A woman’s brother—successful on Wall Street—insulted her husband for being a stay-at-home dad.
While others place value on parents who decide what is best for their children and family based on something other than gender, the younger brother measures people—especially men—by their income.
Redditor “titimat” became angry at her brother after he mocked her husband and made snide misogynistic and homophobic comments.
With the parents wanting her to “move on,” The Original Poster (OP) asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for refusing to take part in a family video chat until the brother apologizes.
The OP started her post by praising the father of their children.
“My husband is a stay at home dad (well I guess all dads are stay at home right now but you know what I mean) and he’s really great with our kids.”
“Our son has special needs and our daughter is only 1 so it’s really helpful to have him at home. Plus he didn’t like his job anyway, so it’s a win win.”
The OP’s brother learned what her husband did for a living and did not hold back his judgment.
“At Christmas of 2019 we went to my family’s, and my brother came home for the first time in 3 or 4 years. He works on Wall Street and is one of those people who thinks if you’re not earning money you’re wasting your time.”
“My husband and I were talking to him and bit and he asked what my husband did, he said stay at home dad, and then my brother told him to have self-respect and stop being a 50s housewife.”
“I told him that it was rude, but he continued and started asking patronizing questions, like what do you do all day, sit on your a** while your wife (he put a lot of emphasis on the fact that I make the money rather than him) earns money.”
The brother prodded further with his misogyny and added a homophobic insult, implying gay men are the equivalent of “less manly.”
“Then he asked if my husband wears panties to bed and takes it up the a**.”
“I yelled at him for being awful, and we haven’t spoken since. He knows if he wants to talk to me again he has to apologize, and he hasn’t.”
“My parents want to organize a family video chat, with everyone, not just me and them, and I told them I wouldn’t join until my brother apologizes.”
The OP’s parents expressed being inconvenienced by the family spat and pressured the OP to “move on.”
“My parents told me I’m overreacting and that I know how he is, so just let it go and move on. I don’t think the fact that he’s an a**hole means I should accept his actions because he’s an a**hole, but now they’re getting mad at me because I’m ‘ruining their plans’.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
This Redditor called the brother “misogynistic.”
“NTA!! He’s just really rude, and honestly pretty misogynistic.”
“And the fact that your parents said ‘you know how he is,’ makes them AH too.”
“Like you said, just because your brother is an a** does not mean you have to accept his behaviour.” – Marionsaurus
“NTA. good for you for defending your household. your brother needs to learn that different situations work for different families.” – scoutfinches
The husband got a shoutout for doing his part in supporting their family.
“I also want to point out, good for your husband for not being threatened by being a stay at home dad and understands it’s what best for your family and if it makes him happy, great.”
“Also, fair play to both of you for not knocking your brother out.” – Keek91
“NTA. Good for you for sticking up for husband, who sounds like a wonderful guy.”
“Stick to your guns. The family you create should come first.” – halcyonmeadow
And the parents lost some points.
“NTA – your parents essentially are acting like ‘boys will be boys’ and letting him off the hook for his bad behavior. Ridiculous.”
“Definitely don’t back down. Your brother is the obvious AH and your other family members are AHs for defending him/not defending you and your husband.” – zsa_squared
“NTA. Their son acting like entitled brat?! That question from him to OPs husband about the panties & where he takes it, that is downright obscene abusive bullying!”
“OP, go nuclear – ask both your folks that very same question, then tell them to chill out and forget about it, its nbd… You’re ‘ruining’ their plans??”
“What the heck, they have ruined your & husbands relationship with all 3 of them by accepting & enabling their monster sons monstrous behaviour to you & hubby, & now they are gaslighting you , invalidating & dismissing you & hubby, trying to say you’re ‘overreacting.’
“Oh jeeze. Yr bro has them well trained & brainwashed…. Yaay for you & yr super hubby!” – lookthepenguins
“NTA. Do not speak to him until he sincerely apologizes.”
“I also think you need to call your parents out about enabling his appalling behaviour.”
“He is an AH because people have allowed him to get away with his AH behaviour, let them know that you’re not willing to be one of those people.”
“Your parents are the ones that need to let go and move on from the idea of you ‘letting it go.'” – kreeves9
This Redditor would not have been as passive in response to witnessing the brother’s transgression.
“You were a lot nicer than I would have been.”
“I would have looked at him silently for a full minute and then asked him calmly why he was fantasizing about my husband getting a**f’ked at the dinner table.”
“It would have gotten a lot worse from there.” – ifartalot2
The thread has not been updated with an announcement of an apology from the brother.
So for now, it looks like that family video chat is indefinitely on hold.