In the natural order of life children are eventually suppose to leave the home.
You leave school, get a job and a family on your own.
But that doesn’t often occur in perfect order.
And usually you get some notice of departure.
Especially if you’ve been a good kid.
Case in point…
Redditor itsssathroway wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my wife our daughter is more important than she is?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Our daughter is turning 18 in October.”
“She a great kid, always pulled straight A’s, never in any type of trouble and she’s very respectful.”
“My wife recently decided to have a talk with her about adult responsibilities.”
“I had no knowledge of this conversation until my daughter came to me crying because she was scared about living on her own.”
“I was confused at first, then she told me her mother said she needs to start looking for a job because she’ll be expected to get her own place after her birthday.”
“I was appalled because we never discussed throwing her out at 18.”
“When I confronted my wife, she said our daughter wasn’t a child anymore and needed our push to become an adult.”
“I told her I was really baffled that she would exclude me from such a serious decision/conversation.”
“I asked my wife how does she expect our kid to make it on minimum wage, especially considering the rent is out of control in our area.”
“She then informs me she had planned for us to pay half her rent until she was 20.”
“I asked her, why she wanted our kid gone so bad.”
“As the argument intensified, I believe she slipped by saying she needed the space (her bedroom) for her art studio.”
“I couldn’t believe it.”
“I told my wife if her hobby was more important than our daughter, she should be the one looking to rent.”
“However, she took that as me saying move out but that’s not how I meant it.”
“I was implying for her to rent more space for her studio, and to leave our daughter alone.”
“She didn’t believe that’s what I actually meant, she then gave me the silent treatment for 3 days.”
“Our daughter however was still upset as she processed her mother wanting her out.”
“She realized moving into a rental meant she had to leave her two cats behind.”
“She’s had these cats since she was a young child, that alone devastated her.”
“She told me, ‘I don’t want to turn 18, I don’t want to celebrate my birthday.'”
“I picked the argument back up with my wife at that point.”
“I said, ‘Our daughter isn’t moving out until she decides on her own terms because she is more important than you or your hobby.'”
“She look stunned, and maybe in the heat of the moment I didn’t choose my words wisely.”
“I couldn’t bare to see our daughter so upset any longer.”
‘I don’t want her struggling to make ends meet and not be able to follow her dreams.”
“The last thing I want for her is to feel rushed.”
“As far as my wife goes, she’s not talking to me at all and she’s been cold towards our daughter.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your wife is!”
“While 18 may very well be the age you become an adult 18 is not an age where most people are prepared to live on their own.”
“Your wife is absolutely TA because she should have had a conversation with you before arbitrarily making an absolutely asinine decision.”
I”t may be time to take a good hard look at your marriage.”
“Putting an art studio ahead of a child’s welfare and wellbeing is ludicrous.”
“OP if you have not thought about planning for the unexpected you should.”
“Please make sure you have a will in place to protect your daughter. Life happens.”
“Additionally think about some therapy to help deal with any anxiety.”
“Turning 18 should be a happy time for her.” ~ stinstin555
“Not to mention you don’t stop being a parent when your child is 18 or 20 or any other age.”
“You should be there for your kid and they’ll be there for you.”
“If the daughter is kicked out to make space for an art studio, I doubt she’d feel good coming to her parents for help if she ever needs it.”
“I definitely wouldn’t.”
“I was welcome back home when the pandemonium started, I’m saving up to be actually independent and will be paying rent after I graduate.”
“I’m currently paying for everything except basic food and shelter (car insurance, clothes, pet care etc).”
“And I fully expect to be there for my parents as they age, too, just like they’re here for me.” ~ LevyApproves
“Honestly. I don’t understand parents who wait for their child to turn 18 so they can chuck them out.”
“Like why have kids at all if you’re gonna do that?”
“Not only that though, OP’s wife didn’t even talk about it with OP or the daughter and just dropped the bomb on them.”
“It’s messed up.”
“I’m 25 and I still live at home while doing my postgraduate study and not once has my mum said ‘it’s time for you to leave.’ NTA OP.” ~ Logical-Abroad4945
“NTA. At 18, I had to run away from an abusive parent situation.”
“And if it wasn’t for my older friends who had an apartment I could rent space on the couch from, I might have been dead for all I know.”
“18 is def too young.”
“Back then I had to have roommates to get a place, today I couldn’t even imagine the struggle.”
“Your wife is an asshole and a bad parent.” ~ Kirin2013
“Let me tell you, I moved out at 19 (my choice) and not just around the corner, but 4 hours away.”
“I was definitely not prepared for that.”
“If I wouldn’t have been taught to not spend any money I don’t have I wouldn’t have made it.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.”
“Life will never be as easy once you moved out.”
“OP is definitely NTA and also OP should make sure his daughter know that he’s definitely not gonna kick her out, no matter what, asap.”
“Go take the fear off of her shoulders.” ~ Titariia
“I moved out when I was 18 (15 years ago), but I begged, borrowed, and metaphorically stole to make it happen.”
“It was 100% my choice, my parents have always been loving and amazing but my mother said I’d been waiting since I was 6 to move out and be independent.”
“I would have felt so crap if my parents told me I had to leave.”
“You don’t teach someone to swim by pushing them into the water, you support them until they’re able to do it themselves.”
“OP’s wife should be supporting their daughter by teaching her the skills she needs.” ~ bibliophile14
“NTA at all.”
“Have you guys spoken about what life will look like after 18 though?”
“Is there a plan for your daughter long term?”
“Your wife is TA because she’s more concerned about her space and actually bringing up the right questions to set up your daughter for success.”
“If there is zero plan for your daughter in what she would do after HS then ESH.” ~ AthenaMSK
“NTA. Our eldest turns 16 soon and my husband and I have already had a conversation about how they can stay with us as long as they need to.”
“And that unless the economy improves we fully expect them to do so.”
“If nothing else, it will allow them to save up for a home instead of wasting money lining a landlord’s pockets when they could instead move out later with a nice nest egg.” ~ TriZARAtops
“NTA. Thank you for being a good parent to your daughter.”
“Wife is absolutely out of line.”
“I’m so glad that you’re aware of the struggles of young adults trying to move out.”
“The stigma behind needing to leave the house at 18 is so outdated to todays standards and you’d both be setting your daughter up for failure and resentment.”
“I’m so glad you have your daughters best interests at heart here, unfortunately the wife doesn’t.”
“You were absolutely not wrong for how you worded it.”
“A child (anyone for that matter) should always be more important than a hobby.”
“Wife can absolutely go out of her way and find her own rental room for her art room.”
“I wish her the best in finding something affordable for her hobby.” ~ Snommies
“NTA. I don’t understand how your wife can say she wants your daughter to move out just so she can have her room for her art studio!”
“If she’s acting cold towards your daughter and wants her to move out as soon as she’s 18, that’s not a motherly thing to do!”
“If she continues to treat your daughter that way, she’ll alienate her and your daughter won’t want anything to do with her!” ~ heathertidwell7
Well OP… congrats on being a good parent.
Sounds like your wife could learn a thing or two.
This is a rough scenario.
Hopefully it ends in peace.