Of course, we know that the children of mothers are on the hook every Mother’s Day. That doesn’t always mean a gift, but some intentional gesture is only fair.
They did give us life, after all.
But a recent post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit served as a reminder that the partners of mothers have an obligation as well.
The Original Poster (OP), known as PriorTennis3572 on the site, laid it out simply in the post’s title:
“AITA for expecting my husband to prioritize me on Mother’s Day.”
This year, OP had a busy Mother’s Day.
“This Mother’s Day we had to hop around to 3 different houses in order to see everybody since it was all broken up. With 2 young kids needless to say it was a busy day.”
“My husband let me sleep in and made cards with the boys, but I feel like that was pretty much the end of my Mother’s Day and the beginning of everybody else’s.”
Then a clear imbalance became obvious.
“I made breakfast, I had the kids when he went out for what should’ve been a 10 minute grocery run that turned into an hour.”
“I ran around with the kids while he ate lunch, drank beer, and hung out with his family. I fed the kids dinner when we were at my grandma’s and I was up and down keeping them from getting into everything.”
“Whatever, typical day, nothing new. And I’m not upset about being a mom and taking care of my kids, I never would be I just felt like Mother’s Day I should get more of a break.”
Eventually, things came to a head.
“But the kicker for me was the end of the day.”
“We got home around 7 and he goes to bed around 8 to be up early for work. We talked about just watching tv together once we got home and just relax till we had to get ready for bed.”
“He said he was going to bring our neighbor a street behind us something real quick. He was there for an HOUR. I called and texted with no responses.”
“When he finally got back I was very upset and on the verge of tears, he said I was being dramatic and I told him I just felt like I should be more of a priority on Mother’s Day.”
“He said ‘why, you’re not my mom, you’re their mom and they’re already asleep’ so I got even more upset and he said I was being dramatic and a b*tch for b*tching him out over something so stupid.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors were completely on OP’s side. They emphasized whose day it was supposed to be.
“NTA You are the MOTHER of his and your children. ‘You’re not my mom’ is the most asinine excuse for not treating you special for one d*mn day.”
“And I am sick of hearing it. And I’m not even, or ever will be a mother.” — Servantofbosco
“NTA, you just want to be appreciated as a mother and even though you are not HIS mother, you are still the mother of HIS children and he was not showing appreciation towards you in that role.” — nerdstramomus
“NTA You gave birth to his and your children. You should have been the priority.” — TibbleTabbs1114
“He can give everyone else attention except for THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN and calls you a b*tch on Mother’s Day after you tried to vent to him let alone that you spent your day handling the children while he got to laze about.”
“Also he went to the neighbors house ?? At 9 PM ?? For what ???” — Troyler4Life
Many were already thinking about payback.
“NTA Father’s Day is coming up! Remind him he’s not your dad 🤷♂️” — oh-potato
“WOW NTA! I know someone who isn’t having a father’s day this year.” — tributespirits
“NTA, but also, do the same to him for Father’s Day. Honestly, I wouldn’t put more effort into his holiday than he put into mine. After all, he isn’t your father, right?” — Mochene
“Time to treat him as he said ‘you are not his mom’ so no more laundry, ironing, putting away things he has dropped, cooking meals, finding the keys, cleaning after him etc.”
“If you do the activity for your sons (as a mom) then you don’t do it for him (because you are not his mom)” — andreagarde
Others were shocked at her husband’s overall toxicity.
“NTA I’ve been married almost 14 years and my husband has never called me a b*tch or any other rude name – not even in anger.”
“If that’s his go to the second he gets upset, then you have more problems than the holiday that just passed. You aren’t a priority to him and he’s not a nice person.” — Aahnoone
“NTA. Based on what you’ve written here his thoughtfulness and empathy decreased the more he drank.”
“He let you sleep in and took care of the kids when he was sober. He stopped helping you a few drinks in. He then drank three more drinks in under an hour and called you a b*tch.”
“Do you have a thoughtless husband, an alcoholic husband, or both?” — EmpressJainaSolo
“NTA for reasons everyone else said but I’d like to point out that it’s toxic to call your partner names. super toxic and unhealthy. i hope that’s abnormal for him” — fairylifter
OP heard that feedback loud and clear. She offered her reflections in an update.
“**Edit: Because some people have asked. No, I did not spell out what I wanted, my older son is 3, and he was born in Feb, so this is my 4th Mother’s Day as a mother.”
“Every year prior has not been like this, he interacts with the kids more, does his best to let me relax, and he shows me that he appreciates me.”
“I don’t ask for the world, and I would’ve been just fine with the rest of the day had we just spent the last of it together like he proposed, but leaving me to hang out with the neighbor just felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
The recent experience left OP recasting the past in a new light.
“He is the one who brought up just watching a show together before bed because it had been a long day. We both knew we’d be hopping around, and we typically go somewhere, so that wasn’t even a huge issue it just made it a long day.”
“And a lot of you have opened my eyes to a lot of things. Our relationship was extremely toxic in the beginning.”
“Much much worse, but he had open heart surgery and almost died, and after he woke up from his coma it was like a light switched and he turned into a completely different person.”
“He was a much better other half and father. And looking back on the past couple years I have noticed he’s been slipping back into the past him, but I guess since it was small stuff over time I didn’t even realize, and since it’s still much better than it was before I didn’t realize how bad it still is.”
We hope OP can find a way to regain stability and receive some kindness from her husband in the future.