time someone dies."

"But you do need to respect that he is a human being whose life had worth, and now he is gone."

"And there are people who cared about him who are grieving."- Muppet_Fitzgerald

"How old are you?"

"10 and under, you get a pass."

"If you are more than 11 YTA!"- Straight-Note-8935

"YTA."

"That was definitely an 'inside thought' that you don't say out loud."

"A better way to have gone about it was 'it's unfortunate, but we knew the time was coming, so I felt prepared for the news'."- UnPracticed_Pagan

"YTA."

"You are not the only person in the universe with an inner emotional life."

"Your comment was really heartless, particularly while your mother is grieving."- morgaine125

"YTA."

"Some things are better kept to yourself."- Living-Assumption272

"YTA for saying it out loud."

"Everyone grieves differently, but that is something you need to keep to yourself when other people are actively grieving."- Former_Inflation9735

"YTA."

"While it's fine to feel that way, you don't tell your mother."

"That's just f*cked up."

"This is one of those 'keep it to yourself' things."

"Just think before you speak next time, and it'll be all good."- pupuyt7701

"YTA."

"You could've said you'd already come to terms with the fact that he was going to die a long time ago you didn't have to be so callous."

"What you said does not reflect how you actually felt in the post but what it does say is 'I couldn't give less of a sh*t about his death because I cared as much for him as i would a goldfish'."

"This entire post just makes you seem like an insensitive, un-empathetic a**."- Empty-Position-7014

"YTA."

"For saying it to your mom, who was his sister and presumably loved him, and is mourning him; also YTA for being so cold about the loss of your uncle."

"Did you not know him well?"

"Did you not have any affection or attachment to him?"

"Perhaps not, but you still should show basic respect for a close relative passing away from a dreadful illness before his time."

"I'm guessing you are young, and your mother and uncle are fairly young, too."

"Comparing your uncle's death to your goldfish's death is inappropriate."

"Of course, you can love a goldfish, but a human being and a goldfish are very different things."

"Comparing anyone's death to another being's is an unnecessary thing to do."-Euphoric_Travel2541

"YTA."

"Your mother is grieving, support her instead of being a snotty a**hole."- BeterP

"YTA in the way that you said this."

"Not for how you feel."

"Everyone processes death differently."

"Future reference, though, never compare a human to a goldfish."

"While it may have been a really great goldfish, no one would take that lightly."

"Depending on how long your parents have been married, your uncle could have been like a brother to your mom."

"Just... don't say that at the funeral."

"Have a bit of empathy for your parents."

"It's great you had already made peace with your uncle's passing, but the rest of the family probably hasn't."- Ok_Ordinary2191

"YTA."

"It's fine to feel that way, but it's not ok to tell that to someone who is grieving."

"Think before you speak."- PavlovaToes

"YTA."

"You may have been honest, but comparing a human to a goldfish sounds like you're belittling the human."

"Poor choice of words."- WalkingOnSunshine83

"YTA."

"Of course, YTA."

"Be a human being and show compassion."- Jewbacca_429

"YTA That's not the kind of thing you say to somebody who is in mourning."

"You need to grow up."- leftycatt7700

"Yes, YTA."

"She cared, and you dumped on her."

"You can make snotty comments to people outside the circle of grief, not inside it."-GnomieOk4136

"YTA. Your mom lost her brother and is processing her feelings."

"She is upset and could use some support."

"She definitely doesn't need her child to callously say their goldfish was more important."

"Instead, you could have said something like 'I'm okay right now and I appreciate you checking in on me. How can I support you?'"

"Be a better empathic person."- EfficiencyForsaken96

"YTA."

"You don't have to feign grief, but come on."

"Obviously, you were annoyed at her pressuring you to express sadness, and I get that's annoying."

"But you surely recognize that was a d*ckish thing to say, even if it's accurate to your feelings."

"A human being that you both knew died."- StatusTics

"YTA."

"Im genuinely appalled that you even thought this was appropiate to say."

"A simple 'Mom, Im fine. I came to terms with it a long time ago' would've gotten the message across."- Life_as_a_new_weeb

"YTA."

"'Yeah I know your brother died, but I don't really care' is an AH thing to say."- yourlittlebirdie

"YTA."

"Even if you weren't close to your uncle, presumably this is your mother's brother, and she's dealing with her own grief."

"You didn't have to be so harsh to your mother, who is probably upset, even if she doesn't recognize that it's not hitting you the same way it is to her."- RuthBourbon

No one can change the way the OP felt.

Even so, it's hard to understand why the OP felt it was necessary to share that particular bit of information.

Or, better yet, perhaps the OP could have shifted their focus to how their family was dealing with this difficult news instead of being honest about how they felt.

Name-calling never solves problems.

Even so, as our emotions are one of the few things in life we genuinely have no control over, we sometimes find ourselves calling people names against our better judgment.

A decision we often live to regret.

That being said, if name-calling never solves problems, the names we call people aren't always inaccurate.

Redditor aitauselessdad recently paid a visit to a friend and her family.

Shortly after the original poster (OP)'s arrival, their friend found herself in a state of distress.

While the OP did her best to handle the situation, they had almost no help from their friend's husband, leading the OP to use a few choice words.

Fearing that they may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for calling my friends husband a useless piece of sh*t?"

The OP explained why they found themselves resorting to name-calling with their friend's husband:

"My best friend and her husband have 4 kids, 8 F[emale], 6 F, 4F, and 3F."

"My friend's husband is a great dad when someone is there to help."

"When he's alone with all 4 kids he gets overwhelmed and freezes."

"A few weeks ago my friend was sick so I brought over dinner."

"We thought it was just a bad cold."

"When we were eating, my friend went to the bathroom and the 3 year old followed her."

"3 year old came running out saying her mom was throwing up."

"All of the kids ran to the bathroom, followed by me and my friend's husband."

"I helped her clean up while her husband went to get her nausea medicine and a thermometer."

"When he came back I asked him to get the kids out of the bathroom so she could have some space."

"After we got the kids out, I took her temp and it came back at almost 104, so I went out to get her some Tylenol and water."

"I get back and the kids are all in the bathroom again because their dad can't keep them away from the bathroom for 2 minutes."

"I give her the Tylenol and water and she almost immediately starts to vomit again, then passes out."

"Her husband just stood there while I was trying to get her into recovery position, get the kids away from her, and call 911."

"I managed to get all of them out of the bathroom and her husband is coming back every 20 seconds asking if I can call their nanny to help with the kids, if I can go to the hospital with her, did I start the dishwasher or does he need to hand wash the youngest's sippy cup, etc."

"When my friend regained consciousness, he even started asking her how to do bedtime for the little ones, did she wash their pajamas yet, did they get screen time that day or can he put on a movie."

