Planning a sweet bachelorette party can be a ton of fun, often being as memorable as the wedding itself. And it can genuinely be disappointing if not everyone you want to have invited can show up.
Redditor Sweet-Scar-7645 had a pretty enjoyable time at her friend’s bachelorette party. But the bride now wants the original poster (OP) and the other bridesmaids to have a redo party since not everyone could attend the first one.
OP is adamant about not doing it again, which has led to some strife between her and the bride. To figure out if she’s wrong, she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about the situation.
And OP is positive she doesn’t want to do it.
“AITA for telling my friend that we’re not throwing her a second bachelorette?”
A second party would just be a girl’s night, right?
“My friend ‘Lucy’ got married in late 2019. I was one of the bridesmaids, with another good friend of ours serving as MOH. There were 4 other bridesmaids as well.”
“Early on, Lucy told us she wanted to do a girls weekend getaway for her bachelorette. At first she picked an affordable getaway but then changed her mind and picked another spot, for a longer period of time.”
“It was going to cost a lot of money to attend, not to mention fell during a time some had to work. The MOH and I managed to get the money and take time off work, the rest of the bridal party said that it was either take off time and spend money on the trip or the wedding.”
“Lucy agreed obviously the wedding was more important and just the three of us went on her bachelorette. We had a really fun time but my friend did keep saying she wished everyone else was there. Understandable.”
How much was this wedding going to cost?
“Other important factors: we all spent a decent amount of money to attend this wedding. Lucy lives in a different state than most of her bridal party, only one bridesmaid was local to her.”
“We were spending money on flights, Air B&Bs, the dresses, hair, nails, makeup, gifts for her, etc. Not to mention, all of us took time off work. And I don’t regret it, it was a super fun wedding and I’m glad I was there to support my friend.”
“Shortly after she returned from her honeymoon, Lucy started hinting at a ‘redo’ for her bachelorette stating that it sucked not everyone came. We all said we didn’t have the money or the PTO at the moment.”
“Myself and the other bridesmaids in-private at various points agreed we really had no desire to throw her a second bachelorette. The topic was dropped for a bit when everything happened around the world, but occasionally, Lucy would bring up that we needed to have that bachelorette once everything cooled down.”
“We all just ignored it.”
But you can’t ignore this forever.
“Things are doing better now, all of us are completely vac’d. This time, the MOH ended up contacting us, wanting to set up a second bachelorette.”
“All of us were honest, most of us are recovering financially from the past couple of years (two girls lost their jobs, my husband lost his so I was the sole breadwinner for awhile, we’re just now recovering from all of that) and given how much we already spent on the wedding, it’s just not practical for us to throw her a second.”
“We said maybe we could all have a smaller reunion in 2022 but nothing like she desires (she wanted us to go back to the same expensive spot). I guess MOH reported this to Lucy, who shared she was really disappointed that she didn’t get a ‘proper bachelorette’ even though she’s been married now for 2 years.”
“I told her that she was being a little greedy. She had a fabulous wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower and engagement celebration (not all of us attended all events, but they were still thrown). At this point, we don’t owe her another lavish trip.”
“She and the MOH are upset with us, saying we’re making Lucy out to be a burden. AITA?”
Lucy seems intent on having a second bachelorette party, and who could be mad at hanging out with friends? Of course, the situation changes when money is involved.
Redditors judged whether OP was wrong for refusing the second party by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
In addition to the issue of money, Lucy is acting very entitled. She had a wonderful time with her friends, and a second attempt at a bachelorette party doesn’t change the past.
Commenters were in agreement OP was NTA.
“Lucy is ridiculously entitled. She already had a free vacation weekend (bachelorette #1) and a wedding and a honeymoon.”
“If she wants a girls weekend with friends she can pay her fair share” – MotherOfCrotchFruit
“No, if she wants a girls weekend to the expensive place that she’s decided with no input from everyone else she needs to pay for ALL of it.”
“Everyone would have been at her Bachelorette if she gave a sh** and picked something everyone could attend. She picked the place over her friends.”
“That was her choice. Now she gets to live with it.” – trilliumsummer
“NTA. I thought the bridezilla things stopped after the wedding.”
“‘My first bachelorette party wasn’t fun enough so you have to give me another one?’”
“Translation: ‘I want a girls weekend, get trashed, do stupid shit, and I don’t want to pay for anything myself. Spoil me again because my marriage is emptier than I thought it would be.’” – lassmanac
“Man, you really scalped her with that last line 😂” – sevendem0ns
“NTA. Lucy IS being a burden, by repeatedly making requests that are burdensome.”
“None of you are in a position to do this, and it is unreasonable to have that expectation put upon you. A bachelorette party is not something anyone is entitled to, and a ‘do-over’ is a really unkind message to be sending to those few who made a lot of sacrifices to be with her the first time around.”
“You and your other friends have real obligations that take priority over Lucy’s imagined party.” – hibbletyjibblety
“NTA if it mattered so much to have everyone there, she should have picked a place/time/budget that worked for everyone. She chose location over people, it is what it is.”
“And no one gets do-over bach. She can plan (and host!) a landmark birthday.”
“She’s being ridiculous and out of touch. Especially considering she got lucky and had a bach & wedding right before everyone else’s were shut down.” – the_orig_princess
“Lucy is thinking of herself. She’s wanting everyone to put a financial burden upon themselves to recreate an event that’s already long in the past.”
“You’ve pointed out that your circumstances have changed. If she were being a thoughtful friend, she’d be mortified at her actions.” – SupergirlKrypton
Lucy’s selfish wants are being a burden on her friends. OP is under no obligation, societal or otherwise, to help Lucy recreate the bachelorette party she didn’t get.
They had a fun time, and if Lucy wants to hang out with her friends on a trip, maybe she can do so without being the center of attention.