We all know someone who is always late for everything. It seems like no matter what they or we do to help, they can’t make it to anything on time.
But is this a sign of chronic lateness or chronic disrespect, questioned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Striking_Still_3721 was fed up with his wife’s chronic lateness and seeming disregard for his feelings.
But when she accused him of ditching him when he didn’t want to be late for a movie, the Original Poster (OP) wondered how else to make her see the problem.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for ditching my wife at the mall because she was taking too long?”
The OP was frustrated by how long his wife took to do things.
“I’m a 34-year-old man, and my wife is 29. We have been married for five years.”
“Since we started dating, she has always taken her sweet time doing everything. Getting dressed, doing her makeup, eating, whatever it is, she takes forever.”
“I’m generally a patient person, but I get extremely anxious when I’m late for something with a scheduled starting time. Alone, I have never been late for anything. With her in tow, I’m late for everything.”
“The most frustrating thing about this is that she seemingly has no ability to comprehend that she’s making people wait. If I even suggest that she move a little faster, she gets really defensive.”
“A few years ago one of her best friends dumped her because she was tired of her chronic lateness.”
It was the same as usual before going to a movie.
“Last night, we went out to see a movie. Getting to the mall before the movie started was a battle itself, but miraculously with the prospect of doing some shopping before it, she was able to gather her necessary belongings and get there with time to spare.”
“She started shopping while I more or less followed her around until it was about time to get to the theater.”
“When I told her this, she was talking to a sales clerk about the clothes that she wanted to buy, and she told me to ‘hang on’ for a second.”
“As usual, ‘hang on’ meant, ‘I have absolutely no concern about your needs because I’m doing my own thing right now, and anything other than what I want to do is out of the question.'”
“I waited around for a couple more minutes until she started taking jeans off the shelves to try on new combinations.”
“The previews had already started. I told her again, and she said we can just skip the previews.”
The OP decided to do something to make a statement.
“At this point, I just walked away, which she naturally didn’t notice, turned off my phone, and enjoyed the movie myself.”
“As a side note, I missed the first few minutes of it waiting for her, standing in line, and making my way to the theater.”
“On my way out of the theater, I saw her on a bench in the lobby beside herself because I ditched her.”
“I honestly didn’t feel bad at all and told her that I’d do it again.”
“This made her more upset, and finally we had an awkward, quiet drive home.”
“Apparently, she was actually looking forward to the movie too.”
“Was I the a**hole in this situation?”
“I felt it was supposed to be tough love, but she seems really hurt.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some appreciated how the OP handled the situation.
“NTA. This seems like an ongoing problem. I love the way you handled it.”
“I did the same thing with an ex. But we are no longer together because his time was more precious than mine. He would take like an hour and a half to get ready. I would still be waiting for him.”
“I just didn’t want to end up waiting for someone who doesn’t care about my time and only about themselves. The funny thing is he only lived 10 mins from me.”
“You didn’t get mad, you left. You told her what you were doing, and she decided to keep shopping.” – vengi15
“NTA. You told her at least twice it was time to leave and go to the movie. Her response was you can miss some of the movie because she’s busy. She easily could have bought a ticket when she was done and come and found you in the theater. She didn’t.”
“She 100% knows this is an issue if you constantly bring it up and she’s lost friends over it. She just doesn’t care.” – Murderbunny13
“NTA. This is only due to her history of lateness. If you ditched her on the first time, then it would be different.”
“She needs to learn that there are others involved and their time is just as important as hers. I am a stickler for time as well and hate being late. If my wife was always late like yours, I would have done the exact same thing as you have but wouldn’t have even missed the previews.” – CapsFan1066
“NTA. If she wanted to see the movie, you gave her ample warnings to get her going, and I’m assuming you didn’t leave her penniless, since she was still shopping. Could she have not just bought herself a ticket?”
“I would have lost my patience at this point too, good grief. We’re in a similar boat. I also do big stress about being on time, and my husband often makes us a bit late to things too, but at least he’s apologetic about it and recognizes it’s a problem that he’s working on.”
“Your wife seems incredibly disrespectful of your time and anxieties. Have you had a serious talk about that?” – belmiramirabel
“She obviously had money on her if she was still shopping so when she couldn’t find OP she could have just gone to the theater and bought a ticket. She knew where he was if she sat on a bench outside the theater. If she really wanted to see this movie she was perfectly capable of doing so.”
“NTA OP. I would treat everything like this moving forward. Honey I’m going to get to the theater at 5 pm for a 5:15, so I’m going to leave at 4:45. I’d love it if you come with me, but I will be leaving at 4:45 either way.”
“Same with social engagements. Don’t argue or remind her. Just let her know when you’re leaving and you’d love for her to come with you. Then start leaving her.” – MPBoomBoom22
Others agreed and said the wife was disrespectful of other people’s time.
“NTA. Initially, I was sympathetic to your wife, as someone who is also chronically late.”
“However, when you described that her response to you informing her the previews are starting was to go try on more jeans, I lost all sympathy. That’s not chronic lateness, that’s chronic disrespect for other people’s time.” – redditor191389
“There are many people in the world like this, who disrespect others’ time. And apparently, when you point out their disrespect, it makes you disrespectful.”
“NTA. Selfish people gonna learn one way or another that not everyone will wait for them. The universe doesn’t revolve around them and their timeline. They need to grow up or be left behind.”
“Don’t let people like this hold you back in life because of their shortcomings. Their immaturity is not your fault, don’t make it your problem. Keep living life as you wish. They certainly are doing exactly that.”
“Treat others how you want to be treated. People gotta not f**k around if they don’t wanna find out the consequences of their actions.”
“Say it with me, ‘we aren’t doing that no more!’, whenever people expect you to put up with their bulls**t and walk away. It feels so good. Especially when you continue on to the life they were making you miss out on experiencing because of their selfishness.” – TrailingKat
“I can’t even figure out what the h**l she was thinking here. She wasn’t just running late where she could ask people to wait for her, she was ignoring the time constraint of a scheduled movie. Movies don’t wait for you.”
“OP said he even missed a few minutes. She couldn’t possibly have been ‘looking forward to the movie’ and go grab more jeans when she was told it was about to start. NTA.” – jrosekonungrinn
“Chronically late people that have no issue ruining other people’s plans because they live in their own self-centered world need to realize that (shockingly) the world doesn’t in fact revolve around them.”
“I honestly don’t know how you’ve put up with it for so long. That type of disrespect would drive me bananas.” – CrystalQueen3000
The wife was clearly very upset with the OP, but the subReddit thought the OP had done the right thing.
Based on his post, the wife was disrespectful of others’ time and needed to learn how to balance respect with doing things she wanted to do. Without that, the wife might end up being late to her own divorce hearing.