During the pandemic, a lot of people who never considered working from home (WFH) were suddenly required to do so. Some adapted easily while others had trouble separating work life from home life.

A stay at home mom (SAHM) whose husband is trying to work from home and parent at the same time turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

McGuyblow asked:

"AITA—I (36, female stay at home mom) told my husband (36, male who works from home) that he should start working at the office?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My husband and I have pretty different parenting styles. He is a lot more about strict guidelines and cleaning, etc... than I am."

"Don't get me wrong, I want things clean and ask my daughter to clean her toys at night just like him. But staying at home with our 2 kids (3 year old and 5 month old), I don't feel like negotiating with my toddler all day and fighting every little thing with her."

"Husband got upset that I let her get more toys out when there's already some out, and told me in front of her that I shouldn't let her have more toys when she already has some out. He also said he asked her to clean up some toys in her room, but that she isn't listening and now I let her have more."

"I didn't know he asked her to clean up some toys. I told him that's his job to follow through his parenting when he asked her to clean up some toys—he didn't follow through."

"I didn't ask her, he did, in my opinion, it wasn't my battle. I was going to have her clean up her toys later on in the day. Because otherwise more will come out anyways."

"So I told him maybe he should go work in office so that I'm not getting micromanaged during my job—stay-at-home mom (SAHM). He said I'm a jerk for saying that and now isn't talking to me."

"Am I the a-hole?"

"I genuinely feel justified in just wanting to handle what I do at home while he focuses on work and stops trying to push his parenting style on me when I'm already just trying to survive and sleep deprived."

"I end up being in a bad mood or frustrated after and then I have less patience for my kids which makes me even more frustrated."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I told my husband to stop being home so much so that I stop getting micromanaged. I should appreciate that he gets to stay home and help me out."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA, he IS micromanaging you. It's pretty demeaning - it's not like you're an employee and he is literally the boss of you, although he is really trying to get you to come around to thinking of him as The Boss."

"If it's feasible in terms of the baby's feeding schedule, consider leaving him with both kids and going away for the weekend (or at the very least, a whole 8-hour day at a spa), so he can spend all his time arguing with your toddler and see what hills he feels like dying on after that." ~ Dreamy-Mimi

"And don't prep a single thing, and make sure you leave a list of things you usually get done that he needs to do- clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry, prep dinner, read to toddler, work on her numbers or letters, etc..." ~ utahforever79

"This brings up a good point. Clearly, he didn't die on the hill of 'clean up your toys' when he was the one who gave the instruction, then berated OP for not enforcing his uncommunicated wishes!" ~ Entire-Ad2058

"NTA. Kid is 3, and being that strict with a 3-year-old is exhausting. You are not wrong to object to him trying to manage how you parent without him communicating what he told the kid or handling his own sh*t instead of foisting it on OP." ~ Zestyclose-Height-36

"My son was not able to comprehend a full explanation as to why he needed to clean up. Around four, and especially now at five years old, he understands when I negotiate with him. He may have taken longer to understand stuff, but now that he does, he is a magnificent negotiator." ~ Salt-Improvement-263

"As a SAHM too, NTA. I've had conversations similar to this, not with my husband but my parents. My mother made us keep our toys in our rooms as children, in contrast, my kids have toys that stay in our living room."

"I don't follow my 3-year-old around all day picking stuff up as soon as she puts it down, and they think I should. It's just not important to me."

"I was a child who stayed in my bedroom, and my kids are rarely in theirs. I allow them some freedom, because it's their house too, and we all clean up at the end of the day together."

"If he thinks toys on the floor should be one of your most important battles with a toddler and a baby, I think he's a bit out of touch, and though maybe you were a little harsh with delivery, I can understand why." ~ angrynoot

"NTA. Ask him how he'd like it if you barged into the home office during a Teams meeting and started berating him for doing his slide deck all wrong or ordering him to do his spreadsheets a different way?"

"Yeah, he'd go nuts."

"Well, absent a legit kid safety issue (as in, kid running around with scissors, not kid has four toys out instead of three), during work hours, husband stays in his own lane and does all his work (Sales? Accounting? Whatever it is) just like you stay in your lane and do all the parenting."

"No one puts on airs and acts like they're the other's know-it-all, micromanaging boss. No one takes out the stress/frustration of their respective jobs on a toddler. THAT is how this has to work." ~ PARA9535307

"I'm petty, so I would probably say something like, 'If you can do your job and take care of the kids, I'm going to go and get a massage'." ~ theycallme_mama

"Or, I'd say—and follow through—since you want to work from home and be in charge of the household too, I'm getting a full-time job outside of the house and you are now the SAHD!" ~ Choice-Try-2873

"Or start looking over his shoulder and nitpicking his emails." ~ Illustrious-Stable93

"You're NTA. Hubby is acting like your boss and needs to go focus on his own job and let you do yours."

