For those of us who drink coffee, most of us are pretty particular about how we like to drink it.
But that doesn’t mean we should react in anger when the coffee isn’t quite right, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwaway6478467 was taken aback when her husband lashed out at her for making his coffee too sweet, though she thought it was the same as usual.
But when he would not let it go, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do about the overly sweet cup.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to make my husband another cup of coffee after he purposely dropped the first one?”
The OP’s husband recently woke up in a bad mood.
“My (26 Female) husband (31 Male) woke up ‘not in the mood’ this morning and told me to make him a cup of coffee before he went to work.”
“I went and made it with extra sugar just like how he always likes it, but when I handed it to him and he tasted it, he made a face and said it was too sweet.”
“I told him this is how he usually has it, but he said he wasn’t in a good mood today and told me to make another one.”
The OP was surprised by how furious her husband was.
“Mind you, I was already 20 minutes late for work. I told him no and said that he already had one and should just drink it.”
“Next thing I knew, he dropped the cup on the floor ‘purposely.’ He said that he ‘no longer has it’ and that I should go ahead and make another one.”
“I refused, and then we had an argument, and I just walked out.”
The OP’s husband also continued the argument throughout the day.
“He texted me a bunch later, saying I disrespected him and forced him to not have his daily coffee by acting stubborn and having an attitude.”
“Then he reminded me of how much work he’s picked up, and how much time and rest he’d sacrificed in order to help me while I was recovering from the birth of our son. But that was just the first week then I had to get up.”
“He said I owe him, and that I should’ve returned at least one of his many favors instead of deciding to ruin his day.”
“I came home and he’s here refusing to even look at me.”
“Should I have just taken 5 minutes to make him another one?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by the husband’s behavior.
“Yeah… my ex learned quickly. Complain about the same lunch each day? Make your own my friend, I don’t owe you a favor. Your laundry isn’t ready when you want it? That’s ok, do it yourself so you have it when you need it.”
“This was back in the dark ages of the early 90s. I didn’t understand controlling relationships and honestly, I don’t think he did either. We were young and trying to feel our way along. It was just stereotypical gender and marital roles, but I came from a matriarchal family. He was a bit taken aback, I think, but said we’ll be fine.”
“And that’s my point- he should say thanks, hon! If he’s off sweets and wants to mention it, he can say, thanks Hon, I’m feeling off sweets today I’m going to grab another one, I appreciate you!” – jjjedd
“You owe him a divorce because he’s treating you like s**t. Please get therapy, read, and do whatever you can to learn about what a healthy relationship looks like, because you deserve a healthy relationship, and this isn’t it.” – _psychologizer_
“NTA. When people say ‘respect’ or ‘disrespect’ they can mean different things. He’s saying that you disobeyed him. And then he straight up blames you for his actions.”
“What’s he going to be like when your son is fully mobile and talking and, as toddlers often do, ignoring or disobeying his dad?” – TheTrueAHWasInsideUS
“I’m sorry, OP, you don’t deserve this.”
“He’s done VERY basic husband duties and expects you to roll out the red carpet for it. He should’ve WANTED to care for you after you had your child and never held that over your head.” – Major_Administrative
“You gave him a son. Your whole body went through severe changes and your vagina was essentially torn apart and needed stitches. You had to use maternity pads too since the bleeding continues post-labor. Yet, he feels you owe him for taking ‘time to recover’?”
“Plus, you both work! So where is your cup of coffee, OP? Or tea? Why couldn’t he just make a pot and serve himself exactly how he wants? Or is your husband missing his arms?”
“If he hasn’t done this before then he might be under stress. But his behavior is unacceptable. Both of you need to have a serious conversation and he should apologize to you.” – Ladonnacinica
“I can’t imagine disrespecting my wife this terribly. It makes me sick to think about.”
“I guess I’d be the one you call the breadwinner, but that doesn’t really factor in much. I still absolutely contribute around the house and don’t expect her to do things like make me coffee every morning.”
“You guys have moved past the point of love and respect. At least he has. I can’t see why you’d stay together.” – HalfBear-HalfCat
Others were concerned the husband might be abusive and controlling.
“This is a very telling point in your relationship, to be honest. The fact that you needed to ask if you are the a**hole is also telling.”
“He basically threw a cup of coffee on the ground and demanded another, and cited indignation for having to take care of you in the most vulnerable of moments after you birthed his kid… this behavior is beyond disgusting.”
“Honestly for years after pregnancy, the husband should do his best to be kind and use this time to learn patience to help those raw nerves heal both physically and emotionally because it takes a long time for some. He woke up in a mood and is taking it out on you for some reason and that is not ok.”
“I would let him know how not ok this behavior is and how serious this disrespect is. I would absolutely not accept this behavior, it is beyond immature and hints at narcissistic tendencies.”
“I would be on guard and try to notice things like emotionally manipulative behavior, victim complex, and other things narcissists do and call him out and see the reaction, maybe even write it in a notebook and tally it all up.”
“Absolutely NTA. Your husband is a huge AH for that. Decide for yourself whether or not it is worth it for you to potentially water years of your life with this dude. Narcissists basically never change just FYI” – plusultra420
“He didn’t do you a favor by helping take care of his own infant that he literally helped create. This feels so misogynistic, I’m worried about you, OP. This isn’t normal behavior. You’re not his maid.”
“And I’m sorry if this is harsh, but you need to have some self-respect and put your foot down. Stop tolerating this behavior. He’s not your master, he’s your husband. He’s supposed to be your partner. You do not live to serve him.” – WifeofBath1984
“You DO realize that your husband is dangerously manipulative and vindictive? There is no part of your husband’s behavior here that is acceptable or sane.”
“He is nasty, petty, and abusive. You are not in a good place. So sorry NTA RED FLAG.” – V-838
“He hadn’t even had the full day. He literally just woke up on the wrong side of the bed… Wild.”
“NTA. Gurl, they say the controlling narcissistic behavior begins once you have a baby and ‘can’t leave.’ I would start making note of this behavior… it will probably get worse.” – dsmile14707
“He considers the sleep and rest he lost taking care of his own child a ‘sacrifice’ that he made for her rather than part of being a parent. That tells me all I need to know about what kind of man he is.”
“The fact that he also thinks she’s indebted to him and is still holding it over her head a year later is just icing on the divorce cake IMO (in my opinion).” – cosmic_grayblekeeper
“You know the answer to your post’s question. You know your husband is a complete childish a**hole. I’m hoping you find solace in the confirmation from strangers.” – Jdaddy2u
The OP fortunately did not see herself as in the wrong for her husband’s reaction to the coffee, but they were also concerned about her husband’s outburst and continued attempts at arguing.
While it might be annoying to drink a cup of coffee that we don’t particularly like or one that has gone cold, that’s hardly a reason to treat a partner like that.