Witnessing an ex-partner as they pursue new romantic relationships can stir up some confusing, even painful emotions.
And that’s made twice as difficult when the child of that old relationship is caught up in the mix.
When faced with that ordeal, one Redditor turned to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit to gain some clarity.
The Original Poster (OP), known as pzxj on the site, gave the long and short of it with her title to the post.
“AITA for asking my daughter’s father to take down the photos of our daughter (10mo) off of his dating apps”
It all began when OP decided to move on.
“So I recently downloaded bumble because I felt it was time to start putting myself out there again and maybe get to know some people during quarantine so when things do get normal I can go back into the dating world.”
But she came across a surprise.
“While swiping I saw my ex on there and one of his photos was a picture of him and our daughter.”
“I texted him and asked him if he could take it down because I’m not comfortable with her photo on a dating app.”
“I’m just not sure of who will see it and if people will only interact with him because they see a little baby girl.”
But her ex’s response threw her for a loop.
“He seems very bothered and annoyed that I asked this, and thinks it’s going to be misleading if he does not have the photos and isn’t understanding why I’m uncomfortable and thinks my feelings are unnecessary/over dramatic.”
“Am I being an a**hole helicopter parent by telling him I’d like the photos taken down?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors felt OP was in the right. And they didn’t just shared her apprehension. They were totally weirded out.
“NTA. Kid pics on a dating app is creepy as f’k. I immediately assume he’s using her as a prop.” — SeaMonkeyRanch
“Children’s pictures on profiles are an immediate swipe no. I don’t care if you have them, but I do expect you to understand minors have no business being shown on a dating app.” ~ qssung
“Yep. It’s an automatic nope for me. Doesn’t matter how ‘perfect’ the guy looks.” ~ PrettyPeeved
“My first thought is that they are looking for a free babysitter.” ~ reallyjustbs
“You’re definitely NTA. I find it weird that he would even consider posting a picture featuring his child on a dating app. At the very least he should blur her face out.” — Allaboutbird
“NTA based on the title”
“Still NTA. You never know what creeps are on dating sites. Also some sites prohibit pictures of kids or with kids to be posted.” — Bluesky0089
“NTA. He shouldn’t be using his baby to get chicks.” — Jesster4200
“nta. i always swiped left on those guys—no good judgement.” — PalpitationOk9802
Others shot holes straight through his argument that it would be “misleading” to not have the photos.
“NTA And his reason is stupid AF.”
“He can write in his profile that he has a child, mention it to women he matches with or just have a pic where the baby isn’t actually shown (covered face, back to the camera etc.)” — 4614065
“NTA. The English words ‘I have a child’ and ‘I am a parent’ have been time tested and are completely sufficient to convey what a casual screener on a dating app would need to know. No photo required.” — Melificent40
“NTA If anything, he could put an emoji (like a smiley face or heart) over her face.”
“I’m personally not a fan of posting kid’s pictures anywhere online before they can consent to it.” — OutrageouslyStitious
“NTA. He shouldn’t want his kid’s picture on there either.”
“The pictures on dating apps are so others can see if they think you’re attractive, not be informed of your family status.” ~ coldgator
Some highlighted very real concerns about possible consequences.
“NTA Does he even know what creeps can be on a dating app? The dangers publishing babies’ pictures are very well-known in this era.”
“Also, by agreeing to the Ts and Cs of the app, he is consenting to them being allowed to use any picture any user uploads as part of their marketing material. I’d report his account on the app with a truthful explanation of why.” — Mrs_Bling-a-ling
“NTA. You don’t know who’s going to see those pictures. Having pictures of her on his profile doesn’t prove anything, pictures can be faked or stolen.”
“Showing that his daughter is important to him is great, but showing pictures of her to strangers is not. There’s some really disturbed people out there. Like someone suggested, maybe he could blur or hide her face.” — booksrmylife
“NTA. He should have asked you first. I don’t believe children ‘s faces should be shown on the social media especially since they can’t consent to it and there are a lot of creeps out there.” — weareallGhosts669
“NTA. I don’t like posting pictures of kids on social media.”
“And to post it on dating apps is unsettling to me. You could use Notabli instead of Facebook, it’s basically a virtual photo album, and it is private.”
“Only the people you invite can see the pictures and videos, and they can’t share them anywhere. We use it in my family.”
“Regarding your ex, stand your ground, if it makes you uncomfortable, then he should accept and respect that. Both parents should agree and be comfortable with decisions that has anything to do with the child, no matter if the parents are together or not.” ~ nevertheweirder
“NTA- He can have photos of her on his profile that don’t show her face.”
“My Godson is so cute and even though his mom is okay with sharing photos on her page, I never show his face on mine. I’ll show a picture of him walking away or face buried in a stuffy or hiding in a box.”
“If you hadn’t discussed social media sharing this is something that needs to be worked out but I think you are absolutely correct in not wanting it on a dating site.”
“Also, you need to talk about introducing her to his dates/gf.”
“I don’t like that he said you were being over dramatic. This is a very reasonable request.”
“I don’t know if you have a mediator or official custody agreement but I’d seriously think about getting one.” ~ Befub14435
Here’s hoping all the feedback gave OP the strength to raise her concerns once again and make sure she was adequately heard.