Being a working parent is a constant struggle.
Finding a way to make sure you are fully present at work and fulfilling all your commitments but at the same time making sure that you are equally present for your children… all the while also keeping your home in an orderly fashion. It’s a lot.
Ideally, in two-parent homes, parents are able to find a way of equally distributing certain responsibilities so one doesn’t feel overwhelmed, thus keeping a loving, harmonious atmosphere at home.
When parents decide not to do this, the atmosphere is usually anything but harmonious.
Redditor Chemical-Mess-7883 was growing increasingly frustrated by the fact that she spent far more time watching the children and doing the chores than her husband did.
Particularly as she had to manage all this while also working full-time.
As a result, when the original poster (OP) was presented with a girl’s weekend, she jumped at the opportunity.
Only to immediately regret her decision upon returning home.
Worried she behaved in an irresponsible manner, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for Leaving My Husband Alone With The Kids For 2 days.”
The OP explained why she came to regret assuming that her husband could handle watching their children on his own for a day or two.
“I (24 F[emale]) have two sets of twins first set are five years old boys, and the second set is 3-year-old girls.”
“My husband (27) always complains that the house isn’t up to his standards and that it’s a mess or that I sometimes put on frozen meals instead of cooking a fresh dinner.”
“It’s super irritating because I’m expected to do everything just because I work from home; he thinks that I have an easier than his, which is physical labor.”
“I can never do anything because when he has time off, all he wants to do is sleep and says he needs it because he is exhausted from work, or he wants to use his break to hang with his friends.”
“So basically, all the chores are usually thrown on me.”
“I had enough of it, and it came to show when my friend called me to hang out.”
“When I asked my husband to watch them so I can go, he went into a rant about how he’s tired and been working all week, and the least I could do is watch the children so that he could get some rest because I’m home all day with easy work.”
“So I decided after I put the children to sleep that night to leave a note saying that I’ll be out.”
“Just leave and have a night out with the girls which ended up turning into a weekend out with the girls.”
“When morning time came, he was calling and texting me nonstop, and when I answered, he was yelling at me and cursing me out.”
“When my friends overheard the conversation, they were shocked and hung up the phone for me and told me to mute it.”
“I didn’t have any plans to stay any longer than that night, but when my friends overheard how my husband spoke to me, they convinced me to stay and even told me they’d take me out to eat and planned a whole day for me.”
“When I got back, the place was a complete and utter mess like a pile full of dishes, garbage all over the place, floors were sticky, there was pee all over the toilet, and the place just smelled awful.”
“My husband, of course, was angry and had a suitcase already packed.”
“He barely said two words to me and just left and texted me saying he’ll be staying at his mom’s.”
“Now I feel horrible because clearly he couldn’t handle taking care of the kids for this long by himself, and I feel like an a**hole and don’t want this to ruin my marriage.”
“Do you all think I’m an a-hole for the way I acted?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for leaving her children alone with her husband.
Everyone thought that if anyone was ruining the OP’s marriage, it was her husband, who was badly taking advantage of her by forcing her to take the brunt of responsibility. when it came to childcare and housekeeping.
“It sounds like a pretty sh*tty marriage, to be honest.”
“Exactly what good thing are you getting out of it?”
“Sounds like he gets his rest, a housemaid, and a cook.”
‘He gets to go out with his friends.”
“What exactly do you get?”- shontsu
“I don’t know what your husband does, but you have four children in the house.”
“Unless he’s springing for a maid and/or a nanny, you’re working 16 hours to his eight, assuming you both get eight hours of sleep (I’ll bet you don’t).”
“You may love him, but he clearly doesn’t respect the effort you’re putting in.”- srgonzo75
“Are you serious?”
“Your husband is a f*cking a**hole to the hundredth degree.”
“Does he realize he has four children and he is responsible for physically taking care of them as well as being financially responsible for them?”
“Is he one of those men who think they don’t have to contribute anything except money to the relationship and household?”
“Because he sounds like a terrible partner and a pretty terrible dad, too.”
“I don’t know if he’s always been this way or it’s new, but you need to find a way to set him straight.”
“It’s not solely your job to raise your children. It’s both of yours.”
“If he can have time to hang out with friends, so can you.”
“I don’t know why people put up with sh*tty partners like this, but please realize your worth and make your partner realize your worth because you deserve so much better than this bullsh*t.”-LeisurelyLife710
“NTA, your husband sounds awful.”
“I’d recommend a divorce.”- Stan_of_Cleeves
“But honey, RUIN THIS MARRIAGE.”
“You work full time, take care of 4 kids under 6, cook, and keep the house clean FULL TIME?”
“He expects to come home to a home-cooked meal?”
“Sleep when he’s home?”
“Hang out with his friends?”
“This is not a marriage. It’s a joke.”
“He is providing you 0 support and then whining when asked to help at all or when things aren’t perfect.”
“It doesn’t matter if your job is easier or not (it’s probably not easier, just different). He’s not entitled to mooch off of you.”
“Honey, forget this.”
“You can do it on your own.”- DoraTheUrbanExplorer
“He’s already ruined the marriage.”
“All your doing is hanging on to what you wanted a marriage to be.”- ItsWetInWestOregon
“Your man clearly needed this wake-up call.”
“He spent two days finding out how hard you have to work, and he ran away screaming.”
“Does his mother actually support this?”
“If either of mine turned up under these circumstances, they’d get a kick up the backside and sent home to sort their life out.”
“Don’t let him come back and lapse straight into his old ways, even if you have to resort to a written division of labor.”- Waste_Vegetable8974
“Your husband sounds like a complete @ss TBH.”
“The one time he’s expected to step in as a dad, he crumbles in and runs off to his mom, seeing it fit for you to take on the burden he couldn’t handle for a few hours.”- Darkblade_TT
“Work from home means you WORK from home.”
“Your husband is being a jerk – do you really want to continue a marriage where not only are you responsible for all the childcare and housekeeping and have to hold a full-time job, but your husband dictates when and where you can do all the work he feels is not his?”
“What may I ask is your husband’s contribution to this relationship aside from financial?”
“I’d tell him to stay at his mom’s and start figuring out how to be a single parent.”
“Spoiler Alert: you already are.”- Ok_Homework8692
“Sounds like he could use another week alone with the kids…”
“I have three friends that divorced their husbands for lack of help.”
“All women gained the following.”
“50% of their time free (meaning they can actually have a social life).”
“Don’t need to manage a big misogynistic baby who complains and doesn’t contribute.”
“Mandatory boundaries and respect from ex-husband.”
“Happiness (all three are significantly happier and lived more balanced lives after they divorced).”
“Working from home IS work and does not mean you are required to do everything.”
“This is complete and utter bullsh*t.”
“He does not respect you.”
“P.s. all three men freaked out at the divorce and for months afterward because they had NO idea how actually to be a parent, cook, clean, etc.”
“They wildly underestimated the contributions from their wives and had not intended on ever contributing/ saw their wives as maid service.”
“I can’t tell you enough how happy all the women were after.”
“Oh, and 2/3 women were the breadwinners/ had the higher income.”
“It was literally cheaper for them to divorce and hire an actual maid.”- Legitimate-Ad-6771
It’s rather hard to decide which is worse.
That the OP actually couldn’t trust that her children will be safe in the care of their father.
Or that being alone with his children for a weekend was so unbearable for the OP’s husband that his inclination was to cut and run.
Leaving one to wonder if the OP’s husband is even worthy of having children of his own.