We should all be able to agree that food aversions and food allergies and sensitivities are real. There are foods that some people hate, and there are others that some people simply cannot consume without becoming sick.
But those are concerns that should be handled on their own plates, not on someone else’s, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor No-Direction-2454 didn’t agree with this, clearly, after posting on the subReddit twice about trying to convince his fiancée not to use ketchup anymore.
But after he received pushback from her and her friends, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he had asked too much.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my fiancée to not put ketchup on some foods?”
The OP had a strong aversion to ketchup.
“I (28 [Male]) and my fiance (29 [Female]) have our wedding planned for next year. We have been together for about 3 years.”
“I have a weird problem with ketchup due to an incident that happened when I was younger.”
“My parents used to put it on my vegetables and it made me very sick. I feel nauseous seeing ketchup put on some foods.”
He hoped his fiancée would stop using it.
“My fiancée loves to put ketchup on her food. I made a steak dinner with French fries.”
“She put ketchup on top of her steak, and I could feel myself becoming nauseous.”
“I ran to the bathroom and came out saying, ‘Honey, can you not put ketchup on certain foods?'”
“She looked at me and said, ‘No. Just because you have a problem with ketchup does not mean I have to stop enjoying it on my food.'”
His fiancée put an end to the conversation.
“She went off to our bedroom and I did try talking to her, but she told me to leave her alone.”
“She told some of her friends what happened and a few reached out, saying I was out of line and controlling.”
“AITA for telling my fiancée to not put ketchup on some foods?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was the AH for trying to control his fiancée’s diet.
“YTA, everyone here will pretty much tell you the same thing as your fiance, just because you have a problem with ketchup, it doesn’t mean she needs to stop putting it on her food.”
“You seriously can’t expect anyone, even your fiance, to stop doing something as insignificant as putting ketchup in her food because it bothers you.”
“I absolutely hate cucumbers, even the smell makes me gag, but guess what, I’ve never had the need to demand from anyone not to eat them around me because I have enough common sense to know it’s not something you can ask of people.”
“I know it’s annoying and can be very hard at times but you’ll live.” – pyretta-blazeit
“NTA for having an aversion to ketchup – you can’t help that.”
“YTA for asking your fiance not to eat it.”
“Yall can have meals separate etc.”
“I’m vegetarian (since birth, culture thing, I’ve had meat accidentally and it’s sent me to the ER) and my SO isn’t. The smell of meat makes me nauseous. That’s my problem, not my SOs.”
“If they’re making meat, I just ask them to turn on the vent in the kitchen and I go and chill I’m our bedroom instead. I come back out after he’s done cooking and it’s fine.”
“This isn’t a problem you can solve by limiting your fiance.” – ahjuicy22
“Also, the fact that she went off to the bedroom over this and that her friends called you controlling is leading me to believe that you didn’t ask her not to put ketchup on her food as calmly as you make it seem.” – mariepeter18
Others sympathized with the trauma but suggested therapy.
“I mean – you are the AH.”
“But the way you tell the story suggests this is the first time this has ever happened, and it clearly isn’t.”
“In three years together, she’s obviously enjoyed ketchup regularly in her diet before now, so is this something that you nag her about on a habitual basis?”
“Are you banning ketchup at your wedding? If you eat at fast food places, do you pecker your friends about using ketchup on their chips?”
“You don’t have an allergy. I’m sad for you that it brings back memories of trauma, but like many traumas, it needs therapy. Especially when it’s impacting on your daily activities, ie – stopping your fiancée from eating her dinner in peace.” – foxsabina2010
“YTA, I love my ketchup and always get criticized by my friends and partner(she is repulsed by it) for it (in a joking manner). It gets annoying with the repetitive jokes but they have never told me not to have it or that I’m not allowed to eat it when with them.”
“If you think it’s revolting, try these things:”
“If the smell is too strong, sit diagonally opposite each other; that way you don’t have to look at the food in front of you and the smell doesn’t directly travel to you.”
“Get her to wash/rinse her dishes that have ketchup on them; that way you don’t have to smell or deal with it!”
“Hope this helps.” – Morak01
Even some people with ketchup aversions stepped in and said YTA.
“You have NO SAY in how someone else eats their food. Get over yourself.”
“I detest ketchup. I feel it tastes disgusting. My husband loves it so I simply ignore it when he eats it or places it on anything, because how he eats his meals IS NOT UP TO ME.” – Fuzzy_Ad559
“Look, I’m a picky eater, on one side because I have a LOT of allergies, on the other side because a lot of food textures, smells, appearance makes me literally gag in the spot.”
“Yet I would never ever ask someone to not eat something, because that’s what they like and we need to respect that. You wouldn’t go to someone and tell them you find their food disgusting or not edible, why are you doing that to your girlfriend?” – LittleMikat5
“OP, I’m like you. Ketchup literally makes me nauseous. The sight of it, the thought of it, the smell of it, it’s disgusting and I wish it would disappear off the face of the planet.”
“I have NEVER in my life asked ANYONE to tone down their ketchup use in front of me. Why? Because I’m a grown-a** adult that needs to deal with their own aversions in ways that don’t infringe on the rights of others.”
“She could eat it from the bottle with a spoon if she wanted to and you’d still be an a**hole for telling her to stop.”
“What is it with men on this sub wanting to control their wives and girlfriends? One guy wouldn’t let his girlfriend have a towel, one guy wants his wife to throw her baby blanket away, and YOU want to stop your fiance from eating foods she likes.”
“This is ridiculous. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR PARTNERS.” – sashikku
Some also criticized the OP for posting twice to try to get better feedback.
“I absolutely believe her friends saying you’re controlling since you reposted this after receiving a YTA verdict. Reposting won’t get you a different response.”
“Your food aversions aren’t your fault, but they are your responsibility.”
“She’s not forcing you to put ketchup on anything, so leave her alone to eat what she likes. YTA.” – Resting_Beauty_Face
“You were the a**hole yesterday and you’re an a**hole today. Massively. Reposting won’t change. No one cares how you explain it, you’re still a massive AH! YTA.” – sllimaraik_sllim
“YTA, rewording it slightly from the last time you posted it doesn’t make you any less of the TA. This is a YOU problem, not a HER problem. You don’t get to dictate what condiments people put on their food because of some kind of childhood ketchup trauma inflicted on you by your parents.” – Nikki3to_
The OP may have thought he was onto something by arguing his point in two separate, almost identical posts, and pointing out that his aversions related back to a traumatic experience, but the subReddit did not agree.
While they could sympathize and suggest therapy, the subReddit otherwise pointed out that the girlfriend was not controlling the OP’s plate, so the logical conclusion would be that he should not control hers, either.