Pathological hypochondria, or Hypochondriasis, is a real issue for some people. The psychological condition is a “chronic, disabling disorder characterized by the fear or belief that one is ill based on somatic symptoms that are either medically unexplained or cause excessive distress.”
But what happens when that paranoia is directed at a loved one? That’s what one man was dealing with so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for a reality check.
Redditor Puzzleheaded-Mail-57 asked:
“AITA for leaving because my girlfriend keeps trying to convince me I’m dying?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My girlfriend( K,31) lost her job a while ago. She was pretty distraught at first, but my job is good enough to support us and she gradually got used to staying at home.”
“One of the things she likes to do in her free time now is surf medical websites (stuff like WebMD, yeah, but also medical journals and textbooks).”
“A couple of months ago I had a health scare. I got sick and my girlfriend convinced me that it was something more.”
“We went to a doctor and he said everything was fine but girlfriend thought he was a hack (which I get, he was kinda rude and dismissive to her).So, I went to a specialist and they said the same thing.”
“I felt a lot better but my gf was mad that I didn’t take her to the appointment and since then she’s been acting like I’m terminally ill.”
“It started off with small things, like asking me to make a will and discussing what sort of burial arrangements I’d want (a little morbid maybe, but practical I guess). Then, it escalated.”
“She started taking tons of photos to remember me and crying randomly. She would ask me what I’d like to do with my stuff and made plans about things she could do with the space when the bookshelves were gone, which creeped me out.”
“I tried talking to her about getting a job, or a hobby or something and going easy on the medical stuff but she got insulted.”
“My work has decided to reopen our offices, so I’ll no longer be working from home from next week This spooked my girlfriend, who’s convinced that I’m at risk.”
“Yesterday, I caught her trying to email my boss about making an exception for me because of my health problems.I don’t have health problems!”
“Honestly, I was pretty mad. I changed all my passwords and put locks on my phone, which put her on edge. We had a pretty big argument, and I packed some of my stuff and went to my sisters house because I needed space.”
“Girlfriend begged me to come back, then told my sister and my friends that I was sick and not listening to her. Now everyone’s either convinced that I’m putting my health at risk or mad at me for doing something so drastic when she’s only worried about me.”
“[I don’t know], maybe I should’ve talked to her more and been more reasonable, but she doesn’t listen to me when I try to tell her I’m fine, and it just feeds my anxiety and makes me miserable too.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in and decided if the OP was:
- NTA: Not The A**hole meaning the other party was at fault
- YTA: You’re The A**hole meaning the OP was at fault
- ESH: Everyone Sucks Here meaning both parties are at fault
- NAH: No A**holes Here meaning no one did anything wrong
While three Redditors thought NAH and one inexplicably thought YTA, over a hundred more voted OP was NTA.
“NTA. She needs a therapy session.” ~ TheLavenderAuthor
Some felt the OP was in danger.
“NTA. I would be creeped out too.”
“First thing I thought was she is getting your affairs in order, convincing friends and family that you are ill so if something happens no one will suspect a thing.”
“Yeah I watch too many murder shows.” ~ JudyUnfiltered
“As someone who watches a lot of crime shows this is where I ended up on this too.”
“NTA—honestly she’s being creepy and someone implying I’m ill when I’m not would piss me off and she’s making it worse by spreading this fake info around your family and friends.”
“I wouldn’t go back until she got some help for her mental health.” ~ JustMaintenance7
“Dude it’s like those munchausen by proxy people who get off on their loved one’s illness until they literally kill them.” ~ abbykate283
“Dude I thought I was the only one, glad you said it. She’s clearly setting up all the pieces.”
“Kind of reminds me of that story I read about the woman who was feeding her husband poison little by little with every meal until he eventually got really sick.”
“OP, run like hell and don’t look back. She crazy.” ~ CMDR_KingErvin
“NTA-this..sounds a little bit like munchausen by proxy. It seems like it was unsafe for you to be around your girlfriend, and leaving was the right thing to do.” ~ lexashouldnthavedied
Others thought the girlfriend was a danger to herself and others.
“NTA. This pandemic is seriously harming some people’s mental health.”
“It seems your girlfriend is one of those people. Do what you can to get her help and support but don’t enter her delusion.” ~ Muladach
“NTA. Im not sure how you will get her to understand, but she needs to get help.”
“She needs help before this gets out of control and she harms you to prove she was right.”
“This isn’t something to just brush off. She needs to see a doctor.” ~ skz740104
But some just felt she was wrong to go behind his back.
“NTA. Ultimatum time because this is so serious. She gets therapy immediately or you end the relationship.”
“She’s tried to sabotage your career. Your boss could have decided to fire you. She may try again.”
“She’s poisoning the well with your family and friends, she’s damaging your mental health. You’re not safe with her.”
“She needs help. In the meantime, stay away from her.” ~ Laquila
“NTA!! HOLY SH*T.”
“She went behind you to try to contact your boss? With companies laying off people so frequently during pandemic, it was an insane risk to take.”
“Talking about a will is practical and it should be discussed both ways. But everything else is simply over the top!”
“And when you finally went to your family for a break, she decided to pronounce you about-to-die to your family and effectively removed that safe space too.”
“Sit down with her. Ask her, no- tell her to go to counselling NOW.”
“Honestly, I don’t want to imagine what she would do next.”
“Take care of you first. Don’t let this and her problem bring you down.” ~ Snoo-82466
“NTA. Beyond her delusions about your health, there’s her betrayal of your trust. She went behind your back to contact your employer.”
“She needs help for her paranoia, but that doesn’t mean you’re required to stay with her and indulge her delusions while, or if, she gets it.”
“Trust is important and she’s demonstrated she refuses to trust you about your own body nor trust you to tell her what a doctor says. And she’s also demonstrated more than once that she has no respect for your career or your privacy.”
“She tried to go behind your back to contact your employer and now she’s contacted your family and friends with her paranoid delusions.”
“Run, don’t walk away.” ~ LakotaGrl
The OP didn’t return with any updates.
Hopefully he was able to speak to his girlfriend about seeking help.
Unless, of course…