There is a time and a place for certain announcements.
Despite her good intentions, Redditor aitapreggerino, a 32-year-old woman, admitted she was pregnant with her third child after attempting to keep the news under wraps out of respect for her sister who suffered a tragedy.
However, an unfortunate series of circumstances caused drama and division in the family, and many placed blame on the Redditor.
Seeking an unbiased opinion from strangers on the internet, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for admitting my pregnancy at a baby’s funeral?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This story involves a miscarriage, which I know is a sensitive topic so a head’s up if you find this topic difficult.”
“I am now 8 weeks pregnant with my third child. Nearly two weeks ago, my sister (34 Female) went into labour at thirty weeks and her little boy unfortunately didn’t make it.”
“It was understandably really traumatic and she has been inconsolable. It was made worse by the fact that it took her four years to conceive.”
“I only found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks and 3 days, a couple of days after my sister miscarried. I figured it was best not to tell her as it was too soon and it would put salt in the already gaping wound.”
“My family does know that we were trying. My morning sickness was starting to act up in a couple of days leading up to the funeral, but I never considered canceling as I needed to support my sister at this time.”
“The service went according to plan, but problems started happening at the wake, which comprised of the entirety of both my sister and BIL’s families and some friends at my BIL’s parents house.”
“My excuse for not drinking was easy as I’m teetotal without being pregnant, but it got difficult when my nausea hit.”
“I excused myself to the bathroom, where I promptly threw up. My brother’s wife (SIL), who is one of my best friends, followed me up. She straight up said ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’ I responded, ‘Yes, but don’t tell anyone. Today’s about making sis and BIL comfortable.’ “
“My SIL congratulated me and said she understood. Unbeknownst to me, my BIL’s teenage sister was in her bedroom next to the bathroom, instead of with the family and proceeded to spread the news around the wake before I managed to get downstairs.”
“My sister confronted me crying and asked if it was true. I said yes but I didn’t mean for her to find out like this.”
“She screamed that ‘I could conceive easier than a f’king rabbit (I admit this is true, and something that I know has caused a bit of pain as my other kids are 2 and 9 months) and I was flaunting my pregnancy while she suffered.'”
“It ended with her retreating to the bedroom and just screaming. It was awful.”
“Everyone thinks I’m the AH, except my husband and SIL. My BIL is refusing to look me in the eye, even after I explained the situation. He says I should have known that his sister was in her room.”
“My mum said I could have easily said to my SIL that I caught a bug from one of my daughters, but I believe BIL’s sister (who has a habit for attention-seeking) would have spread rumours anyways, and it was a private conversation.”
“My brother is fighting with my SIL and believes that she shouldn’t have asked. I think I just need an unbiased opinion.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Most Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA-lying about the pregnancy when asked point blank would have been worse, as it would be inevitable that the family finds out eventually, and they would then know that you lied about the pregnancy.”
“Not OPs fault that she was honest when specifically asked.” – HonoraryBoyscout
“OP mentioned the SIL is also one of her best friends. i think it’s completely okay to ask that if your relationship warrants it.”
“The BIL’s sister is the honest AH here, you took a private conversation you eavesdropped on and spread gossip around the family without taking the time to think of what you were sharing. i feel bad for everyone here except that teenager.” – 404to401
“Only AH here is BIL’s teenage sister. She’s allowed to be in her room, she’s not allowed to be cruel to her brother. Wasn’t OPs responsibility to ensure that BIL’s teenage sister is kind.” – ClubMoss_AC
“NTA – An eavesdropping teenager decided to spread gossip at exactly the worst time and knew exactly what she was doing.”
“I’m not going to call the grieving parents a**holes because they are going through HELL right now. But every other adult in this situation who is acting like YOU are at fault here IS.” – HowardProject
“BIL’s sister is definitely the bigger a**hole, because while SIL shouldn’t have asked during the funeral, she is not the one running to tell everyone.” – saucynoodlelover
For some, placing guilt between the SIL and the sister was a toss-up.
“I think it would have been better for the SIL to text OP or ask after the event. If she was concerned, she should have just asked ‘are you OK?.’ The teen is def the biggest asshole, but I don’t think SIL isn’t a bit of the a**hole too.”
“Eta: hmm, actually Idk who is the bigger asshole between SIL and BIL’s sister.” – Naay_
“NTA- the only a**hole here is bill’s teenage sister.”
“Your sister and bil are not the a**holes- they are grieving a loss that I cannot even fathom.”
“Your sil was being a supportive friend and was trying to be discreet. It’s no one but the attention seeker’s fault for her eavesdropping and the spreading gossip. Teenage years is old enough to get that this is not okay.”
“You and your husband are NTA for being fertile. You were trying to be sensitive and discreet.”
“Honestly, teenaged sil’s parents need to handle this.” – jeram0722
Many of the comments continued placing blame on the BIL’s sister for immediately spreading news of the OP’s pregnancy that was disclosed in private.