"This is the problem with work from home roles. People become a nightmare with no social interaction. Just anxious and overbearing with too much time on their hands."

"I think it's weird to force a toddler to clean up the toys every five minutes. Maybe baby wants to take a break with one toy and come back to it. Let baby clean up at the end of the day when they're totally done playing. Y'all are making playtime a chore." ~ ayeayecaptcha

"He has two options. He can either work during the day and let you do the parenting or he can also do the parenting which means if he wants something enforced he's the one who has to sit there and enforce it." ~ Vivid_Motor_2341

"If your husband is this focused on the tidiness of toys for your THREE YEAR OLD, I'd argue he needs way more work to do and a whole lot of therapy. This is how you end up with neurotic kids who are afraid to be creative and authentically play." ~ FatsMcCats

"I don't think work-from-home (WFH) is the issue. It sounds like you two need to sit down and discuss parenting style."

"This is bigger than WFH vs in office. After you talk about parenting, you should sit down and also go over expectations and boundaries with WFH/SAHM roles."

"I don't think him bringing it up infront of kiddos is acceptable and frustrating that he's putting enforcing his parental style to be managed by you. It's really hard when your job IS parenting, but he's also a parent. Y'all need to sit down and talk." ~ Big_Range_7295

"To add to this, Dad needs to read some parenting and child development books. My husband was overly strict and expected things that developmentally weren't appropriate for their ages. I was constantly trying to negotiate with him that he was expecting too much."

"Unfortunately, it didn't dawn on me until the kids were much older, that I had read those kinds of things, he hadn't and he wasn't aware I had. So he thought we were coming from the same level of knowledge (none) and I was coming from more experience with kids even before we had ours and a fair bit of studying of the subject." ~ myssi24

"They both need to have a unified front with raising their children, otherwise they will have children that play them against each other." ~ PhilsFanDrew

"NTA, although it does sound more like you need a clear discussion of his parenting role when is also working at home."

"Can he have a separate office and keep the door closed? Is he working in common spaces so ends up interacting with your children? Or is he getting up for some coffee and decides to get involved in whatever you're already doing?"

"Another consideration is how do you determine when both of your work days are 'over' and who is then primarily responsible for the kids?"

"This sounds a bit like you are 'on' all the time, but then your husband will get involved without truly taking over for you. That would get exhausting, so talk with him about how you can decide together on a clearer division of responsibilities." ~ Dog-Mom2012

Seems like Reddit clearly has this mom's back.

And that her husband needs to back off.

If he wants to micromanage her watching the kids, he can just watch them himself--and she can take a much-needed break.

For decades, after internet and home computing became the norm, many office based industries claimed they'd never be able to have remote or work-from-home (WFH) employees.

But then, the pandemic. Suddenly offices across the globe were willing to offer remote or WFH employment. One byproduct was many disabled people were able to enter the workforce.

But industry often prefers one size fits all solutions to problems of their own making. The abandonment of remote and WFH employment ushered in return-to-office (RTO) orders in both public and private industry.

An office worker dealing with a conflict born of their company's RTO order turned to the Am I The A**Hole (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

TossAway404040 asked:

"AITAH for refusing to give my coworker their office back now that work-from-home (WFH) has been canceled?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"Back in 2023, a woman (Jenn) in my building left for maternity leave. After having her child, Jenn took advantage of our company's WFH program, which left her office open."

"The company would have held her office for maternity leave. It only came up as available when she selected not to return to the office."

"I placed in a request for the space with my manager and was given the go, so I got to leave my crappy cubicle for my very own private office."

"My employer has announced that WFH will end on 11/17/25. All employees are to be back in the office by that date."

"Yeah, that sucks, I know. Yesterday, WFH employees came in for tours and desk assignments."

"When Jenn saw I was in her office, she became agitated and asked if I'd be leaving so she could take back over. I told her flatly that I had no intent to give up the office."

"Jenn spoke with a manager about this and management's immediate decision was that I was under no obligation to move out of the office. I was approached and asked if I had any interest in returning to a cubicle, I said no, and there was no follow up from my manager or HR as they both see the matter as closed."

"Now, just a day later, I'm getting a stink from coworkers who think I'm punishing Jenn for something outside her control. Jenn has also emailed me, asking me to consider the position she's in and that she's already being punished by the company by being compelled to return to the building, and asking me to consider her feelings."

"Sincerely, I definitely understand how much this sucks for her and everyone else being forced to come back, but I like having my own office. I have a lot of stuff in here that I'd otherwise have to carry back home."

"I'd be giving up the privacy that I've become adjusted to, and, if I'm being honest, I enjoy actually having a nice window to look out and none of the noise of the cubicles."

