Everyone fights with their friends sometimes. But, some people are just not worth the effort.
Friends are meant to be supportive and uplifting. So if all they do is insult you and put you down, you should find better friends.
Redditor davidmcmann2 encountered this very issue with their friends. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for walking out on dinner when friends ask me to leave?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My group of friends made a reservation for dinner at a popular restaurant for 6 people but when we got to the restaurant, one of my friends (let’s call her Person A) brought along her boyfriend without advance notice to any of us, hence making the total number of people 7.”
“We all know her boyfriend well and are pretty chill with him so we thought to ask the restaurant if 7 pax is possible.”
“Unfortunately the restaurant was unable to accommodate 7 people as our reservation was stated for 6 people. This was also understandable as the restaurant was a popular one and packed during that night so fair enough.”
OP’s friend then suggested something.
“At this point, Person A (who is kinda the leader of our friend group) turns to me and says ‘ok I think you should leave so that we’ll have 6 people.’ I was flabbergasted and shocked when I heard that.”
“My other friends kept silent and no one really spoke so there was this awkward silence. I almost wanted to propose that perhaps we could have gone to a different restaurant down the street instead that could accommodate 7 people for example, but I felt a surge of emotions and called her a heartless bitch.”
“My friends all looked at me in horror and Person A clearly looked shocked as well.”
“The next day, my friend (let’s call her Person B) texted me and said that I overreacted and was as an a**hole for calling Person A a bitch in public.”
“I was confused by this as I thought that I wasn’t the a**hole in this situation. But maybe I was, I’m not sure.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
OP added a summary.
“My friends made a dinner reservation for 6 people but 7 showed up. I was told to leave and I called my friend a bitch for asking me to leave. AITA?”
“Someone in the comments raised a valid point. The rest of my friends were couples (aka 3 couples in the group) and I’m the only single person in the group.”
“Person A’s boyfriend said he couldn’t make it when we made the reservation long ago but he suddenly showed up at the restaurant last minute. Maybe me being the only single person in the group made me instantly the odd one out.”
OP also answered some questions.
“To answer some of the common questions that cropped up:”
“1. How long was the silence? Maybe the other friends were just stunned and didn’t know how to react so that’s why they were silent?”
“Ans: I didn’t count but the silence felt like 10-15 seconds I think. There was time for me to look at the rest in horror but the rest were all looking down at the ground in silence.”
“I concede that I should have given them more time but honestly I think I instinctively felt like this should be quite obvious for someone to come out and say ‘hey wait a minute’ and 10-15 seconds was more than ample time.”
“I also concede the possibility that the others may be stunned and didn’t know what to do but their subsequent conduct proved otherwise (see Person B’s conduct).”
“2. Why is there a leader of the group? Are you guys in high school?”
“Ans: No we are all in college and met in college. Not childhood friends or anything like that (god forbid that my childhood friends treat me like that haha cuz that would blow my mind, I can’t even imagine).”
“As for the leader, what I meant is our group is big and there’s always going to be a natural (more dominant) de facto pseudo leader that takes the initiative etc…, whether it be organizing meetups or touching base with everyone and being the ‘glue’ of the group so to speak.”
“3. Did you walk out or who walked out? Not clear from your post.”
“Ans: Apologies for not being clear. Yes I walked out of the dinner after calling Person A a bitch.”
“4. Why did you call her a bitch? Under no circumstances should it be right to name call.”
“Ans: I agree upon hindsight that it may be over the top. But it was in the heat of the moment and out of character for me.”
“(Friends who know me know that I’m usually the studious and quiet type). Maybe I chalk it down to being human and letting emotions get the better of me in the heat of the moment.”
“5. Why did you not defend yourself or voice your opinion or question why Person A is asking me to leave?”
“Ans: I wanted to do that actually to be honest but fell short of it. Something inside me (maybe it was whatever shred of self-respect or dignity that I had left) instinctively didn’t want me to appear needy and be defensive and argue/beg for a seat at the table.”
“I’d rather just walk away.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You need new friends.”
“Good friends don’t ask you to leave so an unexpected and unannounced ‘plus one’ can take your place at the table.” ~ im_a_human_i_swear
“Good friends also defend you, and probably will walk out with you, when someone tells you to dip out after such a thing happens.” ~ Trick_Literature_
“If I were one of the other couples, I would’ve been so shocked it would’ve taken a minute or two to get my voice, but I hope that I would’ve stuck up for OP.”
“The boyfriend is the one that had to go as he was the last one that was invited. He should have volunteered, as he was a last minute add-on.”
“What horrible people. Hope there is some karma for them.” ~ Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
“And even if it was a ‘joke,’ it’s not really funny and it’s not something kind to say when OP’s the only one without a partner there. My friends would never say something like that, not even joking.” ~ JessicaJones2
“during a pandemic, being all happy to have a night out, just to accommodate an unexpected guest – HELL YEAH SHE NEEDS SOME NEW FRIENDS – BECAUSE THESE GUYS WERE RAISED IN A BARN.”
“NTA” ~ Mesapholis
The Original Poster returned with an update.
“I wanted to give some sense of closure and update. Thank you to all for your insights and comments.”
“I shared this thread with my ‘friends’ and they told me off and scolded me actually for sharing this in a public community.”
“However, one of the couples (who I’m closest to in the group) reached out privately to me over text and told me that they felt bad and apologized for not speaking up. But that’s it, I’ve had enough and will walk away.”
“To emulate the example of Michael Jordan in ‘The Last Dance,’ I would say ‘Ok you wanna ask me to leave. Ok fine. No problem. That’s all I needed. I took it personal from then on’.”
OP needs better friends.