"I told him his wife couldn't hold his hand right now and he just had to figure it out."

"He told me he's not usually the one that deals with this and he's trying his best, then goes back to asking what stories the kids like, what setting does he put the sound machine on, and how do they like their milk."

"I just snapped and told him to figure it out on his own and called him a useless piece of sh*t."

"It's been nearly a month and he still acts all pissy when I stop by the house."

"My friend says he'll get over it but my boyfriend thinks I was unnecessarily rude and he was trying his best."

"AITA for calling him a useless piece of sh*t when he couldn't handle his own kids while his wife was experiencing a medical emergency?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for calling their friend's husband a "useless piece of sh*t."

Everyone agreed that while the OP's choice of words was indeed strong, they were also representative of how she was feeling in the heat of the moment, and their friend's husband deserved to hear it:

"NTA."

"Wife unconscious, he's asking about bedtime stories and sippy cups."

"Sometimes harsh truth is needed."- Traditional_Bench655

"NTA."

"Dad of 2 boys under the age of 9 and nothing pisses me off more than lazy, uninvolved dads."

"It's not rocket science, it's freaking bedtime."

"And it's appalling he knows nothing about the bedtime routine."

"Those are some of my best times/memories with my boys."- Sandman1025

"NTA, his wife was literally UNCONSCIOUS, and he couldn't figure out bedtime?"

"She had a fever of 104°, and he couldn't figure out pj's or sippy cups or something to put on for the kids?"

"Let alone keep them out of the bathroom for more than 20 seconds?"

"He IS a useless a**hole."- VexedVixen69

"Sounds like she has 5 kids."

"NTA."- Snoo_46594

"I'm sorry for laughing right now, but the fact that he's pissed off is hilarious."

"You were absolutely right and NTA."- CorrectAdhesiveness9

"NTA."

"He wasn't managing the kids while you were helping your friend AND he wasn't the one attending to his gravely sick wife."

"He did nothing and that is the very definition of useless."

"Emergencies happen."

"Next time it could be one of the kids."

"If he can't handle emergencies, he needs to do whatever self-work is needed to fix it immediately."

"Explain to your friend precisely how useless he was when she was unconscious on the floor."

"What if you hadn't been there?"- Spicy_Molasses4259

"NTA."

"Let's be honest: he should know how to do those things, and it's not rocket science."

"Did you start the dishwasher?"

"Does he have eyes?"

"Or ears?"

"There are clearly some bigger issues for you and mum to be dealing with right now!"

"It's ridiculous that he has no idea how to parent his own children, or even how to figure it out."

"It's an emergency situation—who cares if they've already had screen time. put on a movie, warm up some milk to roughly the right temperature, and keep them out of the way."

"It doesn't have to be done perfectly; it just needs to be done."

"Emergency situation or not, what you called him was accurate in the moment."

"I sure hope he's started doing all those things now."- Technical_Soup_6863

"NTA."

"His wife was having a medical emergency and he didn't even seem to care."

"The fact that he was asking her about pajamas and bedtime stories after she regained consciousness is horrid."

"She deserves better."

"Also the kids deserve better."

"The fact that he knows absolutely nothing about their bedtime routine speaks volumes."-Gaberahamj

"NTA."

"But your friend is doing a huge disservice to herself and those children if she stays with him."

"A marriage to spite her Dad doesn't make the guy she married a good Dad or husband."

"She sees no issue with the fact that she has to call a nanny every single time something happens?"

"She and those kids deserve better."

"Also, you did amazing handling it all and in calling him out."

"This random internet stranger is proud of you."

"Also about your boyfriend."

"Why is he defending a dude who is useless?"- Euphoric_Math3673

"NTA."

"Your friend has five kids."

"Not 4."

"Also, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he asked you to call the nanny, then started grilling his incredibly sick wife right after she passed out."

"He's not a good dad."

"What you called him was putting it mildly."- ThinConsideration948

"NTA."

"He should be ashamed of himself."

"People react in stressful situations very differently, and while you didn't need to call him a P o S, he was causing more stress."

"He should apologize for his lack of response, and hopefully he has to his wife at the very least."-threebecomeone

"Jesus, he had 8 years to learn how to do all that and four kids to learn by repetition."

"NTA, he's not at all a great dad, he acts like a secretary in training who just helps out but is not allowed to make any decisions and is incapable of doing so."

"He really is a useless a**hole."- faulty_rainbow

"NTA."

"An adult should know to prioritize a medical emergency over dishes and screen time."

"Hopefully, he's not one of those worse-than-useless people who deputize the eldest girl to 'help' with the littler kids."

"Aka be the stand-in mom because he's too incompetent to know what to do and too impotent to make a parenting decision."

"If he doesn't want to be called out for his uselessness, he needs to work on being useful."

"Starting by actually talking to his kids."

"'Have you had screen time today and what's your favorite bedtime story' are things a 3-year-old can answer."

"He should have the nanny on speed dial."

"Does speed dial still exist?"

"If he needs hand-holding, he should be able to call someone who isn't sick."-
StarsForget

The OP calling her friend's husband a "useless piece of sh*t" didn't really do anything to solve the problem at hand.

However, perhaps being called that could have positive long-term effects.

After all, one imagines he doesn't want to be viewed that way by many other people.

Hopefully leading to an improvement in his behavior.

There's little more nerve-wracking than meeting the parents of our significant others.

Not only are we nervous about getting their approval, but we also worry if we will like them.

When either of those situations arises, we usually do our best to take it in stride, as making our relationship work is more of a priority.

In some cases, however, our relationship with our partner's parents is so hostile, there is no way of making our relationship work.

Redditor Curious_Decision_467 did not get off on the best foot with their boyfriend's mother.

Eventually putting a strain on the original poster (OP)'s relationship.

Indeed, the OP and her boyfriend's mother found themselves so incompatible that the OP felt an ultimatum was necessary.

Having some doubts about how she handled this, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), Where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for saying my boyfriend's mother will not be part of our family or see our kids?"

The OP explained why she felt the need to lay down the law with her boyfriend's mother:

"My boyfriend (31 M[ale]) and I (31 F[emale]) have been together for 4.5 years."

"Three years ago, his mother moved to the same city, even the same building."

"Her behavior has been very toxic: racist, homophobic, and sexual comments."

"Almost every visit revolved around her, and she leaned on my boyfriend for emotional support in an unhealthy way for hours, leaving me feeling ignored and like an outsider."

"I felt drained after seeing her."

"Later, I also found out she was regularly calling my boyfriend and saying negative things about me, claiming I was an extraordinary person with no family values."

"I tried setting boundaries with my boyfriend, but he never fully enforced them, saying she was 'emotional' and he couldn't confront her in front of others."

