When undergoing hardships, it can be difficult to be happy for people that seem to have everything going their way.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated that dynamic in spades.
The Original Poster (OP), known as expectingtrips on the site, opted for a provocative title.
“AITA for telling my [wife] to get over it knowing that she’s struggling with infertility?”
OP began by outlining his own battle.
“My wife [38-year-old female], and I [42-year-old male] have been trying for a child since we tied the knot 6 years ago. We haven’t had any success.”
“We have had failed IVF treatments and miscarriages again and again. This has obviously taken a toll on my wife.”
Then OP introduced a couple key characters.
“I own a business, a year after my wife and i got married I hired ‘Noah'(26m). Noah has a fiance, ‘Taylor’ (26f).”
“Noah and I get along great, he’s like a second son (I have one from a previous marriage) and we have a good bond.”
“Taylor is also a great girl, she’s very kind and they seem very happy in their relationship.”
OP tried to forge some friendships.
“My wife has always had some sort of animosity towards Taylor. I’m not sure why, she just seems to get very angry around her.”
“Early on in meeting one another Taylor tried to talk to my wife, but she would always brush her off or ignore her.”
“My wife has told me she thinks Taylor is ‘too stuck up,’ only because she comes from money.”
A recent outing left OP wondering.
“Over the weekend we all attended a gathering. We ran into Noah and Taylor.”
“Now, Taylor is a very slim girl, and her stomach is usually flat.”
“She looked very bloated. She sat for a majority of the party and was only drinking water. She also wasn’t as dressed up as she usually is.”
For OP, at all connected.
“Noah had talked to me a few days prior asking me for tips on being a dad. He said they were expecting. So I knew this, it slipped my mind to mention it to my wife beforehand.”
“A few of the other women at the party asked Taylor is she were pregnant. She said yes.”
“They then asked her how far along she was, she said she was only 11 weeks, but they were expecting triplets so she looked a lot bigger than she would had they been having one.”
That was intense news for some, as you can imagine.
“My wife lost her sh** to put it lightly.”
“She started accusing Taylor of always trying to one up her, and of being a stuck up bi***.
“Taylor started sobbing and I quite literally had to drag my wife out of the party and drive home. Noah and the other guests were trying to console Taylor as we left.”
Then it came time for OP and his wife to talk it over.
“To say I was livid would be an understatement.”
“We went back and forth and i told her that she would need to get over whatever hatred she has towards Taylor because she has done nothing wrong, and that our fertility issues is not the fault of another person.”
“She called me an ‘unbelievable a**hole’ and we haven’t spoken to each other since.”
OP was left doing damage control in multiple directions.
“I talked to Noah and Taylor earlier today and they said they were fine. Taylor said she understood and didn’t mean to upset my wife.”
“She also said that she’s just very sensitive and emotional. I told her it wasn’t her fault and that I hope she has a safe pregnancy, and that they could reach out for any help.”
“My wife overheard, and called her sister. They’re both calling me an a**hole for ‘siding’ with Taylor and Noah.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side completely, but remained empathetic. They advocated for ways OP might help his wife out.
“NTA – your wife needs some help. She seems to be under a lot of pressure. And taking it out on the wrong person.”
“I’d say the jealousy is eating her up at a young pregnant married woman. Logic isn’t your wife’s friend at the moment.” — Calm_Investment
“NTA. I’m sure your wife has deep pain due to her inability to have a child. Please get her into therapy. Sounds like she is jealous of Taylor (as a younger and possibly beautiful woman and that just makes her insecurities 10x worse inside her mind.)”
“But that is still no excuse for her hostile outburst and general lack of respect for another woman.” — First_Pomegranate955
“NTA. How would it even be possible to take a side in someone else’s pregnancy??? It would have been helpful for your wife to have time to prepare, but she will, from time to time, be present when a pregnancy is announced.”
“I would strongly encourage your wife to speak to someone about her reaction because that sounds pretty over the top. Grief is a strange and powerful thing; there’s no shame in needing help to navigate it.” — Melificent40
“NTA. your wife clearly has been through a lot, but this does not give her the right to blow up on an unsuspecting woman for absolutely no reason.”
“taylor did not deserve this. if she’s not already, your wife should be seeing a therapist. it sounds like there is a lot to unpack that you alone won’t be able to fix.” — queenbitcc
A couple spoke from experience.
“NTA. I had fertility issues and miscarriages which were heartbreaking—and sometimes I skipped a baby shower or two bc it was painful. But, I was always excited and happy for others being blessed with children.”
“It’s ok to say, ‘I’m so happy for you but still recovering from my infertility issues, so I need to step away-I’m sorry.’ But it’s not ok to do what your wife did. She needs therapy.”
“I am now 17 weeks pregnant after trying for 10 years and very excited—which is hard not to express to others. It would break my heart to have someone go off on me simply hearing the news.”
“Perhaps ask your wife how she would feel if you were blessed with a pregnancy, excitedly sharing the news, and someone went off on her the way she did on this other woman…maybe she will realize she needs help dealing with the pain.” — lmgray13
“NTA…. You sound like me and my wife. Hell, you sound like you could be a toolman. Anyways, years of not getting pregnant and failed IVF really suck. It makes your wife into a different person because she doesn’t feel complete without the baby.”
“So she will lash out at anyone else having success. But you need to keep her in the right mindset and in check. Going off on your employees wife is totally out of line and a great way to screw up your business.”
“I’m glad you smoothed it over and I hope you can get your wife some help with a councilor. She needs to talk to someone. Not sure if you gave up on the IVF but I hope you still keep trying for a few more years. The time you feel like giving up, it will happen. I know….” — PassingJudgement68
We hope both OP and his wife managed to find some peace and positivity as they move forward.