When expecting a new baby parents often have their own hopes for their child to be a boy or girl. Some get really excited while most are simply grateful for a healthy baby.
For one expectant mother, finding out the sex of the baby with her husband led to tension when he had an over the top reaction.
Redditor Aita356711_____ turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on their own distressing conflict.
The first time mom-to-be asked:
“AITA For lashing out on my husband for his reaction to our baby gender reveal?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So. Me female, 29, and my husband, 33, have been married for 2 years. I’m now pregnant.”
“First time and it’s been difficult. I have anemia but I’m getting treatment.”
“We went for the doctor’s appointment to find out the gender of our baby. My husband was excited although he repeatedly said he guaranteed it was a boy with no evidence to back it up. We entered the doctors office and he didn’t stop feeling nervous making me nervous too.”
”Once the doctor said it was a girl. My husband’s face went red. He stared at the doctor then started asking if she was sure 15 times.”
”He asked if she was sure this wasn’t a ‘recording’ footage of her previous patient which made me feel embarrassed bc this was a dumb question. He has 0 idea how ultra sound works. Doctor laughed.”
”But he asked her to check again and even tried to act smart to point out that it’s actually a boy but the doctor got it wrong,. I told him to stop but he started lashing out blatantly saying he wasn’t expecting this and was in fact disappointed with the results.”
”I felt mad especially after he told the doctor we will be seeing another doctor then get back to her to tell her she got it wrong bc he GUARANTEED it was a boy.”
”I waited til we got home. I lashed at him and told him he had no right to speak to the doctor like that and waste her time by getting her to check repeatedly.”
”I said he embarrassed me and he lashed back saying he has a right to express how he felt and that he was disappointed. We argued then he went to call his mom to tell her although I asked him to wait to do it together. I called him childish for immediately calling his mom and getting her to text me.”
”Like it’s my fault. I told him I’m going to stay at my mom’s for 2 days because this is too much. He asked ‘How’s it childish for me to call my mom and vent a little. But totally okay when you pack to go stay with your mom for 2 days?’ I was speechless.”
”What response could I possibly have for this? He started texting saying Ultrasound wasn’t a good idea. But he’ll just wait til our baby’s born to find out since tests can’t be 100% sure anyway.”
”Said he wasn’t trying to blame me for being pregnant with a girl but how I reacted to his re-action. he planned to have one kid and that’s it. Preferably a boy but it didn’t happen so he was disappointed. Again argued that I overreacted and mishandled his gender-disappointment.”
”My sister said I was wrong because his reaction was understandable and That he’s free to express how he felt so I shouldn’t try to control his reaction. We’re from Canada by the way if it’s relevant.”
OP added further comment a little later on highlighting one of his personality traits.
“He has an argumentative personality and is always ready to make a big deal out if everything. He told me the problem was that I shouldn’t try to control how he reacts and that he has the right to express his feeling and I’m not against that.”
”But I think he’s being unbearable with this behavior. There are things that he seems to be a bit ignorant about but that I’d no excuse of course.”
Redditors were asked to judge the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reached a consensus declaring OP was NTA but her husband, the AH, was showing some major red flags.
“NTA. Unless he does a (SUPER unlikely) 180, he’s going to be a terrible father. Even if he cares and provides for her, she’ll catch onto his sexism and resentment. This poor thing hasn’t even been born and her father expressed anger with her existence.”~Mamlucky
“Mmmmmmmh MAJOR red flag there. He doesn’t have an ‘argumentative personality,’ he’s emotionally abusive and using that as an excuse for his garbage behavior.”
“Been there, done that, dealt with someone exactly like him. ‘UwU It’s just my PERSONALITY why are you being so SENSITIVE? I can’t HELP my PERSONALITY STOP TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I’M WRONG!’ Throw the whole man out. You don’t deserve this. NTA”~Pantherdraws
“What I’m wondering is, when the baby is born, and is indeed a girl, how will he react? Is he going to argue that they made a mistake and gave them the wrong baby? Or is he going to blame his wife? Or maybe even the kid himself?”
“I honestly think husband needs to see a professional, at least to help him come to term with the very likely possibility of the child being a girl. And possibly to help him work with some of his issues. There is enough horror stories of people being awful parents because their kid was born with the wrong genitalia. NTA Op.”~Urgash54
“NTA OP. You can’t always control how you feel, but you are DEFINITELY always responsible for the actions you take. Your husband has the right to FEEL whatever he is feeling, but the second he started taking it out on you and the hospital staff he became the AH.”
“Also a bit of a red flag that he was so upset about having a girl. Makes me a bit concerned that he may treat your daughter with resentment as she grows up.”~DM-Darling
We wish OP and baby the best. Also hope OP’s angry husband is able to learn from this event.