Redditor Throwaway-556 is the oldest of three siblings and was recently confronted about a family custom his girlfriend thought was weird.
His family dynamic became slightly awkward after he chose to listen to his girlfriend.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for refusing to hug my little sister because my girlfriend doesn’t want me to?”
The Original Poster (OP) began with some family background.
“This might be a bit unusual. So for some background, I (34 M[ale]) have two siblings, a brother (30 M[ale]) and little sister (23 F[emale]). For the purpose of this post, we’ll call them Paul and Abby.”
“When we were younger, our mom had this rule that every morning and before we went to bed, we should give each other a hug. I asked my mom about it when I got older, and she said her parents had a similar rule and she thought it made her and her siblings closer.”
“Eventually, around the time I went to college, Paul and I stopped hugging every day because I found it pretty awkward. However, up until now, I would hug Abby (whenever we were together anyway). Paul does the same.”
“Currently, all of us live together. Last night, my girlfriend (35 F[emale]) was staying over, and we were sitting on the couch. Abby said she was going to bed, so I gave her a hug.”
“After my she went inside, my GF said that it was really weird and that I was babying Abby. She told me I shouldn’t hug Abby anymore.”
“This morning, when Abby tried to hug me, I told her she shouldn’t anymore, because she’s grown up now and it’s kind of weird. Abby just said okay, then left.”
“She didn’t really talk to me for the rest of the day. It’s been pretty awkward, because all of us are home all the time, since her school and our work is all online.”
“Paul later came up to me and said I was being a d*ck. I told him it was my GF who told me not to hug Abby, and he said that it was stupid she was jealous of a kid, and she was being creepy.”
“I feel bad, but I don’t want to make my GF uncomfortable. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors declared YTA and saw there was nothing wrong with being affectionate towards family members.
“YTA There is nothing wrong with hugging your sister. It’s not babying your sister to give her a hug. That’s a very normal thing to do.”
“There’s nothing weird about being affectionate with your family. I have many ideas for why your girlfriend would want you to stop hugging your sister and none of them are good.” – possiblyaqueen
“YTA and so is your girlfriend. People don’t age out needing of hugs. You were still comfortable hugging each other so you should keep it up. It’s perfectly normal for families to do!” – swoon30
Others came forward and proudly shared how they are affectionate with their siblings.
“I am a 36 year old guy who hugs his 47 year old sister and lifts her off her feet every single time I see her.”
“Who the f’k ages out hugging the family they love? OP questioning this itself is mind boggling.” – TheDrewscriver
Heck yeah! I’m 37f and my 39 year old brother gives the best hugs! He’s really the only one in my family I like them from.”
“They make me feel safe. I would be devastated if he all of a sudden stopped.” – MaizyMay_
“My bros give the best hugs too! I’m the oldest, but we joke they are my big brothers because I’m only 5’4” and they are both over 6’. I totally get the safe feeling.”
“I also live a few hours away so I hug them every single time I see them, and when I say goodbye. This is the craziest thing to be jealous/weirded out by.” – LoveisaNewfie
“I get a bunch of hugs from my brothers when I’m home for a visit. I love them, the hugs and the brothers.”
“If any of us had a partner who was not okay with that, they wouldn’t be in the picture any more.” – jilly_is_funderful
Some Redditors expressed envy.
“My brothers don’t hug me. They do the half hug that lasts about -5 seconds.”
“I’m jealous of all these sisters getting hugs from their brothers. It sounds absolutely amazing.”
“OP, YTA” – theartistduring
“I’m also jealous. I grew up in a very ‘no affection’ family.”
“It screwed me up completely. I’m almost 40 now and I still carry the weird things it did to me mentally.”
“My husband and his family are very huggy, and I found it weird at first, but now I love all the hugs. I feel so loved and welcomed. I never ever felt that before, ever.”
“Edit to add: YTA, OP. Go hug your sister and tell her you’re sorry.” – YourLilVeniceBitch
Overall, Redditors said the OP was TA for not hugging his sister just because his girlfriend thought it was strange.