"He tried talking to her in private instead."

"There were some changes, and he started seeing her less, but he also felt that I was standing between him and his mother."

"The breaking point came after a big fight when he stayed at her place, and she called me a c***."

"Later that week, she sent long, humiliating messages accusing me of lying, manipulating, and ruining her relationship with her son."

"I asked my boyfriend to protect me, but his version of protection was more about proving to her that I wasn't 'so bad because I gave her birthday gifts'."

"This made me realize I don't have emotional safety in this relationship regarding his mother."

"She also told him she thinks we won't be together and that therapy won't help us."

"I went no contact with her."

"My boyfriend respects that but says he cannot imagine having a family with me without his mother seeing our kids."

"I am now extremely triggered by his mother, and he is exhausted."

"It breaks my heart to see him suffer."

"Our relationship has been great apart from the situation with his mother, and we match on many levels."

"I truly wanted to start a family with him, but I cannot ignore the fact that he is making her presence a condition for our future family after everything she has said about me."

"AITA for saying his mother will not be part of our family or see our kids?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for cutting off access of any future children to her boyfriend's mother.

Many felt that the OP was right in feeling that her mother's bigoted behavior would be a bad influence on any future children, with some even urging the OP to really consider if having children with this boyfriend, let alone staying in this relationship, was a good idea:

"NTA."

"But do not have children with this man!"

"This will never stop being a fight!"

"It will be impossible to keep her from your children if he is not on your team."

"And to be clear, he is not on your team!"

"You are setting yourself up, and any future children, for disaster."

"I'm sorry for being so blunt, but having children and staying in this relationship would be a huge mistake."- Positive-Ad5082

"'Our relationship has been great apart from the situation with his mother'."

"Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"

"There's no fixing mama's boys."

"Have some self-respect and get out."

"This isn't going to get better, and your BF does *not* have your back."

"I'll say NTA, but you're being an a**hole to yourself."- PerturbedHamster

"NTA."

"But you're not compatible."

"If you have kids with him, he will bring them around her, with or without you."

"She will say racist, sexist, and homophobic things in front of your children."

"She will badmouth you to your children."

"If eventually you can't take it anymore, she'll end up gaining more access to your children when he has custody of them."

"He's telling you now that he will never pick you."

"And he's just fine with her behavior and attitude."

"This will not change with marriage or kids."

"Don't do that to yourself."- specialkk77

"NTA."

"But let's be clear, he will NEVER choose you over his mother."

"It's something you have to face, either you will deal with this for your entire relationship or you need to end it."

"It may seem extreme as you have 4.5 years invested in this relationship, but you have to see the red flags that are right in front of you."

"I don't mean to be so blunt, but if you reread your post, you will see that this is a situation that will not change."

"Your BF would need to stand up to his mother and even go NC with her to settle the issues."

"You know in your heart that that will not happen."

"You need to have a long conversation with him, and if he cannot set things straight with his mom, then you both need to see that the end is near."

"Good Luck."- Ok-Practice838

"NTA."

"But you will be if you continue the relationship."

"He will never fully be there for you emotionally, and that's always going to be a problem."

"Cut bait while you still can."- KeepMyWifesNameOYFM

"NTA."

"Neither of them should be involved with your children because you should have them with someone else."- breadboxofbats

"NTA."

"I'm sorry, but you need to accept that he's not ready or willing to be your partner."

"If you stay, you are consigning yourself to years of more abuse and stress."

"Do not have children with this man."

"Yes, he may be suffering, but that's his own fault."

"He's the only person who can get himself out of this."

"For whatever reason, he is not able to stand up against his mother."

"Maybe he can go to therapy and eventually be able to defend a partner from his mother, but not now and probably not for a good while."

"Don't inflict this stress and trauma on innocent children."

"Accept that the two of you are not compatible and move on."

"You can wish him the best and have love for him while still having enough self-love to leave."-UniversityGold1689

"NTA exactly, but you're not being realistic here."

"The only way you can set that boundary is to break up with your boyfriend and find someone who a) doesn't have such a toxic, awful family, and who b) doesn't enable them."

"You cannot force your boyfriend to cut contact with his mom when he doesn't see the problem."

"And the fact that he doesn't see the problem is proof that she isn't the only problem you have - it's him, too."

"Seriously."

"Don't have kids with this man."

"Don't have a relationship with this man."

"He isn't defending you."

"He isn't willing to stand up against his mom, even when she's outrageously awful."

"Do you really want the rest of your life to be exactly like this forever?!"- Normal-Height-8577

There were those, however, who had trouble sympathizing with the OP simply for staying in this relationship:

"YTA."

"For staying with this man."

"This man not only refuses to protect you, he refuses to protect any furture children."

"Why are you setting you and your children up for abuse."

"Get out."-  keesouth

"YTA."

"To yourself for staying with this guy and expecting him to ever stand up to his mother or prioritize your wellbeing."

"It's never going to get better and you should absolutely not even be considering having kids with this guy."

"Find a better partner."- PeachBanana8

"YTA."

"But only to yourself."

"This relationship is a dead end, and you know it."

"He's a momma's boy and you'll always be playing second fiddle to her."

"How many more years of your life do you plan to waste?"- Up2nogud13

Ultimately, the approval of our partner's parents doesn't entirely matter, if we love our partners enough.

That being said, it sounds as if the mother of the OP's boyfriend is determined to see this relationship fail, and her boyfriend seems to be doing precious little about it.

Making it hard to disagree with those who feel as though the OP should seriously consider if starting a family with this boyfriend is a good idea.

When going out to dine with a large group, finding a restaurant that pleases everybody can be a challenge.

As some people might be picky eaters and tend to avoid various foods and cuisines.

This can be especially tricky when it comes to children, who are still learning what their personal tastes and preferences are.

Even though some children find their palates advancing faster than others.

A recent Redditor was out to a restaurant with their extended family for a celebratory lunch.

Thankfully, both the original poster (OP)'s children found something on the menu that excited them.

Unfortunately, their selection did not please the OP's SIL at all, who felt the OP and their children "embarrassed" her.

Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for letting my children order full meals instead of kids?"

The OP explained why a recent meal out with the family turned sour:

"We went to a restaurant for my MIL bday lunch."

"When orders were being taken, SIL announced that ALL the kids would be having kids meal tenders and fries with juice."

"My 9yo and 4yo eat adult meals, 2 chicken tenders and handful of fries will not fill them up so when the waiter got to me, I told him my kids will have adult meals since I'm the one paying for them, so they ordered their meals and my SIL was pissed."

"She said I embarrassed her and made her kids question her, because she told them they were getting 'the same thing all the other kids were eating'."

"So, am I the AH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for allowing their children to order off the adult menu.

