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Guy Claims It’s Not His Fault He Cheated On Girlfriend With His Ex Because She ‘Came Onto Him First’

Photo by Courtney Clayton/Unsplash

People make mistakes in life. Par for the course.

We grow and learn from mistakes.

But people tend to make disastrous mistakes in relationships.

And we never seem to learn.

A strange loop, if you will… of often, the same mistake.

Then people will assess and never understand their culpability.

Case in point…

Redditor pearlofwaltz wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for laughing at my brother and telling him he deserves what happened?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Not sure if ages are relevant but I’m 20 M[ale], my brother is 23 M, and his now ex girlfriend is 23 F[emale].”

“They dated for 3 years and their relationship was on and off.”

“They’d break up every few months because he’d do something stupid to upset her.”

“Like getting wasted and embarrassing her at family gatherings, comparing her to other women they know, lying to her about his alcohol problem and hiding it from her, etc.”

“Even though he kept f**king her over he would always promise to do better and she’d fall for it every time.”

“But recently she decided to break it off for good after she found out he’s been cheating on her with one of his ex girlfriends.”

“This was the nail in the coffin for them.”

“She blocked him on everything then packed all her stuff and moved out.”

“Ever since she left my brother’s been really upset. “

“Whenever someone mentions her name he’ll get angry and rant about how hurt and betrayed he feels about her leaving him.”

“He got emotional and started crying when he first told me about the break up, saying it ‘wasn’t his fault’ because his ex girlfriend ‘came onto him first.'”

“I’ll be honest folks, when he said ‘it wasn’t my fault, she came onto me first’ I laughed out loud which pissed him off even more.”

“I told him I have no sympathy for him and that he deserves to feel the way he does as payback for treating her like crap for all these years.”

“Brother got even more pissed and told me to f**k off.”

“I don’t regret my reaction.”

“I think it was an appropriate response.”

“But my dad says it was ‘too soon’ and my mom says I should’ve been more sensitive and less cold since he’s still hurting from the breakup.”

“I don’t really care that he’s ‘hurting’ because he did this to himself.”

“But what do you guys think?”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“So it was an ‘accident’ his penis slipped into the ex multiple times or is he claiming he said no and she took advantage?”

“Not sure how you can spin cheating and having sex with someone else as ‘not my fault’ especially when it’s multiple times.”

“Does he lack the control of his urges like a Neanderthal?”

“Although that’s an insult to Neanderthals because I think even they had more frontal cortex development for self control than your brother does.”  ~ PuzzleheadedTap4484

“Let me guess his response to his girlfriend when she found out was ‘I’m sorry babe.'”

‘”We weren’t wearing clothes and I tripped into her penis first and then the wind was so big when I tried to get up the wind kept pushing me back.'”

“‘I couldn’t control my hips.'”

“NTA… he’s a douce-canoe.”  ~ Pc-Joker

“What was he trying to put it in, her purse?”  ~ Affectionate_Meat360

“For real, NTA.”

“Your parents coddle your brother and contribute to him not understanding how complicit he is in his own failures.”

“He will never learn that he’s the arbiter of his own misfortune if people keep acting like what happened was some unspeakable tragedy that can’t possible be spoken to in realistic terms.”  ~ addisonavenue

“This guy is out here saying it’s not his fault since she came onto him first and it’s like. Bro.”

“It’s only not your fault if she forced herself onto you, and if that’s the case, there’s bigger problems afoot than you unfaithfulness.”

“Whether she came onto him first or not, he made a choice, and that choice is on him.”

“Honestly, good on his ex for getting out of that relationship.”

“It sounds like she’s better off without a guy who claims he’ll work on his drinking, doesn’t, and cheats on her.”

“And until he learns how to take responsibility for his own actions, he’s going to be miserable wondering why everyone leaves him.”  ~ finallyinfinite

“So true. Ok, the ex came onto him first.”

“As an adult human being, he had the free will to say ‘no.”

“It’s also hilarious that he dropped the word ‘betrayed’ in reference to her. He cheated.”

“HE betrayed HER. Your brother needs more people like you in his life.”

“Some people just don’t learn when you coddle them after they mess up.”

“Some people just need to be laughed at. NTA.”  ~ Accomplished-Group60

“NTA! Cheaters deserve no sympathy in my opinion.”  ~ Ok_Dress4403

“NTA – he needs to take accountability for his actions otherwise he will never learn and grow.”

“He played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.”

“Even if another woman came onto him, he could easily say no and remove himself from the situation which ironically is what he would have expected his GF do if the roles were reversed.”

“Hopefully, he respects his next relationship.”  ~ MediaOffline411

“I had an ex boyfriend who called all his exes either cheaters or crazy.”

“I should have seen the red flag right then and there.”

“Who is the common denominator here?”

“After we broke up he told me it was because I opened up to him too quickly throwing a traumatic thing I had told him in my face even though he was the one who pulled it out of me when I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

“I was super hurt by that.”

“Weeks later I found out it wasn’t because of me opening up but because he cheated on me and wanted to go off and date the girl he cheated on me with.”

“Not only that, he told our mutual friend I was crazy, and she proceeded to tell others that too.”

“That really f-ing hurt, especially when the only thing I was saying about him prior to finding this out, was that I missed him.”

“Well I certainly didn’t miss him after hearing that.”

“People like my ex and your brother will never own up to their faults.”

“They will always paint themselves as the victims even when they are actively hurting others they supposedly care about.”

“You called him out, letting him know his shit does indeed stink. NTA.”  ~ stop_spam_calls

“OMG I remember when Ex and I were engaged (proposal offered and accepted, date agreed upon, officiant selected but no ring yet).”

“It was February and we were chilling at a local Dunkin’ after my college classes were done for the day.”

“I had gotten up to walk around a little because I was trying to ward off some joint stiffness.”

“I saw a former classmate of his who worked with on campus food service walk up to our table, plant her posterior in MY chair, and lean over touching him on arm in a territorial manner.”

“He had done nothing to encourage her. She knew we were together.”

“Keep in mind she is also his cousin’s ex. Yuck.”

“I saw red but maintained my cool.”

“I walked quietly over to my fiancé, stood alongside him close enough to whisper, ‘We need to be leaving.'”

“He got right up and we took our coffees out of there.”

“If he had reciprocated her attentions, he would have found himself single in 0.5 seconds and blocked from any access to me.”  ~ MedievalMissFit

“OP, you are NTA.”

“You declined to join your brother’s private pity party, and that is your right.”

“I don’t know what kind of life he’s been leading to expect sympathy in this scenario, but I’d sure like to find out.”  ~ VerendusAudeo

“He’s been leading a life where mama and dada wipe his emotional a** for him every time he metaphorically craps the bed.”

“So that he never learns to take responsibility for messing his own crap up.”

“They’ve enabled him to the point that he’s probably honest to God convinced himself that he is a perpetual victim because mom and dad encouraged that thinking/behavior by shielding him from his own consequences.”

“Of course he expects little bro to jump on his pity party train.”

“He expects the entire WORLD to pity him when he starts to have consequences from his own actions.”  ~ macd0g

“NTA, your brother is clearly someone who enjoys abusing his partner and is now facing the consequences of his actions.”

“Your parents are a**holes because they’re enabling his abusive behavior.”  ~ lacretiaaa

Well OP, Reddit feels you.

Seems like a lot of people would have shared in that chuckle.

How can your brother not see the error of his ways?

Maybe ask you parents.

Good luck to you.