Being a parent is one of the greatest joys anyone can hope for.
Which doesn’t mean that parenting is easy.
Indeed, new parents learn pretty quickly what a challenge it is when they bring their first baby home.
As a result, they welcome any help they get from their child’s grandparents.
As long as these grandparents are actually helping.
The mother of Redditor AndrewRichard11 was ready and willing to offer a bit of help to him and his wife with their new baby.
But as far as the original poster (OP)’s wife was concerned, his mother wasn’t being very helpful at all.
Leading to some unfortunate tension between the new parents.
Wondering if they handled the situation as well as they could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my wife to stop acting out in front of my mom?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to confront his wife about the way she behaved when his mother came to help with the baby.
“My wife and I had our baby boy 5 weeks ago.”
“Everything’s going fine.”
“No health problems or complications whatsoever.”
“However, my wife is often exhausted so I let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff, I can barely have time to work, and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit.”
“Thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son.”
“She’d make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt.”
“I asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing.”
“I asked her to elaborate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her.”
“Mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling, but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she’s already asked a couple of times, and mom won’t listen.”
“They started arguing and mom started crying.”
“That’s when I felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out, and that if she keeps this up then we won’t get anymore help from mom.”
“She argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as ‘acting out’.”
“I said I understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us.”
“But a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time.”
“She called me selfish and said that it’s easy for me to say when I’m not the one ‘dealing with this’.”
“From there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short.”
“I went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me.”
“I told her this was not okay but she told me to go screw myself, and that from now on out I should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it’s time for feeding since I ‘condone’ this behavior.”
“I really am not condoning anything and really think she’s stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little sympathy from the Reddit community, who felt he was very clearly the a**hole for the way he behaved towards his wife.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being thoughtless and insensitive to his wife’s feelings, and he seemed more concerned with his mother’s feelings than he did his wife’s, who had just gone through childbirth.
“When my MIL came over after the birth of our daughter and pulled this exact sh*t my husband’s reaction was to physically take the baby from his mom, hand her to me, and show his mom to her car.”
“You support a new mom by supporting her, not by trying to make things easier for yourself.”
“A mother should never have to ask for her child to be returned to her more than once, no matter who has them or the circumstances.”
“Especially when it pertains to caring for the baby.”
“This is a bananas thing to have to say.”
“If a mom wants her child back, give them back.”
“The talk you had with your wife should have been a talk you had with your mother.”- NeentheBeans
“’Yeah my mom can do some things that require some patience from us’.”
“Your logic is backwards dude.”
“Your wife doesn’t have any patience.”
“She had a baby 5 weeks ago.”
“You may think there’s no complications or health problems but she’s still physically recovering.”
“Her hormones are all over the place and what she needs is for you to have her back and support her.”
“The cluelessness of some fellas.”
“Be enraged at your mom for making your wife upset, pull your mom aside and talk to her about her being the one that’s ‘acting out’.”
“How about you show some empathy and kindness to the woman that grew and birthed your kid.”
“Trying to picture how I’d feel if I gave birth five weeks ago, had to ask multiple times to have access to my own baby, and then my husband told me that I was the problem.”
“I wouldn’t feel good about my marriage, that’s for sure.”
“Did you marry her just to get a grandbaby for your mom?”- madelinegumbo
“So let me be sure I’ve got this straight:
“Your mom needs ‘patience and kindness’,”
“But your wife, who just gave birth, gets an ‘enraged’ reaction from you for needing to enforce that when she says it’s time to give the baby back, it’s time to give the baby back without pulling an ‘only if you ask nicely’ routine?”
“Who are you under the impression you’re raising this child with, dude?”
“If your mom’s ‘help’ is not only getting in the way of your wife being able to do her job but preventing you two from operating as a team, then no, you really don’t benefit from placating her at all costs.”- mm172
“She just had a f*cking baby.”
“It’s easy to say ‘everything’s going fine’ when all you did is orgasm 10 months ago.”
“Your wife is still recovering from birth and when she needs to feed her kid, there should be no hesitation or arguments whatsoever from anyone else.”
“Get on your wife’s side, man.”
“Your wife’s reactions are not out of line.”
“You and your mother are out of line.”- mzpljc
“Your wife just went through a major medical procedure bringing a child into the world, whether you get that or not.”
“It’s her child, not your mother’s, so your wife should never be in a position where she has to ask more than once for your mom to give the baby back for any reason.”
“As it happens, though, your wife is literally trying to nourish y’all’s offspring!”
“So your mom is the one who needs to accommodate your wife, not the other way around, & YOU should have your wife’s back rather than attacking her for her perfectly understandable upset.”-Far_Anteater_256
“Your mom sounds like a meddlesome pest.”
“Your wife shouldn’t have to ask more than once for her baby.”
“Put your mother in her proper place and Stand-up for and support your wife.”- Standard-Park
“My dude, your mom ‘helping with the baby’ includes not giving him back when wife asks multiple times for him to the point that your wife has to yell at your mom to give the baby back so she can feed him.”
“And you think your WIFE is the problem here?”
“I love this.”
“Classic mommy’s boy.”
“Wife is secondary to mommy’s feelings and wants.”
“Baby is secondary to mommy’s feelings and wants.”
“Just give the baby to your mom and ask her to marry you dude.”
“Why pretend anymore?”
“Clearly you don’t care about anyone other than your mommy.”
The OP eventually returned with an update, clarifying that he didn’t always side with his mother, but stood firm in his belief that his wife overreacted.
“I just want people to calm down and understand that I in no way agree with some of my mom’s behavior.”
“just how my wife reacts is not okay and that’s all.”
“Thank you very much though!”
“Ok. have a nice day.”
It’s understandable that the OP would want to keep the peace between his wife and his mother.
Only he seems to be doing the exact opposite of that, as he only seems to take note of what his mother has to say.
Maybe he’ll feel differently after a role reversal, where he and his mother spend some time alone with the baby, and his mother doesn’t give his child to him when he asks her to.