Everyone agreed that the OP's SIL had no right to order for everyone, including her own children, who should have had a say in what they wanted:

"NTA."

"Your sister should not have made an unagreed-upon pronouncement that applied to your kids as well as her."

"This is on her."- BeginningSun247

"NTA."

"Why would she select your children's meals anyway?"

"Maybe they wanted a burger or pizza."

"That's bizarre."- ShyGirlWanting

"NTA."

"Anyone ordering for other people is automatically TA."- leovinuss

"NTA."

"Your SIL has no say in what your kids eat, especially since you were the one paying for your kids."- Mundane-Run6179

"NTA."

"Your SIL isn't in charge of the choices you & your children make."- Traditional-Bag-4508

"NTA."

"While I'm a bit surprised the 4 y.o. can finish an adult meal, even if they couldn't, what if they just wanted something on the adult menu or had some issue where they couldn't eat chicken tenders?"

"My niece asked for an adult meal instead of the kids' meal, and while she didn't eat most of it, at least she was able to eat and enjoy some and pack the leftovers for later."

"Especially since you're the one paying for them--she has no right to say anything when you are the one paying for them."- DNA_ligase

"NTA."

"Anyone who thinks they can order for me or one of my family members at a restaurant where I am paying is going to be laughed at, then overruled."

"I had a college acquaintance like this, who had the idea that he knew better than everyone what to order at restaurants, and would try to talk over us when the server was at the table."

"These people are the lamest of the lame."

"It's like their lives are so tiny and pathetic, they can't even go out in public without trying to lord over others in the smallest, pettiest ways imaginable."- gwie

"NTA."

"You are paying for it."- AdelleDeWitt

"NTA."

"Your kids, your money, your decision."- Brittany371

"NTA."

"And yes, it does make your SIL look bad, but that's her own damn fault."- Organic-Class-8537

"NTA."

"Your SIL can't claim it's okay for her to order for your kids, but it isn't okay for you to order for your kids."

"Your concern was the size of the orders, but I can't help but take a moment to vent about the nature and quality of kids' meals."

"They're the worst part of the menu!"

"I've seen restaurants with great menus otherwise, and then the kids' options are boring as can be."

"They sell kids short, and then we wonder why kids are such picky eaters."

"It's because they're trained on crap."

"End rant."- Upbeat_Selection357

"NTA."

"Your kids and you were paying."

"SIL should've checked with you before making a proclamation on what your kids would have."-Royal_Eye6517

"NTA."

"Your SIL was presumptuous and out of line for trying to order your children's meals for them."-reallynah75

"NTA since you are paying for your own children."

"I also actively discourage them from ordering chicken strips & fries or the generic mac & cheese most places serve, we can eat that crap at home or a fast food place."

"Restaurants are special occasions, and they have specialties to try."

"People are always shocked my son wants a salad vs fries."- Fickle-Goose7379

"NTA."

"She wasn't paying for it, she has no right to dictate what your kids eat."- nitro1432

"NTA."

"If her strategy to get her kids to go with something is 'everybody else is doing it' that's not your problem."

"She doesn't actually get to control what the rest of the world does, and today was her first lesson in that I guess."- infinitebroccolis

"NTA."

"You were paying."- West-Improvement2449

"NTA."

"Even if your 4yo doesn't eat the full adult meal, it's your money, plus you can always take leftovers home."- StructEngineer91

"NTA."

"You can always bring home leftovers."

"At 9 years I was ordering off the adult menu."

"I feel like there should be an in between size that is available to children that I'd basically a lunch portion."

"Bigger than kid size but not quite adult size."- WyvernJelly

"Your SIL has no business decreeing what other people will eat unless she's paying the bill."

"She just didn't want to deal with her own kids - but that isn't your problem."

"You are absolutely NTA."- wesmorgan1

"NTA."

"Your SIL embarrassed herself by thinking she could dictate what your kids were allowed to eat, when you were the one paying for the food your kids were having."

"She needs to learn where her lane is and stay in it."

"The level of sheer audacity that it takes to make an announcement like that and just expect you (and your kids) to fall in line is something else."

"She decides what her kids eat; she does not get a say in what your kids eat."- No-Assignment5538

"NTA."

"You were paying for your kids' meals & have done the rare thing (nowadays at least) of helping kids expand their palate beyond chicken fingers & French fries."- DGinLDO

"You paid, so 100% NTA."- Illustrious-Bus-3396

"NTA."

"You know what your children want and can handle."

"Like you said, you're the one paying for them, so no one else should be dictating what they get."

"How her parents aren't your concern, and getting kids to be upset with her is her issue."-capriciousbird

"NTA."

"You are paying, and they are YOUR kids."

"Why is SIL 'embarrassed'?"

"Sounds like she likes to pick fights."- MarionberryPlus8474

"NTA."

"Your kids are your kids - not hers."

"She doesn't have the option of forcing your kids to eat whatever she wants hers to eat, just so she doesn't have to allow her kids to order adult portions which are more expensive."

"Period."

"Your kids, your rules."

"Her kid,s her rules."- HappyGoLuckyOcean

"NTA."

"Unless it is a situation like a wedding with preplanned meals, your SIL doesn't get to dictate what your kids eat, just like you don't dictate what her kids eat."

"If she were paying, she could ask, not dictate, that they order a kids' meal."

"And since she wasn't paying, she really has no room to declare their meals."- glueintheworld

"Your SIL really overstepped by trying to define what your children eat."

"NTA."- laughingsbetter

"NTA."

"My kids used to get adult meals, too."- jmsst1996

"NTA."

"She embarrassed herself."

"She needed no help. If she wants her kids to eat a cereal meal, she talks to them about it."

"If she can't afford for them to eat adult meals, everyone in her family gets the kids' meals."

"She can talk to her kids about what the expectations are for her family."

"I bet she has told the kids that they can only order off the kids' menu."

"And that is why they are now questioning her."

"I would also remind her that she is not going to be parenting your children, or telling you how to spend your money."

"If she is continues to make announcements about what other families are going to be doing she will continue to embarrass herself."- KittyC217

If the OP's SIL was the one paying for lunch, she possibly could have had a bit more say in what everyone ordered.

Seeing as it wasn't the case, however, leads one to wonder why what the OP's children at was any concern of hers.

Nor is it very easy to understand why any parent would be disappointed that their child might be interested in food beyond chicken tenders and French fries...

If there's one thought every child with older or younger siblings often worries about, it's one or both of their parents liking their siblings more than they like them.

Most of the time, this is nothing more than anxiety on the part of the children.

Sometimes, however, a parent may feel the need to treat one child differently from the other, as a way of making a message clear.

Redditor Jolly-Prompt-6129 had recently come into some money owing to a death in the family.

