If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that making drunken purchases online can occasionally be a brilliant idea. After all, who could possibly regret owning an enormous, oversized teddy bear? (Not that I’m speaking from experience, here.)
Here are some Amazon products that will definitely appeal to your sillier and more preposterous side. If you’re drunk and you’ve got a credit card, just let your magical, tipsy instincts do their job. (And ask questions later.)
23. A kiddie pool that’s infinitely Instagrammable. ($22.53)
All the benefits of a pool without having to share! Whee!
22. A neck pillow shaped like a shrimp. ($15.99)
You can’t eat it, but you could probably chew on it if you wanted.
21. This finger puppet that turns your entire hand into a pug. ($7.58)
It’s like a pet you don’t even have to feed!!
20. A plush Gizmo doll. ($34.95)
Do NOT feed after midnight.
19. A … sword? ($47.95)
I don’t know. Maybe you want one?
18. A miniature indoor circus tent. ($22.98)
Definitely the best place to watch Netflix on your laptop.
17. A Dinosaurs With Jobs coloring book. ($7.99)
This will really keep you informed on the current issues facing dinosaurs.
16. A candle-making kit. ($41.99)
You know you sometimes feel domestic enough to do this sh*t.
15. This handy-dandy butt-cleaner! ($19.99)
When’s the last time that thing got a good scrubbin’?
14. This terrifying Nicolas Cage phone case. ($7.09)
Such a mysterious smile …
13. This bumper stinker that will probably get you more honks that you bargained for. ($7.95)
But hey, what a great way to make new friends!
12. This adult-sized narwhal onesie. ($26.99)
You would probably never have to take this off, honestly.
11. Dumbledore’s OWN WAND. ($37.50)
Maybe you shouldn’t wield this while drunk, though.
10. This mousepad that says it all, so you don’t have to. ($6.99)
I mean, this one’s a no-brainer.
9. A bubble wrap calendar, to make passing days more interesting. ($15.99)
You may not be able to wait the whole month before popping them, though.
8. These dinosaur cupcake toppers. ($5.99)
Or you can use them for regular food!
7. This whole set of Batman bathroom products. ($129.43)
Okay, so you might regret this one.
6. An actual Ouija board. ($22.50)
Time to get spo0oOOo0ky.
5. A deck of tarot cards. ($17.25)
If you’re getting spooky, you might as well get mystical, too.
4. A startlingly realistic horse head mask. ($10.99)
Definitely a conversation-starter.
3. A hidden flask scarf. ($25.95)
Time to bring the year-round scarf back, am I right?
2. A Golden Girls coloring book. ($9.78)
“Thank you for bein’ a friiiiiiend … ”
1. A life-size cardboard cutout of Bob Ross. ($39.99)
That way he can watch over your artistic endeavors. (And by “artistic endeavors,” I mean, “watching Netflix.”)