There is never a perfect time for love. And finding a perfect time for marriage is like finding a perfect time to have kids.
It’s like lightning in a bottle.
Now if you put perfect aside and discuss a little planning there may be “better” times to choose these options.
That is when some rely on the thoughts of elders. For better or worse.
Case in point…
Redditor Fig2374 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for ‘forcing’ my son to wait to marry his then high-school girlfriend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (f[emale] 50s) have 2 sons, Dan (m22) and Sam (m27).”
“Dan started dating ‘Fran’ in their junior year.”
Towards the end of senior year, Dan came to me and said he wanted to marry Fran.”
“At the time, Dan had multiple college options which he was going to decline to stay in our town and marry Fran.”
“I obviously didn’t support this, I wanted my son to go to college and knew he wanted that too as he’d always been ambitious.”
“I told my son that he had his whole life ahead of him and he could get married later, but didn’t need to rush it.”
“I told him that if he went to college and waited, even just a year or two, I’d pay for his tuition.”
“At the time I didn’t know how serious their relationship was as they’d been together for a little over a year, and was scared it wouldn’t work out and he’d waste this opportunity.”
“My son happily accepted this offer and agreed with me that it would be best to wait.”
“This year my son graduated college but maintained a long distance relationship with Fran, and they announced their engagement a couple months ago.”
“We were all ecstatic about it.”
“Sometime between then and now, my son told Fran that I was the reason he waited until now to propose.”
“I wasn’t aware until Christmas when during dinner, Fran said she wanted to say something.”
“She began saying I paid my son to not be married her and actively tried to ruin their relationship.”
“She then said she was blessed that ‘evil hadn’t won’ and couldn’t wait to have a long and happy marriage.”
“Everyone was silent and didn’t really know what to say.”
“My son approached me later to apologize and said she had twisted his words but it’s been constantly weighing on my mind as friends and family present all have different opinions.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your future DIL showed to the entire family that you were correct and that your son was wise to delay marriage.” ~ type1error
“I think Fran is operating on the emotional level of a child.”
“Also, she doesn’t dare get mad at the son/bf/fiancé because she would prove exactly what she is: a harridan in the making.”
“So there has to be a target for her immature and childish anger.”
“It will not be long and blessed marriage.”
“I think the son will go ahead, the marriage will last maybe 7 years or so, there will be children: there are ALWAYS children in these situation as if to guarantee the greatest possible destructive return.”
“And Fran will end up a bitter divorced girl with a child or 2. That is my prediction.”
“I just hope Fran pulls some sort of stunt that makes the son really see her for what she is… and dump her.” ~ remainoftheday
“It also was not a weird offer, like if you dump her I’ll pay you $100k but if you marry her I’ll fully cut you off.”
“Paying for college is pretty normal for parents with the money to do it, and OP just wanted them to wait, not break up.”
“NTA and Fran sounds like a nut to say something like that in front of other people.” ~ AMB573
“This. There wasn’t even an a**holish ultimatum or anything.”
“Just a simple ‘wait a few years so we can finish paying for your college’ and the kid took them up on it.”
“My kids are in college right now and I’d make the same request, if only so that I can afford to help with their future weddings. NTA.” ~ LadyMjolnir
Our Op swung back around with some thoughts…
“If my son had married Fran out of high school, he wouldn’t of gone to college.”
“My son chose to go to a school so far away, there were closer options but he liked the school he chose.”
“I will be showing Dan this thread and update if he responds.”
“Fran currently works at her mother’s bakery.”
“She wants to be a stay at home mom once they get married and was waiting for Dan to come back home.”
Y’all had more thoughts…
“Fran is the main character in the rom com in her head.”
“Nothing else matters but that the prince and princess marry so they can live happily ever after but she’s got zero conception of what life could be like after the wedding.”
“I’ll be generous and give this marriage 3 years if Fran doesn’t mature in a hurry.” ~ your_average_plebian
“Considering she’s waiting him comeback so she can be a stay at home mom, she was probably doing the bare minimum, just to be less clear that her idea of career path is to be a lazy bum.”
“OP should def show this thread to her son before he makes a huge mistake.” ~ GlitterDoomsday
“I’m not saying that assholes can’t be right sometimes, but this ‘obstacle’ has generated nothing but positives for them… reasonably, he is now better equipped for married life.”
“The fact that OP is ‘evil’ for turning them into what is able to be a functional love story instead of a Taylor Swift song makes me think she is gonna want a destination wedding, and freak when they can only get 11 doves instead of 12. NTA.” ~ SenpaiSamaChan
“NTA. And your son should seriously rethink this relationship. Fran doesn’t sound very nice.” ~ ArwenandEowyn
Op has an update for us…
“Dan and Fran have talked and cleared the air around this situation.”
“Fran feels awful about what she said and realised she should’ve come and talked to me privately.”
“This situation however has brought up other issues between the two and their future, as Dan expressed to Fran he would like to go to law school.”
“Fran wants them to start their life together and thinks it’s unfair for Dan to make them wait for 4+ years.”
“Dan is currently home and we will be dealing with this together.”
“Thank you for all the advice, Dan has read this thread and is now feeling unsure about their relationship.”
Well that is a situation. Love, marriage, schooling, the future, all things that never fully go as planned.
No matter what the outcome, there are a lot of “interesting” family dinners in this future.
It’s nice that OP found solace here when she needed it.
Here’s to a bright future for all.