The money seemed a perfect opportunity for the original poster (OP) to help their daughter out.

Unfortunately, the OP's son accused them of prioritizing his sister over him by doing so.

Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for paying off my daughter's student loans but not giving the same amount to her brother, who didn't go to university?"

The OP explained why they found themself at odds with their son:

"My husband passed away unexpectedly in early 2024 from a heart attack."

"I received a life insurance payout and have been managing it carefully."

"Recently, I used a portion (around $60K) to pay off my daughter's student loans."

"Now my son is upset, saying I'm playing favorites because I did not give him the same amount of money as his sister."

"Back in 2005, my daughter was 18, very bright, but dealing with depression and unsure what to do after school."

"I pressured her hard to go to university because I thought it was the best path for her."

"She wasn't ready but went anyway to please her father and I."

"She ended up doing history because it was the most tolerable thing to her and she just wanted to get a degree to get us off her back."

"That degree didn't lead anywhere - she worked low-paying jobs for years and accumulated significant debt as her loan value increased due to indexation (similar to interest)."

"At 30, frustrated with her employment prospects, she went back to university and got a law degree (in our country, law can be done as an undergrad)."

"She now has a good job in that field, but her debt was basically double because of the degree she only did because I pressured her."

"I've always felt some guilt over that, and now that I'm in a position to help, I chose to pay off her loans."

"She was in the first few years of her law job paying back more than the minimum than she has to in an attempt to pay them down faster, so was trying to help herself."

"Her younger brother never went to university."

"He's not academic, has never been very smart, always hated school and dropped out at 15, and I never pushed him the way I did her."

"He's been working as a postal delivery worker for years and has no student."

"When he found out I paid off her loans because I accidentally sent him a text message meant for her, he demanded the same amount in cash."

"I told him that I've done this specifically because it's an educational expense."

"Giving him cash will feel to my daughter like a punishment all over again - her brother gets fun money, and all she gets is the degree I pressured her to do paid off."

"And honestly, I don't think a lump sum would be good for him - he doesn't manage money well and tends to spend impulsively."

"AITA for saying no, given that I did this to correct what I feel was a mistake (pushing my daughter into University before she was ready)?."

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give their son money.

Most agreed that  the OP paying off their daughter's student loans was completely different than giving their son money, pointing out that if their son asked them to pay for their education, this would be a totally different story:

"Tell him you're happy to set aside the same amount for educational expenses for him."

"He can choose to use it, or not."

"NTA."- Unique-Scarcity-5500

"NTA."

"Tell him you will happily pay for college if he is interested."- bippityboppitynope

"NTA."

"It was kind of after the fact, but just tell him you are happy to pay for college (or maybe training for a trade) for him as well."

"I paid for my kid's college to help them and as an incentive to go."

"No way would I have just handed over cash."- Ok-Apricot6292

"You saying - if you want to go to school I'll pay the same for you - is fair enough."

"You paid for her school, you'd do the same for him."

"It wasn't a random gift of 60K."

"I thought about saying why not help him with a car or house."

"I just don't know that's necessary."

"You offering both the gift of school and its up to them to take it or not seems fair."

"NTA."

"Unless you wouldnt pay for his school if he were to do it."- iraven_mccoy

"NTA."

"But I will say that you should look for some way to equalize this."

"You seem to truly favor your daughter (maybe it's guilt, I don't know) and I'm sure your son has sensed that all his life."

"You speak negatively about him even though it sounds like he's managed to make a decent life for himself."

"You need to show him that you value him and support his choices, as well."

"Can you pay for education he'd like to pursue?"

"Can you help with a downpayment on a home?"- StrategyAncient6770

"NTA."

"Paying for school is not the same thing as giving a bunch of cash."- ConflictGullible392

There were a few, however, who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, heavily questioning their parenting choices after forcing their daughter to study something she had no interest in, and allowing their son to drop out of school at 15.

"YTA to both."

"I mean you forced your daughter into this dept doing something she didnt want or need without any help while you let your minor son drop out at 15?"

"Do you not see the double standart here?"

"From your son's perspective he probably watched all that happen and knew you thought he was too stupid cause, 'why didn't you push him when you pushed her hard?'"

"'Was he not good enough?'"

"'And now she gets all the money too?''"

"That does seem unfair to him."

"From your daughters perspective it is right."

"You are at fault she even has this dept so you should pay it off."

"Plus all the stress and pressure you caused."- felifornow

"YTA."

"You should have just given them both equal amounts and not tied the 'gift' to education."

"If your daughter wanted to pay off loans she could have, but the way you did it shows 1) you are controlling and 2) you value your daughter more."

"Your son is employed and did well for himself without a diploma but you see no reason to reward that."- etpiv1

While a select few didn't think anyone came off looking particularly good:

"ESH."

"There's clear favoritism what with 'he's not very smart' and 'I never pushed him has hard'."

"He shouldn't be demanding money, but I understand the frustration with the preferential treatment."

"The bottom line is you're clearly investing emotionally and financially to one and not really anything to the other from the sounds of it."- NiNdo4589

With others not finding anyone at fault, feeling everyone's thought's and feelings were justified:

"NAH."

"However, your son has a point, and he will feel slighted unless you treat him as equally as possible given that his situation is different."

"Maybe you could tell him that if he ever buys a house or starts a business, you will help him out at that time."

"Just so that he knows that his sister isn't the only one you will provide extra support for."- ScarletNotThatOne

"As an outsider, NAH only because of the self-admitted extreme pressuring."

"But there is approximately zero chance your son will ever see it as anything other than favoritism, and that is understandable."

"Feelings aren't always logical and not everyone has the emotional maturity to understand your reasons for the decision."

"I don't think you owe your son $60k by any means but, if you give him something and how much will depend on what you want your relationship with him to look like from here forward."- m33chm

If parents use different parenting styles on their children, it's almost always from a place of love.

Sometimes it's hard for their children to see things that way, though, which is why it's of the utmost importance to make it clear how much their children are loved.

Something the OP might want to make clear to their son, even if they shouldn't feel obligated to give him money.

When a couple makes the decision to have children, it is generally done with the agreement that they are in this together, and raising the child will be a team effort.

Even so, there will be times when each parent will need to take care of their children on their own.

Even when they're both in the same place, sometimes one parent will just need some coverage.

Redditor Ok-Air1597 and her husband shared two children and had an agreement on running the household that seemed to make them both happy.

Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)'s husband sometimes had trouble keeping his end of the bargain on one particular task.

When the OP finally confronted her husband on this issue, he was anything but understanding about her concerns.

Wondering if she had been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for making my husband solo parent for 30 mins a day."

The OP explained why their husband was testing her patience:

"So I'm 30 F[emale] and he's 34 M[ale], we have two kids, 1 and 2 years old.'

