We’ve all had a situation at some point where we didn’t like a gift we received. Some gifts are simply going to miss the mark.
But that doesn’t mean we should essentially take revenge on the gift-giver, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Sp00ky___Mansion3 was shocked when she received her birthday gift from her husband when he used it as an opportunity to lash out instead.
After the pair argued, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for reacting negatively when my husband handed me my birthday gift?”
The OP was looking forward to her birthday.
“My ([Female] 25) birthday was 2 days ago. I was excited to see what my husband ([Male] 33) got me.”
“I got him an expensive belt for his birthday 10 months ago, but he didn’t like it, although it was on his wish list for so long.”
“He said he just preferred to receive an iPhone or Xbox.”
“He said after I already gifted him the belt 2 days later because he didn’t talk about it until 2 days.”
The OP’s husband had quite the surprise waiting for her.
“On my birthday, we had a celebration with family.”
“After they left, I asked my husband if he’s gotten any gifts, and he asked me to follow him to the bedroom, and I did.”
“He opened the bottom closet where he keeps the stuff he doesn’t use but doesn’t want to get rid of and pulled out the belt I got him for his birthday.”
“I was stunned.”
“His face had no expression. He just handed me the belt and said he’s been keeping this for months and decided to give it to me on my birthday, since he couldn’t get anything else and since he had no use for it, so he figured that I would/might.”
The OP was appalled.
“I tried to process what he just did and ended up blowing up at him, asking if he was joking with me.”
“He remained calm as I questioned how he could’ve thought gifting me the item I bought for him, which was A BELT, would be a good idea.”
“I called him disrespectful, that his gift was thoughtless, and he was being rude and dismissive of my feelings and my birthday.”
This resulted in a big argument.
“He argued that a gift is a gift and I shouldn’t have reacted negatively only to then complain when he does the same, since he never wanted that belt but couldn’t throw it away, so he figured it was best that he give it back to me and I get to do with it whatever I wanted, since he didn’t want it.”
“We had a huge fight about this and he stormed outside.”
“I felt so upset and like I was humiliated by receiving the same gift I gave him just because he didn’t like it.”
“We haven’t been talking until now, and he says I’m being too controlling and demanding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were alarmed by the husband’s lack of emotion.
“The fact that he did this with no expression on his face is legit alarming.”
“That shows just a complete lack of shame, remorse, and common sense. It’s like complete apathy. Has anything else ever happened like this? It’s just odd but really offputting.”
“NTA, and don’t get him anything meaningful. Again. Ever.” – stainglassaura
“It’s so cold. I can’t imagine pulling this on someone you have any feelings for. Can you imagine him planning this stunt for 10 months? Chilling.” – Lemon_Zesty88
“OP, this was not as ‘thoughtless’ as you put it… I think a lot of thought went into it. Your husband is just an abusive a**hole, and he 100% intended to hurt you.” – Important-Season-778
“Just the fact that he straight-faced this not only for the last 10 months but also all throughout her birthday just to react like this, makes me feel like couple’s counseling held by two lawyers and some divorce papers may better be in order, because holy crow!!”
“That’s some next-level vindictiveness.”
“NTA Op. I’m so sorry you were treated this way. You deserve better.” – HarnessMeDesignsOUB
Others agreed and advised the OP to be careful.
“Ok, this is beyond normal behavior. He showed no emotion when he gave you the belt.”
“Is there a history of mental disorders in his family? Have there been any indications of hatred leading up to this? Was the belt actually on his wish list or did you accidentally pick a secondary wish item?”
“Be very careful how you handle this because, as I have said, this is not normal behavior. Seek medical counsel.”
“NTA. Also, seek legal counsel.” – Diznygurl
“Let’s see, so your husband intentionally hurt your feelings on your birthday and then has the audacity to call you demanding and controlling when you stand up for yourself?”
“NTA. I can’t even see the man through the red flags.”
“Does he generally treat you like a punching bag in the relationship, or only on special occasions?” – anchovie_macncheese
“OP got him something that they genuinely thought he would enjoy because it was on his wish list. Instead of returning it or selling it, he waited almost a year to be spiteful and petty by intentionally ruining OP’s birthday.”
“This is just sad. I’m not big on birthdays, but if this were me, I would find this behavior repulsive and it would make me wonder if he was just actively seething all these months.” – Electrical-Date-3951
A few suggested divorce as a next step.
“OP, hand him the divorce papers along with the belt. Why would you want to be with someone this immature and mean? Please update us once you leave him. NTA” – Littleballoffur22
“He deliberately set up a situation to be as unkind as possible and tries to act as though he didn’t. He sounds like an unkind person.”
“If he has other tendencies to be self-absorbed (everything has to be about him, everyone has to make him happy), I would definitely be re-thinking this relationship. It’s tough to spend a lifetime with someone who is devoid of empathy.” – super_bluecat
The OP was incredibly unclear on her role in what happened with her husband, but the subReddit was convinced she was not the problem.
Not liking a gift is not a crime, we all go through it, but to hold onto it for ten months as a means of revenge against our life partner? There’s something concerning about that.