There are countless concerns that come into play when we’re planning a big event, whether it’s a wedding, graduation party, or some other fun extravaganza.
Sometimes that also means coming up with accommodations for attendees with health concerns, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Altaccountbutt was considering who was attending her wedding when she started thinking about her future sister-in-law’s pregnancy.
But when her whole future family became angry with her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was handling the situation poorly.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for requesting my (25 Female) fiance’s (26 Male) sister (17 female) not be at our wedding?”
The OP was planning for her wedding.
“My fiance proposed a few months ago and we’re getting ready for our wedding. We’re currently making a guest list and we will send out invitations in the next few months.”
“Our plan for the wedding was for it to be childfree. I’ve been to many weddings that were ruined by screaming and wailing tykes and as much as I love kids, I would prefer there to not be screaming at my wedding. The rule was that no children below the age of 10 are invited.”
The OP was concerned about one person who would be attending.
“So my fiance has a little sister who he is close to and whom I really do like. I’m very excited to be her older SIL.”
“She was going to be a guest at our wedding. However, a few days ago we found out she is pregnant and plans on having the baby.”
“Now I’m not going to sit here and shame her for her irresponsible actions or anything, but I felt like this was a very big deal.”
“My family is very religious and I know they will be unhappy, and it would potentially ruin their time if they saw a pregnant teenager at my wedding. That of course isn’t that big of a deal.”
The OP was mostly worried about her sister-in-law’s due date.
“What I’m more worried about is her due date. She is apparently due 2 weeks after the wedding.”
“My worry is this, pregnant women require a lot of care and extra accommodation.”
“There’s also the risk of her water breaking at my ceremony and taking all the attention off me on my day.”
“Call me selfish, but I feel that I and my husband to be should be the focal point. I don’t want to risk her giving birth and needing even more attention that should be placed on me.”
“So I think she shouldn’t be there.”
The family did not agree with the OP’s concerns.
“I told my fiance and he got unbelievably p**sed off at me. He told me I was being a complete a**hole by not inviting her since he’s her little sister.”
“I get that they are very close, but it’s not a good idea. Attention aside, I don’t think a nine-month pregnant teen should be on her feet at a wedding so close to her due date.”
“He told me I was backpedaling and I should be ashamed of myself.”
“He then told his whole family and they all are mad at me for suggesting this.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was wrong to worry about having all of the attention.
“Sorry but YTA. You really can’t veto your fiance’s sister from your wedding. Let your SIL decide whether she can be on her feet or not.”
“I think the ‘it’s my day’ attitude is overrated. If you want everyone to remember your wedding fondly, be the most gracious, caring bride and host you can be.”
“Smile through every mishap and be kind to every guest. Your guests will remember that long after they forget what your wedding dress looked like.”
“If the worst happens and SIL gives birth on your wedding day, you’ve got a lock on being her child’s favorite aunt. Best of luck on your marriage and being a super cool aunt.” – Aristillian
“The whole ‘my day’ and ‘stealing thunder’ crap around being a bride is so self-centered and childish.”
“The bride is the one in the big stupid dress who is being fussed over the entire time. It will be your day. No one can steal your ‘thunder’ unless they actually get hit by lightning.”
“What would serve this bride right is if one of her religious relatives has a stroke and the entire day becomes about getting them to the hospital.”
“My message to the potential groom: To paraphrase The Talking Heads, ‘Run run run run run run run away!'”
“Ruling: YTA” – Aromatic-Speed5090
“YTA, and not very rational. You don’t want to invite her because her water might break which would disrupt your wedding.”
“Guess what, even if she isn’t invited and her water breaks, your wedding is getting disrupted. You don’t think your fiancé’s parents wouldn’t immediately leave to take her to the hospital?” – Fullback70
“YTA.”
“If the sister isn’t feeling well or up to it, she can make that decision. You aren’t concerned for her. You’re concerned about keeping up appearances for your parents.”
“Problem is, they’re going to find out there’s a teen pregnancy anyway, and if they’re so judgy they can’t even be at the same event, that is firmly a ‘them’ problem.” – LittleMtnMama
Others said the OP should be more supportive of her teenage sister-in-law.
“I was invited to a wedding 2 weeks before my due date and it just came with a sweet note saying they understand if I couldn’t make it, but they wanted to extend the invite.”
“I went and it was fine. I delivered 3 days later. No attention stolen from the bride.” – herm-own-ninnyG
“YTA. Her presence won’t ruin people’s time, and if it does then those people suck, so who cares. She will sit down if she’s uncomfortable. It’s highly unlikely her waters will suddenly break, firstly because you tend to have other labor signs before this, and secondly because first babies tend to be born past their due date.”
“As someone who’s 35 weeks pregnant, I would be devastated to not be invited to an important event due to my pregnancy and utterly distraught if it were the wedding of my own brother. This is just unbelievably selfish.” – imjustthereforaita
“The decision should be left up to the fiancé’s sister as the date gets closer. Let HER decide what’s comfortable for her.”
“I’m sure the last place she wants to go in labor is in front of everyone at a wedding. YTA.” – cashycallow
“At first, I when I read, ‘I don’t want to risk her giving birth…,’ I thought you were going to follow it up with ‘and no one at the venue being able to accommodate an actual medical emergency.’ But no, the thought of one of your wedding guests potentially upstaging you is what bothers you.”
“That aside, your future sister-in-law is an important part of the family you’re marrying into. To exclude her because she isn’t good enough for your family of origin would be to agree with them. You can’t pretend to be neutral.”
“To exclude her on the basis of ‘potentially ruining’ your family’s time is agreeing with your family that she isn’t good enough for you. And you expected your fiance and in-laws to be fine with that?”
“Fix it.” – the-benn-experience
Some wouldn’t be surprised if the groom called off the engagement over this.
“YTA – and you will ruin your relationship with her forever by not inviting her. By extension, you will damage your relationship with your future husband since they are close. Get over yourself.” – StephyJ83
“If I were the fiancee this would be grounds for calling off the wedding.” – FlynnLivesTron
“Your husband is right. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“If someone has a heart attack during your ceremony – are you going to whine how they stole attention from you? Oh, wait. Yes, you probably will.”
“Hope your fiance calls off the wedding seeing what an AH you are.” – Ok_Pumpkin174
“Everyone wants to be the center of the attention on their wedding day…”
“She is dumb enough to suggest that on a day like that they leave heavily pregnant and very upset teen alone…”
“What if labor starts because of how hurt and upset she gets that she was banned from her brother’s wedding and no one is around to help her?!”
“If because of that, something was to happen to her or the baby, no one will ever forgive her. She will be blamed for it her whole life…”
“A man may marry an entitled selfish b***h… But he should never marry the dumb one…” – TeresaOFS
We can all agree that pregnancy should be taken seriously, and there may be accommodations that a pregnant person would need.
That being said, the subReddit did not appreciate how the OP was trying to make health-related decisions for her future sister-in-law, especially since she was using the situation as a reason to uninvite someone her future husband was so close to.