"I work from home part time, 12pm-5:30pm Monday through Friday."

"I also watch our two kids. In the morning they get all my attention, and it's not too bad, but in the afternoons after their naps when I'm trying to work, keeps them entertained and taken care of it's quite difficult."

"We're actively working on a different solution, but this is what we have to do now."

"My husband comes home right around 5:30 when I get off, and I immediately start getting dinner ready."

"I hate laundry and he hates cooking so we have an agreement that I do all the cooking and he does all the laundry and I don't mind at all."

"The only thing I ask is for him to watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20-30 mins while I get dinner ready for us all."

"It's always a struggle for him, and I know he's tired after working all day too, but I really need to be able keep them out so they're safe and I can get it done."

"He usually asks for help, when one is fussing or he has to go to the bathroom or whatever."

"Tonight, I was in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on, and he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy."

"I told him no, that I do this all day by myself AND work, and all I need is 20 minutes to cook for everyone."

"He got really upset at this, saying that's not fair cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help."

"I finally caved and helped, but I feel like it's not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook."

"I want to add that any other time we're both home we work together letting each other have breaks, time to relax, and both help play and take care of them, the care is very evenly split when we're both home."

"So AITAH for initially refusing to help my husband with our kids while trying to cook?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making his husband watch the kids solo.

Everyone agreed that even coming home from work, the OP's husband should be able to handle watching the kids while she cooked dinner, with many finding his inability to do so a possible cause for concern:

"NTA."

"That's not solo parenting."

"Thats just parenting."

"It sounds like he leaves you with the kids a hell of a lot more than 30 mins a day."- thesweeterpeter

"NTA."

"He can handle his own children for 30 minutes."

"Holy hell, the weaponized incompetence."

"He should be embarrassed."- bippityboppitynope

"NTA,"

"It's literally a half hour."

"What kind of self-respecting parent can't manage their own kids for a few minutes unassisted?"

"'when one is fussing'."

"He can learn how to get them to settle or deal with a half hour of fussing."

"'he has to go to the bathroom'."

"Why not go to the bathroom right when he gets home so he's in good shape to do his part?"

"These issues are all things that teenage babysitters manage to navigate. I think a 34-year-old can figure it out, so your kids aren't underfoot while you're trying to cook the whole family dinner."

"If he needs 20-30 minutes to fold laundry, you can return the favor."- messy_tuxedo_cat

"'He asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy'."

"Oh for Pete's sake!"

"There was absolutely no reason he couldn't put the fussy child into a playpen or equivalent, and change the diaper."

"NTA but his incompetent act is childish."- Sifiisnewreality

"NTA."

"That's not even being a solo parent for 30 mins."

"Being a solo parent is taking care of the two kids WHILE cooking the food you are going to feed them dinner."

"That's solo parenting."

"I know……because I'm a solo parent and I do it every day."

"He can certainly see and care for his own kids for 30 mins a day while someone else is cooking him a nice meal."- Okdoey

"NTA."

"Those are his kids, too."

"It sucks to parent two tiny kids simultaneously by yourself."

"Sometimes parenting sucks, and he needs to be a full parent, not a helper."

"You need to start taking some Saturdays away from your family, leaving your husband alone with the kids."

"He needs to get comfortable with parenting--and to understand how insane it is that you're doing it WHILE working."- Bubbly_Chicken_9358

"Cooking and preparing food IS part of parenting, so... he is not even solo parenting."

"So absolutely NTA."- Nalpona_Freesun

"That's not solo parenting."

"He needs to do regular bloody parenting.'

"If he can't handle two toddlers on his own, he's pathetic and should be ashamed of himself and PRACTICE more instead of getting upset at you."

"NTA."- hardly_ethereal

"NTA."

"He is perfectly capable of handling his two children alone for 20-30 minutes a day."- EfficiencyForsaken96

"NTA."

"This is just sad, what a pathetic father."

"After an incident like that, does he ever acknowledge how hard your days must be?"

"The same two squirmy kids plus trying to do a job?"

"Sorry, but is he ever alone with his children?"

"Does he take them for an afternoon so you can do something for yourself."

"You're a mother of 3, good luck."- Laines_Ecossaises

"NTA."

"So you're balancing watching your children solo while working?"

"That by itself is a major problem, but sounds like you've got a solution to that coming up."

"I totally understand your husband wanting a little break after work, but when is your break?"

"You're working all day too, watching the kids AND working."

"You manage all day with both kids without any help from him, he can manage for 20-30 minutes."

"All that being said, I think having two toddlers is extremely difficult for both parents."

"You're in survival mode, and things will get easier."

"I'm glad to hear you guys aren't having a major argument over this and are communicating well."

"Keep that up and remind yourselves that this phase will pass and things will get a lot easier!"

"Hang in there to both of you."- bokatan778

The OP later returned with an update, sharing how her husband initially responded when he saw all the Reddit comments, until things took a very unexpected turn...

"Yes he has obsessively read all of the comments, at first he was understanding and apologized, but now he's doubling down."

"I'm sure he'll see this comment too, but it's the truth."

"He doesn't agree that I should stand by while my kid cries, he doesn't understand that I need some time to just focus on cooking, it's not only for their safety, but it gives me a chance to unwind."

"I don't know where to go from here."

"We're even more in opposition since this post was made."

"I appreciate all the support, suggestions, and comments."

"Not sure how to proceed."

"Also, this is his Reddit account, and I didn't realize he had made a post a while ago about his ex-girlfriend, which is interesting because I don't know if he fabricated the timeline, but it doesn't match up to when we were dating."

"I had already had our second kid and we were married several years when he made that post, but I am not paralyzed that was his ex And I didn't even know they dated that long or about to be engaged plus he knew she was injured on that trip, so I'm all confused… so maybe I'll do another update later."

It's dismaying, to say the least, that the OP's husband was unwilling to handle his children for 20 minutes.

Though not as dismaying as the fact that he saw the way the Reddit community responded, he then doubled down on his behavior.

Based on the OP's update, however, one can't help but wonder how stable the OP's marriage is...

Being on at least cordial terms with your ex when you share children is the ideal situation. If new spouses enter the dynamic, common courtesy is best for the sake of the children.

But what if one spouse dislikes one of the exes?

A husband turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback over his wife's attitude regarding his ex-wife with whom he shares children.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Able_Feedbajo ck_3045 asked:

"AITAH for asking my current wife to stop body shaming my ex-wife?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (45, male) married my 2nd wife (29, female) a few years after my ex-wife (47, female) divorced me—I met my wife after the divorce."

"I'm thin, while current wife is on the heavier side, but my ex-wife is much heavier than her. I honestly prefer a woman to be on the heavier side."

