How you get along with your in-laws is going to determine more about your relationship than you might think it should. It’s really easy to see how friction with them would lead to a bumpier road with your significant other.
However, if you’re both on the same page regarding the in-laws, things should be fine, right?
Redditor grossnastyyuckyfood is finding out that things are still complicated, particularly when it comes to food. They try to make compromises with what the family eats, but is turned down at every corner.
But is this a simple case of the nightmare in-laws, or is the original poster (OP) actually the one wrong?
To find out, OP asks the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about their situation.
The question was:
“AITA for trying to arrange meetups with my in-laws that aren’t food centric because I can’t sit through another disgusting meal with them?”
This was what happened:
“My in-laws are so nice, but their taste in food is… gross. I’m talking inches of mayo on simple sandwiches, ranch dressing poured all over everything, food covered in cheese, deep fried this and that, and for a vegetable… corn slathered in butter.”
“It’s all beige and tasteless because they don’t season food unless it comes in seasoning packets, and they salt everything within an inch of its life. Almost every time I eat there I have the worst stomach ache.”
“We got tired of having to choke down my MIL’s cooking and whenever we’d have them over there would be nonstop complaining because even though I would make stuff I thought they’d like (heavy on the meat and potato, lots of cheese available) there would be big enough portions, there was ‘too much green stuff’ etc etc. So it’s mutual.”
“They think what we eat is disgusting and I think what they eat is disgusting.”
“So the solution is to obviously hang out without food, right? I started suggesting we go to the park, the Zoo, on nice hikes, etc. But then eventually someone would say ‘Sure, but then let’s meet back here for a nice lunch!’ and I’m back to choking down mayo sandwiches.”
“If we tried to skip it they’d get mad for cutting the visit short. I would recommend ordering pizza and then get myself a nice healthy salad, they’d complain about how I’m no fun and think I’m better than them.”
“My husband finally put his foot down and said that we won’t be meeting up to do food anymore and MIL made a huge stinky fit about it, saying that we were ruining everything and being too picky and we thought we were better than they are.”
“Mind you that we’ve never made faces about the food, we’ve never once complained about it, and I always offer to help come up with a menu or bring something and I’m shot down.”
“They however always make faces because ‘Ew what’s quinoa salad’ and ‘Ew what is this green stuff’ and can’t deal with one meal that isn’t 1500 calories in one go.”
“Are we completely off base here?”
OP can’t stand another bit of the “unhealthy” food their in-laws serve, but are they just giving attitude over a big nothing?
To find out, Redditors respond to the AITA story with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Because of OP’s continual attempts to find a compromise, and the in-laws stubborn refusal to even try things other ways, the board was mostly on OP’s side.
They voted OP was NTA.
“They recognise their food choices are bad, otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to shame or guilt you for your healthy lifestyle. They’re envious, but want to cut you down instead of making any meaningful change.” – Lucyfiir
“Either that or they are in denial as the saying goes ‘misery loves company’.”
“I mean I love deep fried foods as much as the next guy but a diet based on eating that in a regular bases sounds unappealing to me I would grow tired of that much oil entering my body and covering my fingers every time I eat” – Apgamerwolf
“NTA. My parents can’t cook and I can’t eat their food (I had food poisoning the night before my wedding thanks to them!) so I just plan my visits in between meals.”
“Even if it’s a lie, I go with ‘oh, that looks great but I already ate’ and then I can take one or two polite bites and not have to suffer through an entire plate of gross.” – SolidUpstairs
There were a few comments that called out OP for thinking they were better than the in-laws, but they still acknowledged the stubbornness.
Some of the other comments were more worried about the health effects of that kind of diet.
“NTA. I’m in a slightly similar position. My grandfather eats like utter garbage (my dad has seen him eat peanut-butter and mayonnaise sandwiches and then wash it down with a bottle of syrup) and now has diabetes.
“My family does not care to live like that. We eat healthy. And honestly, sometimes eating a salad is better than other things, even if you like other things.”
“Sounds like to me your in-laws are trying to convert you over to their diets, maybe so they don’t have to feel bad about eating so unhealthily.” – fishebake
“They definitely always make comments about how my husband is wasting away, he’s skin and bones (he’s a healthy, fit weight) since he left their home town and moved to a more urban area.”
“So I feel like they take it really personally.” – grossnastyyuckyfood (OP)
“NTA This is not a gray area. It’s pretty black and white. YOU SHOULD NOT BE HARASSED AND PRESSURED INTO EATING FOOD YOU DO NOT WANT.”
“Your in-laws sound unhealthy across multiple aspects. You shouldn’t have to cut someone out of your life because they have terrible eating habits.”
“But you might have to cut out people who try to force these habits on you.” – floridagirl26
“Oh NTA. They know they’re eating garbage and would rather drag you down to their level of unhealthy comfort instead of make an effort to at least appreciate your food. Your husband already backed you up so take it as a signal and distance yourself from them.”
“You have no obligation to prevent them from dying of a clogged artery and you’re not a horrible daughter-in-law for hoping they try a salad.”
“If ever you guys want kids you also have to consider the effects their bad habits will have on your kids. Like ‘granny can eat double fried chicken with cheese and gravy with a mayo coating for dinner,why can’t I?’ Kind of bad.”
“Your kids could see that it’s ok for you to be THAT unhealthy” – SoBreezy74
Whether or not you think that OP thinks more highly of themselves because they eat healthier foods, you cannot deny that they’ve done their best to compromise. Being forced to eat things you don’t want to is sickening after a while.
But OP is still the one who has to deal with the fallout from how upset the in-laws are over this food situation, and getting through it is going to be difficult, if it’s at all possible.