As beautiful as weddings are supposed to be, sometimes the drama starts before the wedding march begins.
Sometimes it happens right in the middle of the wedding party, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Reddit reahdgcool1 was furious when his future wife decided to include a woman who had cheated on his best friend, and also his best man, as a bridesmaid.
But since he wanted to respect her wishes, the Original Poster (OP) caused drama by stating the bridesmaid could not bring a plus-one to their wedding.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for my comments toward my fiancé’s bridesmaid and not allowing her to have a plus-one?”
The OP shared a friends group with his girlfriend, and then future bride.
“So really awful situation and I’m at my end with it. I (27 Male) am currently engaged to Kelly (28 Female).”
“So when Kelly and I first started dating, I liked her cousin/best friend, Bella.”
“Bella asked if she could take a run at my best friend Dustin.”
“I was initially hesitant to mess with the dynamics but I said she could.”
“Well, they dated and the four of us hung out all the time. They were both involved in my proposal.”
“Then about a year ago, Bella cheated on Dustin. She then demanded couples counseling and when he refused, she gaslit him as well.”
The OP struggled to be around Bella after that.
“The way she cheated on him was pretty awful, so I have shunned her for the last year.”
“Whenever I have to be around her (I avoid her like the plague), I pretend like she doesn’t exist.”
“I have not said a word to her in almost a year. My girlfriend completely understands my position and didn’t speak to her cousin for a long time.”
Then Kelly did something the OP did not expect.
“Unfortunately, she did ask her to be a bridesmaid. We argued about this as I didn’t want her at the wedding at all.”
“But Kelly compromised and said I could make the call on the plus-one if she got to be in the wedding.”
“Dustin is my best man so we’ve been taking his feelings into consideration.”
The OP set the boundaries with Bella.
“So I texted Bella and told her that while I didn’t want her in the wedding, Kelly wanted her there, and it wasn’t my place to stop that.”
“But that she wouldn’t be getting a plus one. And to please not speak to me/Dustin the entire night.”
“She called my girlfriend who then brought me into the room.”
“Kelly was saying how it was unfair she didn’t get a plus-one when she has a BF and Dustin is single.”
“I snapped and said, ‘You are lucky you are even getting invited considering you don’t respect relationships. So Dustin can bring whoever the h**l he wants. Why should he be punished because you can’t close your legs?'”
This led to a big commotion.
“She started to crying (crocodile tears) and said she needed someone there to support her (she’s not MOH [Maid of Honor]).”
“And that she really wanted her plus-one back or just make it even, like, Dustin doesn’t get one if she doesn’t.”
“My girlfriend started to agree with this but I reminded Bella that she caused this, so if she doesn’t like it, then she can drop out, and I’m sure Dustin and I would rather have that tbh (to be honest).”
“My girlfriend told me I was being a d**k.”
“I told her that her cousin needed to hear it. That it’s our wedding. And I’ve already compromised even having her there. That it’s already gonna be a stressful situation with Dustin/Bella in the same wedding party.”
“So if Bella can’t handle not having someone there while Dustin can, then maybe she isn’t that close of a friend to Kelly.”
“Kelly is saying I went too far this time and I’m being too big of an AH.”
“Dustin/my family is supportive of my stance. And Dustin has thanked me for having his back.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP should have argued against Bella being in the wedding party.
“Dude, this was not a compromise you should have made. You very obviously despise this person and she is going to be in all the photos of your wedding.”
“Really sucks as this is your soon-to-be wifes’ family and she is allowed to want her there.”
“I don’t see how this ends well for anyone involved. The only thing I can think to do is un-invite both Bella and Dustin.” – verilius21a
“Speak to the photographer and make sure they know to position her at the end of every group picture so you can have her cropped out if you like.”
“It’s a good thing she’s not a maid of honor so that you can hang up a picture with your cousin and your wife and her maid of honor without including her.” – Bklynzizi
“Bella doesn’t need a plus one to ‘support’ her. She isn’t the one who was cheated on, she was the one who cheated. She could have ended her relationship with Dustin before she became involved with someone else.”
