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Guy Wonders If He’d Be Wrong To Call Out Couple Who Stole A Bottle Of Vodka From His House After A Party

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When opening your home to others it can be hard to find out that the trust you extended has been broken. It can be even harder to confront when there are overlapping group dynamics.

Redditor bizcuts_and_gravey looked for some thoughts on a complicated situation asking to see “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) preemptively in the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

WIBTA If I call out our ‘Friends’ for stealing from us?”

The OP dished on the party details.

“My lovely wife threw me a surprise birthday party a few weeks ago. Since we are allowed to have small (10 people max) outdoor gatherings, she invited over 3 other couples for some outdoor festivities!”

“We have an outdoor bar, fire table and hot tub which makes it great for small outdoor, pandemic friendly gatherings. My wife bought 3 bottles of strawberry vodka and was making some sort of fruity blender drink all night.”

”Everyone had a great time and I got way too sh*ttered in the hot tub and ended up calling it a night around 10. We only ever made it through 2 of those bottles and the 3rd remained unopened on the bar.”

“The next morning, my SO started the clean up. She noticed that the 3rd unopened bottle was gone. No biggie, she thought perhaps someone kept the party going. Further cleaning showed that there were only 2 empty bottles.”

”Now normally I wouldn’t even know how much booze we went through but she bought these and mentioned it to me out of curiosity.”

“A few days later, another one of friends from the party sends us a picture of them drinking the same vodka and says ‘look what <so and so> brought!’ I should note this same friend has suspected this couple from taking things from their house too in the past but never had proof.”

“I happen to have cameras setup on the bar to keep the kids honest. I decide to take a look at the camera feed and sure enough, I can see one of the husbands putting what looks like the vodka bottle into his bag. It was dark and grainy so it isn’t definitive.”

“He also put a bunch of other bottles in there but I honestly can’t know if it was his wine he brought or something else of mine. The only thing I know is that we bought 3 vodkas and one is now missing.”

So, now we are faced with a decision. Do we call them out? It gets complicated because of the relationships within the group.”

”If we call them out or even ask them about it, we could become the a**holes if they deny it and we risk losing the other good friendships in the group. If we don’t call them out, we’re basically saying it’s ok to steal from us.”

There were more to the group dynamics at play than simply host and potential thief. They elaborated:

“It gets even more complicated because the 3 couples we invited over are basically family. Couple 1 – husband has child with wife (his ex) of couple 2. Couple 2 – wife is the ex of husband in couple 1 and is sister of husband in couple 3. Couple 3 – husband is brother with wife of couple 2 and best friends with husband in couple 1.”

“Couple 2 are the suspects. And we are good friends with couple 1 and 3! But because of their ties to couple 2, we’ll likely lose all three relationships if we call out the thief.”

We have talked to the wife in couple 1 about this and she was supportive at first but now says we’re being selfish and it will destroy things if we say anything. We’re now worried that if we say anything, we’ll be outted as the a**holes because we caused the drama.”

”So, Reddit. Are we the assholes if we call this couple out?”

Redditors weighed in by stating:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors agreed that OP would definitely not be an a**hole for confronting the couple.

“NTA. Stop inviting them to your place. They know why. You don’t need to talk about it and you can blame the demic for needing to downsize.”~LittleRavenRobot

NTA but you will absolutely blow up the group. That being said, are these people friends if they think you’re being selfish for being upset about someone stealing? I am assuming this is a bottle of flavoured vodka, likely around the $35-40 range? That is a fair amount to just pocket.”

”A good middle ground might be to make some fairly pointed jokes about it. Next time everyone’s over something like ‘we’re playing a murder mystery tonight, the murder of our strarberry vodka’ or simply making a conscious effort to show husband2 that there is a camera on the bar along with ‘this thing captures all kinds of crazy stuff you just would not believe’ or ‘I’ve caught the kids stealing all kids of liquor and I always give them an out – replace it and no questions asked’ etc.”~gendabenda

NTA. Stealing is wrong and it sounds like you have video evidence backing up the accusation, so even if they deny it it doesn’t matter – you have proof that they did it.”~ratondo

NTA but it will mean that your group will likely fall apart, or you’ll be left out. Personally I would confront them and ask what they were about and see if they apologized. Or a quieter option would be to simply stop inviting them to your home.”

Eventually they will ask and you will have to explain that whenever they came by things would go missing and you have video showing they did take things and so this seemed like the best solution for the group.”~corgihuntress

NTA, but I’d probably have a quiet word with wife 2. I’d frame it as asking if everything is okay and let her know you have cameras etc so you know what happened, say you don’t want to make a fuss but you wanted to make sure there’s not other problems.”~seskasha

Hopefully OP found a way to both address the theft with the accused couple and maintain their other friendships.

Written by Heidi Dockery

Heidi Dockery is a Maine artist & nature enthusiast with an affinity for libraries. She studies Criminal Justice with a special focus on psychology & sociology at the University of Maine. When not studying, painting, or re-reading the works of Terry Pratchett, she volunteers & enjoys various activities most would label nerdy.