Fellas, listen up – the goal of flirting is to make the other person feel good. If you fail to make the other person feel good, gracefully float out of their peripheral vision and try to accept that you should have said nothing.
Don’t, under any circumstances, react like the anonymous and thoroughly indefensible jerk in writer Rebecca Mix’s story below.
Don’t be that guy.
so. something v weird happened earlier.— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
I was picking out lipstick at target & some older dude said in a pretty condescending voice “You don’t need that stuff, you’re already beautiful.”
Which like, fuck off, who asked you?
Instead I just said, “Yeah, I know.”
& he got mad.
him: I gave you a compliment— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
Me: I didn’t want it
Him: you’re SUPPOSED to say thank you
Him: Vanity is ugly. And you’re actually quite plain. I was being nice.
Me: guess I better buy more lipstick then.
at which point he left pretty pissed at it’s like? fuck? off?
meanwhile the few times women have commented on the makeup I’m buying it’s some variation of “bitch that red will look KILLER on you!!!!!”— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
if someone is shopping for a new shirt I’m not gonna go up and be like you don’t need that 🙂 the shirt you have on is fine :))
Yes, yes, we know – hashtag Not All Men. Sure. But lots of men have done this kind of thing to hashtag Yes All Women and nobody needs to go out of their way to validate your physical attraction to them.
tldr; lipstick is great leave me alone I bought 3— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
I’m guessing the dudes getting mad at me have done this & now they’re uncomfortable. Good.— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
Y’know what’s uncomfortable? Receiving comments in a patronizing tone from a stranger.
If this thread makes you feel attacked, maybe take stock of the way you’re interacting w/ women
Mix’s thread subsequently blew up. “I’ve gotten a lot of support, but it’s … interesting how furious some men are,” Mix told Scary Mommy. “The tweets they’ve been making and tagging me to make sure I see them calling me a whore/ugly/telling me to die are wild.”
“Honestly, I feel like men with that kind of toxic masculinity are so used to responding with anger that when someone says, ‘Hey, this behavior isn’t okay,’ they perceive it as a personal attack instead of a problem with the larger culture as a whole so they automatically lash out.”
And yes, the ladies of Twitter collectively cringed in solidarity.
I'm utterly baffled. I'm forever confused at male expectations. Do old men really think that younger women are so desperate we'll fall at their feet in gratitude over a minor compliment? Dudes, stop. You're old enough to be my dad and I have one to tell me I'm pretty. Ugh. Feels.— Ginny O. ? (@GinnyZero) July 15, 2018
Ugghh yes. I’d see certain men walk in and just KNOW they’re going to find some bullshit question to ask me just to talk to me. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked when I finished work or if I was single.— Rio Burton ? (@RioBurtonArtist) July 16, 2018
omfg when guys tell me to smile I look at them and go cross-eyed and it freaks them out every time lmfao— Rebecca Mix (@rebeccarmix) July 15, 2018
Thankfully, the culture may be shifting.
After I tell him this I realize that I don't do this as often as I should and I feel terrible I didn't start doing it earlier.— Emmanuel (@thebluemaverick) July 16, 2018
To say that to a young woman and hope it would work.— Evan Tess ?️? ????️? (@evantessuraea) July 16, 2018
Maybe you don't— Jim Avery (@j_l_avery) July 16, 2018
I just don't understand wtf is wrong with my fellow men and I'm sorry for the crap women have to put up with— Aaron Compton (@aarondotcompton) July 18, 2018
Tact is a lost art form, fellas. Rediscover it.