"My wife has referred to my ex as 'fat' multiple times, in a derogatory manner. I asked my wife to stop body shaming my ex, and my wife accused me of still loving my ex."

"I love my wife, but my ex is a good person and the mother of my children. I want my wife to know I love her, but I don't want to hear anyone insulting my ex."

"My wife is also hurting herself when she's body shaming someone else. She should stop also for her own sake."

"Am I the a**hole?"

The OP later added"

"She didn't act like this before we got married. She was very kind to my ex."

"Plus, she has a high-paying job. She said she loves kids and wants to be a stepmom. She said she was ready for this. In every other way, she has acted very maturely."

"My wife doesn't talk about anyone like that, except for my ex. I know my wife is insecure about her own weight."

"It's hard to think of what happened to make her more insecure. I would have thought the wedding would have made her more secure."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to ask his wife not to insult his children's mother (NTA).

"Your wife is insecure (likely about her weight)and probably seeking some kind of validation from you that she is thinner/more attractive/prettier-aka 'better' than your ex."

"She utilizes your ex being heavier than her as a way to self validate herself and make herself feel better. While this isn't particularly healthy behavior, it's unfortunately common behavior."

"I would maybe gently explain to her that she doesn't need to tear down others to build herself up. That in the reverse situation (your ex being smaller than her) she would likely be really hurt hearing that being said about her."

"It's also important for her to realize that your ex is going to be in BOTH of your lives indefinitely. She is the mother of your children."

"It will make things phenomenally better, if all 3 of you can have an amicable positive relationship with one another. I grew up in a divided household, and the relationships between the adults in my life were…volatile."

"As an adult I married a man with an ex wife and a baby, and I went out of my way to build a good friendship with his ex, and ensure open communication and respect between everyone."

"I love my bonus son and 'my baby mama' and love that he can trust any one of us to come to for help, advice, to share good or bad news, anything." ~ breathingisstillhard

"Unfortunately, sometimes gentle doesn't really sink in and you may have to go up a notch. She's ignored your 'don't body shame her' requests. Be prepared to keep defending if she doesn't stop. Your children don't deserve to be in the middle of some childish drama."

"I definitely recommend therapy for her and couples. She's got things she needs to work on. She knew Ex is permanent. She cannot bully her out of the way."

"If she continues, this WILL cause problems in the marriage. Everything will be tense and resentment will build. Then she won't need to worry about EX Wife 1 as she becomes Ex Wife 2." ~ StupendusDeliris

"A subtle, but significant language change I'd suggest is stating your ex is your children's mother. It shifts focus to your children instead of your relationship with your ex-wife."

"And that's how I'd address this with your wife. Tell her she needs to stop insulting your children's mother because only a lousy father would allow his children to be put into a situation like that."

"Even if it is behind your kids' backs, it's disrespectful to them for you to allow it to happen. If she's going to be their stepmother, then for their sake she needs to get her issues under control." ~ MohawMais

"My parents have been divorced for longer than they were married at this point, but my dad still won't let people talk sh*t about my mom in front of me, even though I'm full grown adult with my own child." ~ REDDIT

"That's another awful thing I really hope isn't happening. I don't understand what kind of validation she's looking for."

"To her, if OP supports insulting his ex-wife it means he doesn't love his ex, but if you don't support it then it means he still does."

"That's delusional thinking at its best. NTA. The current wife needs help fast cause her insecurities might just ruin your marriage." ~ antuanwithasix

"Tell her, 'I'm not saying this because I love her, I'm saying this because you are being cruel and no one deserves cruelty'." ~ SunshineInDetroit

"Ask her why she's in competition with your EX wife ? Ask her what her insecurity is about her. Your wife needs to grow up."

"This isn't necessary or helpful, and I hope she never says anything derogatory in front of your kids." ~ Emergency-Kale5033

"I mean, no offense to OP but he married someone still in their twenties and who is honestly a bit immature for being at the tail-end of her 20s and he is shocked at the immaturity level."

"This is why you marry someone who is also middle-aged. Let the 20-somethings run around together asking each other if they'd still love one-another if they were a worm, or if they would cheat if they could cheat with a movie star, being fat and calling others fat." ~ Meryule

"Yeah, I really don't feel any sympathy for the dude who is 45 and married to a 29-year-old. I'll never understand these dudes who marry women FAR younger than them and then are shocked by the maturity gap. I guess they only like the maturity gap when it benefits them." ~ suhhhrena

"For real, she's almost 30 acting like this! Insane work."

"I think she believes she's an upgrade, especially considering how much younger she is than her ex-wife. Sounds like new wife isn't the thinnest, so she's found someone who's heavier than her that she can bully."

"Tell her she's being extremely insecure, maybe you can figure out why."

"But yes, if she's saying this in front of the kids, it needs to be squashed. You need to make it clear to your kids that talking about their mother like that isn't okay, and you will not allow this even if it's from your current wife. NTA." ~ BakersHigh

"You are NTA, but your current wife sure is. I'm petty and would say something along the lines of 'that body you're shaming brought my children into this world, what is your excuse?' But I doubt that'll go over well." ~ jessesgirlstaciesmom

"Your current wife sounds immature. She needs to understand that she should be thankful that her predecessor is a good person and mother to OP's children that she deserves this level of respect from OP. Wouldn't she want to be treated with respect if the tables were turnt? NTA." ~ SmellOne406

"People like her often think that they'd never end up in that position of being divorced. She's the newer, younger wife, so she obviously thinks the ex is undesirable, else she wouldn't give a toss about her appearance."

"She's trying to make herself out to be the hotter upgrade and is mad that OP won't also fluff her ego."

"If she's trashing his ex in front of the ex's children, she can likely kiss goodbye to having a good relationship with them, too." ~ ChoreomaniacCat

"You don't have to love your ex to be on good terms and defending her when she's body shamed. And your wife doesn't have to be best friends with your ex to at least respect that you have a history with her and children."

"Just because things didn't work out, doesn't mean you have to be enemies. But your wife sounds really insecure if she feels a need to be rude about your ex." ~ TitleKind3932

"Your wife is an AH. She has no business talking about body of mother of your children and woman nearly two decades senior to her."

"Also this could negatively impact your relationship with your kids if you let her. Maybe you should have married an adult instead of a child." ~ Few_Aardvark6159

The OP provided a minor update:

"My wife would probably benefit from therapy. I'm going to suggest she get support for how she's feeling because my reassurances aren't helping her, but for the sake of my children, I can't tolerate nasty comments about their mother."

"I'll do gentle first, but I will uphold if needed."

"She may get mad, but maybe she wouldn't. She has a very pro-therapy mindset, so she doesn't harbor any stigma against therapy."

Hopefully, this approach works for the OP.

