Some people can’t wait to go shopping, be it for clothes, groceries, or even medicine or hardware.
For others, however, shopping can be a burden, which people will only partake in if they absolutely have to.
Needless to say, when two people with contrasting feelings about shopping find themselves forced to go shopping together, it will likely not end up being a pleasurable experience for either of them.
Particularly if one of them needs to go or wants to go to a store the other absolutely detests.
Redditor AbbreviationsNo3820 was having a fine time on a recent shopping trip with his girlfriend.
That is, until she wanted to go to a store that the original poster (OP) flatly refused to step inside.
Resulting in an abrupt end to the outing.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA (20, M[ale]) for not going inside Victoria’s Secret with my girlfriend (20, F[emale])”
The OP explained how his girlfriend’s desire to visit one particular store resulted in their shopping trip coming to an unceremonious end.
“I (20, M) was shopping at the local mall with my girlfriend (20, F) and she decided she wants to go to Victoria secret.”
“For those of you who don’t know, that’s a women’s underwear store.”
“When my girlfriend went in, I just stayed outside of the store and sat on a bench.”
“She was confused and came back to me and asked why I didn’t come with her.’
“I told her because it’s a women’s underwear store, I don’t want to go inside.”
“She got kind of mad and told me that nobody cares, so just come.”
“I refused because I feel weird going into a store like that and don’t want to make the women there feel uncomfortable.”
“My girlfriend get upset and decided to end the day and go home.”
“She said I ruined the day by not going into a freaking store.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was generally in agreement that neither the OP nor his girlfriend was a**holes in this particular situation.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP shouldn’t have had to go inside Victoria’s Secret if it made him uncomfortable, but many pointed out that the OP’s girlfriend was likely hoping to do him a favor by paying a visit to Victoria’s Secret.
“NAH.”
“But for the record, it’s very common for men to go to Victoria’s Secret with their partners.”
“She may have wanted you there because she wanted to pick out lingerie that you would like, which could be why she was so upset that you wouldn’t go in with her.”- Material-Profit5923
“You’re NTA for not going in if you didn’t want to, but you whiffed this one hoss.”
“She wanted to see what you liked.”
“She probably wanted to pick something to appeal to you.”
“No women in the store care when they see a man with his lady or a man by themselves.”
“Plenty shop there for gifts for SOs (or themselves! Pretty underthings are for anyone who wants to wear them).”
“Don’t let your hangups c*ckblock you, my friend.”- doombabies
“NAH.”
“Dude, she’s not mad at you for not going into the store.”
“She’s mad at you for not going into the store with her.”
“She wanted to do something fun, flirty, and a bit naughty with you.”
“And you goofed.”
“I don’t think he should have gone in if he was uncomfortable.”
“Consent comes in many forms.”
“What I meant was: If he’d taken what I think was the hint she was dropping (we all know men are bad at taking hints, especially 20yo men), then he might have asked why she wanted him to go in there so badly.”
“And that could have led to a compromise (like going home and buying something on the VS website).”
“The reason I said he ‘goofed’ was because it was a light-hearted admonishment for being too silly to realize what his partner wanted.”- geminitiger74
“NAH.”
“it’s not a crime to be socially awkward, and it’s not a crime for her to get frustrated when you can’t get over it so you two can have fun.”
“It wasn’t the women in the shop that would have been uncomfortable. It’s you.”
“So while I’m not going to say either of you is the AH here, it feels likely that you two aren’t going to work out if you’re so clearly not on the same page.”
“Good luck.”- Liveware_Failure
“NTA….but kinda dumb.”
“You have very young relationship vibes.”
“You are nta for me because you are entitled to not go into a store if you don’t want to, and she way overreacted.”
“Idk about your area, but at the Victoria’s Secret in my mall, the population is about 50/50 shopping there, as in half men, half women.”
“Women who would be extremely uncomfortable about a man being there (not a reasonable expectation fyi) shop online, not in a mall.”
