All of us have had an event in our life that was especially important, like a wedding or graduation or receiving an award. And it hurts when we don’t feel supported by the people who should have been there.
One new bride went through this recently on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Reasonable_Cabinet54 took it graciously enough that her own sister wouldn’t be able to attend her wedding, but then she discovered why.
Burdened with how to handle what happened, the Original Poster (OP) turned to the subReddit.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ignoring my sister’s wedding invite after she didn’t come to my wedding?”
The OP asked her half-sister to be her Maid of Honor prior to the pandemic.
“I (33 [Female]) and my now husband (33 [Male]) had invited our wedding party years prior to the wedding.”
“I asked my half-sister (37 [Female]) to be my MOH (Maid of Honor).”
“She excitedly said yes and immediately went out and picked out the dress and took it home.”
“Then on the month of our wedding date, [the pandemic] hit, and of course everyone had to postpone any plans.”
“We eventually rescheduled and set a new date for a year later, sent out new invites, new bridal party gifts and prepared for the big day.”
Once the wedding was rescheduled, the OP made sure her wedding still worked for her sister.
“My sister then reconnected with an old flame and they immediately became serious. She abandoned her recently purchased home, moved her kids and herself into his home, and began talking endlessly about marriage once her divorce was final.”
“We had discussions about what her new plans are since she had planned to stay with us in our home and if her new man would be joining.”
“She said that they both would be coming but wanted alone time in a hotel.”
“I understood and definitely didn’t mind him coming.”
“The wedding date quickly approached, we got the final count of the bridal party and guests, paid the venue, and excitedly waited.”
But then the sister surprised the OP just 5 days before the wedding.
“Two days after giving the final count and 5 days before the wedding, I got a message from my sister saying they just looked at travel costs and wouldn’t be able to make it.”
“I was understandably upset and sad, but I understood if she couldn’t afford it, since she had originally planned to drive and changed her mind to flying… but the fact that she had so long to plan ahead made it upsetting.”
“We had made any guests, including the bridal party, aware that we couldn’t pay for travel and understood if that meant they couldn’t join us.”
“The wedding goes down without any other issues.”
“My side of the bridal party was one short but there isn’t time during a wedding to pee, eat, or drink, let alone worry about that.”
“It was a beautiful day and of course, I was sad that she wasn’t there.”
The OP then made a discovery that she wasn’t ready to forgive.
“My husband and I got in the truck after the wedding ended and he asked me, ‘Did you see your sister’s post?'”
“He then showed me her Facebook announcement of her and her new guy and the kids at a resort they had traveled to that day and pictures of the wedding venue they visited and booked.”
“So… I wasn’t truly, truly upset until then.”
“I made the decision to unfollow her posts for a while and tried not to stew on it.”
“We got an invite in the mail with her apologies for missing our wedding, but she wanted to invite us to her wedding in 2 months’ time.”
“I ignored it, I haven’t said anything to her, and I am pretty sure I threw the invite away.”
“I feel some guilt and like I should be a bigger person than this and there are, of course, different opinions from people about how this should be handled, but AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said to continue ignoring the wedding invitation.
“OP is already saying she’s not going. I’m sure Op isn’t being friendly with her sister or even speaking to her.”
“Doing dramatic acts introduces negative mindsets and general negativity in your life. You could just… live your life.”
“I’m not saying OP should even forgive her sister and pretend all is well. She should just forget she exists until she gets some sort of apology or acknowledgment which may never happen. In that case, so be it.” – WunWegWunDarWun_
“NTA. Don’t RSVP if that’s your thing, family is not an obligation. If she reaches out to you, consider just communicating you can’t make it …. Wash your hands of her drama and chaos, move on with your life.” – ur_mom_cant_get
Some joked about the petty RSVPs they would send.
“Honestly? I’d respond with a yes, and then let her know last minute I can’t make it, same as she did. But I’m petty like that.” – DeshaMustFly
“Wait until she’s fully paid for the family’s catered meals, bridesmaid gift, and dress [before you say you can’t come], though.” – molly_menace
“H**l, don’t even tell her that. Say yes, you’ll be there! Get involved! Make commitments!”
“Then ghost her and take a vacation and post pictures. People like her despicable. They will never get it until it’s done to them. OP is NTA.” – PartyCat78
“I’d pretend my response got lost in the mail and husband and I will absolutely be there so sister has to pay for the plates, then not show up and post pics of our trip to a 5-star resort sister could only dream of going to.”
“But OP is NTA for just ignoring the invite.” – PleasantSquare8583
Others went so far as to suggest visiting the same resort the sister had.
“First find out what resort she went to and then drop that you booked the vacation at that same place. She might get the hint” – bloomcnd
“NTA, just message her, ‘I am so sorry, but I can’t afford to go to your wedding. But can I get the info for that resort you went to during my wedding? Hubby and I feel like we need a vacation.'” – crystallz2000
A few suggested having a difficult conversation.
“OR… and hear me out on this because it’s a very foreign concept on this subreddit. You actually call your sister and TALK/COMMUNICATE about how she hurt you.”
“I’m not saying go to the wedding. I’m saying tell her that she committed a major d**k move and that you know what she did and it really made you sad.”
“Because of this, you aren’t going to be attending her wedding since her consideration for you was of no significance and you really can’t be bothered with people are going to hurt you so maliciously.” – TheSciFiGuy80
“This is how I would go about it: RSVP no and then be very honest about why.”
“State you were bummed they couldn’t be there for financial reasons but understood (to an extent because even that was a stretch with the notice) but crossed into angry and hurt to find that they basically played hooky for your wedding to take a vacation and book a venue for THEIR wedding.”
“It’s possible sis could only afford one or the other and chose the vacation which is still d**kish but the fact that they planned it for the same day as the wedding puts her squarely in AH territory.”
“I’m also a bit of the opinion that if you know your sibling is having a wedding you should give family members more than a couple of months to recover from the possible PTO and financial obligations that may come with attending 2 weddings close together- there are travel expenses, gifts and sometimes new cloths to deal with or rentals depending on formality etc. all of that is on top of possibly having to take time off work to attend.”
“NTA but since this is your sister I’d give an honest RSVP and explanation. I would not however be above booking a trip that weekend and plastering it on social media.” – breebop83
Though it’s fun to think about getting revenge on people who have hurt us, this particular conversation in the sub is a great example of how petty revenge fantasies may not play out as well as we would hope.
As much fun as some of the other options might be, ignoring the invitation or having the conversation will probably be the best moves in the long run.