Far too many people rush to judgment about how parents raise their children.

Particularly, people who don't have children of their own. As there are many different methods of parenting, it's usually best to keep our opinions on these matters to ourselves.

Unless, of course, we witness unmistakable neglect or worse.

The brother of Redditor olivejinnflower recently went through a turbulent divorce.

As expected, the divorce took a considerable toll on his children, the original poster (OP)'s niece and nephew.

As a result, when the OP's brother asked them to cover for him ahead of his spending a considerable amount of time away from them, the OP felt the need to put him in his place.

Worried they may have crossed a line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my brother to spend more time with his kids and less time doing things like taking his Yoga teacher to Japan?"

The OP explained why they felt compelled to put their brother's parenting into question:

"My brother got divorced last year after having an affair with a coworker at his law firm."

"I'm still friends with his ex, especially since she is the mother of my niece and nephew, my brother's kids, who both mean a lot to me."

"The affair and divorce were rather rough on everyone, as could be imagined."

"We all live in the same area."

"So a few days ago he tells me that he is planning to take his Yoga instructor on a trip to Japan."

"But he is going to tell his kids that he will be on a work trip."

"He asked me if I'd take his son to summer football practice, and of course I will."

"I like spending time with his kids (I don't have my own)."

"But it irked me and I told him he's being kind if a bad dad."

"Maybe he could spend more time with his kids over the summer rather than taking a trip with his latest fling."

"He said that since I don't have kids, I shouldn't be telling him how to parent."

"I don't want to cause a rift between he and I, but I also think it's okay to push back a bit when I think he us being too selfish?"

"Especially since he is asking me to cover for him."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their brother.

Everyone agreed that the OP told their brother exactly what he needed to hear, as he was clearly not making any effort in being an active or present father:

"NTA.'

"'Don't tell me how to parent my kids' but also 'parent my kids while I take a vacation'?"-Common_Tiger1526

"NTA."

"Your brother is never going to be a good person."

"Continue to be there for his kids."

"He will figure out his mistake when he's one less person at their weddings and they're one less person at his funeral."- Merrik4t

"NTA."

"I had the same issue with my brother, and I just refused to watch his kid and told him he only has his son 2 weekends a month, and he is old enough to plan around that and spend time with his son."

"Never had an issue again and that was that."

"Also f*cked up of him to lie to his children."

"They are going through enough, he should really be trying to win back their trust and earning their forgiveness for blowing up the family."- OriginalSchmidt1

"NTA."

"If your brother is going to ask you for favors, he can put up with a little feedback."

"He was a cheater, and now he's being a liar."

"His kids deserve to be treated better."- RoyallyOakie

"NTA."

"But your brother doesn't want to keep this a secret from his kids."

"He wants to keep it a secret from his ex, likely because he fought for 50/50 but now that the ink is dry on child support, the ex is picking up his slack."- Treehousehunter

"NTA." Imagine if his ex finds out he dipped during his time to take a woman to Japan."

"And lied to the kids about it."

"It's not a good look."- OutrageousSoup2584

"NTA."

"But I'd be clear just cause he's a liar, you won't be so if asked, you're not covering for him and will tell the full truth."

"So if the kids ask about the business trip, you will tell them the truth, he will then have to face being a liar to his kids."

"Also while I would never tell someone how to parent a child, as I'm not a parent mysel,f I would point out he's not actually parenting, he's ditchin,g so that's a big difference."- goddessofspite

"NTA."

"I couldn't imagine leaving my kids for 12 days, doubly so if they didn't live with me!"

"He does need a wake up call, don't listen to all the emotionally damaged commentators here."

"He's your brother, and if you can't give him a wake-up call, what kind of sibling would you be!"-paddlingtipsy

"NTA."

"But I hate siblings who don't check their family members."- Careless_Welder_4048

"So your brother sucks, that is obvious."

"Probably sucks enough to not let you spend time with his kids if you make too big a stink."

"Seems like the type of person who would punish you by punishing them."

"The part that bothers me is you agreeing to cover for him."

"I think this is the part that makes you complicit in his shitty parenting, by enabling it so easily for him."

"Do you often bend to his will?"

"He seems incredibly manipulative. In this instance, he is manipulating you AND the kids."

"They're gonna think he's a great dad and that it's okay to leave your kids if it's for work."

"Yikes."

"When we let a**holes dictate our actions, we also kinda become a**holes."

"You need to stand up for yourself, and if he takes it out on the kids, just be on stand-by in case they come to you of their own volition."

"Call you or whatever."

"You're stuck between a rock and a hard place here; either way, the kids get hurt."

"Because of him, not you."

"To answer your question, NTA for saying something, but now you need to work on setting clear boundaries with him."

"Like you won't be covering for him anymore."- symbionica

"NTA."

"You can't really make a man act right."- MightyVelniyah

"What a liar he is."

"Tell him the chickens have come home to roost and you won't lie for him anymore."

"NTA."- Snoo-37855

"NTA."

"Your brother is not just being neglectful, he's lying to his kids."

"Now he's asking you to lie to his kids."

"He's already shown he is disloyal and a cheater."

"He's not a good person."

"If you say nothing, that's tacit approval of his behavior."- hopelesscaribou

"NTA."

"You get to comment on his parenting if he needs you to pick up his slack in his absence."

"It's not a crime to take trips without your kids, as a parent, but if this is his common thing, if making someone other than his kids his priority, then you have every right to be concerned."- AdGreedy8386

"NTA."

"You're expressing your opinion to your brother."

"But don't go stirring up trouble intentionally."

"I'm assuming the ex knows he's on a trip and they've readjusted their custody time accordingly."

"Or are the kids staying with you during his time and you're supposed to not tell anyone the kids aren't with dad?"

"Is he asking you to lie for him?"- Low_Age4229

"NTA."

"You can give your unsolicited advice on his behavior."

"He's heard you, and he will either take the advice or not, and it sounds like he won't."

"A rift will only form if you keep bringing it up without being asked about it."- Affectionate-Leg2662

"NTA.'

"'He said that since I don't have kids, I shouldn't be telling him how to parent'."

"He doesn't parent, though, when he shifts his time with his children onto other people to fly to Japan and F*ck Around there."

"Children aren't stupid."

"They notice when one parent cares more about other people than them."

"So there will be a Finding Out part too one day."- agnesperditanitt

"NTA."

"I'd tell him I'd take him to football practice, but will not lie for him."- Torple_Lemon

No one wants to be told that they're a "bad parent".

Sadly, most of the time, people don't realize that they are, indeed, bad parents until they've been told.

And even if the OP isn't a parent themself, they seem to take a more active part in their niece and nephew's life than their brother does.

Making it more than fair to put their brother in his place.