Figuring out who to invite to your wedding involves a lot of considerations. Usually, the couple should discuss things and figure out who needs to be there and how to reduce possible awkward situations.
Redditor Puzzleheaded-Log2177 found out her future husband took it upon himself to disinvite someone from the wedding to appease his family. However, this upset the original poster (OP).
OP took out her anger on her fiancé and now isn’t sure if she overreacted. To figure that out, she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
Her question was:
“AITA for kicking out my fiance and by extension his family for the night?”
OP explained her situation with her fiancé.
“Me (23F) and my fiance (25M) have been together for 2 yrs now and we got engaged last year. He’s met my parents and my younger brothers and I’ve met his, but our families hadn’t met each other until recently.”
“Our wedding is a week away next Saturday and his family came down to stay with mine Monday to help set up things and to have everyone already in the same place. Apparently my fiance hadn’t told his parents that my baby brother (15M) is gay and they were shocked when his boyfriend came over with him after school when they got here.”
“I could tell they were a bit uncomfortable but they didn’t say or do anything so I let it go. My brother’s boyfriend was over again today and went to say hi he just. gave me this angry look and walked off.”
“I asked my brother what that was about and he looked confused and said I should already know why.”
“I was even more confused at this point and asked him what he meant and he finally told me that yesterday my fiance told him that we didn’t want him to bring his bf to our wedding anymore because it would upset his parents.”
“I got red hot and went to confront my fiance outside and I started screaming and cursing him out about how he went behind my back and told my brother that bullshit and I told him he had to sleep somewhere else tonight. Him and his family got a hotel tonight.”
“He called and texted apologizing and saying I’m overreacting. His parents called us and said I was being rude and disrespectful to him and his family. AITA here?”
On the AITA board, OP is judged for how she reacted to her situation. In this case, OP yelled at her fiancé for uninviting her brother’s boyfriend. Commenters passed judgement for this.
They did this by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s fiancé went behind her back to disinvite her brother’s boyfriend. On top of the bigotry, the fiancé also seemed to imply to the brother and his boyfriend that both he and OP disinvited the boyfriend.
OP was more than justified to get upset at her future husband.
“What an untrustworthy bigot that fiancé is.”
“At least you found out before the wedding.” – anonymous_for_this
“NTA – Honestly? This would be a call-off-the-wedding dealbreaker for me.” – Blendinnotblandin
“Definitely. It’d be one thing if he came to her with his concerns over his parents. It’d be shitty, but… yeah, it’d just be shitty.”
“But going behind her back to make this decision for her does not speak well to his person. It reeks of either knowing it was wrong, or (impressively) worse yet believing he can make that decision on behalf of her.” – drunkenvalley
“NTA for kicking homophobes out. That’s what you’re meant to do.”
“Might want to think long and hard if you want to join a family of them though.” – BreastAficionado
“He thinks so little of you that your reaction and/or relationship with your brother wasn’t even a little bit of a concern for him! He KNEW he was being sneaky and he was what? Counting on you to be so intimidated you wouldn’t care?”
“Protect yourself. Do not marry this person.”
“There’s nothing he can do to fix this. This was a week before you are to be married, imagine the shit he’ll pull once you’re pregnant or buying you’re first home together?”
“RUN” – No_Performance8733
A few commenters didn’t think OP responded well. There was a level of nuance that could be had in her reaction, and confronting her fiancé.
This led to disagreement on some comments and debate over the situation.
“ESH. There are healthy ways to handle this, and neither of you used a healthy means of conflict resolution.” – MariaInconnu
“Please, enlighten the rest of us on how she could have handled this better?”
“OP’s fiance did the following:”
“- uninvited a guest to the wedding without first consulting OP for homophobic reasons”
“- lied to the guest about who was doing the uninviting”
“- sees nothing wrong with what he and his family have done or said.”
“Seems to me OP underreacted and should seriously be thinking about if she wants to continue a relationship with someone who obviously doesn’t give a shit about OP’s family.” – bassman314
“To be fair it’s also his wedding day and choosing to make his parents more comfortable than others isn’t too much to ask for, but then again he didn’t ask for it, since he blindsided you by speaking for the both of you to your brother about his bf.”
“That right there is not okay. There’s not I in team but there is an I in bigotry.” – nighttimegaze
Probably the best judgement OP could get came from this comment.
“Congratulations on dodging this bullet!!!”
“Do not marry this person because if he will go behind your back to do this, he will do this again and again. But each time it will be more serious.”
“He doesn’t respect you at all. RUN.”
“Also, obvs, NTA” – No_Performance8733
Whether or not OP should go through with the marriage will depend on whether she thinks she can trust her fiancé again. More importantly, it depends on whether she wants to be involved with such a family.
She can rest easy at least with the knowledge that she didn’t overreact to what her fiancé did. Bigotry and especially trying to keep it from OP makes the fiancé the AH any day.