One would think gender roles in a household are, for the most part, a thing of the past.
It no longer seems to be the given expectation the wife stays home to do all the cooking and cleaning while the husband is away at work.
But the husband of Redditor thesecretrussianwife apparently felt otherwise, offering her no help when it came to any required work in the kitchen.
Concerned about how she handled the situation, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not cooking anything?”
The OP first revealed she is currently a tad incapacitated when it comes to doing household chores, but for the best reason imaginable.
“For some context I am currently a little over 8 months pregnant and have began the stage of needing help to get up from the couch or even put on my pants.”
“My husband has been home for the past week and will be home for at least another week.”
“I usually do all the cooking, cleaning and general housework.”
“Now recently my hips have been jello and I’ve been struggling to stand for much too long so I’ll cook and then clean up an hour later.”
“I cook for both my husband and I always and I’ve been getting so tired.”
“Three prepped meals with at least 2 including a meat source gets a little much to keep making.”
In-spite of all of this, the OP’s husband seemed to expect her to carry on as usual, even in her current condition.
“Yesterday my husband asked again as he does every day ‘What are you making for lunch?’.”
“Now I was tired and had just finished cleaning the bathrooms and replied ‘I’ll cook when you wash the dishes’.”
“Since then I haven’t cooked.”
“I’ve scavenged the fridge for my own meals (hard boiled eggs in the fridge, hot dogs, hashbrowns, waffles, etc) or just washed what I was using.”
“I’ve offered him some nibbles of my food here and there but he is now complaining that he’s starving.”
“We’ve been married for over a year and he’s washed dishes ONCE the whole time.”
“He doesn’t clean and only ever takes out the trash once a week or so and checks the mail.”
“He insists because he is the working one in the relationship he shouldn’t clean or cook.”
“I’ve been on trips alone and came home to a weeks worth of dishes because he just doesn’t clean.”
“He assumes that picking up the trash around the living room counts as ‘cleaning’.”
“So I feel justified in this standstill of not cooking.”
“He has now been calling me a ‘bitch’ and telling me he’s the working one so I should do the bare minimum of cooking for him.”
“So am I the asshole for not cooking?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously agreed that the OP was most definitely not the a**hole for refusing to cook for her husband.
A number of Redditors were even bold enough to suggest it might be in the OP’s best interest to leave her husband, so appalled they were by his behavior.
“A little late, but having a child with this child was a bad idea.”
“I’ll recommend couples’ therapy, but be prepared to pull the plug on the marriage if he digs in his heels, unless you want to be raising two children for the next 18 years.”- plm56.
“Wait a sec…..you are physically unable to stand for an extended period of time to cook and he calls you a b*tch for wanting him to wash dishes?!?!?”
“NTA 100000000x.”- runningwithkimchi.
“NTA, but honestly, if things have degenerated between you to the point of a kitchen stand-off and your husband calling you foul names, do you really want to be married to him?”- lamaisondesgaufres.
“It’s a shame you didn’t know he was this kind of guy before you married him.”
“That’s a no for me.”- FlyingDutchLady
“I’m furious your partner is being such an a**hole, particularly when you’re about to give birth to his child.”
“If we were friends and I heard he called you a b*tch for not making him dinner I would need you to collect me with bail money.”
“I will say as a person who is no longer with my child’s father that this lack of supportive collaboration in the running of the household, something I didn’t really notice until we had a kid together, is a symptom of a much bigger issue that ultimately led to us no longer being together.”
“I’m never a fan of ‘JUST DUMP HIM’ on this forum because…well…relationships are more nuanced than one story, but I would be super wary of someone who was this disrespectful of you WHILE YOU’RE PREGNANT, a time when you’re the most vulnerable to all sorts of cruelties.”
“Not only are you NTA you are deserving of a fierce, protective, and abundant love.”
“I hope you find it.”-Ok_Astronaut_7114
Just about everyone couldn’t believe the OP’s husband didn’t feel compelled to wait on her hand and foot while she was pregnant with his child.
“My father almost never cooks or does dishes.”
“Yet, every time my mom was pregnant, after only a couple months of the pregnancy he did everything for my mom.”
“Cooking, cleaning, the works.”
“I don’t know how your husband does not understand the massive strain your body is under.”
“He should be caring for you and your unborn child right now, not the other way around.”
“NTA NTA NTA NTA.”
“I’m so sick and tired of reading these posts where the main male character is stuck in the 1950’s.”
“He’s a grown ass man he can make his own food, in fact you are carrying his baby, he should be cooking your food and taking care of you! “
“I reallllly hope he steps up when this baby is born, but I somehow doubt it OP.”- AncoraK
Indeed, considering how little concern the OP’s husband has for her well-being during her pregnancy, one can’t help but worry what his behavior will be like once their baby arrives.
Here’s hoping he has a miraculous change of heart, otherwise this will be one unhappy household.