“Dustin is the aggrieved party and the one in need of support and requires a plus one, because he is forced into being around someone who cheated on him.”
“I cannot believe Bella is even being allowed to attend your wedding.”
“There ought to be consequences for her bad behavior.” – Maybeidontknow99
“Maybe it’s time to change the rules yourself and say that Bella can’t come.”
“Ya know, cheating happens. If she cheated, and they broke up, and that was the end of it, it would be one thing. There would be some awkwardness with both of them there, but that’s weddings.”
“But no, she continues to try to change the story, to make herself the aggrieved victim. F**k that.” – the-grand-falloon
“Frankly, I would point out to her that you are extremely disappointed with her (your fiancée). Not only is she not taking your feelings into account, extremely valid feelings BTW (by the way), she seems quick to excuse and forgive a cheater.”
“Would she justify cheating on you in the future? We are the company we keep. If my husband maintained a friendship with someone who not only did this but from the sounds of it has not made amends, I would think less of him.”
“If that is true for you, then explain this to her in this manner. At this point, her defense of her BFF over you and the injured party is concerning.” – Jovet_Hunter
“NTA. Even allowing her there is a massive compromise.”
“She either accepts that or doesn’t come at all. The fact your soon-to-be wife is making this more of an issue is ridiculous.”
“Bella was the transgressor, she’s the one that needs to conform to any wishes you have, especially as the jilted ex is your best man.”
“Honestly, I would tell her (Kelly) until they accept this, the wedding is on pause.”
“Your fiancée needs to quit taking a cheater’s wishes into consideration when it’s affecting her soon to be husband.” – PeteyPorkchops
Others were concerned about what this situation said about Kelly the bride.
“Bella is manipulative and makes things difficult, and your fiancé thinks it’s easier to get you to concede than it will be to stick up to Bella. This is specifically how manipulative people get away with things.” – ElizaThornberry4
“It’s not a great look on your fiancé that she’s reneging on her word now. You guys are supposed to be a united front.”
“Are you planning to have kids? Because it’s gonna be real exhausting always being the bad cop if she back tracks every time your kid gets upset when you enforce consequences.” – Hour_Ad5972
“Are you really going to marry someone when this is how she ‘compromises’?”
“Do you really not see the problem?” – Homeowner238
“She’s giving you a picture of your future with her. Pay attention.” – elenaleecurtis
“No offense but if Kelly can back someone who can cheat… can you trust her?”
“I mean, she is already going back on her word and backing a cheater…”
“Just think about it…”
“My theory is that someone who doesn’t see the immorality of the cheating and continues to expose themselves around that type of person has a weak moral compass… That is why I am saying re-evaluate the trust component with your own fiancé.” – Material_Cellist4133
“Honestly, you two had an agreed compromise and she doesn’t want to keep it now. She’d rather pander to a lying manipulative cheater.”
“Tell your partner that the compromise is off, as it clearly isn’t going to work, and you don’t want Bella at your wedding at all.”
“Having her there will only cause drama, that isn’t even a ‘maybe’ as it’s clear there will be, and you will not be married while someone you despise is standing up as a witness in the wedding party.”
“No Bella or no wedding. Time to put things on hold until your fiance makes a choice.”
“Make it clear Bella will never have any place in your life, in any way, and if she wants to enable her… well, that raises questions about her own character then.”
“No need to be polite or p**syfoot around this situation. Set a hard unbreakable boundary now.” – Ok-Beginning-5922
While the OP thought he was originally committing to a compromise that would make his future wife happy, he was realizing too late how complicated this would make what should be one of the happiest days in his life.
The subReddit additionally pointed out the concerns this arrangement raised. By even wanting to have her cousin in the wedding party, the OP should have been far more concerned about what that said about his bride, especially with her now coming to the bridesmaid’s defense.