The trope of the nosy mother who oversteps her bounds is not just for the movies, folks.
A Reddit user going by GFStuffedAnimals asked for Reddit’s thoughts on how he reacted when his own mom decided to try and play the part by showing up at his home to harass his long-term girlfriend.
What better place to settle to find out than the “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit?
He asked:
“AITA for laughing at my mum when she was crying after she touched my girlfriend’s stuffed animals?”
Before we get into the story and Reddit’s response, let’s briefly review how things work. The AITA subReddit is devoted to situations like this where someone isn’t sure if they were the bad guy or not.
The original poster (you’ll see them referred to as “OP” a lot) tells their tale. Once users have read it, they use the comments section to share their thoughts and cast a vote.
Voting options are:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Now let’s get back to the story so we can figure out how we got from stuffed animals to sobbing.
“My girlfriend, ‘Tia’ (F24) and I (M27) have been together for 2 years and actually just moved in together. My girlfriend sleeps with stuffed animals—a stuffed narwhal and one of those plush toy dogs.”
“Tia’s childhood was shitty, and if she finds comfort in stuffed animals, so be it. She’s in therapy and if her therapist says that it’s not an unhealthy attachment in any way, then I’m fine with it.”
“(This is just to clarify that it’s not an unhealthy attachment. She’s not dependent on them throughout the day, and this is not a age-play kink. I don’t want you guys armchair diagnosing my girlfriend.)”
“Usually, because she doesn’t want people to judge her, she’ll wake up and put her stuffed animals in the closet and take them back out when she goes to sleep.”
“My mum shows up at our door unexpectedly with bags in her hands, adamant that we let her stay for two nights. Tia said okay, despite her arrival being a total surprise, and began to prepare a room for her.”
“During this time, I was actually at work.”
“Tia tells me that my mum was adamant on opening all the drawers and cupboards, searching behind stuff, checking the countertops to see if ‘she cleaned it properly’. Tia asked her multiple times to stop, but she didn’t listen to her.”
“Then, of course, she finds Tia’s stuffed animals.”
“Tia, at first, tells a white lie about how they belong to her nephew, but my mom keeps touching them and playing with them (which Tia doesn’t really like people doing) and Tia asks her repeatedly to stop touching her stuff.”
“Tia describes as ‘accidentally using the possessive pronoun’ where she asked my mum, in her words, ‘Stop touching MY stuffed animals’.’”
“My mum finds this extremely funny for no apparent reason, and apparently started laughing at her, calling her demeaning names, and insisting that her son (me) break up with her. Tia, feeling embarrassed and demeaned, asked my mum to leave and began calling her a ride.”
“Imagine my surprise when I get a phone call at work from my mum, claiming that she’s sitting outside our apartment block waiting for her ride to come because Tia ‘screamed at her like a bitch and told her to not come back to our place ever again’.’”
“This was particularly odd, cause Tia doesn’t yell. My mum sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I tell my mum I would figure everything out.”
“I call my girlfriend.”
“Tia, is audibly crying. She apologizes profusely for kicking my mum out and explains everything to me. I, appalled by my mum’s behavior, call her back and explain that I don’t believe her etc…”
“She then begins to cry to the point of full-on sobbing. I accidentally let out a small laugh, as I thought it was manipulative.”
“This is the second time she’s told Tia that she’s not worthy of me, and I wasn’t having any of it.”
“Once everything passed, my mum got mad at me for crying at her ‘trauma’ so automatically my dad is mad at me. Tia is suggesting I apologize.”
“AITA?”
Reddit rallied, folks.
“NTA. Your mom is way out of line.”
“Nothing she did was appropriate. Keep standing up for your girlfriend and put your mom on a time out until she apologizes and Tia is ready.”
“I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t kick me out of their house if I went through all the drawers and closets while they were repeatedly asking me to stop.” – penguinliz
“As clarification: BOTH of these things should happen AND the apology needs to be sincere. None of this ‘I’m sorry but’ or ‘I’m sorry you feel’ No no.”
“An apology stating what she did, why it was wrong, and at least one ‘I’ll never do it again.’ Your mother was so far out of line, she can’t see where the line is. NTA.” – catscatsnbootsncats
“What. In. The. Hell. So let me get this straight.”
“The first thing your mother does is snoop around your house trying to call out your girlfriend on her cleaning skills. Then (I presume the closet you’re referring to is in your bedroom) your mother struts on into YOUR PRIVATE BEDROOM AREA like she owns the place and digs into your personal items?”
“Are we following?”
“And then she, as a guest, starts to berate your girlfriend while you’re doing your job. To the point of that poor girl crying.”
“And finally, your mother is acting like the victim when she snooped, berated, shamed, and was condescending towards your girlfriend for all of what? 15-30 minutes?”
“Did I read this correctly?”
“My god…. OP bless you. You’ve had to put up with that woman for so long.”
“Give your girlfriend a hug if you haven’t already. You seem like a great guy.”
“NTA” – aehanken
“NTA. Your mom was sh*tty to your girlfriend, and lied to you about what happened. Her ‘trauma’ was not being allowed to trample your girlfriend some more.”
“Your dad wants you to apologize because asking you, a reasonable person, to stabilize the boat is easier and more likely to happen than asking your mom to stop rocking it in the first place.”
“Has your mom apologized at all? I’m betting not.” – Judgy_McJudgypants
“NTA. You really shouldn’t apologize for this. It sends an entirely bad message.”
“Your mother disrespected your girlfriend, your shared home, and your relationship. And she wants you to apologize for it.”
“If you do that then you’ve sent the message that she can trample on whatever she wants, whenever she wants to. Further, you knew she was manipulating you, which is what caused you to laugh in the first place.”
“You were right, she was. She’s doubled down on it now, probably because in the past it has worked on other people, or even on you.”
“If you send a message that this is okay then I assure you, you’ll be apologizing for things exactly like this for the rest of your life.”
“Whenever your mother visits (should you choose to allow her to in the future) you will be treated like a child, your girlfriend like a burden, and you’ll be made to feel that you have no authority in your own home.” – OptionFour
“NTA. As far as mom is concerned, this was a pissing contest and Tia won.”
“To recap – mother barged unannounced into Tia’s home, declared she was staying (it wouldn’t have been just a few days) without asking permission, began rearranging Tia’s cupboards and personal things, laughed at Tia to humiliate her in her own home, and FULLY EXPECTED TIA TO TAKE IT.”
“She crying because OP took Tia’s side. Not any sort of trauma.”
“This was a deliberate attempt to put Tia ‘in her place’ as the second woman in OPs life, and it didn’t work.” – lurkylurkeroo
“NTA – and your mom is a piece of work.”
“Showing up suddenly informing Tia that she’s staying for a few days is an AH move. And don’t think for a second she didn’t plan to do this when you weren’t home so that she could put Tia in her place.” – Loudent2
Reddit’s opinion is clear. There is an apology owed, but it’s not from OP. Rather than apologizing to his mother, Reddit is sure OP and his girlfriend deserve an apology from his mother.