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Woman Calls Her Mom A ‘Pervert’ After She Won’t Stop Body-Shaming Her Over A New Dress

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When we’re born, we’re wholly dependent on others to choose our clothing. As we get older, some get to choose their own clothes while some remain under adult oversight.

A 21-year-old woman hoped to assert some independence with her wardrobe, but her mother isn’t a fan. After an argument, she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor THR0WAWAY-626 asked:

“AITA for Calling My Mom a Pervert and Refusing to Apologize?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (21F) have dressed somewhat modestly my whole life. Mom was until recently, in charge of most of my clothes.”

“I could dress myself, but if Mom didn’t like the colors or the shoes I chose, she would physically stop me from leaving until I changed. This went on even in high school.”

“I have more freedom now but have kept much of my wardrobe the same.”

“I turned 21 this year and chose to order a $300 dress not in my usual style. It arrived and looks great, but the neckline is lower than it looked in photos.”

“I tried it on before final judgment, and I LOVE it. I’ve had an odd relationship with clothes, thanks to Mom and my larger size, so seeing how the dress fits is a boost to my confidence.”

“Unfortunately, Mom hates it. In her words, she can ‘barely stand to look at [me] in it’.”

“I can’t say a single thing (positive or negative) about the dress without her bringing up the neckline, and that I should return the dress. The site I bought it from does custom sizing and fabric, so I can’t return it.”

“The site does accept alterations, but only for sizing issues—so no neckline changes—and only if the fabric is still in stock (mine is not).”

“I tried to be respectful of her feelings by wearing a cover when I go out, even if we’re not going together, but she told me if I felt the need to cover it up in public, I shouldn’t own it, never mind it being 30F and snowing.”

“After that, I started going out without a cover. She said I was attracting the wrong kind of attention.”

“She even tried to involve my work by saying my boss would rethink their hiring decision if they saw my clothes (I went to eat at my work on my day off, and my boss said I looked lovely).”

“Things reached a peak today when after a day out, I wished the sleeves were longer, and Mom said the neckline should be higher, to look more like a modest lady.”

“I’d had enough and asked her to stop mentioning the neckline, she said it draws the eyes of perverts and I’m opening myself to comments on my body, specifically my breasts.:

“I’ve had the dress for almost two months and the only comments about my tits I’ve heard are from her. I told her as much.

“She tried to ignore it, saying she only worries for me. I told her that if perverts are the people who talk about my tits and body, then her behavior since I got the dress makes her a pervert and that she should stop talking about my tits.”

“She went silent, I took that as my cue to leave.”

“An hour later, I tried to explain my feelings, but she told me to ‘not even try it unless [I’m] ready to apologize’. I told her I won’t, and she said we have nothing to talk about.”

“It’s been 3 hours since then.”

“I resolved some years ago to not apologize unless I can be genuine, so it won’t be happening, but I know my mom often worries about being a good parent and can overcorrect as a result.”

“So AITA for Calling My Mom a Pervert and Refusing to Apologize?”

The OP provided a photo of her new dress.

Throwaway-626/Reddit

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided OP was not the a**hole.

“Stand. Your. Ground.”

“It is so hard to stand up to the people who tell you all your life that your only worth is your body and how you display or conceal it. They’re full of sh*t.”

“Your worth is in your intelligence, your compassion, your assertiveness, your honesty, your reliability, your sincerity. I don’t know you but I do know that you deserve to be surrounded by people more concerned with what they see of your character than what they see of your tits.”

“Please, do not apologize. There’s nobody more important to have in your corner than yourself.”

“Your ability to see and express what’s wrong with the situation at 21 is impressive and commendable. Keep being ready to explain when she’s ready to listen, but don’t go back to accepting the objectification.”

“Rock that dress and own it. NTA.” ~ Jazmadoodle

“NTA. Sounds like your mother is, per her own definition, being a pervert. She needs to stop sexualizing your body and trying to control you.”

“And you need to make an out plan and move as quick as you can.” ~ Techsupportvictim

“NTA. you’re an adult, why the hell is your mom still trying to tell you what to do?”

“That sounds almost abusive. Also yes, she is a pervert for even implying that.” ~ sinbitchz

“NTA. I’m a dude and even I don’t think that much about tits, much less talk about them. She’s a pervert whether she admits to it or not lmaooo.”

“Also it’s creepy af how she treats you like property she can control. I mean, physically stopping you unless your clothes suit her standards?”

“Bruh. Is she really worrying about being a good parent, or is she worried about looking like a good parent with the perfect, modest daughter she can parade around?”

“Don’t apologize to her because she repeatedly violated you with comments on your body you didn’t ask for.” ~ KZ020

“NTA, your mom has some issues she needs to work through yesterday, and has/is trying to pass them on to you. Stay strong and keep wearing what you want.” ~ geeseinuniform

“Your mom doesn’t sound like she’s worried about being a good parent. She sounds like she’s only concerned about controlling your every decision. NTA.” ~ tits-akimbo69

“Yeah, I’d like to echo this. Your mom is not worried about being a good parent or protecting you – this is about her, and she’s projecting her insecurities on to you.”

“She’s been controlling you your whole life and now you’re starting to take control over your own life which, to her, means she’s losing her grip on you. Then when you don’t give her what she wants, she retaliates by giving you the silent treatment to try to get you to bend to her will (a classic manipulation tactic).”

NTA OP, and if it’s accessible/affordable for you, I highly recommend seeing a psychotherapist to talk about your relationship with your mother and you’ll begin to see all the ways she has unknowingly impacted your self esteem and your life.”

“There’s also some great books about this if therapy isn’t an option.” ~ not_leah

The OP returned with an update.

“Thank you so much everyone, not only for your thoughts and wisdom, but your stories and compliments as well!”

“I’ve had the opportunity to talk with my father, we went over a lot of the replies, and we’ve decided how we’re handling this from now on out.”

“First things first, my father has promised to be in my corner and back me up against my mom. I’m pretty jazzed about this, he’s one of my biggest supporters.”

“Earlier this evening, per my father’s request, I tried to have one final talk about how her comments made me feel, it went about as well as I expected.”

“She at first refused to acknowledge that it happened, then she said I was being sensitive, and finally she tried to make herself the victim. I won’t be discussing my clothes with her any longer.”

“As for dealing with her comments, if it’s just me and her I’ve taken advice many of you have given, which is to refuse to have the conversation.”

“Whenever my father is around, he likes to talk like a news anchor and repeat her comments back to her. ‘Local woman offers her opinion on the dress of a fellow legal adult, but should she really be talking? More at 7’. It’s been extremely effective in shutting her up.”

“I know that this is likely not the end of this, but it’s nice to have things begin to get better.”

As the OP tries to assert her independence, there are likely to be more bumps in the road. But at least now it seems like she has a plan.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.