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Guy Upsets Girlfriend By Asking Her To Sign A Prenup-Style Agreement Before Moving In With Him

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Sharing a home with someone is a big step in any relationship.

It requires trust, commitment, and communication.

What happens, though, when mitigating the risk of that step means alienating the person you’re making it with?

This was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Sincerely_Indebted when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some advice.

He asked:

AITA for asking a GF to enter into a formal Financial Agreement (similar to a prenup) prior to moving in with me?”

First, a small word about why they were seeking the guidance. 

“This has caused quite the furor in my family/friends circles so some impartial input would be good.”

Then, right to the issue at hand. 

“My GF (Female-31) of 8 months asked me (Male-36) a week ago how I’d feel about her moving in with me.”

“She’d been dropping hints that this might be coming for the two weeks leading up to this, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue.”

He agreed, with one stipulation.

“I told her I’d like that, but I’d feel better about it if we entered into a formal Financial Agreement beforehand. (This is similar to a pre-nuptial agreement).”

“She asked me if I was serious, and when I said I was, she went all quiet and said she had to leave before she said anything we both might regret.”

“(We were out having dinner at the time, no restrictions where we live.)”

Later…

“We spoke on the phone the next day where the crux was she felt I didn’t care for her or trust her.”

“I told her I did but just felt the FA would be a sensible thing. We haven’t spoken directly since, as she won’t pick up my calls.”

“A few days ago I sent her a message saying I’m still happy to talk this through.”

OP was unprepared for the response.

“Unfortunately, I have copped a deluge of negative comments from her friends and family. Quite hurtful comments with a lot of name-calling.”

Now for some background…

“For context, I lost my wife and child in an accident ~7yrs ago and the only silver lining (if you can call it that) was the insurance and court case meant I could pay out my mortgage.”

“I also have a well-paying job and live quite comfortably.”

“I only started dating again since the accident in the past ~3yrs, and this GF is the first person I’ve wanted to have a relationship with.”

OP then gave clarity on why this was important.

“(Note: Where I live, you can legally be classified as a de facto relationship after 18months of co-habitation. This means if we broke up after 18months of living together, GF might have some claim to my house/finances.)”

OP felt conflicted.

“Part of me feels like an AH because I never meant to cause all this. Part of me feels like it is still the right thing to do.”

“I would be sincerely indebted for some objective feedback from people who have no emotional investment in this issue.”

He came to ask for clarity.

“So, AITA as all these people suggest?”

Having made his case to Reddit, OP requested an impartial ruling.

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: NTA

Some pointed out how her behavior proved OP’s point. 

The suggestion of an agreement causing this much uproar leads me to believe that the agreement is necessary.”

“If you broke up and she became entitled to your belongings or finances it would be ugly.”

“NTA”~cluelesscat42

Others suggested trying to talk to her again from a different perspective.

“NTA.”

“Not at all.”

“However, it sounds like you’re most concerned about the house. And rightfully so. Maybe tell her that is what you want an agreement on.”

“And keep separate bank accounts.”~travellingdink

People shared personal examples.

“OP – I’m divorced and so is my fiancé.”

“Trust me, you want to protect your property!”

“When my fiancé and I moved in together, we had a lawyer draft a Cohabitation Agreement.”

“He bought into a portion of the equity in my home, and the agreement calls out his % ownership of the home and my % ownership.”

“We call out that all savings, checking, retirement, and brokerage accounts are our own.”

“We list the larger property items inside the home (home, jewelry, furniture) that belongs to each person.”

“We even have a contingency in place if one of us should die before his kids and my daughter are over a certain age, that one side can’t just kick the other side out forcing a sale or equity buyout.”

“We didn’t want the kids turning on each other for money, or the widow to be out on their tush in the event the other dies.”

Do it. If she doesn’t want it – run.”~carr1e

The girlfriend’s family was not spared judgment.

“NTA, it’s maybe a bit of an atypical suggestion but if it would make you feel more secure it seems like a very small price for GF to pay in exchange for moving into a house that you own.”

“Her friends and family are the real A’s here for getting so cruel about something that is none of their business”~Sk111W

Also, 

“Definitely a red flag that she surrounds herself with people who act this way when they only have one side of the story. She’s probably just like them.”

“NTA for OP”~mittythekitty

OP’s girlfriend definitely got the harshest criticism though. 

“Gf(Girlfriend) TA for crying to everyone about something that’s 100% fair.”

“Assuming you’d ask for a prenuptial in the event of marriage this is no different.”

“If she’s worried about being homeless in the event you break up she could take the money she’s saving by moving in and put it towards a condo etc, that she can rent out that would be her exclusive property just as your house is yours.”

“It’s a red flag she’s dragging so many people that don’t matter into the issue.” 

“She’s being childish.”~Ok-Meaning-1307

Sharing a home with someone is a big step in any relationship.

It’s important to remember, though, that sharing a home means sharing a life.

Everyone is entitled to protect what they’ve built while welcoming you to be a part of it.