While there are certain prominent hairstyles, it seems like no two people’s hair is exactly the same.
But there are definitely some people who insist on everyone’s hair looking a certain way and otherwise shaming others for not achieving a certain look, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WhistleThrowaway-123 was particularly critical of his teen sister’s look, especially on the day of their grandfather’s funeral.
But when he managed to make the entire experience worse, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong to make comments about her appearance.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my younger sister to either tidy up her messy hair or she won’t be allowed to attend our grandfather’s funeral?”
The OP was preparing for his grandfather’s funeral.
“A little while back, our beloved grandfather passed away. He lived a very long and happy life (he was 98 years old!), so rather than having a mournful funeral, my parents wanted the event to be more of a celebration of Grandpa’s life.”
“I (24 Male) was at my parents’ house for the weekend in order to attend our grandfather’s funeral.”
“I and my parents were all ready and waiting for my 14-year-old sister, Christina (we usually just call her ‘Chris’), to hurry up.”
“Chris used to be a sweet person, but nowadays, she fancies herself a cool rebel. In reality, she’s a bit of a brat.”
The OP didn’t like how his sister looked for the funeral.
“Chris came downstairs, and her hair was unacceptably messy.”
“Actually, her hair is always long and messy. However, our mother and grandmother insist that her untidy hair makes her look ‘cute,’ so Chris just keeps it this way.”
“Chris’s hair is naturally plain and straight. But the way my sister does things, her hair is just kind of all over the place, like a rock musician kinda look.”
“In my opinion, NOT an appropriate aesthetic for a funeral.”
The OP’s observations led to a serious argument.
“I know it sounds weird, but I felt like the least my little sister could do was straighten her hair out and look more formal and respectful.”
“I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her usual bulls**t that day, so I bluntly told her to tidy up her hair or don’t come to the funeral.”
“My sister responded by swearing at me, and I got into a short but vicious verbal fight with her.”
“In the end, Chris was crying, and she was furious at me, as were both of my parents.”
“We all arrived at the funeral somewhat late, and Christina was the only one in our family who was crying during the funeral.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was the AH for not knowing his place in his sister’s life.
“YTA. She lost her grandfather, too, you know. You took a day that already had to be hard on her and made it even harder for no reason.”
“She’s 14! She’s still discovering who she is in the world and what her style is. Other family members have been encouraging her looks, and that’s why she keeps doing it. And the fact that they keep commenting on how cute it is on her clearly means they have no problem with it.”
“Most importantly, you are not her parent. Your parents (who were also there) are her parents and didn’t seem to have any issues with it themselves. You caused a fight that didn’t need to happen on a day that was already hard on everyone.”
“I understand that you felt you were doing the right thing and trying to get her to show your grandfather some respect, but this wasn’t the time, place, or way to do it.” – TheGrimReader1888
“OP definitely has control issues. His sister’s hair is none of his business. It’s not hard to imagine how he thinks of women in general.” – PophamSP
“Imagine being 24 and attacking your barely teenage sister over hair after she lost her grandfather… AND calling her out for being the ‘only one crying at the funeral.’ OP is beyond the AH!” – Murderkittin
“Why are OP’s feelings and point of view more important than anyone else? Where does he get off imposing what he thinks is right on other people?”
“So much of what he wrote shows he is an AH.”
“The funeral was supposed to be a celebration of his life, and their parents and grandmother like this cute look. Probably the grandfather liked it too. I sense a lot of jealousy from OP.”
“Chris hadn’t even spoken to OP, but apparently, he views her as dealing out bulls**t already. OP needed to chill the f**k out. He was taking out his grieving for his grandfather on his sister.”