"AITAH on this one?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not wrong o stay put (NTA).

"If there is no work reason for her to have the office and HR/your boss aren't telling you that you have to move, just stand your ground." ~ Henwen

"You followed the rules and worked hard. Jenn is trying to subvert the rules and take something from you. NTA." ~ Raz_Moon

"The correct answer is to forward this to management and HR, saying she is making you uncomfortable by pushing for this. Bring up the toxic environment with all the nasty looks and comments from her, and consider it done." ~ switch138366

"It's also not a good look that she feels like she's being punished by the company for the decision to return to working in the office. It sucks, but claiming you're being punished for a company-wide decision is pretty dramatic." ~ TheNihilistNarwhal

"It's definitely unfair to put it on OP. I can understand her feeling that way, but it should be directed at the company, not OP. Also, she should have considered this outcome when taking advantage of the WFH policy, she knew she had a special deal with that office, and her not using it due to WFH it is obvious that she would risk that boon." ~ lejoop

"I suspect that Jenn is one of those 'but I had a BAY-BEE and EVERYTHING in my life is more important than yours now' people. Sure, everyone else also has to RTO, but it's a punishment to HER specifically, so the very least OP can do is try to make Jenn's work life more comfortable."

"I love that, even if OP gave up the office, it probably wouldn't go to Jenn anyhow. She had two whole years of the convenience of working in yoga pants and being with her baby all day, she needs to suck it up. - and I say this as someone who HATES coming into the office & thinks we should all be allowed to WFH if we want."

"I cannot even imagine asking someone who has earned an office if they had any interest in returning to a cubicle—who on earth would say 'why yes, I would LOVE to leave my nice large quiet office to go sit in a cubicle farm!'?" ~ Houston970

"Why would OP feel bad? Her coworker got to work from home for 2 years, save on gas, and spend time with her kids. She gave up her office to enjoy that advantage. It hadn't been her office for 2 years."

"The coworker is behaving entitled, starting with her attitude that the company is 'punishing' her by ending WFH, as most companies did."

"The coworker is not more important than OP. She wants the perk she gave up when she chose to WFH, saving on gas and spending more time with her kids for years. It hasn't been her office for years." ~ Shdfx1

"Keep it. There is no good reason for you to move out when this woman would never have come back voluntarily. Did she expect it to sit empty?"

"Your other co-workers should mind their own business. I definitely would have NOTHING to say about this if it happened in my office. It's actually quite silly." ~ gayleweed3

"Oh, absolutely NTA. She never had any intent of ever using it again and now it's suddenly a problem because she's forced back and feels entitled to it."

But you 'won' an empty office fair and square. I'm sure it's super frustrating for her, and hopefully she'll have an opportunity to earn her own office again in the future, but she's not entitled to something she gave up years ago." ~ RemarkableStudent196

"Then there is nothing to do for it. It's not her office. It's yours. She gave it up, and sadly, WFH went away. That sucks, but that's not on you. She won the right once, maybe she can win another one, but it's been two years, c'mon. NTA." ~ lpmiller

"Soooooo she could wait and bid on the next office to come up? And quite possibly win it?"

"Damn, she's being whiny. Keep your manager in the loop about her pettiness. You want her track record documented if she escalates." ~ StormBeyondTime

"Jenn is causing a lot of issues for OP about this. Her coworkers' saying that losing the office was 'out of her control' is false."

"She could have come back after her maternity leave, but she didn't. She forfeited the office when she decided to work from home. Jenn needs to realize that and move on." ~ rikimae528

The OP provided an update:

"So something someone (a few people, really) brought up that I hadn't considered was the question of if I vacated the office, would that necessarily mean Jenn could have it back."

"On Monday, my manager had approached me about returning to a cubicle to verify my lack of interest, but this morning I checked with HR on the policy. Sure enough, you cannot simply choose someone to give your office to, as office assignments are selected by policy."

My company has 15 non-managerial offices. When one becomes available, you may 'bid' on one, and whoever has the most seniority and best performance metrics wins the office. Generally, one or two offices become available every year either because of promotions or turnover."

"So Jenn and I are no different than anyone else in the cubicles. When it became available, I got it because I asked and had the seniority and metrics to win over anyone else who'd placed a request."

"The office would go into the pool if I vacated, which means Jenn would be competing with everyone else over it. Several of the WFH people who have returned are more senior than her, and at least one of them is definitely interested in the next bidding that comes up, so Jenn would be out of luck."

"HR is going to circulate a reminder on the office bidding policies."

"I also brought up the email with my manager, who stated she will reply to it and cc Jenn's manager to ensure there is an understanding that this matter should be considered closed."

Letting management and HR handle this going forward is OP's best option.

That way, OP can stay out of any direct conflict with Jenn and everything will be documented.