Everyone has needs, and ideally, two people would find each other who could meet those needs.
But sometimes, it takes much too long for a person to realize that their partner will only meet their needs under certain conditions, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Smil3z5 wanted to have a strong, masculine partner who was also a provider, and up until recently, she thought her husband was that person.
But when he stopped wanting to help her while she was pregnant, and even charged her money to lift items that she could not safely lift, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if her husband was really who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being furious that my husband charged me money to help me move something?”
The OP’s husband became less helpful when she became pregnant.
“I’m 20 weeks pregnant.”
“Yesterday, I sold something. When I sold the item, my husband asked that I give him ten dollars for helping him move and lift the item.”
“Today, I went to purchase a new toilet from someone with the money that I got from what I sold.”
“I asked my husband if he could help me today to go pick it up, and he said maybe tomorrow.”
“I didn’t want to wait, so I asked my brother-in-law, and he went with me to get it.”
When she got home, she called her husband out.
“When I got home, my husband was napping. I asked him to remind me why I paid him ten dollars yesterday.”
“He said, ‘Because I helped you move that thing, and I didn’t want to do s**t.'”
“I said, ‘Okay, just wanted to confirm that was the reason.'”
“I’m just p**sed. I’m used to having a man’s man, like my dad and brother, who don’t mind at all lifting and helping, I don’t know.”
“Am I Overreacting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were shocked and infuriated by the husband’s behavior.
“What kind of s**t is this? Who charges their wife to move something? She doesn’t need to be lifting anything, especially while pregnant.”
“This is a huge red flag. He doesn’t seem like he treats her right at all. I think OP should definitely reconsider this marriage.” – InternalGood1015
“My mouth fell open reading this. This is truly f**ked up. I feel for OP. She doesn’t deserve having to deal with a piece of s**t like her husband.” – InternalGood1015
“NOR. My husband has moved plenty of heavy things for me, even when he didn’t want to, and has never CHARGED me for doing so.”
“When I was pregnant, if he saw me moving anything that was potentially heavy, he would run to move it. And he doesn’t run.” – Crispynotcrunchy
“My husband won’t let me carry things other than my purse. Even in the grocery store. If I pick up a bag or two, he will ask me to pass them to him and hand me the car key so I open the back door for him.”
“He considers carrying anything to be his job, and going ahead to unlock and open doors so he can set them down is mine.”
“He will hold my purse if I ask him to. He has no issue with that; he just considers it my personal property. Like his wallet, although we share our combined money as family funds.” – irisdescentsyrup
“NOR. If I’m carrying a shopping bag, he takes it from me, LOL. The only time he lets me carry them is if his hands are full. He has a broken bone in his wrist, but still insists on carrying things. He just tucked some under his arm instead. I, of course, carried bags too.”
“Don’t think he’d ever dream of charging me for him to move/lift anything. He’d find it as weird as the rest of us do.” – West-Kaleidoscope129
“My ex is a piece of s**t, a convict, and we never had kids, and he lives two hours away, but he would be d**ned if he let me do something like that alone.”
“Especially if I were pregnant, even though we haven’t been together in a decade, and it wouldn’t be his kid, obviously, he would NEVER. So what the f**k is this guy’s deal?!” – eeyorespiglet
“I’m currently pregnant, and if he sees me lift anything that looks more than 10 pounds, he runs over and basically rips it away from me.”
“He’s even scolded me once for carrying heavy grocery bags. ‘What are you doing? You’re pregnant! You shouldn’t be carrying that. You should have told me! I would have helped.'”
“The idea that he would charge me for carrying something heavy is mind-boggling!” – HumbleCoyoteGames
Others felt petty and suggested what the OP should charge her husband for.
“What. The. Charge him an hourly rate for gestating his baby. Or kick him to the curb.” – GirtBySeaSoThere
“Charge him, for every meal you cook, every load of laundry, every time he wants sex, etc. What a complete and total waste of space he is!” – Leesiecat
“Charge him ten dollars for lost use since your brother-in-law needed to step in and move the thing this time. What a useless partner to have.”
“Toilets aren’t even an impulse, just-for-fun purchase!” – YesterdaySimilar2069
“Charge him for cooking his meals! If he doesn’t pay, put raw meat on his dish! And if you yourself are paying for this food, don’t share it! He needs to pay you for cooking and buy his own groceries.” – romya2020
“Charge him when he uses the toilet. Every time.” – Entire-Ad2058
“For real. I’d charge that man for EVERYTHING I did for him that I didn’t feel like doing after some bulls**t like that.”
“I’d be like, ‘I really don’t want to do s**t, so I’m gonna need $10 if you want me to make your dinner, wash your clothes, do the dishes,’ or whatever it is.”
“Screw all that ‘making your pregnant wife pay you to keep her from potentially miscarrying’ s**t.” – TheDreadPirateJenny
Some looked past the money and suggested the OP get out before her baby was born.
“He’ll charge her for watching his own kid. She’s better off as a single parent.” – Mundane-Moose-2913
“Since you’re now paying him, he’s your employee. So tell him there’s a policy against boss-employee fraternization, so you can never f**k him again. Then you leave him.” – miss_mme
“NOR, but you certainly have a decision to make before the baby comes.” – Appropriate_Aioli363
“I have no idea why people have kids with guys like this, honestly. Basically ruining her life and the kids’ life with a deadbeat father they’re tied to for 18 years, at a minimum.” – Aintnobeef96
“NOR, but you’re having a child with him? Is he going to charge you for getting up for night feedings and changing diapers? Yes, yes, he is. I’d walk away before proving myself right.” – jphistory
“Charge him 30 dollars for every hour of your pregnancy.”
“Love is not transactional. I literally just looked at my partner and told him I’d be a single mom real fast if he pulled that s**t.”
“In all seriousness, this guy is an a**hole.” – Emberrrr3
“Oh girl… please tell me this isn’t the classic story of abusers only revealing their true colours once they feel they have you ‘locked down’ so you can’t leave?”
“Leaving is always an option.” – Aussiealterego
“We have had a broken car for months. One day, I asked again if he could fix it.”
“He asked me, ‘Why don’t you fix it?’ I said, ‘Because I don’t know how, and you do.'”
“Then he told me to shut the f**k up or pay him to do it.”
“I haven’t felt the same since and am making exit plans. I can’t even imagine if I were carrying his child. Ugh, so sorry.” – SimFlixAndChill
“My ex-husband told me I would need to give him 24 hours’ notice before I asked him to do something.”
“My response, ‘Okay, you have 24 hours to get out of my house.'”
“He didn’t take that well and did some dramatic things, but I stuck to it. He was outta there.
Divorced shortly afterwards.” – Desert-Monsoons
“Just cut to the chase and divorce him, because he’s going to be a bad influence on this child, and he’s certainly not a man who even likes you, let alone loves you. You are in for world of misery if you let this person stay in your life another moment.” – Ok_Imagination_1107
The subReddit could not wrap their mind around how the OP’s husband was treating her and where he even got the idea to charge his own wife for helping her with basic tasks, especially while she was pregnant with their child.
Since the OP thought that her husband was a provider and protector before this, there was a distinct possibility that he might be one of those partners who changed their personality and how they treated their wives once they were married or pregnant, which might be the biggest red flag ever.