There are many scenarios that go through a person’s head after they find out that the love of their life may have been unfaithful.
Some will immediately confront the cheater and spout invectives before making a dramatic exit, while others will try and talk civilly about what led the other person to stray as a starting point to salvage the relationship.
And then there is Redditor throwrahoneypoop, who is at a complete loss on what to do after realizing that his girlfriend of five years may not be the caring and loving woman he thought she was.
So he sought Reddit’s Relationship Advice column to find out how best to handle his situation.
The Original Poster (OP) titled his post:
“I(23 M[ale]) found a sextape on my girlfriend’s(23 F[emale]) phone. And it wasn’t ours.”
“I’ve been dating this girl for over 5 years. She’s very special to me. Even at this point, I can’t help but hope she’s not too worried about why I’ve been acting so oddly.”
“I honestly was planning to marry her sometime in the future as soon as we settled into our adult lives.”
“One day we were chilling at her house when I asked her if she could send me the funny picture she took earlier that day of one of our puppies.”
“She was busy on her pc so she told me to just grab her phone to send it to myself. When I went into her phone gallery I noticed a ‘hidden’ folder which I hadn’t seen before.”
“Out of curiousity I opened it.”
“It was filled with her nudes. Most I’ve already seen. Some of which she’s never sent to me before. I thought maybe she was stockpiling for whenever I asked for any.”
“I clicked on a video. It was a sextape. It was from the POV of the guy but the thing is. I dont remember ever filming it. It 100% wasnt me.”
“Trust me, i know what my own schlong looks like. My girlfriend recorded having sex with another man.”
“For the last 5 years. We’ve had a few share of fights, but nothing too serious. She’d always make me feel loved and I could tell she really cares about me. Or at least I thought she did.”
“After I returned her phone to her, I quickly got up and went home. I couldn’t stay there any longer. And now I’m here.”
“I dont really know what to do. I’m planning on confronting her and breaking it off but right now I’m just so in shock. 5 years down the drain. and I feel like I just lost my best friend.”
“I’m not really sure how to feel. I can’t think straight. What would be the best way to handle this situation?”
This Redditor asked to clarify one thing before making a move.
“Did you see a date on the video??”
“If it was during the past 5 years then that could be a problem, but you should probably come clean to her (in person) so you can gauge her reactions/see if she’s lying.”
“It could be a huge misunderstanding, but it could also be a huge breakup. I say just get to the bottom of it.”
“If it does turn out to be a breakup, at least you found out before settling down with her.” – HelloRedditors246
The OP said that he did not check the date and added:
“But it was most likely pretty recent if the folder was sorted by time.”
He was advised to gather as much information before confronting his girlfriend about the dirty footage.
“Get the date first before confronting or at least only confront her in person. Do not give her time to delete anything.”
“Edit: It’s so that he can check for the date before he confronts her. It is better to have as much information as possible before confronting in the off chance it is not what it looks like. Though admittedly that chance is very small.”
“As evidence it is useless that much is true.” – The_Lonely_Cupcake
“Time is not an issue. They’ve been together for 5 years. Anytime before then, she would’ve been 17 years old.”
“So either she’s in possession of child porn of herself, or she cheated on OP. Unless they’ve taken a break within the 5 years they’ve been together. Plain and simple.”
“The real question is, how recent does the video look? I don’t look anything like I did when I was a teenager. Neither does my fiancé.”
“I think the answer is obvious.” – scarlxrd_is_daddyy
Others began sharing anecdotes similar to the OP’s dilemma.
“I had an ex bf who I was with for almost 4 years and I found a video he took of his best friends wife in the shower.”
“They had see through glass doors and she obviously didn’t know she was being filmed. It was an almost 1 minute vid and it happened when I was out of town in another state visiting family, I saw the date of the video.”
“It was disgusting cause it means he crept up the stairs and watched like a creep the whole time probably. When I confronted him he lied through his teeth and gave me all kinds of excuses, some even absurd.”
“Stupid me stayed for a little after that but I shouldn’t have cause the trust was gone, I was broken.” – panda_bubbles
“Yeah, I caught my girlfriend a few years back of her texting someone she had cheated on me with. I confronted her and when she asked ‘what texts are you talking about’ she had deleted the whole thread.”
“Then said ‘why were you looking through my phone anyway.’ When I asked why she deleted them, she said ‘it meant nothing, just friendly conversation and I didn’t want you to keeping seeing a conversation that will only upset you.'”
“It’s scumbag gaslighting behaviour.” – SylvehN
“Omg sameee!!! Except it wasn’t nudes – he was talking to his ex and deleted parts of conversations (while we were dating btw) and tried to show me what was said as proof that he’s not hiding stuff from me.”
“But I caught on to the time stamps and asked why he was talking to his ex so late at night, why there was a gap between 1am and 3am. and why the sudden change in conversation? Gaslighters gonna gaslight.” – Nolo__contendere_
“I had an ex that would delete EVERYTHING from his phone every chance he got.”
“One day I had a ‘gut feeling’ and looked through his Apple Watch (those are so annoying to go through and delete) and turns out he’d been talking to craigslist hookers and 19 years olds from the Catholic Church he went to. BYE!” – killerrtofuu
“If she denies it, walk away. There is no debate on if the video exists.”
“There is no legal obligation here, it’s about trust. If she breaks the trust like that, it’s over.”
“She either has a video of two other people, it’s old, or it’s with OP(doubtful). So denying it is the worst possible answer.” – TreeEyedRaven
As of yet, the OP has not provided an update to indicate whether or not he talked to his girlfriend.