LADIES (ok and gents too): your date takes you home, and his place is… not what you were prepared for. Was it dirty? Were there creepy shrines? Were adult toys unapologetically strewn about on the bed? Some guys are single for a reason.
Slicedbready asked, Ladies, what are some things in a guy’s apartment that set off red flags?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
If he’s freezing them, it’s food.
His pet rat free to roam the dining table.
I’m fine with rodents, but not where you make food. The 3 other rats in the freezer, waiting for the fourth and lone survivor to kick it so they could all be cremated together, was a line well crossed, however.
When you know you’re the king of your home.
Me and the gf slept one night on a borrowed apartment of this single guy, while on a trip. He had a sort of shrine with some 3d printed statues from 20cm to 1m of himself. I mean, it was kind of a small church of him.
There’s really no excuse for this, I’m calling your mother.
Plates and/or silverware crusted with old food.
Bonus points if they’re plastic.
Extra bonus points if they’re in the bedroom.
Extra extra bonus points if they’re in the sink with the dishwasher empty.
When there’s plenty of room under your bridge…
What if I got no apartment at all? That means I’m good, right?
I thought we’d make a show together.
Once went on a date with a guy. Went back to his studio apartment and there was a “security” camera on the wall that had the bed and whole living area in view. Didn’t know him very well, didn’t fully trust the camera was off. Red flag.
Some guys just don’t know how to adult.
No cleaning supplies. No toilet cleaner, dish soap, dish rack, mop, broom, vacuum, dirty dishes in the sink (like a pile that hasn’t been done in a while), no trash bag in the trash can. Lots more but can’t think of all of them right now.
Dude… move on.
Lots of pictures of his ex.
This raises all sorts of questions. None of them are good.
Using a daily calendar of naked girls as toilet paper.
When you find his misogynistic instruction manual…
Found a book in an ex’s bedroom about how to play head games with women in order to make them want to have sex with you…
This is the least slick way to drop a hint.
Probably all the KY Jelly bottles that my former guy friend had strewn around his apartment. One in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in the bathroom…. I lost count. That night he confessed he had feelings for me, but I didn’t feel the same way. Things got pretty awkward and I haven’t talked to him since.
They were probably for making balloons.
I once went home with a guy and there were dozens of condoms on the coffee table.
Imagine a bathroom that resembles the swamps of Dagobah.
I once dated a guy who had a six-inch marijuana plant growing from his damply disgusting bathroom carpet. It wasn’t so much the weed that put me off, it was that he had shag carpeting in the bathroom.
Oh great, he’s a hoarder.
Pee in water bottles. Walked in. Took a look and walked right the f_ck back out.
Totally unacceptable and frustratingly inexplicable.
No soap in the bathroom to wash your hands.
Nope, not gonna happen.
Well if there’s NOTHING in the house except a blow-up mattress in the living room, I would nope the f_ck out and I did.
I mean… could be fun.
I’ve gone on two separate first dates where I’ve gone back to his place, only to find an array of BDSM equipment laid out neatly on his bed in anticipation — once to be used on him, once to be used on me. (It wasn’t used on either of us, either time.) These were first dates.
I’m down, but there has to be a conversation first, you know? You can’t just spring that on someone.
An existing girlfriend.
Displaying them is one thing, a hoard on the other hand…
A closet full of empty alcohol bottles presented as an achievement.
I can deal. 2. I’ll help. 3. Please pay me, times is tough.
If there’s plastic over the furniture, that can only mean one of three things:
- He has extreme OCD
- He’s repainting
- You’re about to have your organs harvested