There are few things more awkward at a social gathering than a conversation with someone with no boundaries who makes everything uncomfortable.
A woman on Reddit found herself in this situation when a woman at her sister’s party grilled her with very invasive questions about her husband’s job as an OBGYN.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by gynobirthdayparty, was taken aback by the woman’s prying, and wasn’t sure about how she handled things after her response embarrassed her sister. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
OP asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my sister?”
She explained:
“I was invited to my niece’s sixth birthday party. Apparently, one of the parents at my niece’s school, ‘Jen,’ offered to host the birthday party at her place with little additional cost from my sister. My sister, ‘Nadia,’ and Jen’s children are very close, so the generous offer makes sense.”
“It’s worth mentioning that Jen threw a quite spectacular (and expensive) birthday party for my niece. There were several bouncy castles, face painters, good catering etc.”
“My husband is an OBGYN. People have made comments about men in that field, or how it must be so hard dating a doctor. Most of the time, these comments are harmless and don’t bother me.”
“At first, I thought Jen was so sweet. I’ve never seen my niece so happy, the kids were having the time of their lives, and the adults were getting along well.”
“I made a comment about my husband (making small talk) and Jen started to ask rather invasive questions. At first, I thought she was just overly curious; but then she grew bolder and made me more uncomfortable. The questions were like, ‘Does it bother you that your husband looks at other women all day?’ and ‘What if your husband finds a woman prettier than you?'”
“I told her that her questions were making me a bit uncomfortable and to stop, and she stopped for a while.”
“I was talking to Jen’s kid and Jen approached me. She was back to her questions, but this time I found them a bit inappropriate. She asked me whether or not my husband was good in bed, whether he brings gynecology ‘into the bedroom,’ and if he would be willing to look at her.”
“I don’t know if I was just not in the right headspace, or something like that but I was just done with her. Immediately after the cake cutting, I said goodbye to my niece and left. I know I had promised to help Jen and Nadia clean up, but I was just so tired of Jen at this point.”
“Nadia called me, very upset, claiming that I embarrassed her in front of Jen, especially after her grand gesture of kindness. Jen was more annoyed, saying that I was overreacting and that I should have been kinder to her and not ‘have been such a jealous bi*ch.'”
“I feel a bit bad. I’m not one to break promises, and I feel a bit dramatic leaving after a few uncomfortable questions when I could have just sucked it up and then just never have seen Jen again.”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And to them it was clear that Jen was way, way out of line.
“NTA”
“You were right to leave.”
“‘and if he would be willing to look at her.'” – You really need to learn a better response to shut up these AH – Try this: The next time, look her up and down, and then shrug your shoulders in a dismissive way, and answer”probably not'” —wpel_142
“I think I would’ve gone a smidge bit more nuclear than that looked her in the face and told her ‘… with a face like yours I understand why you’d need to pay a man to look at your hoo-ha but unfortunately you can’t pay my husband enough to look at yours even if that’s how you got your baby daddy to knock you up.'” —snoosuggestions2288
“NTA you barely had a reaction at all. You removed yourself from an uncomfortable environment.”
“Your sisters whole life will probably be about impressing Jen.” —verminousbow
“NTA. The fcuk is wrong with that lady?” —Fumiplays
“Woooooooah so NTA. When you asked her to stop in a polite way and she continued on she passed the boundary you had set which is not okay in any situation. What’s worse is you even included that you felt uncomfortable which didn’t seem to matter to her.”
“Your husband is a professional and Jen is obviously too immature to understand that.” —Peachxscone
“NTA.”
“Jen sounds like a sh*t stirrer and I’m surprised that your sister can’t see through her odd behaviour.” —waitingforadragon
“NTA – this woman sounds completely off her rocker. She should’ve stopped as soon as you said you felt uncomfortable.” —PrettyBirdy3
“NTA. You didn’t cause a weird confrontation like you could have. You were respectful and removed yourself from an extremely awkward and verbally aggressive situation.”
“You placed a very reasonable boundary, which Jen disrespected majorly.”
“Jen caused this, not you. Your sisters anger is displaced here.” —AbbyBirb
“NTA Jen was super inappropriate and didn’t stop when you asked. Ask your sister why her friend is so obsessed with your husband” —princessofperky
“NTA you had a firm line and Jen took her clothes of and put her legs in stirrups and asked if your husband could check her oil. Like what the heck.” —UnhingedPterodactyl1
“NTA. Jen was acting like a sex predator and making you really uncomfortable. Of course it was the best choice to leave and never go near that woman again.” —BarracudaGullible
“NTA The comments were inappropriate, and moreover, you aren’t TA for leaving despite your offer to help clean up. You’d likely have Jen continue the line of abuse while you were doing the work.”
“I’d would tell your sister that Jen had misinformed her about the contents of your exchange but you understand their relationship to comment further. If she insists, you could say the comments were personal in nature and very inappropriate. But boy, what a weirdo.” —crimebiscuit
Hopefully Jen can learn to be a bit more respectful in the future.