Planning a wedding comes with its fair share of joy and stress.
Which arguably begins with finding the proper venue.
Everyone has at least a vague idea of the type of place, if not the exact place, they want to say “I do”, and can only cross their fingers that it will be available on the dates they hope it will be.
Redditor AnonWeddingWoes and her fiancé felt they lucked out when they found a venue they were both excited about which had a date which worked perfectly for them.
Unfortunately, the date did not work for one of the bride’s closest friends, who even went so far as to ask the original poster (OP) to change the date of her wedding.
Having doubts about the decision she eventually arrived at, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for scheduling a wedding though my friend had a prior event that day?”
The OP explained how her and her fiancé’s celebrations in finding an ideal wedding venue were short-lived after a message from one prospective bridesmaid.
“My (28 F[emale]) financé Kyle (24 ) got engaged earlier this year.”
“After, we immediately started looking at venues.”
“We found one venue that was perfect for us.”
“It was reasonably priced and covered all aspects of the wedding expect for the photographer so I would have little to plan.”
“The venue had a September date for this year that we wanted to pick since immediate family was on board and everything seemed to be failing into place perfect.”
“I was texting my bridesmaids to let them know what was happening and one of them, Amber, said she had a music festival the weekend of the wedding and said I can’t pick that weekend.”
“The only other dates they had was either starting next year in March or in October and the October date falls on my late father’s birthday.”
“When I told her this she said ‘well, that gives just gives you more time to plan’, but the venue was covering practically everything planning wise.”
“I went back and forth and after some long talks with family and friends, I went with the September date.”
“I didn’t want to put my life on hold and delay buying a house and moving in with Kyle because Amber couldn’t attend.”
“When I told her, she told me she needed some time to think before she said something she will regret.”
“I ended up getting a text a week later saying she is upset and hurt but she hopes I am happy on my wedding.”
“She has not been in contact with me after that, despite me trying to reach several times by call and text.”
“We have been friends since elementary and I am just wondering AITA for scheduling a wedding even though I knew one of my friends couldn’t attend?”
“I scheduled the wedding in April of this year for September, so this situation started then.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for sticking with her initially chosen date at her dream wedding venue.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s friend was being incredibly selfish, both for actually requesting the OP change the date, and for choosing to go to the music festival instead of her close friend’s wedding.
“You can’t put your life on hold for someone attending a music festival.”
“If she can’t understand all of the moving pieces, that’s on her.”- DC_Verse
“Getting the place you want on the date you want and within your budget, etc… isn’t that cut and dry and this is the date you picked.”
“If your friend expects you to rearrange your wedding day to accommodate her so she can go to a music festival is a pretty selfish expectation on her part.”
“NTA and if she’s gone NC because of this, be grateful.”- Saraqael_Rising
“But your friend is.”
“Not because she’s picking a concert over a friend but because she tried to dictate that your wedding needed to be based on her availability and being childish because she is blaming you for her choice.”
“I’m sorry but obviously you don’t mean that much to her if she’s doing this to you.”-ImpressiveCollar5811
“You just found out the hard way that she’s not really your friend.”
“I hope the music festival is worth it to her.”
“A real friend would not even think twice.”
“I’m sorry.”- tatersprout
“Even if she’s getting married on the same day it would be NTA, let alone a music festival.”-BakeExtreme888
“You consulted the families and the people you wanted in your wedding party.”
“You consulted them before you actually booked the venue.”
“Amber was the only one who had a conflict with the date.”
“I can understand that she didn’t want to miss either the wedding or the music festival.”
“I can understand that she may have paid quite a lot for the ticket to the festival.”
“However, she is being unreasonable.”
“It is your wedding, not hers.”
“Don’t plan on having Amber as a bridesmaid.”
“Pick someone else or reduce the size of the wedding party.”- Sea-Confection-2627
“You were planning the date, and one of your friends said they couldn’t make it.”
“You chose that weekend anyways. which is not an AH move, and she told you that she couldn’t make it.”
“She’s allowed to be hurt that you chose a weekend knowing she couldn’t make it.”
“You’re allowed to be hurt that she is choosing a festival over your wedding.”
“No-one is acting like an AH, everyone is acting like adults.”- mudbunny
“You don’t know how long she has been planning to go to the festival, how much money she has spent, ect.”
“She sees it as you have 51/52 weekends out of the year, could look for a different venue, could pick a different weekend, but you rather not do the legwork.”
“You see it as this is perfect venue/week/everything, and don’t need your friend there for it to be great.”
“That’s fine too.”
“But don’t be surprised when she feels what you are implying.”
“Enjoy your wedding!”- OffColorTupperware
“Lol, people don’t schedule weddings around the availability of bridesmaids because it would be impossible.”
“If she decided that going to a music festival was more important than your wedding then she probably shouldn’t have been a bridesmaid anyhow.”- poeadam
“You’re telling me that people have to put their lives on hold to appease everyone else.”
‘A real friend would let you go ahead and enjoy your day even if they can’t be there and realize that your marriage is more than just a day and even if they miss the wedding day there are so many other opportunities after the wedding to be an active part of your married life.”
“NTA she is the bridesmaids, not the bride.”
“This wedding is about more than her.”
“You picked the date, if she wants to go to the festival that is ok, but she can’t expect you to plan a whole wedding around her schedule.”-LengthinessThink3129
Some however, sympathized with the OP’s friend in choosing to attend the music festival as planned, even if they agreed the OP did nothing wrong in sticking with her date.
“I’m gonna say NAH.”
“She already had her event planned.”
“I don’t think your wedding takes priority over her event.”
“People are saying she’s an a**hole for not cancelling a little party. “
“But Festival can be expensive depending on which one.”
“She probably already had everything planned out.”
“Hotels, flights and tickets aren’t cheap.”
“They can cost several thousands dollars.”
“She would probably lose a lot of money if she had to cancel.”
“I don’t know.”
“If a friend put me in this position.”
“I wouldn’t be mad.”
“I probably would decline to go though.”
“I had my thing planned before yours.”
“Probably made plans with other friends to go as well.”
“So if I go to the wedding I will still be ditching friends.”
“Screwed either way.”-Leek5
“You’re allowed to pick the date you want for your wedding.”
“She’s allowed to take some time to be upset that she can’t do both things she wants to do.”
“How she acts after she’s taken the time to cool down on the issue might change that, but I don’t see anything wrong with her being upset in this scenario, nor you for going ahead with your wedding plans.”- raeflower
There are a special breed of guests and wedding party members who assume that weddings are being thrown for them.
Not as a celebration of the love of the bride and groom.
It seems that the OP’s friend falls into this less than distinguished category, who might very well realize the error of her ways when she finds herself alone and unhappy at the music festival, rather than being at the OP’s wedding.