“So if you are at the point in your relationship where you see your girlfriend’s underwear…it’s pretty clear to me she wanted you to come to help her pick out undergarments you would enjoy seeing on her.”
“Definitely missed a big sign here.”
“She went around it the wrong way, but I think she is feeling a bit rejected.”
“She might have thought it would be fun and sexy for you to help her select something.”
“You both definitely need to talk it out.”
“Good luck!”- Moonlightprincess36
“Lol.”
“NTA, but this is just silly.”
“A man tagging along with his SO isn’t going to make any women in there feel uncomfortable.”
“You should’ve instead told your gf that you’re uncomfortable (actual truth) and not blamed all the other unsuspecting customers.”
“It’s just undies, go in the store next time.”- ASBF2015
“I don’t think anyone particularly sucks here.”
“Your girlfriend wanted to see what lingerie you liked (you refusing to go in thwarted her plans).”
“You didn’t want to go in (which is fine, although maybe you should have been clear about that.)”
“The only thing I would say is that your assumption that people will think your a creep is unfounded, if you were going in by yourself to perve that would be one thing, going in with your partner and looking at what she is interested in is different, keep your eyes on your girl and everything is fine.”
“NAH.”- BrickBuster11
“NTA.”
“I’m a butch woman and I’d honestly hate going to VS lol.”
“If your gf is too immature to either directly tell you why she wants you to go with her or just shop by herself that’s her own problem.”- papertiger22
“You do know she might have been shopping for your benefit, don’t you?”
“Maybe wanted your input?”
“NAH, nevertheless.”- Grumpy-Greybeard
“Oh my gosh, thank you for giving me a laugh this morning!”
“NAH.”
“As long as you don’t touch the models and have female guide, you won’t be silently cursed.”-Kitsumekat
“NTA.”
“It’s funny how everyone here preaches about boundaries but then suddenly this guy is an AH for enforcing his own.”
“His gf doesn’t need him there.”
“Pushing him to come and getting angry shows how immature she is.”- darkyoda182
“NTA.”
“After being told I can’t go near a changing area my wife was using in a non-underwear store, I can absolutely understand as a man not wanting to make women uncomfortable by walking to a Victoria’s Secret store.”
“Given you can totally just wait outside without hurting anyone I don’t see why this would make you TA.”- Marcuse0
“NTA.”
“Everyone is entitled to set boundaries regarding their comfort level.”- HanaMashida
“She’s being incredibly f*cking melodramatic.”- MDF87
“NTA.”
“I love shopping fancy underwear but I would also respect my boyfriend’s comfort zone and he’d done the exact same thing.”- the_annoyed_mango
“I shop there and it’s 9 out 10 always a hassle.”
“Why would she expect you to enjoy that unless that’s your guys’ version of foreplay?”
“Last time I was there, someone was trying EVERY one of the perfumes or sprays.”
“My allergies went insane. Thought I had Covid bad.”
“No one should be forced to go there.”
“NTA.”- Tiger_Striped_Queen
“NTA.”
“You get to choose what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t.”
“Your gf may not like it, but she should respect it.”
“Not cool.”- No_Pepper_3676
“NTA .
“(31, F) here.”
“Your partner shouldn’t make you do things you’re uncomfortable with.”
“If she brought you there with the intention of doing something sexy, she should have let you know in advance, to make sure you were comfortable with it.”
“I feel like there’s a lot of girls out there who forget that consent and feeling comfortable in a relationship goes both ways.”
“Just because it’s sexual/ sexy to you doesn’t mean your guy will be into it, and it’s not a fair assumption to make.”
“I’ve definitely done this with partners before unintentionally and have been lucky enough to be with ones who let me know when I had done it.”- Obvious-Kiwi5410
One can’t help but imagine that with the passage of time, the OP will realize why his girlfriend was so eager to go to Victoria’s Secret and so disappointed that he didn’t go with her.
Likely resulting in him never making the same mistake ever again or communicating their desires more openly so everyone’s on the same page.