“And to top it off, imagine crying at a funeral… I mean, who does that? It brings shame to the family to cry at a funeral. (sarcastic comment)” – Practical-Big7550
“The older brother exercising his dominance on his much younger sister because he thinks he can, and should be able to, control some aspect of her life, since he’s a man and assumes he knows better.” – LeftCoast28
“Why would her hairstyle be disrespectful anyway? The only one who cared is OP, and OP is obviously an insufferable a**hole.” – savory_thing
Others side-eyed the OP for clearly being jealous of or truly not liking his sister.
“OP: sister has messy hair, and sister is a brat.”
“Also OP: sister has a rock ethic style, and people think it’s cute.”
“I think it might be the sister’s age that’s making OP this pissy. Some said jealousy is the issue here, others say it’s gender. I think it’s jealousy of her age.”
“OP being a guy, probably didn’t get to express himself like this as a teen and probably forgot what he did as a teen for expression. I’m sure he had fashion don’ts, too, lol (laughing out loud).”
“He thinks she’s a brat because she’s a teen, and he probably doesn’t like that she can do this and not be pulled up on it. IDK (I don’t know) what his upbringing was like, but he seems jealous. There’s a difference between a brat and being permitted to do this, and OP thinks she is a brat, but she obviously isn’t rebelling, and that’s why they fight. No one agrees with OP, and it’s probably going to make him look at her in a worse light.”
“Pull your head out of your a**, OP, or at least find out why you feel this way and sort that out, not go off on your sister for her personal style. The funeral pushed him to finally say what he thinks, he should find out why he thinks of her this way.” – elly996
“So OP is talking about his sister’s ‘usual bulls**t.'”
“He was 10 when she was born…by the time he was 18, she was 8. ?!? How did he have to deal with much bs from her? He also said that she used to be sweet.”
“Unless he sees a child’s behavior (crying, whining, etc.) growing up as something abnormal.”
“Or is he projecting the behavior of other women towards him, on his sister and takes his frustration out on her, because she is younger and can still ‘be raised right’?” – FlameMoss
“It’s pretty clear from his post that he really doesn’t like his sister at all. He saw an opportunity to be hateful toward her and thought his parents would side with him because of the circumstances.” – Veteris71
“OP sounds very jealous of the sister. Maybe he’s angry that she gets along with people better so he tries to sabotage her. In fact, he should learn how to be a decent human being.” – slorpa
“Sounds like OP is the outsider in this family and doesn’t realize it. The grandmother and mother love her look and spirit. They wanted a celebration of life, and OP destroyed that. Late to the funeral. And instead of celebrating like he wanted, you made your sister miserably stressed and focused on hurt and loss.” – Fear_The_Rabbit
Some found the OP to be far more disrespectful of his grandfather’s memory than his sister.
“This argument also made the whole family late to their grandfather’s funeral. I would argue that causing the family to be late to the funeral because of this is actually more disrespectful to his memory than a hairstyle.” – Heavy_Sand5228
“I would say that having a ‘rock musician’ type of hairstyle to a celebration of life event doesn’t sound disrespectful at all. It was not meant to be a sad, mournful affair but rather a joyous one. If only OP could have removed the stick up his butt, they could have celebrated grandpa’s life to the fullest extent.” – DryEquivalent9
“It seems Christina/Chris has had this hairstyle for a while, and it’s how her grandfather knew her. Being yourself goes with the celebration, no?” – Stormtomcat
“OP: doesn’t want to deal with sister’s ‘bulls**t.'”
“Also OP: goes out of his way to create completely new and unnecessary bulls**t, making them late when there wasn’t anything he had to ‘deal with’ in the first place.” – scheru
“A friend of mine had a celebration of life for her mom with a cookout and splash pads and other water things for the kids because her mom loved seeing the kids having fun more than anything else. I promise none of us worried about hair that day. And it was possibly the most beautiful tribute to an amazing woman I’ve ever seen.” – lisa_37743
Whether it was grief or jealousy, misogyny, or control, the subReddit could not come up with a good reason for the OP to treat his sister the way he had, especially on the day of a family funeral.
The fact that everyone around them was okay with his sister’s hairstyle just sealed the deal.