Sometimes people need a lesson in trust.
Especially if you’re living in close quarters and people are not respecting one another’s space.
In that event a good joke or harmless prank can go a long way as a teaching tool.
That is if all the parties land in the same place after the lesson is taught.
Everybody maybe not walk away with the same humorous reaction.
Case in point…
Redditor MannheimMannheim wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for hiding fake used condoms for MIL to find after she started snooping around me and my fiancée’s apartment?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Due to marital issues between her and her husband, my fiancée’s mom is now living with us and honestly, it’s been hell.”
“Her mother does not respect me at all, she also does not trust me.”
“She has made this clear by her constant snooping around our apartment.”
“She does this under the guise of cleaning for us.”
“She will look anywhere and everywhere for something.”
“I don’t know what exactly, but she’s looking for it.”
“I’ve spoken to my fiancee about it and she doesn’t care.”
“She says it’s just something she does while cleaning.”
“She said she doesn’t mean any harm by it.”
“My fiancee flat out refuses to tell her not to.”
“I have caught her snooping more than once and when I call her out, she feigns ignorance.”
“So I decided I wanted to give her a little scare so she’d stop.”
“I wanted her to find something shocking and a friend of mine suggested I leave condom wrappers all over the place to make her feel grossed out.”
“I wanted to take this further.”
“I would buy crazy condoms and fill them with water and a little bit of lotion to give them a certain consistency and look.”
“I hid these all over the place, under the kitchen table, in couch cushions, a few in our bathroom and a crap ton in our bed.”
“She confronted me on them and told me that I was an animal and that I needed to leave her daughter alone.”
“She also said that she was disgusted as I just left out used condoms while she cleans.”
“My wife is livid, but I think she’s overreacting.”
“I just wanted to give her mom a shock and curb her snooping.”
“This didn’t help.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. You have a wife problem though, not just a M[other] I[n] L[aw] problem.”
“Your wife is refusing to place boundaries even though it is equally YOUR home and you are uncomfortable.”
“Your wife would rather argue with you, have you be upset and uncomfortable in your own home, than enforce boundaries with her mommy.”
“She needs to fix that because most people would not be putting up with intrusive mother in laws.” ~ Cynthia_Castillo677
“The problem with people who grow up in toxic families is that they often see that toxicity as normal because they’ve had to normalize it to make life liveable.”
“It can often take people a long time to see, accept, and come to terms with the fact that the behavior they tolerated for so long is in fact toxic and unacceptable.”
“It doesn’t sound like fiancee is there yet.”
“Rather than playing silly games, OP needs to either put his foot down with MIL…”
“If she wants to clean, she can clean common areas… she is NOT permitted in private spaces… violating private spaces results in her ass getting bounced out of the house.”
“Or he calls off the engagement with his fiancee, who permits her mother to do these things.”
“There’s really not a lot of middle ground here.”
“Counseling with the fiancee would be good, but it doesn’t really address the immediate problem.” ~ lemonlimeaardvark
“Oh it’s not about boundaries, fiancé is just happy to have a cleaning lady for free and doesn’t care about privacy because she’s her mom and she’s used to it.”
“Fiancé doesn’t care about OP’s privacy or feelings and is just mad that she might have to clean the apartament herself. NTA.” ~ canadiangig
“NTA. The biggest a**hole here is your wife.”
“The two of you should be a united front and stick up for one another.”
“If you’re uncomfortable in your own home, your wife should understand that and be understanding enough to have a discussion with her mother rather than making excuses for her behavior.” ~ N*T-me-SHELL
“NTA. But you’re just poking someone you know is a bear already.”
“The real issue here is your wife allowing your MIL to stay with you.”
“She is doing her a courtesy, a favor, allowing her to live with BOTH of you.”
“When did you lose the right to be happy in your home?”
“Cause it sure sounds like you aren’t happy with how you’re currently living.”
“The one thing I’ve had drilled into my head in life?”
“We make the beds that we lie in.”
“You need to remove the toxicity from your life, otherwise, you’re choosing to live with it.”
“I really hope this post makes you see that it’s time to put up or shut up, and I truly hope you choose put up! Good luck.” ~ MikeMiller8888
“Info. What do you define as snooping?”
“Because someone who’s cleaning has legitimate reasons to look under the kitchen table, in a bathroom, and under couch cushions.”
“Do you not clean those areas?”
“The only ‘snoop’ is your bed and it seems likely that your fiancé gave her mother permission to change your sheets.”
“I think you have a SO problem rather than a MIL problem.” ~ HardRainisFalling
“This is hysterical, but you do have a real problem on your hands that you probably should address.”
“And that problem is your wife.”
“If she refuses to put up boundaries now, even though it is effecting you negatively, what will change in the future?”
“Will your MIL be allowed to live with you permanently?”
“Will your MIL have a say in how your children are raised, where you move, what vacations you go on?”
“You may want to think about bringing some of these issues up. NTA.” ~ Jorbarip
“ESH. Yeah, she shouldn’t be snooping.”
“But I’m not sure what lesson you thought you were teaching by putting condoms under the kitchen table or on the couch.”
“That’s not like putting them in your bedroom or bathroom trashcan.”
“That doesn’t require snooping to find, just sitting down in the place she was invited to stay in.”
“That just makes her think you’re disgusting.”
“You aren’t setting a boundary, just antagonizing your MIL during a longer visit.” ~ LostDogBoulderUtah
“NTA ‘leave her daughter alone’ what, you can’t have sex with your wife in your own home?”
“I’d start charging her rent or the eating to kick her out if she doesn’t stop.”
“She’s violating your primacy.”
“And your wife doesn’t care.”
“She needs an attitude adjustment.”
“I don’t know how you should deal with her.”
“She doesn’t support you in this.”
“Hopefully it’s a temporary situation.” ~ OptmusJonzz
“NTA. Your wife needs to learn how to set boundaries, now!”
“You’ve already told her that the MIL (her mother) was snooping and she dismissed it as it being harmless.”
“Now, you have proof that it’s not as harmless as your wife thinks.”
“Maybe you took it a bit far by adding water and lotion in them, but hey…maybe the MIL will stop snooping where her nose doesn’t belong next time.” ~ ElevatorOk8601
A few people did see a different view…
“YTA. Can’t you just use your words?”
“Set an actual boundary.”
“Are you trying to stop her from snooping or just scare her out of the house?”
“The kitchen table is normal to clean and disgusting to find a condom on.”
“And this is your fiancé’s mother she might be uncomfortable with her mother thinking that about her sex life.”
“She probably cares what her mom thinks ya know.”
“If you don’t like it make yourself clear and stand up for it the pranks don’t help unless you’re both up for it.”
“If this is a deal breaker for you then just break up.” ~ Marnickgarce
But for the most part…
“NTA. You’re doing your MIL a favor by letting her stay with you.”
“And she repays your kindness by violating your personal space and being intrusive.”
“The biggest AH is your wife.”
“Tell her to grow a spine and that you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.” ~ Little-Aardvark3540
Well OP it sounds like Reddit is in your corner.
But a master comedian, you are not.
So maybe it’s time for a roommate sit down to engage in a serious discussion.
Behavior like this only tends to get worse.
Good luck.