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Mom Criticized For Wearing White To Son’s Wedding Even Though Bride’s Dress Was Blue

Marco Baass / Getty Images

What to wear to a wedding?

Sounds like an easy question until it’s not.

Themed weddings can bring about some out-of-the-ordinary issues.

Case in point…

Redditor meandmymonkey111 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for wearing white to my son’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Normally you’d say yes to this right away but here’s the explanation!”

“I (48 F[emale]) went to my son (23 M[ale]) and now daughter-in-law’s (22 F) wedding last Saturday.”

“It was a bohemian-style beach wedding which isn’t my thing at all but they absolutely loved it.”

“My daughter-in-law was in an aqua dress, my son was in baby blue linen and the bridesmaids/groomsmen were in a similar color.”

“The wedding invitation said that the wedding party would be in blue so requested no one wear blue.”

“I asked my son if I could wear this white floaty dress which is the one sort of bohemian-type thing I own!”

“He said yes (I have no idea if he spoke to my daughter-in-law about it) so I wore it.”

“At the wedding itself no one said anything, but at the reception, the bride’s mom told me it was really inappropriate of me to wear white.”

“She was in baby blue which they had explicitly asked her NOT to wear, but I digress.”

“I bit my tongue even when she told me I was trying to make the day about me.”

“My husband told me in the hotel that evening that he saw her point.”

“I thought because it was a non-traditional wedding and they were wearing a different color and that I asked them it was fine.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. They told you not to wear blue AND you asked permission.”  ~ NervousAd6216

“NTA. You asked your son, who seemingly either lives with or had a VERY good relationship with his now wife.”

“Why if HE said it was ok, would anyone with a brain assume he didn’t bring it to the attention of his fiancé?”

“In addition, a lot of people seem to just simply be saying YTA BECAUSE she wore white.”

“But white is only really a thing because of an outdated ‘purity’ thing (apparently this is wrong and it was a ‘Victorian thing,’ so my bad.”

“And if the bridal party wore blue, then a white dress stigma is a moot point because you aren’t showing up the bride in this case.

“Lastly, the only person who seemed to have an issue was the bride’s mom, OP, I could be wrong but did your son or the bride take any issue with your dress?”  ~ IamAustinCG

OP added…

“I texted my son today to ask if there was an issue with the dress with either of them.”

“And he said there wasn’t.”

“But I don’t want to message again to ask whether my daughter-in-law is 100% ok too.”

“Because they’ve left for their honeymoon now and deserve to be left alone!”

“They are both fairly open with me so I truly hope they would tell me if they were angry/upset with me.”

“Obviously I don’t know for certain but they’ve both been very forthcoming with their feelings in the past.”

“I can only hope that if I open the line of communication when they come back then if she’s been hurt she will feel comfortable letting me know.”

Reddit continued…

“You seem very self-aware and handled the situation perfectly.”

“Mother of the bride is just projecting because she was wearing the wrong color and wanted to make someone else feel uncomfortable.”

“Now, you are overthinking.”

“Everything is fine, groom and bride are enjoying their honeymoon and you should stop feeling bad about the dress for no reason.”~ Hour_Elephant710

“It sounds like the bride’s mom was on a power trip of her own!”

“Very deliberately wore the color of the wedding party, and then insisted no one out shine her daughter and by extension her, even though you had asked.”

“You wanted to be respectful of the theme and not put on an evening gown for an event it would look out of place in.”

“White is like the basic bohemian dress colour anyway, and it even had a pattern!”

“You’re fine, your son’s M[other] I[n] L[aw] sounds like a piece of work.” ~ unluckysupernova

“Listen OP in the scheme of life it really doesn’t sound like it was that big a deal to either of them.”

“It sounds like they had a chill wedding that they really enjoyed and now they are on their honeymoon.”

“It sounds like the MIL is a piece of work and will probably make backhanded compliments for the rest of your life together.”

“But honestly if I were you I’d let it go.”

“You’re son said it was cool, it was cool.”

“If your D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] at some point says she’s upset then yeah make a genuine apology and you can move past this.”

“They are going to live their lives and get a house, get pets, have kids, and have so many other bigger life events to worry about.”

“What they are probably not going to do is sit at home and fume about how you wore a white and beige bohemian dress to their bohemian wedding.” ~ pitterpatter_getatr

“NTA obviously, but just for your information, the whole white wedding dress = virginity is a myth.”

“Prior to the Victorian era, a bride was married in any color, black being popular in Finland.”

“White became a popular option in 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Albert when Victoria wore a white gown trimmed with Honiton lace.”

“Illustrations of the wedding were widely published, and many brides opted for white in accordance with the Queen’s choice.” ~ slivertonguewitch

“NTA. You asked for approval.”

“But for your information to everyone out there: even with approval guests will be judging you for wearing white at a western wedding.”

“Often the mothers do wear a shade to match the wedding party, maybe bride’s mom got approval too.”  ~ Sea_Yesterday_8888

“Soft NTA because they specifically said not to wear blue and didn’t mention white and you did ask your son.”

“You should have asked the bride though and even if it’s not a traditional wedding you still shouldn’t wear white.” ~ InvestigatorDull1990

“NTA. I had a non-traditional wedding and nothing grinded my gears more than OTHER people over-riding my wishes to comply with tradition.”

“Didn’t wear white, wore a colorful jumpsuit, my mom also wanted to wear a jumpsuit and kept saying ‘well it’s not like I’m trying to wear WHITE’ when I teased her about matching me.”

“No one seemed to understand that I don’t care about people wearing white because they refused to get that’s not the kind of wedding we were doing.”

“It was aggravating to plan something not traditional and then feel constantly pushed around by other people’s traditions.”

“The person making you feel bad was the one who actually went against what the bride and groom requested, do not listen to her.”

“Ms. Baby Blue dress is probably on their craplist.”

“ETA: another wedding ‘tradition’ that drove me insane: the assumption the bride’s feelings matter most/she’s the only one who counts/the wedding is a girl thing for her and the groom is just along for the ride.”

“People did that to me too, no matter how much I told them the groom was the wedding planner and the one who cared most.”

“If your DIL is upset the issue there is between her and her husband, not you.”

“You asked your son, he either had the authority to tell you or he should have talked to his wife.”  ~ ZenFenFae

“NTA. I disagree with most people saying that you should have asked the bride and not the groom.”

“How is it possible that the groom don’t communicate with the bride on this?”

“You asked to your son and he answered and naturally you assumed that…”

“1) he knows what his wife wants on this topic or…”

“2) that he would have asked her like any adult…”

“Normally couples communicate, and it’s normal to think that they would do it on such an important topic.”

“Personally I find it quite insulting to men, in general, to think that they will be unable to have basic communication or knowledge on their own wedding.”  ~ Gobadorgosleep

OP wanted to add some details…

“When I texted my son asking him, I phrased it as a question to them both i.e. ‘What do you and Anna think about me wearing…’

“But when he said it was ok I presumed he had spoken to her.”

“However I now see there’s a chance he may not have.”

Well OP, Reddit understands.

It sounds like you need not worry.

Everyone is moving on.

Congrats to the happy couple on their nuptials.