Relationships are an equal partnership, where communication means everybody’s needs are addressed and met as much as humanly possible.
But an equal partnership doesn’t mean it’s an eye-for-an-eye kind of deal. If someone makes a mistake, the solution isn’t “getting back at them,” right?
Redditor ThrowRAgfcheats logged onto the popular subReddit “Relationship Advice” to ask if he was wrong for feeling poorly about his girlfriend’s revenge cheating:
“My (23male) girlfriend (22female) of 3 years cheated on me as ‘payback’ for me cheating on her during the first 9 months of our relationship.”
He began with where he’d gone wrong.
“During the first 9 months of our relationship I was young and dumb and sleeping with 2 other women that she was friends with regularly. She came to me one day and asked me if I was cheating (because she already knew and was just seeing if i’d lie) and I told the truth.”
“She was really hurt and mad and asked a lot of questions that I didn’t know how to answer. But after a month of arguing and crying and hurt we worked it out and got back together.”
Our original poster, or OP, thought things were good.
“Today things have been good. We’ve both been pretty happy and I’ve honestly been debating on proposing to her. We’ve discussed children and whatnot and I thought things were perfect. I loved this girl, she’s so smart and beautiful. I made a huge mistake back then but she told me she forgave me.”
But then it all went sour in about five seconds.
“However about a week ago, I walked into my apartment from work and saw her f**king a friend of mine on our couch. I walked in and she jumped up and just laughed and said “Payback is a b*tch huh?”. OVER 2 YEARS LATER. He left and she’s now trying to kick me out of our apartment (I’m not going, both of our names are on that lease).”
OP wondered how to proceed from here.
“I’ve told her she’s being immature, petty and the fact that she’s held a grudge for this long is fucking bizarre. She just keeps laughing and asking me how it felt. Telling me that I deserve all that and more because of the hurt I put her through. How should I handle this? She keeps saying that if she can forgive me for 9 months of cheating with her ‘best friends,’ I can forgive this. But this is really immature and feels almost unforgivable. Playing the ‘long game’ of revenge is utterly f**ked up in my opinion.”
Redditors came to the post with opinions aplenty.
Most agreed that the trust was clearly never there in the first place.
“Nobody forgets, even if she didn’t do that it would still evolve into a toxic environment for both of you. Stay till the end of the lease then leave. Believe me it’s for the best.”~fogleth
“She broke up with you. This was just her way of doing it. She doesn’t want forgiveness- it’s obvious with how she feels no remorse and keeps laughing at you.”~Smiolp
“She knew the pain wouldn’t be the same if she didn’t wait this long to reveal it to you. She waited until you got emotionally on the same level she was with you when you cheated. Devilish and savage on her part.”
“Not saying she’s in the right but I don’t feel sorry for you.”
“Just break up and cut contact. Think about this pain the next time you want to cheat on someone.”~RedWomanZ
People also blamed OP for his transgression early in the relationship.
“You slept with two of her friends for the first NINE MONTHS of your relationship. You don’t get to make calls on petty and immature. The worst thing she did was take a toll on her own mental health by staying with you that long.”
“ALSO SHE JUST BROKE UP WITH YOU, GENIUS. She doesn’t want you to forgive her.”~BabyBelWax
“Ahh ya both cheaters. Cheaters suck. Just the truth. I value my word as a man enough to not cheat on someone. I’ll just call it off and be honest with the other person as of why. Sounds like neither of you should be in a relationship and work on yourselves. If you are in a relationship please stick with each other.”~TheTinMan1337
“I mean I doubt she has been actively plotting this and biding her time for 2 years until the big revenge reveal. I do think that she never really forgave you, and that she had also been cheating and justifying it to herself because it’s what you did to her. I don’t know whether she consciously intended for you to discover her, but when you did the payback excuse pretty much writes itself.”
“You’ve both been awful. And you can’t minimise what you did as being a ‘mistake’ when you were ‘young and dumb’. You cheated multiple times with her (supposed) friends. She never should have stayed with you because it would be a rare person that could truly forgive that.”
“So break up, and work to make sure your next relationship is a healthier one.”
“Or, ya know, get back together and update us when the whole thing goes miserably goes down in flames.”~nonablu
“I mean she did exactly what you did.. she probably never forgave you.. probably tried but it’s not something that’s easily forgivable.”
“It’s a toxic relationship, way before she cheated.. so I do think you should break up because you don’t bring out the best in each other.”~pizzaislife777
“You assumed she forgave and forgot about your cheating. what you learned is, you didn’t know your GF as well as you thought.”
“You can stay, but she’s gonna screw with your head as long as you stay in that apartment.”
“A suggestion: collect what dignity and respect you think you’ve got left and leave. The sooner the better.”
“Consider this a teaching moment, and be thankful you two don’t have kids, a mortgage, a car loan together.”
“Remember this, the next time you’re ever tempted to cheat on anyone else.”~batuckan1
Redditors agree that this relationship is over.
Sometimes life just takes you down an unexpected path to teach you a cruel lesson. This relationship seems to have been that lesson for OP.
Whether or not he chooses to learn it? That’s another Reddit thread altogether.