In addition to the happy couple committing to one another, weddings are a joyous occasion that brings families together.
Indeed, weddings often result in people seeing relatives they might not have seen or spoken to in years. Sometimes, by choice owing to ill will.
Even so, estranged family members tend to put their differences aside, so they won’t take the joy out of the day.
Knowing the groom was a good friend of both of them, Redditor Illustrious_Rip9214 accepted the fact that their husband and his ex were both going to be in the wedding party at an upcoming wedding.
Something which sat less well with the original poster (OP) was the way the two of them were going to be featured during the ceremony.
Leading them to question if they even wanted to attend.
Wondering if they were in the wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband that if he walks his ex down the aisle at a friends wedding, I won’t go?”
The OP explained why they felt an ultimatum was necessary for whether or not they would attend an upcoming wedding.
“One of my husband’s best friends is getting married in a month.”
“Both he and his ex were asked to be in the respective wedding parties.”
“His ex and him share a child, and him and I share a child.”
“While I don’t have an issue with them being in the bridal party together, I do have an issue with them being paired to walk down the aisle.”
“They could easily switch up who walks who, but for some reason, they seem adamant on having them walk together.”
“Everyone in the bridal party is all old friends and often talk about times that he and his ex were together fondly.”
“To me, it seems like a calculated decision.”
“Not only does it seem unnecessary to have them walk together, but it seems inconsiderate.”
“No, they are not maid of honor and best man.”
“My husband has voiced to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable walking with her but doesn’t want to add to the bride and groom’s wedding stress.”
“AITA for saying that if they are to walk together, I won’t attend the wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was mostly in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to attend the wedding if their husband walked down the aisle with his ex.
Just about everyone agreed that the decision to have them walk down the aisle together was indeed bizarre and unfair to the OP, and they had every right to be upset, even if some encouraged the OP not to skip the wedding, wondering if that was what the groom hoped might happen.
“A married man should not be paired with his ex in a bridal party.”
“That’s just common sense.”
“What does your husband say about it?”
“He’s the one who needs to stand up here and ask to be switched.”- NorthernLitUp
“People have boundaries in relationships. Yours are being stomped on.”
“I’d also be pretty pissed if my husband wanted to walk with his ex in a wedding.”- purplmonsta
“These marriages I hereby declare doomed.”- Ok-Position1698
“But don’t skip the wedding, that’s what everyone wants, for your husband and his ex to be forced to be around each other, and it’d be a bonus if you’re not there.”
“Be there, and stick to him like glue every second of the day except for when he walks her down the aisle.”
“Let those jerks know that you’re not going anywhere.”- blackbutterfree
“NTA, but you’re doing this all wrong.”
“What possible motive could they have for putting them together for that walk?”
“Knowing you would be sat there watching?”
“OP, you’ve got their number.”
“They’d be stupid not to think this might upset you, which means there was the intention.”
“And the only way to deal with people who scheme to mess with your emotions is not to have an emotional reaction at all.”
“You smile, you wish the happy couple all the best, throw in a cheeky comment or two: ‘gosh, this wedding is beautiful!”
“Takes me back to our special day.”
“Ah, wonderful memories!'”
“‘I hope you two are constantly surrounded by people who support your union and root for you every step of the way…because you CHOSE each other!'”
“Then you take your hubby’s arm, tell him he looks gorgeous (and you’ll be appreciating all that later tonight), then go on and enjoy the rest of the day – on their dime.”- seekeroftruth2020
“This seems puzzlingly inconsiderate.”
“Just odd, really.”
“I’m surprised that your husband would agree to this.”
“It’s also such a simple thing to fix.”- RoyallyOakie
“But be prepared for the consequence of not going, ie, photo-ops, intimate moments no one will seem to forget, how much fun/how wasted your husband could potentially get.”
“I’m glad you made it clear how you felt, but I feel in your not going, you could make your situation feel worse.”- WAKEUPLOSERS
“It’s cool that your husband and his ex can co-parent well and are on okay terms, sure, but them and their friends reminiscing about when they were a thing is disrespectful to you.”
“Why is your husband okay with you and your marriage being disrespected?”
“Go to the wedding, though, and stick by his side.”
“Staying home would be the wrong move here.”- Burtonish
Others, however, felt it was childish for the OP to skip the wedding, even if they agreed the bride and groom were being inconsiderate to them.
“It’s kind of weird that they would insist on this so heavily.”
“However, it’s just a walk down the aisle.”
“It’s not like they will be alone together or in an intimate setting.”
“Plus, you would be present (if you decide to go).”
“Be the more mature person and let the wedding play out the way the bride and groom want.”
“Do you trust your husband or don’t you?”- StarlaBloom
“it is a little crappy of them to pair people together who are exes, especially when one is in another relationship.”
“Could it be because the rest of the party are already ‘couples’, and these were the 2 that were left?”
“If that isn’t the case, maybe your husband could ask his friend for a different partner.”
“I only think they may be the AH because you say they reminisce about the ‘good old days’ when these two were together, and this makes me wonder if they are hoping for them to get back together.”
“You, however, would be an AH to your husband and yourself if you don’t go.”
“As other posters have said, if they are doing this vindictively, you would be playing into their hands.”
“If they are doing it with no ill intentions, then you look like a spoiled child who is ruining their day by causing your husband to be uncomfortable and possibly distracted on this day.”
“Go and be the wife that you are, who is his choice, and own it.”
“He is yours, he picked you, so it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants.”
“Be kind, be amazing.”
“I know that they sometimes do a bridal party dance. Just ask him to be respectful and keep his distance.”
“Then make sure you are his partner for the rest of the night.”- LB1076
While a select few had little to no sympathy towards the OP, feeling she was the only one being petty and childish in this situation.
“This seems like a pretty odd hill to die on.”
“The best response is no reaction whatsoever to the order of the bridal party marching in.”
“Then, work on you inner self to discover why your insecurities are getting the better of you.”
“Are you jealous of the ex?”
“Do you resent that your husband shares a child with her and so she will always be in his life in some way?”
“Because I’ve got to think there has to be something disturbing you that’s deeper than walking down an aisle together in a wedding, where you are also attending!”- puppyfarts99
It’s hard to comprehend what the bride and groom were trying to accomplish by having the OP’s husband walk down the aisle with his ex.
As the OP likely wouldn’t be the only person at the ceremony who felt a little uncomfortable seeing them together.
The very last thing guests at a wedding should feel is uncomfortable.
Something the bride and groom will hopefully realize before their big day.
But even if they don’t, and their intentions were indeed to make the OP squirm or skip the wedding, the OP should not give them the satisfaction.