When a partner cheats on us, it hurts.
It hurts to the point you might consider cutting all contact with that person, since you’ve learned you effectively cannot trust them.
But little pieces of the relationship still linger, no matter how hard you try v.is exact situation, except the little piece of the relationship in this case was a perso. A son who bore his name, though the son didn’t belong to him and was the reason his relationship ended in the first place.
After telling his ex that this child absolutely should not bear his name, she reacted poorly. Not understanding if he was out of line here, he went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers.
“AITA for telling my ex she’s going to f**k up her son for not wanting to change his name?”
Our original poster, or OP, filled us in on the circumstances that ended his relationship.
“We split up 2 months ago after I found out she was cheating on me. This was a few weeks before she was about to give birth to a son I thought was mine.”
“Just thank god i found out before and was able to refuse signing anything that could’ve dragged me into being his legal dad. We did a paternity test and turns out he’s not mine.”
“So we broke up and I moved out of our apartment. Back when we found out we were having a boy she wanted him named after me so I guess that’s what she ended up putting on the birth certificate.”
“I didn’t have a clue, only found out because some friends have told me she’s calling her kid Jr. And her friends confirmed she still has him by my last name because they’ve told her she should change it.”
OP contacted his ex to try and get her to reconsider having her son grow up with his last name.
“I called up my ex to ask why she has him named after me when he’s not my kid. My ex told me it’s his name now too and he’s not my problem anymore so I have no say in what she calls her son.”
“So yeah I said she’s right, but I don’t see why give him a surname he doesn’t even have a familial connection to and why not give him his actual father’s name.”
“Supposedly she doesn’t know who the biological dad is and at least this way he has a connection to someone at least.”
“I just said that’s probably gonna f**k him up having him named after someone who’s not even his dad. My ex told me to go to hell and hung up on me.”
And now more drama has shown up in OP’s life.
“Her family was already giving me sh*t before for just leaving knowing damn well he’s not mine, but now her mom is giving me more for judging her parenting when she’s just trying to make the best of the situation now that her son doesn’t have a dad anymore.”
“That I’m free to walk away but I don’t got a right to tell her what’s good or bad for her son when I’m not gonna be involved.”
“So I’m just wondering now if I was an a**hole for voicing that opinion in the first place. It just seems crazy and weird to me.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agreed OP’s mindset was right about this.
“NTA, At all. If I had to guess, I’d say there’s a good chance she’s going to tell him, someday, that you are his dad and that you abandoned the two of them before he was born.”
“It would be wise to keep that paternity test in a safe place in case he comes looking for the man he thinks is his deadbeat father someday.”
“You may be in for a very difficult conversation someday in the future with a kid who isn’t yours but who has always been told he was.”-7thatsanope
“NTA. It’s good you voiced your opinion because you have every right to. She completely deceived you!!!”
“Then naming the baby after you knowing damn well he’s not yours. Those actions are truly f**ked up on so many levels.”
“She is going f**k him up mentally when he finds out the truth if she keeps the last name.”
“Her family needs to stop coddling her. Making the baby a Jr isn’t going to change the fact that she doesn’t know the dad.”
“That label isn’t going to magically change his paternity results. She could have given the baby her own last name. Not knowing the father isn’t an excuse to do that to you.”
“Be thankful you found out when you did and that you’re out of that situation.”-Kare6Bear6
“NTA. There’s no way it’s not going to be a f**ked up situation for him to be the ‘junior’ to your name.”
“Some day he’ll find out that he was named for someone he had no relation to, and he may even find out about the cheating. She’s just hurting her kid doing this.”-cara180455
“NTA I would go see a lawyer if I were you. If it were just your first and middle name i would say let it go… But she made him Jr????”
“So not ok and I feel like may possibly cause issues in the future. I don’t get why she thinks him having your last name is a good idea but I guess she isn’t exactly the logical thought type.”-allthecupcakey
People were thinking, perhaps, that this action had even deeper ulterior motives.
“NTA. She gave a child that has no biological connection to you, your last name. First, maybe but last??”
“This is insane, also this could really damage your reputation because even I if I heard someone called say John Smith Jr, would think his dad’s John Smith (aka you).”
“And how would you explain that ‘My ex named her child after me, in every way or form’ people could easily assume that you are the deadbeat and your ex is some poor victim, doing it all alone.”
“This is just, I can’t even imagine what was she thinking. Unless she saw it as a way to get you back…and failed.”-AngelIslington
“NTA. That’s just bound to make the child ask about you, why do that to the kid? She could’ve named him anything else.”
“Is this some tactic to get you to feel bad / get you back? She sounds manipulative and is obviously going to tell her son he has a ‘connection’ to you. Situation is weird as hell.”-Illustrious_Cup_5608
“NTA……you know that when you have a son of your own you can’t name him after you ?”
“Here’s why, there are already 2 males with with the same full name even though one is a junior, both I’m guessing are the same race and right now the age difference is not a concern but in the future it can be.”
“I saw a news show once where the son grew up and completely stole his father’s identity and emptied out all of his accounts and racked up massive credit card debt in his father’s name.”
“He was able to obtain his father’s social by simply applying for it. Imagine adding another male with your name to this situation. You need to start protecting your assets today as if the child would turn 18 tomorrow.”-Outrageous-Program30
“GET A LAWYER. MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.”
“There is NO reason to name the kid after you and give him your surname when you’re not his father. She’s doing this for a reason.”
“If her family are so f**ked in the head that they’re blaming YOU for not just taking their daughter’s abuse, they’re the kind of people to egg her on and encourage her to defraud you even if she WAS telling the truth about not putting him on the birth certificate, which she probably lied about anyway.”
“This is f**ked up at best and will absolutely screw that kid up. At worst this is an attempt to extort you for money later. LAWYER UP.”-TacosForTuesday
And in any event, this would still be extremely confusing for the child.
“NTA Your ex and her family are the AHs. I can’t even imagine how she’d explain to her son why he’s a Jr. when you’re not his dad and have no connection to him when you didn’t offer to raise him.”
“Her mom’s reasoning doesn’t even make sense either… that still doesn’t mean name her child after an ex who she tried to trick into taking care of her child…”-ven_kayy
“NTA. WTF. What on earth.”
“‘This way he has a connection to someone at least’…’she’s just trying to make the best of the situation now that her son doesn’t have a dad anymore…'”
“Yea, her son is going to have issues. I’m convinced she will lie to him and tell him you are his dad, and that you’re a deadbeat who left him.”
“Otherwise, why on earth wouldn’t she just give him HER SURNAME??? So he can have a familial connection with her??? You’re right. This is all kinds of crazy and weird.”-Roux_Harbour
“Absolutely NTA my brother had a similar situation with his ex. They had a son together and he found out she was cheating when my nephew was around a year old.”
“The subsequent child wasn’t his and he divorced her quickly and painlessly in her first trimester but she named her second son after my brother post – divorce.”
“She’s going to create headaches for this kid and such confusion when he gets older!”-skydivingfoxes2
“NTA. I just wonder if she also uses your last name, and therefore was trying to have her child share a last name with her?”
“Not saying it’s right, but that could be the thought process. But if she has her own last name, and is just giving him your name to get on your nerves, that really sucks. But there is probably nothing you can do about it.”
“Talk to a lawyer to avoid false claims of paternity and support.”
“Also give copies of the negative paternity test to several trusted people such as your family members, lawyer, etc. Oh, and also send copies to all her family members as well.”-Unit-Healthy
If it is the child’s legal name, it may be costly to change his name.
However, OP Is onto something here, and may do well to continue to push his ex toward making this legal adjustment.