Singer Wants To Ask Parents Not To Bring Special Needs Brother To Her Voice Recital To Avoid Him 'Acting Out'

John Curtis
Wed, 01 Apr 2026 13:30:17 +0000
Voice-recital, Graduate-student, Brother, Stress, Aita, Exclude, Distraction, Singer, Special-needs

When people find themselves in high-stress and/or anxiety-inducing situations, they frequently rely on their family for support.

However, not everyone goes to their family to put their minds at ease.

In fact, many people tend to avoid their families at all costs when their minds are racing.

Redditor Successful_Tower5390 had a very important final presentation for her graduate studies coming up.

A presentation that her family couldn't wait to attend.

However, there was one member of her family whom the OP would have much rather not have attend this very important presentation.

Wondering if she was wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"WIBTA If I ask my parents not to bring my special needs brother into my graduate voice recital?"

The OP explained why they didn't want their brother in attendance at her upcoming recital:

"I (24 F[emale]) am giving my graduate voice recital towards the beginning of April."

"I'm super excited to share this music I've been working really hard on with my friends and family."

"My last two recitals I had in we had family that were able to watch my brother or my parents took turns during intermission."

"I am not concerned with showing off my brother to my friends but I am worried he will be a little distracting to myself, my collaborative pianist, and the audience if he comes into the recital hall during my performance."

"I hadn't cared too much about it before but the closer the date comes, the more worried I'm getting about it all."

"For some added context, my brother is 28, non verbal, and typically does not act out in public."

"Most of my pieces are very quiet and have lots of moments where silence is happening."

"I'm worried (especially on a recording) this will be distracting and take away from my performance."

"I just wanted to see if anybody had any thoughts or if someone could just tell me if I'm being over dramatic."

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

NTA – Not The A**hole

YTA – You're The A**hole

NAH – No A**holes Here

ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not wanting her brother at her recital.

Pretty much everyone agreed that everyone would most likely be happier if the OP's brother skipped the recital, especially the OP's brother.

Many felt that there were no real a**holes in this scenario:

"NAH."

"I think the average commenter doesn't understand that this is a highly stressful final presentation that will be graded."

"It will also come with a professional quality recording that you can use to promote yourself after graduation."

"You invite friends and family to your recital to support you and bring warmth to the atmosphere."

"If inviting your brother will do the opposite, then it's extremely reasonable to exclude him (with an appropriate discussion with your family, so that no one feels hurt."- HatOnHaircut

"NTA!"

"My sister has a Master's in Percussion Performance."

"The graduate recital is intense."

"You need to have as few distractions as possible."

"Good luck with the recital!"- AcanthisittaPlus5047

"NTA by miles."

"Do your parents have graduate degrees?"

"Have they defended a dissertation or given a graduate recital under such pressure and after so much work and stress?"

"I'm guessing they haven't, or they'd know better."- Pleased_Bees

"NTA."

"After reading some of your comments, I don't think that this is necessarily about the overall odds of your brother acting out in your recital, it's that you know if it were to happen, even if it's a remote chance, you'd be furious and have nowhere to really direct that fury, as he can't exactly be held responsible, nor could anyone."

"Some of not wanting him there is protecting your peace, and even about protecting your relationship with him, so you never have to find out what your feelings might be if he ruined a very important day for you."

"Any chance, even remote, is enough to be distracting and nerve-wracking for you."

"Another piece might be that you are the 'glass sibling', the child who is often overlooked because of the complexities of having a sibling with special needs."

"If your brother were there, a good portion of your parents' attention would be on him... preventing an outburst or noise, managing noises if they crop up, etc., maybe even one of them walking out and taking him to the lobby."

"It is NOT wrong for you to want your parents' undivided attention on this very special day, the culmination of lots of hard work."

"You are allowed to want this and ask for it, and you deserve it."

"If this is the case, I'd encourage you to frame it this way, as it makes it more about what your needs are, and less about the perception that you're rejecting your brother."

"A conversation about whether or not he'll be disruptive (even if that really is weighing on your nerves) is always going to devolve into a numbers game on odds... which doesn't seem to be the point."- RaptureReject

"You say he might be distracting, but then not only do you not say what he might do that's distracting, but you explicitly say he typically doesn't act out in public."

"Which could mean anything from '85% of the time he's fine but 15% of the time he has huge screaming temper tantrums' to 'he never actually has a temper tantrum or majorly acts out, but he usually doesn't realize he's supposed to be quiet and keeps needing to be shushed because he's talking in a normal voice during the show' to 'he's never had a problem before, but he's also never had to sit quietly in an auditorium for 2 hours so who knows how that'll go' to 'he's always sat quietly through this kind of event before but I have bad anxiety and worry that maybe this time will be different'."

"My verdict is probably NTA or NAH, but you really need to actually explain what you're worried about will happen and how this type of situation has gone in the past."- Bath-Optimal

"NTA."

"This is your exam."

"Not entertainment for the audience."

"You have no less of a right to have your brother or anyone else not attend than if this was the final test for plasma physics 101."- ComplianceAuditor

"NAH."

"Completely understandable concern."- mrik85

"NTA."

"Your worry is valid, those quiet moments are crucial and it might affect your nerves/performance."

"Maybe have a talk with your parents."- katyshutt

"Your valid in your concerns, I take it your parents wouldn't take him to a professional paid concert right?"

"Could he come to one of your practices?"

"And that could be his concert.'

"NTA."- Kebar8

"NTA."

"I wanted to hop on this as another musician who has had to go through the same process for my university degrees (orchestral double bassist)."

"Only you know your brother's ambient noise level around musical performances."

"I think that the important think to consider here is what will be the ultimate goal for your graduate recital recording?"

"If you are planning on using excerpts from it for future prescreenings (festivals, dma, performance certificate programs, etc.), then it may be best to find care for him during the performance if you believe that he will make consistent noises that will be picked up by the stage mics."

"As musicians, you and I have both had the experience where we find an amazing recording of a piece we're looking to study, and then there is someone coughing/making noises throughout the piano dynamics/rests that can really pull the listener out of the performance."

"By the same token, the people reviewing those tapes will also understand that people make noise in an audience."

"So ultimately, you know your brother, and you know his noise level so it is your call."- Large-History8587

"NTA at all!"

"You deserve to have your needs met, too."

"I would imagine this is pretty important for your career as well as your personal achievement."

"I'm sure it can be recorded, and you can all watch it together where he's in a safe and comfortable setting."

"A little watch party even to celebrate."

"This isn't too much to ask."- RedneckDebutante

"NTA."

"You said it yourself, lots of quiet moments and silence."

"That's not being dramatic, that's just understanding your performance environment."

"Talk to your parents about it sooner rather than later, though."- KellieT_Clark

The OP later returned with an update, sharing how her family decided to deal with this situation:

"I just talked to my father, who told me he would be watching my brother during my recital."

"They will both be able to watch the livestream."

"Thank you for your comments and kind words."

It doesn't seem like the OP wants to perform for her brother, ever.

But rather, she would just prefer to perform for him on a night where her grades and degree weren't at stake.

Thankfully, her family seemed to understand this and came up with a scenario that pleased everybody.