Redditor “throwawayfather7” is young and financially stable—being an heir “to an enormous amount of money.”
But the death of a lifelong friend lead to a conflict over his money with his wider circle of friends.
The Original Poster (OP) went to Reddit to ask:
“AITA for refusing to financially support my best friends girlfriend and be a father to his son?”
“Ok so this is out of the blue and I need to know if AITA?”
“I (24M[ale]) am the heir to an enormous amount of money. I won’t get into it but my grandad owns a lot of land and property all rented out.”
“I have been friends with this guy since we were 8 and we have been best friends ever since. Brother close. Our parents even let us spend a week at each other’s house.”
“So this friend has a (1 M[ale]) child with this girl who I am not particularly close with. My friend recently passed away in a car accident.”
“It devastated me and my tight friend group, all from childhood. My friend didn’t have the same luxuries as I have been granted so he had nothing to give his child. His family have nothing basically.”
The OP was about to hear an unexpected announcement.
And it would not go down well.
“Well, we’ve been meeting at a friends house since lockdown was lessened and just drinking together. Today I came in and there were my buddies, his girl with his kid and some random people.”
“I didn’t know what was happening so I thought they’d invited more people than usual but then they basically said this.”
“’We’ve had a vote and decided who would be a good provider for [my] friend’s family’.”
“‘Since you were practically brothers, make enough money (my grandad gives me property and let’s me rent it out), more than you need even!'”
“‘You’re young and fit so we have decided that you will take up friends role’.”
“I lost it.”
Though he probably didn’t need to explain his objections to being voluntold by friends and strangers that he was going to be a provider and father to his late friend’s girlfriend and child, he did anyway.
“I’m grieving and these people just decided to try pull this on me.”
“I told them that the hard truth is that there is another single mother in the world and that I will not support nobody and I don’t plan on being a father until later on in my life.”
“She then said ‘At least let me stay in the guest house!’ I told her fat chance and that the only reason you slept there is because of my friend.”
“She started bawling and then the kid started crying. The girls looked like they were gonna cry and some of the guys were fuming but some had an ‘I told you so face’. I left and got spammed with messages.”
“People I wasn’t even friends with were messaging me.”
“A few guys asked if I was ok—like my other close friends—but some mutual friends were also calling me a bad person. My mom’s family even know and are calling me an a-hole but my dad’s are saying it was justified.”
“I was generally shocked and need someone to tell me if I’m wrong and what I did wrong. I’m grieving and feel totally blindsided.”
The OP updated his post with another detail.
“INFO: I’m not the godfather and they weren’t living in the guest house.”
“I didn’t have an agreement to look after his child otherwise this post would not be here.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agreed the OP was unfairly ambushed.
“NTA and the entitlement is astounding. You know who would be the best provider for your friend’s family? His goddamn family.” – Alternative_Answer
“OP – all of those people have just told you who they are. Listen to them. You are not a friend. You are a walking, talking cash machine in their minds.”
“It’s easy to tell other people what to do with their money. All the people telling you you’re selfish are ridiculous since none of them are willing to put up any money.” – Veridical_Perception
“The myopia is astounding here. You don’t vote on other people’s lives.”
“Either someone volunteers to step up, or the mother can go find a literal charity if she needs help.”
“This whole situation is just totally beyond the pale*!* Hard NTA*!*” – ajblue98
This Redditor pointed out the other options that were missed before pinning all responsibility on the grieving OP.
“At the very least they could include him in the discussions before the vote. But anyway, choosing one person to take all the responsibilities is just crazy.”
“If they really wanted to help they could set up a college fund for the kid where each pays in how much and how often they feel like, and even with a silent or expressed expectation that the richer guy contributes more that would be fair to OP, other friends, kid.” – Draigdwi
Redditors remained flummoxed over the unilateral group decision.
“I was all sorts of wtf too. I mean, grief does weird things to people, but this is so far past the left field!”
“Not even asking something as simple as ‘hey, op, we might be in a bit of a financial situation because of the loss, are you willing to help us out, please?’ would have probably gotten them further with him. But nope!”
“They’ve pulled the most socially uncomfortable sh*t. That’s coming from my autistic self, who f’ks up 3/4 of my social interactions.”
“Them? They just poured the kerosene on that bridge and torched it down to the ground. What were they f’king thinking? The whole bloody lot of them!” – ThrowntoDiscard
“This is so effed up. How can his friends without even asking him, make such a BIG DECISION just cause he has money?!”
“Are people generally stupid or what?? The audacity of his friends to actually say that to him.”
“NTA, you don’t need friends like that. Far out tell your mothers family to calm down and you didn’t father the child to bear such responsibilities.” – AdorableSoftware
It’s unclear what happened with the OP and his friend’s who think he needs to provide financial support, but Redditors decide he was definitely not the a**hole.