Dealing with periods and pms is not fun.
Thankfully, we now have so many options. We can use tampons, pads, menstrual cups, reusable pads, and period underwear.
It is definitely not a one-size-fits-all situation. So, we can all choose what makes us feel comfortable, and let others do the same.
Redditor aitaplasticthrowaway encountered this very issue with her daughter. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for preferring my daughter wear reusable menstrual pads?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I both use reusable menstrual pads.”
“We each have a little box with our pads in it (we use different patterns). When our daughter hit 11, we had the talk with her about menstruation and puberty etc… and we had her choose her own cool pattern and bought her a pack of reusable menstrual pads for when she would start needing them.”
“Anyway, about a year after she started menstruating, she asked to switch over to regular disposable pads at school.”
“God knows I remember how disgusting my school bathroom was, and just dumping the products in the bin is quicker and feels ‘cleaner’ so of course I agreed.”
“Over time, however, she now ONLY uses disposable menstrual pads.”
“She’s 15 now. It’s important to me my daughter is comfortable, but it’s also a huge plastic waste. I asked her about it and if she’d consider using them at least sometimes – I didn’t demand it and hope my tone didn’t communicate that, as her comfort is important to me and it’s her period, but I was curious why she switched when initially she loved them.”
“She blew up and said she got bullied about them and that they’re disgusting and unhygienic.”
“I comforted her and told her it’s her body her choice, and I wasn’t going to force her to do anything. After she’d calmed down and we had a good talk about why reusable pads aren’t disgusting, I told her I completely understood if she wouldn’t want to but if she’d consider at least wearing reusable pads at night when she sleeps.”
“She agreed. This was a while back.”
Fast-forward to now.
“Anyway, this story eventually came up during a video call with my MIL (don’t ask how, it was a weird day and a long conversation).”
“For reference, my wife is stricter for herself when it comes to being eco friendly or ‘green’ and her mother HATES it. She thinks my wife is some sort of ‘stereotypical’ vegan eco fascist lesbian or something.”
“My wife isn’t even vegan, just vegetarian, and my daughter and I eat meat so I don’t know why her mother feels my wife ‘forces’ it on the people around her, since I don’t know her to be patronizing at all.”
“My MIL LOST it and said we were disgusting for forcing our daughter to follow such hippy regulations and preventing her from being a ‘normal’ kid and then went on a tirade about how disgusting reusable pads are.”
“My MIL’s reaction was obviously over the top, but when I talked about it to some friends to vent, they agreed with her sentiments that we were ‘forcing’ our daughter into some kind of hippy life and we should want her to be more ‘normal.’”
OP needed an unbiased opinion.
“My wife and I both use reusable pads so it just made sense to buy those for our daughter as well. I didn’t realize this was such a controversial topic.”
“AITA for preferring if our daughter use reusable pads? I want to make sure we’re doing right by her.”
“For clarity since there seems to be a lot of misunderstandings. There were two conversations about reusable pads.”
“The first when she was 11 and we laid out all the choices, and again when I noticed a change in pad usage. This happened years after I had already been buying disposables for her no questions asked.”
“There is no ‘repeated’ or ‘constant’ conversation regarding my daughter’s choices in menstrual product.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“You keep saying her body her choice and then try to convince her to use the ones you think are appropriate! Just at home, or just at night or just whatever! That’s hypocritical!”
“You get to choose what you’re comfortable with, and so does she. You should have given her all the options when she hit puberty and let her choose which ones make her comfortable.”
“So, while unintentional, yes YTA.” ~ NaryaGenesis
“Hopping into top comment because I think her body is completely her choice. While your discussions with her are well meaning, it does come across as though you a pressuring her to go a particular way.”
“As for reusable pads, not necessarily for your daughter, but I’m not sure if you’ve heard of period underwear like Modibody? Not going to lie, they changed my life. I don’t leak at night anymore and it’s amazing, plus it for some magical reason keeps everything DRY.” ~ Formal_Drawer1467
“Soft YTA.”
“How one handles a period is a very personal thing. Pads, tampons, cups, one time use/disposable products etc.”
“I understand teaching her about how you and your wife handle it, but when it comes down to it, they make her uncomfortable and pushing it on her isn’t very healthy or fair, even if it is only at home or only at night.”
“I remember my mom trying to force pads on me because she hated tampons, but I hated pads. They made me feel bulky and like I was dirty and I would feel embarrassed thinking I was going around stinking.”
“And to top all of that off, it was common when I was in school for people to say they could see the pads through pants and go around saying ‘so and so is wearing a diaper!'”
“That just added more stress to having a period and going through puberty and all that. In the end it created a lot of negative emotions surrounding my period. I held that against her for awhile, even after she caved and let me use tampons.” ~ mercifulalien
OP said it best, her body her choice.