Breastfeeding is still such a hot topic.
When and where it should be done can lead to many an explosive discussion.
But there are definitely peaceful ways and wrong ways to discuss it.
Case in point…
Redditor Large_Situation6641 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my BIL that if I have to breastfeed inside then he has to go and be insufferable somewhere else?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (25 F[emale]) husband (28 M[ale]) and I just had our first baby four months ago.”
“We’re just recently visiting family and letting more people outside our parents meet our child.”
“My F[ather] I[n] L[aw]’s birthday was yesterday and they throw him a small party.”
“So my husband and I decided to join and took our baby with us.”
“It’s important to add that my B[rother] I[n] L[aw] (27 M) (my husband’s sister’s (30 F husband) doesn’t like me that much because of the way I dress, express myself and talk (I say a lot of bad words).”
“His favorite thing to say it’s ”If you were my woman___” followed by something really stupid.”
“My husband thinks that he might have a thing for me, but I don’t care and neither does he to be honest, he finds it funny.”
“They have two kids though, a 7M and a 4M.”
“4M is a sweet boy, really polite and well behaved, while 7M has been acting out and misbehaving.”
“I have nothing against him.”
And my SIL and BIL aren’t really the type of parents to let their kids run around, breaking things and doing whatever they want, I’ll give them that much.”
“Yesterday at a party, my baby got hungry while we were all eating cake.”
“I had already asked my mother and father in law if it was okay for me to nurse her wherever I want because she might get hungry while we’re all chatting or hanging out or if the would prefer I do it inside.”
“I didn’t mind because it was FIL’s birthday after all.”
“They both said that I could do it wherever I want because when my SIL got pregnant they never asked her to do it somewhere else and it was just fair, so I thanked them.”
“I was wearing a sundress so when she cried, I just popped a boob and nursed her right there.”
“My nephew (7M) told my BIL ”Daddy! Boobie, boobie! “
“Aunt [OP] has her boobie out’.'”
“And 4M just said ‘boobie?’ with the sweetest voice.”
“My BIL cleared his throat and asked me to go inside because his kids were seeing me.”
“I said no because FIL and MIL already said it was okay and that her kids had to deal with it.”
“My SIL asked him to stop and truth is, they didn’t care for that long and both kids went back to their cake quickly.”
“He was sitting near me and he just got a little more close and whispered ‘I swear it… If you were my woman you would’ve breastfeed inside.”’
“I just smiled and said out loud ”If I have to breastfeed inside, then you have to go and be insufferable somewhere else sweetie.”’
“He got hella mad of course, but said nothing else and when we were leaving, my SIL said that it was wrong and my MIL kinda agreed, since MIL was the host.”
“I’m feeling a bit bad, so AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Next time he says that in company she should say very loudly – ‘You seem to spend a lot of time thinking about me being your woman- its never gonna happen. Show your wife some respect instead if fixating on what your life would be like if you were with another woman.'”
“If he doesn’t like your language – just say ‘Oh but if I didn’t use this language, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that your are a F’wit and should just F**k Right Off.'”
“OP you are NTA.” ~ V-838
“NTA. The way he says it it’s like he’s literally saying if you were ‘my possession’ like you’re a ‘thing’ to own and control rather than a person.”
“Gross misogynistic behaviour, what a creeper.”
“And clearly that wasn’t even the case with his own ACTUAL wife as as you said she could breastfeed wherever previously.”
“He’s purposefully targeting you with that creepy ‘I’ll master you’ kinda talk.”
“He’s lucky you were so reserved and polite in your response I woulda humiliated him in front of everyone in a 10 mile radius had he even thought about it to be honest.”
“Be very careful around him OP.”
“He seems the type of person who’s threatened by your very existence and the fact that you don’t bow down to him.”
“He’s clearly struggling with some power and control issues twisted up with ‘attraction’ and his own pathetic self esteem.”
“The way he’s speaking about you as well his mind has clearly dehumanised you to a certain degree which makes it more dangerous.”
“Avoid any situation where you’ll EVER be alone with him in any capacity, he’s not safe.”
“Most assaults are about power and control, not usually just sexually motivated.”
“He’s giving off some HUGE danger signals here.” ~ Top_Fruit_9320
“Honestly I’m wondering if it’s a translation bloopie (in french for example, the word for woman and wife is the same) or if he really says ‘you are my WOMAN.'”
“But given the rest of the text is in a very good english, I must assume it is indeed the word woman he uses.”
“Also while I’m here, NTA OP, MIL is the host and gave you clear instructions about what you can or cannot do.”
‘”If anyone, especially anyone that isn’t FIL, has a problem with it, he has two choices: sucking it up or complaining to MIL and have her tell him to suck it up.”
“He asked once, you said no, move on dude. ‘If you were my woman’ – Uncomfortable for him you’re not her woman so none cares about that if.” ~ Agent10007
“NTA- What is wrong with your BIL? ‘If you were my woman…’ is such an inappropriate thing to say!”
“Clearly this guy is sexist af and has issues with women.”
“He could’ve used this as an opportunity to teach his children about breast feeding and that it is normal.”
“Instead, they are now going to grow up and scoff at women feeding their children – just like their father.”
“You have to constantly deal with comments from him, I think he can get over this one from you.”
“He IS insufferable! What an adult baby.”
“By the way, your in laws are AHs too for not defending you.” ~ throowowowawaayyyy
“Sounds like your BIL has Useless Nipple Syndrome which usually only manifests when they’re in the company of nursing women flaunting the life sustaining power of their nipples.”
“This will often cause men to overcompensate in other areas.”
“Some men will show off their handyman skills (I think this might be why Amish men build barns so quickly) or their intelligence (this might be why bar trivia is so popular).”
“It’s just unfortunate that your BIL’s only skill seems to be how not to talk to women. NTA.” ~ RavenNeverSmiles
“NTA. If you were my man, you’d refill my water while I nursed this baby and you wouldn’t speak out of turn about subjects that don’t concern you.'”
“‘Should we both agree we’re glad to not be each other’s partners since neither of us would enjoy that?'” ~ wildferalfun
“NTA. Insufferable is an apt description along with absolutely boorish to describe your BIL. ‘If you were my woman’ would deserve a comeback.”
“if you were the last man in the world, I wouldn’t be your woman.”
“Tell SIL and MIL to rebuke the man and his nasty comments, not you.”
“All you offered was a rebuttal to his nasty statements.” ~ wind-river7
“NTA but I don’t think this is up it biggest problem… your bil has been harassing and bullying you and your husband finds it funny!”
“Not only does he not stand up for you he’s encouraging this disgusting misogynistic behavior (I feel for his sons and what they are learning).”
“I’d have a blunt conversation with hubby and personally I wouldn’t be hanging out with anyone who thinks this behaviour is okay, you deserve so much better.” ~ lilkiwiadventures
“NTA. You don’t ever have to sit still and smilingly endure being harrassed no matter who the host is.”
“Your MIL and SIL thinking that you’re wrong is disturbing.”
“Actually a good host would have made sure that none of their guests behaves the way your BIL did towards you.”
“But even though he’s behaved that way towards you on many occasions, the hosts failed to make sure that you can enjoy the party without being pestered.”
“Your BIL is a massive creep and a**hole and your MIL was the one who was wrong.” ~ AffectionateHand2206
Reddit has you OP.
Family is family.
But sometimes family is wrong.
Everyone here needs a timeout.
Except for OP.