It’s not unusual to hear complaints about the clothing the wedding party is being asked to wear.
But usually it involves the bridesmaids’ attire, not the groomsmen’s.
A groomsman with issues with his wedding ensemble turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
ThrowRAlostfencer asked:
“AITA for refusing to go to my friends’ wedding at the last minute if they don’t change the groomsman’s outfit?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (20, male) got invited to be a groomsman in my close friends’ (24, male/23, female) wedding and was elated. My friends are both fashion designers—more artistic photoshoots than commercial—so they said they were going to design all of the outfits to suit the person wearing and asked me if I’d be down.”
“I said I’d absolutely love it, and to feel free to do whatever—but I did say that in the context of capes or high boots. Also, on-season me is a vain idiot who’s far too comfortable with his looks.”
“The summer passed, and they talked about a few of the outfits but were keeping most of them secret until the fall. Cool. Friday, they finally sent out the info to make sure everyone knew what they were wearing.”
“I love the design of mine, except for one detail. They didn’t give me a shirt.”
“So, for context, I’m a photography and swimsuit model. People do take pictures of me shirtless a lot.”
“But fall is my off-season, and I’m not in good condition right now. I don’t think I’m overweight or anything, but I don’t look good, and I would really like to wear clothes right now.”
“I told them basically that—that this looked a little cool for a fall wedding, and I wasn’t in great shape to wear it. They said it’d be fine and I should just go for it, and told me about how much work they had put into designing it.”
“I told them again that I just don’t feel alright wearing it—reality doesn’t work like staged photoshoots, my abs look awful, and since I’m the only one that doesn’t have a real shirt at all, it feels… uncomfortably sexual.”
“They got kind of mad and said that if my weight so flustered me, I should go on a diet. I told them I’m not a stripper and hung up.”
“Yeah, mature, I know. They did text me after to apologize for the diet comment, and I apologize for the stripper comment.”
“The other problem is that apparently they’ve designed the bridesmaid’s and groomsmen’s outfits in pairs. Viola is wearing something designed to be balanced with mine.”
“She gets a shirt, of course, but it was designed to go with mine, and she’s super into her outfit and seemed pretty upset when I said I was trying to get mine changed. I get throwing a shirt or vest of waistcoat, or something will ‘throw off the composition,’, and they’ve only got three weeks to plan and make it, but at this point, I just don’t care.”
“But Viola’s awesome and looked genuinely deeply upset, and she wasn’t the one who decided to plan this, so I feel awful about how it’d affect her if I drop out or refuse the outfit.”
“I also know they put a lot of work into this and probably aren’t trying to be remotely creepy, so I don’t know why I’m reacting this bad.”
“I’m just hurt they didn’t care more about me than about their designs, but at the same time, I’m being irrational and those outfit definitely took months to plan and sew. Help.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I have threatened to pull out of my close friends’ wedding if they don’t redo the custom outfit they made for me.”
“I’m potentially ruining an incredibly important part of their wedding, I’m refusing off of what’s basically just vibes despite me being half naked for a living and I’m ruining it for other people.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“The only way I’d agree to be shirtless at a wedding is if it were my own and my husband and I were re-enacting ours by ourselves. Which would be its own brand of weird.”
“Also I am a woman, but still; who tries to force someone else to walk around without a shirt on if they don’t want to‽‽ NTA.” ~ brelywi
“NTA. ‘Hey, would you be comfortable if the outfit we design for you to wear to the wedding doesn’t include a shirt?’ <– the basic a** question they absolutely should have asked you in the planning stages.”
“It is not appropriate to expect someone in your wedding party to go shirtless without asking in advance, but acting like you’re the bad guy when you express discomfort and then making a comment about you going on a diet is pure, full on a**hole behavior.”
“You’re not ruining anything—they need to grow up and show some respect for their friends.” ~ hannahkelli
“If someone expected me to go shirtless, first I’d laugh at them. And then when I realized they were serious I’d give them a resounding ‘fuck off’.” ~ TheSecondEikonOfFire
“NTA. There’s a big difference between agreeing to wear some avant-garde or outside the box outfit and being half-naked and uncomfortable/feeling sexualized.”
“Regardless of what you do for a living, you have every right not to feel like you’re on display.” ~ Kayhowardhlots
“I agree. And further to what you just said, ‘what you do for a living’—he’s not working that day, he’s off the clock. So not only is it something he feels totally uncomfortable in because he’s half-naked, but this isn’t a job where something like that goes along with the territory.”
“Normally I’m usually ‘It’s not your wedding’ but there are exceptions sometimes. This is one of those times. OP is NTA here.” ~ emergencycat17
“NTA. I used to work in theater. And in town, there was an actor who worked incredibly hard, was incredibly fit, and pleasant to work with.”
“After the second show where he wasn’t costumed in a shirt in a row, he made a comment about it and immediately given a shirt that fit the design of the show.”
“There were some shows after it where he was appropriately shirtless and not the only person without a shirt, but no one took for granted that just because he worked really hard on his body would he be showing it off unless the scene actually specifically had it written or he needed it off due to movement.”
“Plus, unless the lights were on, and the house was full, he would be freezing on stage.”
“They didn’t warn you they expected you in model condition, and you, being the reasonable person you were, thought your outfit would include a shirt of some kind as most people know ahead of time if the wedding venue is clothing optional or in swimwear.”
“If it was so important for you to have a certain look while shirtless, they should have run it by you. I mean, they could Miami Vice it up and put you in a slim t-shirt in a great fabric with your suit and coordinate with Violet.” ~ EquivalentTwo1
“Or… hear me out… he could get a highly sexual and offensive—like c*ck and balls—fake tattoo over his chest which then requires a shirt to cover it.”
“Or a massive fake scar right down the middle of his chest.”
“Or just get a MASSIVE chest wig. Like, really huge.” ~ Gertrudethecurious
“NTA—you’re a human not a prop, you deserve to be fully clothed if you want.” ~ Cultural_Section_862
“And it’s like a whole day! It’d be one thing if it’s like ‘walk down here without a shirt’ but weddings are an all day thing where you would just want a shirt after awhile.” ~ nythnggs4590
“NTA. If you were a woman and you were asked to wear a mini skirt or plunging neckline and felt deeply uncomfortable, I feel it would be respected.”
“They are failing to realize that asking you to show more skin than you want is inherently problematic. If you feel sexualized it’s because you are in fact being sexualized.” ~ slo707
“NTA. You aren’t asking them to change the whole outfit. Just asking them to give you a goddamn shirt.”
“Or at least the vest that you can wear under whatever jacket they constructed. The fact that you’re the only person not given a shirt is very odd.”
“And they didn’t have to share all of the design, but they at least should’ve consulted you about the fact that you weren’t going to be wearing a key piece of clothing.” ~ Apprehensive_War9612
“Projects like this require the people wearing them to know EXACTLY what they wearing BEFORE it’s made, with regular progress to boot. This in no way should have been a surprise so close to the wedding.”
“Normally I say that when you sign on to be in the bridal party, there are some decisions that just get made for you, like tuxes or dresses. But this instance is quite ludicrous so I’d say you are more than justified. NTA.” ~ applebum8807
It sounds like there are multiple solutions to this problem.
None of them involve forcing the OP to wear something they’re uncomfortable with.